Sick of Me

A few days had passed since I walked out on an argument with Billie Joe. I did go home after closing up RPM that Sunday night but I had hardly said a word to Billie since. It was Wednesday now and Billie had an appointment with the marriage counselor at eleven. Apparently this guy wanted to see us separately before seeing us together.

Shortly after Billie had left Mike and Tre came over. Halloween was coming soon and our kids were trick-or-treating together. Mike's daughter, Estella, or Stell as we called her, was Jack's age. Tre's Ramona was a year younger than Rita Mae and Frankito was barely a few months old now.

The guys and I sat in the living room discussing our children's costumes. Rita wanted to be Eliza Thornberry ad Jack wanted to be a lion. Stell was going as Cinderella, Ramona a whoopee cushion and Little Frank.. He was going to be a bowling ball if he comes with us. We figured all of that stuff out and then they decided to bring up the elephant in the room.

"So where's Billie?" Mike curiously waited for my response.

"He's at an appointment with our marriage counselor."

"Really? Wow… You owe me twenty Mike!"

Mike sighed and handed Tre a twenty dollar bill.

"Did you guys bet on whether he would go or not?"

They both nodded.

"Why aren't you there too?" Tre sat in the chair next to the couch where Mike and I were both sitting.

"My appointment is at two. Then tomorrow we go in together for a full analysis I guess." I asked them if they were having problems with Billie too and they looked at each other hesitantly before nodding. I saw that Mike didn't want to talk about it so I asked Tre to explain.

"We feel like he's overshadowing us on purpose. He does everything in his power to have all eyes on him at all times."

"Well as the front man of the band it's natural that he's the most popular… Not that I'm saying you two aren't but he's the face and voice of your enterprise."

"Grace he doesn't even let us talk during interviews. He's power hungry and I think he wants to leave the band."

I swear I heard myself gasp at Mike's admission. Sure, he had talked about maybe doing a solo record… But it never occurred to me that Billie would ever want to pull away from something he loved so much. Then again it made total sense because he was pulling away from me too.

[Billie Joe]

I sat in the counselor's waiting room for probably half an hour, fidgeting the entire time. I didn't want to spill my guts out to some stranger with a PhD. I had been there and done that.

When my name was finally called I followed the receptionist into the office and saw a man no older than 35 sitting behind an antique desk. I was surprised by the man's appearance and as much as I wanted to feel at ease I kept my guard up. I took my leather jacket off and hung it on the coat rack near the now closed door.

"Mr. Armstrong it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Doug Krull. Please have a seat."

I shook the man's hand, telling him to call me Billie.

"No couch for me to lay on?" I tried to crack a joke and surprisingly Doug chuckled

"Too many patients fell asleep during our sessions!"

This guy started out easily, asking about my childhood. I must have gotten him curious when I mentioned that I met Grace when I was a little kid because he jotted it down faster than other things he had written. Doug didn't ask much about my problems with Grace now; he was more interested in our past.

It wasn't until 45 minutes into the session that he asked what I thought was going on between me and my wife right now.

"I-uh. I'm not really sure, you know? Grace seems to think that I ignore her and take out all my problems on her." Instead of looking straight at Doug like I had the whole time, I focused on his diplomas and the bookshelf behind him.

"Well do you do those things?"

"You know… I guess I do sometimes. But it's not that big of a deal. She's over exaggerating or something."

"Are they things that she does that get on your nerves?"

As much as I didn't know this guy, I told him anyways.

"We used to have a lot of sex. Great sex. Now, nothing. I'm left to my own devices and yeah, it frustrates me."

"Does the fact that you're away for periods of time come into your problems?"

I quickly shook my head, telling him that my being on tour had only been a problem once.

"There was this time almost ten years ago when Grace left. I came back from a tour and she heard somethings had happened that weren't true and she vanished. I thought I had lost her, I really did. It nearly killed me."

"I can see that, based on the medical history your physician sent over."

I should have been offended but I wasn't.

"For like two years I thought she was across the country. It turned out that she stayed here and went to Cal Berkeley and by some sort of divine intervention I found her."

We sat in silence for a few seconds and I took a deep breath.

"My greatest fear is not having Grace in my life… You know?" Doug continued to write, then he set down his pen on the pad of paper.

"And that concludes our session. I'll see you tomorrow, ok Billie?" He shook my hand then I grabbed my jacket and went out into the parking lot to sit on the curb my car was parked next to and have a cigarette.

I had some time before I had to pick up Jack, so I staked out the lot for a few minutes. It was about a quarter to two when I saw Grace walking toward the entrance of the building. I could tell that she was nervous because her pace was fast and she kept looking straight ahead. I'm glad this was making her uncomfortable; she shouldn't be making me do this in the first place.

[Grace]

When I arrived at Dr. Krull's office after my talk with Mike and Tre I felt like I knew more about where Billie's attitude was coming from. But when I sat down across from Doug he didn't ask me about Billie. I had to dig up the bad memories that I had buried so long ago about my mom's death and then my brother's. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, but I did it none the less.

"Tell me about the first time you met Billie." Doug fixed his periwinkle tie, which contrasted beautifully against his black button down shirt and sandy blond hair. He definitely didn't look like a marriage expert. Feeling comfortable with him, I described that day on the playground.

It was recess and I was sitting by myself trying to eat my snack when this huge, beastly kid approached me. The kid wanted my lunch but I didn't want to give it to him and before he could do anything Billie Joe walked up and stood next to me. He told this kid, Bryson Daly, to lay off. When Bryson ignored him and went to grab my Schoolhouse Rock lunch box, Billie just pushed him and the kid fell onto his back. Billie grabbed my hand and we ran across the playground, where I gave him my Ho Ho as a thank you.

"We were attached at the hip after that."

Dr. Krull chuckled softly, writing the whole time.

"Then like a month later I was sick and stayed home… I come back the next day to find out that two girls had beaten Billie Joe up and made him their boyfriend." I had almost forgotten that… I braided knots into the girls' hair to get back at them, too.

The lighthearted atmosphere suddenly changed when Doug asked about how things were now.

"Honestly? A lot of things are going really well. My daughter is in first grade, my son is almost four and he's the most interesting little person I've ever met. I own a record store and business is steady along with the label that Billie and I run, I have a lot of time to be myself and get out of the house through work. It's just this whole thing with Billie Joe."

I started to think of the last time that things were great between us. It was probably right after Warning was released.

"What do you see as the problem?"

"He runs hot and cold with me so I don't even know what's going on. One minute he's complimenting my dress and holding my hand, then the next he's freezing me out completely. I try to get him to talk and fix this but apparently it just makes things worse." I paused, then told him that I probably would have just let him do this back when we didn't have children… But I know the kids see it.

"They see how tense it is when we're near each other. It's volatile." That was the only way I could explain it.

"If this keeps going the way it is, it's gonna get ugly. I don't want my kids to have to choose between their parents; they hardly see Billie when he's on tour and those weeks, then months are hard enough for them." Sure, I wanted to work stuff out with Billie for my own mental well being, but I was worried about Jack and especially Rita Mae. She was such a daddy's girl.

"We used to be so crazy and we always had fun together. All I want is for us to be best friends again."

The appointment was wrapping up so I asked Dough if he thought we were a lost cause. The man looked down at me as we stood from our chairs, a kind look in his blue eyes.

"From everything I've seen during my career Mrs. Armstrong, no marriage is a lost cause. Lots of couples get off track every once in a while. It's just a matter of figuring out what it will take to get back on that track." Doug smiled and shook my hand, then I headed home feeling like a lot of weight had been lifted from my shoulders.