Sick of Me

I was still furious with Billie for losing Jack after a couple of days and I think he picked up on it, but I knew he was waiting for me to say something just in case I had let it go. Throughout the tours the guys had been filming some documentary called 'Riding in Vans with Boys' and I knew Billie was showing off for the cameras and drinking a lot because he was touring, but it was getting out of hand with the kids around.

"Jesus, Billie. It's like being a lush is your religion." I saw that he was drinking a beer practically an hour after breakfast and I figured this talk was now or never.

"So what if it is? I could be a… a Lushotologist! Yeah! That's what I am."

"This isn't a joke. I'm being totally serious right now."

"I figured as much." Billie sighed, taking a long swig from the glass bottle.

"Your drinking is getting to be a little ridiculous, don't you think?"

He shrugged and it was my turn to heave a sigh, saying people would think I was an alcoholic if I drank the way he did.

"I'm a part-time alcoholic, Grace. Get it right." He was trying to make me laugh, I knew it.

"Billie Joe, I'm not kidding. Quit putting on a show and be yourself."

"Quit being such a nag then! God, I'm on fucking tour, let me do whatever the fuck I want. You used to be so cool about it."

"So I'm not cool now? I grew up a lot when we had kids. Sure I'll drink and have a good time and shit, but I won't take my four year old son with me when I go do it. Tour should be your time and I know that, but you wanted them to come so you need to act accordingly."

I hated having to talk down to him like he was a child, but sometimes he acted more like a kid than Rita Mae did. It was times like this that really made me wish Dr. Krull was on call at all times for us, but he wasn't, so we had to deal with it ourselves.

---

Tonight's set wasn't different from the others in most ways, but Billie was putting in an extra effort knowing that I was watching. He brought an attractive woman up on stage, just to push my buttons, and practically shoved his tongue down her throat.This antic just made me laugh. He had done this countless times, but this one just decided that he wouldn't be getting any from me anytime soon.

During the Hitchin' a Ride extravaganza, he jammed his hand down his pants and moaned with more intensity than normal in an attempt to get a rise out of me. He would peek over every few seconds to see my reaction, but I just stared at him blankly, which only made him try harder. If he thinks he could pleasure himself better than I can, well, he and his hand would be a very happy couple.

"Alright! Now for this next song I need someone very special to come on stage and help me play some of these!"

I watched from the wing of the stage as Billie held up a pair of maracas and I knew what he was going to do. He told the huge crowd he would be right back, and as the guys kept playing 'hold music,' Billie ran and grabbed Jack from beside me.

"Billie, no." I looked at him sternly. He just flashed me a cheeky grin, picking up the boy and running back to his microphone.

"This, everybody, is my son Jack! He's a musician just like me!" Billie set Jack down at his feet and handed him the maracas like he did whenever they were in the basement together.

"We've been working on this for a while and now's a great time for this little guy's big debut! This song is called King. For. A. Day!... Shout!"

Donning a king's crown and robe, Billie began to do his thing and Jack, who was wearing a police officer's hat over his curly hair and huge sunglasses, began shaking the maracas in some sort of time to match the music. They must have been practicing for a while to do this.

My little Jack looked like he was having a blast. He was running around on stage, apparently taking cues from Billie Joe in the process. It was rather entertaining, watching father and son parading around the stage while Mike, Tre, and the Jason's cracked up.

Billie held the mic up to Jack's face and the boy yelled, "Wait a minute!" and Billie went into the 'Shout' portion of the song.

Sometimes Billie drove me absolutely nuts, but this was just too cute to be upset about.

"Now say bye to everyone, Jack!" Billie kneeled next to him when the song was over and Jack said a goodbye to the massive audience.

"Alright everyone, say bye to Jack!"

"Bye Jack!" The entire crowd echoed Billie, making the boy blush bright red and wave before running off the stage and into my arms.

I asked if he had any fun and of course he nodded. Like Billie, Jack loved the be the center of attention. Sometimes it freaked me out how similar they could be. While Billie was home from the most recent tour, Jack spent a few weeks pants-less at any chance he got. When I told Billie to do something about it, he was clueless. I remember hearing him tell Jack that if he kept his thing out, a snake would pop out and bite it off. Now Jack had a slight fear of taking off his pants and snakes.

"I want to do that every day!" Jack watched Billie from my arms with wide, entranced eyes and Rita Mae laughed from her spot sitting next to Ramona.

"I think that was a one time thing, Jack." I didn't want to ruin his hopes, but it was the truth. In fact, I didn't want him on stage at all. As much as I loved the kid, I don't think I want him to aspire to be a rock star just yet.

---

When Billie told me that he wanted to make Jack a regular part of the set, I immediately said no. I figured he was going to find a way to undermine me anyways, but I still felt better deciding against it.

"Why don't we let him decide? He's a big boy now."

"Billie Joe, please don't. He shouldn't be on a tour to begin with and now you want him to be on stage in front of thousands of people night after night? That's a lot to handle for him."

Billie argued that it would be good for the little attention seeker, but I still thought otherwise. He was going to keep bringing it up and bothering me with it until I gave in and said yes.

"I don't want him being exposed to so many people. That's final, okay?"

"Whatever Grace. You know I'm just gonna do it anyways, so why do you even bother saying no?"

"Because I would think that you'd respect my decision and not do it! I have no problem taking the kids to the next airport and going home." I stared him straight on in a sort of stand off so he knew I wasn't messing around, and I think he got the message.

Then he asked if Jack could do it a few more times, but only if he wanted to.

"You're fucking impossible." I shook my head, walking away from him and getting onto the bus to put the kids to bed.

One of these nights I'm going to have to give Billie a taste of his own medicine. It might just be one of the only ways to show him the extent of what he's been doing.

"Grace, please don't be mad at me…" Billie had hopped onto the bus right after I had and he was no extremely close to me in the small kitchen area.

"You've been making it hard not to be mad lately." I shrugged away from his touch, going to tuck the kids in with Billie watching me the whole time.

When I came back into the kitchen with Billie following close behind, I turned to face him, a serious look on my face.

"Let's play Gin." My shortness earned an eager nod as I went to sit at the kitchen's table, pulling out a deck of cards before Billie sat across from me. Playing cards kept me calm while we talked, which seemed to actually help. We had consistently played cards together for a few nights now and I think it was surprisingly healthy, because it got us to talk in a controlled situation and have fun, all while taking our anger out on each other during the game. This was going to be a long night.