Sick of Me

[Billie Joe]

I took the kids to the emergency room and was forced to wait for nearly two hours before Jack was seen. I sat for two hours in complete agony because I couldn't do anything to soothe my son's quiet sobs or make his pain go away.

Rita had sat beside us patiently, kicking her feet back and forth and playing a game with herself verbally. She had been listing off any and all animals that started with each letter of the alphabet, and it had seemed to calm Jack down immensely, because he was trying to play along too.

I had been too afraid to call Grace and let her know what was going on; she was going to kill me and I was doing all I could to prolong my life, even if it was only for a few more hours.

"Daddy, when is it gonna be our turn?" Rita gazed around the room, trying to think of an animal that started with the letter 'x'.

"X-Ray fish, babydoll. I think we're right after the people that just went in." I unwrapped one of my arms from around Jack and took her hand with mine, kissing her knuckles gently.

---

"Mr. Armstrong?" The voice of a nurse caught my attention and I stood up, keeping a tight hold on Jack and Rita followed me over to the woman.

We were lead back into a room, and I told her what had happened and she figured that Jack had broken his arm. They confirmed that suspicion by giving him an x-ray and discovering a clean break.

"We'll have to set the bone and give him a cast. Hey Jack, want to pick out the color of your cast?" The nurse, Annika, had given Jack a lollipop to take his mind off the pain, and he seemed to be doing a lot better now.

After he nodded, she brought in a few color swatches. He picked a neon green one, and I ruffled his hair gently, proud that he was taking this all better than I would have at such a young age.

Annika and the doctor did their work and Jack was all casted up, and then they gave me specific instructions for how to care for his arm and how to keep the cast clean.

"Now it's gonna itch a lot, little guy, and whenever it does, just let your Daddy know and he'll help you out." Jack nodded and Annika turned to me, saying that I couldn't use forks or anything else that was remotely sharp or dangerous.

"What's the fun in that?" I let out a light hearted laugh, watching the blonde woman smile softly.

My phone began to ring, so I quickly excused myself, asking Annika if she would mind staying with Jack and Rita Mae for a few minutes. She nodded, turning her attention to my children and asking them something or another as I stepped out into the hall.

"Hello?"

"Billie, where are you guys? I get home and there's blood in the driveway! What the hell is going on?"

I took a quick breath, having forgotten to clean up the blood from Jack's scrapes and cuts in my rush to get him to the ER.

"Grace before I tell you this, you gotta promise not to freak out."

"Billie Joe…" Her warning tone made me feel more nervous than I was when I saw that she was calling me.

"Uh.. Jack broke his arm so I took him and Rita Mae to the emergency room."

"I'll be right there."

I told her not to come since Jack was gonna be discharged soon, and I could just hear in her voice that she was upset.

"Gray, he's alright… Just shocked is all. Please don't go insane with worry until we get home and you see him for yourself." I added that we wouldn't be long, and she just said okay before hanging up on me.

I sighed, shoving my phone in my back pocket before running my hands over my face and through my hair. When I walked back into the small, suffocating room, I smiled at my children and Annika, trying to make it seem like everything was fine and dandy.

---

When I signed the release for Jack, I took the kids home to find Grace pacing the house with a worried look on her face.

"Oh, Jackson!" Grace picked the boy up as soon as I had set him down, and she ran her fingers gently through his hair and along his back and arms, inspecting the damage.

I told Rita to go upstairs and get ready for bed; we had spent hours at the hospital and it was now way past their bedtime. The small girl nodded her head reluctantly, trudging up the stairs with heavy foot steps.

"What happened to him, Billie Joe?" She stared down at his bright green cast, smiling at the anchor I had drawn on it, as well as my scrawl that said, 'Dad', and Rita Mae's neatly printed name.

"We were outside and I was teaching Rita how to skateboard. I laid down the 'no going in the street' ground rules and stuff, and I thought I had an eye on both of them. The one second I turn around because Rita was skating by herself, Jack decides to try and do the same thing and ends up in a heap on the ground. I should've paid more attention."

I could see that Grace was biting her tongue as she glanced from me to Jack, then back to me.

"Yeah, well… Accidents happen." She shrugged and walked up the stairs to put Jack to bed.

After reading a story to Rita, I peeked into Jack's room to see if he was asleep, but I saw that Grace was still in there, laying on the bed with her son and holding him close to her while he slept. She played with his loose curls, watching him with adoring eyes.

I whispered for her to come on, but she waved her hand, shooing me away. I rolled my eyes and heaved a sigh, making my way to our bedroom. When I got out of the shower, I found her sitting on the bed, her legs crossed underneath her and a thoughtful look on her face.

"Look, if you're gonna bitch me out can it wait? I'm not really in the mood." I towel dried my hair, keeping my distance in case she started to unleash the fury she seemed to be holding in.

"I'm not going to bitch at you, Beej. All I care about is the fact that he's okay."

When we laid in bed I could just feel the emotion radiating off of her. She was harboring all of these feelings against me, but I couldn't figure out why she wasn't screaming her head off. Grace was tossing and turning, unable to find a position to sleep in, and ultimately she sat up, rubbing her face with the palms of her hands.

"Gray, are you alright?"

She looked down at me, and I saw that her blue-green eyes were full of restlessness; she was wide awake.

"I need to go outside or something. I can't sleep right now."

"It's freezing out. Take a sweatshirt or stay inside." I watched her get out of bed and pull on a pair of sweat pants, despite the fact that she had been sweating a bit.

"Want me to turn the fan on?" I nodded up toward the ceiling, but she shook her head, messy, dark hair flying everywhere. Her silence was starting to worry me, but I didn't want to make a big deal out of something if there was nothing wrong.

---

Billie Joe quietly followed Grace once she was down the stairs. She had gone into the fridge to get a water bottle, then went outside to sit in one of the patio chairs. Billie ran back upstairs and grabbed a hoodie, throwing on a pair of slippers before going back down and out the back door to see if he could figure out what was going on with Grace.

Before he could even say anything, Grace had gotten out of the chair and approached him, throwing her arms around his waist and burying her face in his neck.

Caught off guard, Billie wrapped his arms around her comfortingly, unsure what was happening. He could tell by the dampness of his jacket that she was crying, which sent off a red flag in the back of his mind.

"Tell me what's going on." He rubbed her back soothingly, waiting for her to calm down. Billie Joe held his wife at arm's length, wiping her tears away with his thumbs like he had done so many times before, but this time it seemed different. This time he wasn't the reason for her tears.

"I hate the fact that my little boy is hurting and I can't do anything for him! I feel so useless."

Billie pulled Grace back into him, telling her that she wasn't useless at all. He was amazed that something wasn't his fault for once; she wasn't angry with him for letting Jack get hurt.

"I'm never letting him out of my sight, ever." Billie Joe couldn't help but let out a chuckle at her statement, making the woman smile too.

"He's already a momma's boy, let's not traumatize him right now, okay babe?" He kept trying to make her smile, and it seemed to be working.

"Come sit with me, Beejster." Grace flashed her husband a grin, taking his hands with hers and leading him over to a lounge chair, having him sit down first so she could sit between his legs and lay against him.

"Thanks for coming out here even though I gave off that 'leave me alone' vibe." She played with Billie's rough fingers, admiring the intricacies of his palm lines and finger prints. He truly was unique in every sense of the word.

"Yeah, well, I think I know by now how to tell when you need me." The man smiled, kissing her head lovingly. Grace sighed, saying that she had promised herself that she would never let the kids get hurt, but he knew that was unrealistic.

"You can't expect them to go through life without a scratch… Remember all the stupid shit we used to do? Jesus Christ, I'm surprised we're not dead."

Billie felt a laugh resonate through Grace's body, and he relished their closeness. He had missed just being able to sit and talk with her like they used to before he started messing things up.

"Jack is a tough little warrior, he'll be fine. Remember when he fell off the trampoline and got right back on like nothing had happened?" He tried to reassure the woman, and it seemed to be working.

"Yeah, he's a daredevil, isn't he? I think he does it just to freak me out…"

Billie Joe shook his head, saying that the boy's attempts to test her sanity wouldn't come until he was a bit older.

"Please don't tell me that. I don't know how I'm gonna keep myself from going crazy when they're teenagers."

"You and me both, Grace. You and me both."