Sick of Me

[Billie Joe]

Throughout the rest of the month and up until Grace and the kids left to meet me in Washington, DC, I called my mom and made sure that everything was alright with Grace. I knew she wouldn't tell me herself, but my mom said she was keeping a strong appearance even though she was really heartbroken.

I waited in the arrivals area for a while, hoping that I wouldn't be noticed in my hat and sunglasses. I wasn't in the mood to deal with anything that I didn't have to today. I stood there and waited, watching the people walk by me to greet their families and friends while I just looked for familiar faces.

Forever and a day went by and I finally saw Jack and Rita Mae, followed by a frazzled looking Grace. I figured she would be stressed by traveling with the kids by herself and I was right.

"Daddy!" The kids mobbed me with hugs and kisses and I felt so much better now that they were here. I looked at Grace and gave her a kiss before pulling her into a comforting hug. I felt all of her sorrow rubbing off onto me and I had to fight the urge to cry, and she was doing the same thing.

We went directly from the airport to the sound check, where I had the kids put in ear plugs before letting them go sit with Ramona and Stella. Grace stood to the side of the stage so she could watch and I looked to Mike and Tre, who both nodded.

"Gray, come start my check for me real quick. I gotta pee!"

She looked at me for a second before nodding and coming out onto the stage. I handed her my guitar and took my time going to the bathroom. When I came back, Grace and the guys were playing a medley and she seemed to be having a blast, singing and strumming away in my place. I had grabbed her camera on the way back, so I took a few candid pictures of her playing before making my presence known.

When she heard my voice calling, her head whipped around and her beautiful blue-green eyes connected with mine, she seemed happy in that moment.

"I think I found my new sound check assistant!"

---

Right after the night's show we were on our way to Toronto. I was hesitant about how the kids would take to the tour bus, but they saw it as a huge sleepover with Mike and Tre's kids. Once they were asleep, Grace and I curled up in our assigned bed. I laid against her chest and she played with my hair, breathing steadily and calming me down.

"Remember when we would just lay like this and I would dread your hair for hours?" She was doing everything she could to avoid talking about what had happened. I sat up, telling her that I did and that it was ok to cry; that I was here for her.

"It just happened so fast. One minute I was fine and the next, the baby was gone. I don't even know. I feel so awful though." I wiped the tears off of her cheeks and then off of my own. I hadn't even realized that I was crying… I guess I didn't let how much it hurt sink in until now.

"Things happen, Gray. It wasn't anything you did… It just wasn't meant to be. Lots of couples have gone through exactly what we're going through, y'know?" I tried my best to be positive but I knew Grace wasn't totally convinced.

"Thanks Billie Joe. That means a lot to me, but it still hurts. I mean, I know we didn't plan on having another kid, but it was still ours."

Grace had all of these plans for a room and I wanted to wait until after the tour to start anything. I, for one, was glad we hadn't started rearranging the house or redecorating a room yet. Coming back from tour to deal with something like that would be devastating.

I noticed the time on Grace's watch and smiled to myself slightly.

"Hey Gray?"

"Hm?"

"Happy thirtieth birthday!" I squeezed her sides teasingly, making her squirm.

She tugged on my hair, making me wince a bit and laugh.

"You're a jerk!" I looked up and noticed that she was trying to conceal a smile, so I gave her Eskimo kisses to get a giggle out of her.

"What do you want to do for your big day?" We were going to be on the road all day, but that didn't mean we couldn't do anything.

Grace shrugged, saying that she didn't really care. She never wanted to do anything for her birthday, so I wasn't surprised at all. Grace always threw me a party or planned something special for my day, so it was my turn to do something for her.

We ended up having a nice, well nice for being on the road, dinner, and cake, and the kids and I had made her huge birthday cards. It was low-key and she loved it.

[Grace]

Right after the set in Toronto, Billie decided that he wanted to take Jack with him for a while and I didn't think twice in letting him. He probably wanted to show him off to the opening bands. Though he was a little buzzed from the pre-show beers and whatever he drank on stage, I wasn't overly concerned. I told Jack to be good and to have fun before Billie took his hand and led him off somewhere or another.

When they weren't back by the time Blink 182 was almost done, I started to get worried. I left Rita Mae with Mike and went to find them after trying to call Billie a few times and being unsuccessful. I finally found Billie wandering behind the scenes near the buses and he looked extremely drunk and very afraid.

"Jack? Jackson Danger! This isn't funny! Where are you?"

My heart stopped and my stomach dropped.

"Where's Jack, Billie Joe?"

He looked like a deer in headlights and I knew that he had lost him.

"You're fucking drunk! Why would you get hammered and then lose him? What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I was so angry and afraid that I let anything and everything I was thinking form sentences. Billie merely absorbed my words and stood there like a child being punished.

"He was right next to me the whole time and then I looked away for two seconds and he was gone." His slurred words angered more than I thought they would, but I didn't do anything that I was going to regret later. Instead, I grabbed his arm and dragged him back to Mike and Tre, telling them what had happened and they were surprised at what was going on. Billie rarely drank excessively in front of the kids, let alone when he was taking care of them alone.

We began our frantic search for Jack while Blink was doing their encore. I was trying my best to stay calm but it was tough when my four year old son was missing and I was freaking out. We put a word out to the security guards and they were looking too, but I honestly had no idea where Jack could be.
Blink ended their set and people were beginning to leave, which got me frenzied. What if he left the venue? What if someone took him?

"Mrs. Armstrong, is this your son?" I turned and saw a tall security guard with my little curly haired son in his grasp and I felt a huge weight being lifted off of my shoulders.

"Jack! Thank you so, so much. Where was he?" I scooped him up into my arms and hugged him tightly.

"A French Canadian couple found him by a merch stand. He was pointing to the Green Day posters and saying, 'That's my dad!' so they brought him to security." I was beyond grateful to this couple and security as I held onto Jack and told him to never wander off again. He apologized half-heartedly and I knew that, like Billie Joe, he loved adventures.

When I returned to the bus with Jack so we could leave, Billie was leaning against the side of the huge bus, half asleep. He perked up as soon as he saw us though.

"There you are dude!" He looked at Jack with a smile and I stepped onto the bus without a word. I figured I would wait for him to sober up before we talked.

---

The next morning we were in Grand Rapids, Michigan and Billie was quite hungover.

"I think the kids and I are gonna go home." I sat across from him in the little kitchen, staring at my orange juice as he drank his coffee.

"What? Why? You haven't even been on the road for a week."

"You took Jack with you last night, got drunk, and lost him! He could have been abducted, Billie. I don't think he's ready to be on a tour."

"He's four years old, Grace." Billie looked flabbergasted.

"Exactly! He's not old enough to know not to wander off in such big places or what to do if he's lost. I also didn't appreciate you getting plastered with him in your care." I could tell he didn't know what to say to me because he was quiet for a while.

"We only have eight more stops… Don't go home now."

"You don't get it, Billie. You drank so much last night that our son was potentially in a lot of danger. I don't ever want to be put in that situation again."

"And you won't be, I promise."

"I want to believe you, but then you go and do stupid shit like last night. I just think it would be best if we leave." I heard footsteps and looked just in time to see Rita Mae peeking into the kitchen.

"We're going home? I don't want to go home!" She sat beside Billie, who wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"You're not going anywhere, baby doll. Mom and I were just talking. She think Jack isn't ready for a tour yet."

"Well Jack can go home then! I want to stay with you!" They both looked at me and I let out a heavy sigh, saying that we could finish the tour out.