Sick of Me

I took as many buses as I had to so I could get where I needed to be. I had to find the only person that's been like my mother for the past twenty years. Ollie had to be home, I thought to myself as I rang her doorbell. Rod's Hickory Pit was long since gone and she was in an "active retirement" as she called it.

"Grace what are you doing here?" She looked surprised by my unannounced visit but who wouldn't be. I asked if I could come in and of course she let me.

"I need a drink…" I mumbled as I walked past her and into the house.

We sat in her kitchen at the table and Ollie handed me a cup of extremely hot coffee, mentioning how worn out I look for it only being 3 p.m.

"It's three? I hope Billie Joe picked Jack up and met Rita at the bus stop.." He's so forgetful sometimes and I don't want Rita Mae waiting around by herself for Billie to show up.

"Honey I don't want to be rude but what are you doing here?" Ollie was always concerned about everyone especially her children, and she considered me to be her seventh child.

"I give up. I can't do it anymore. This is driving me insane."

She asked me to elaborate and I just started gushing out all of my thoughts. I told her about the failed counseling session and that I finally realized that Billie wasn't going to change at the drop of a hat. He has to do it on his own terms and that just isn't good enough anymore. I knew that Ollie understood where I was coming from, she had the same problems while raising him.

"Oh Grace you know how he is. He just can't go and say how he feels. He has to make music to express himself. After how you went off at the session today I have a feeling that he'll come around." Ollie was trying to be reassuring but even she didn't know anymore. She asked if I had thought about going out of town for a bit to give Billie time alone with the kids and I nodded.

"I've been thinking of opening a second record store in LA. But I can't leave now, it's almost Halloween and the kids will.."

"They'd love some time alone with their dad." Ollie had interrupted me but she made a good point.

"Yeah… I can't help but feel like Billie is jealous of all the time i get to spend with them."

Ollie agreed and I asked if she would mind giving me a ride home. I felt like such a kid as she dropped me off and I thanked her just like I always used to.

When I got inside I noticed that no one was home so I called John to see if I could stay with him for a few days and he agreed, but only if I'd make dinner every night I was there. I accepted his terms and we hung up so I could go upstairs to my office and make some more calls.

---

It was probably close to five when I heard the door from the garage open and close. Sitting in the living room I saw Rita Mae come in followed by Jack and Billie Joe.

"Hey you two, come here for a second." I called over my kids and they eventually ended up standing in front of me.

"I just found out that I have to go out of town to Los Angeles for a few days for work. I know it's almost Halloween but you'll have so much fun with Dad that you won't even know I'm gone."

Rita just stared at me and Jack started to cry. I pulled him up into my arms, laying his head on my shoulder and rubbing my back as he wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"Daddy you can't let her go!" Rita looked at Billie who was standing at the entrance to the living room.

"Grace can we talk for a second?" Billie ran a hand through his freshly dyed jet black hair. I guess he had gotten tired of the bleach blond look again.

I made sure Jack was okay and then I set him down, following Billie up to our bedroom.

"Where is this coming from? You don't have any business going on in LA."

"How would you know? I've been looking into opening an RPM down there and some openings to look at spaces just became available." I was lying through my teeth. I had found out that there were no openings so I called Ross and Stella so we set up a mini tour in Hollywood. Two nights only at some club Billie had played at years ago.

"I'll try and be back for Halloween. I know it means a lot to the kids."

"Yeah, it does." Billie was getting a taste of how I felt whenever he suddenly announced that he had to leave on "business". I knew he was trying to make me feel guilty though, which was something I never did to him.

I told him that I was leaving in the morning and that I'd try to make it a short trip, even though I knew it would last two or three days rather than the five I was making it out to be.

[Billie Joe]

Grace left the next morning after she got the kids ready for their day. I noticed that she had one of her guitars with her but she explained it away when I questioned her about it.

"Oh I'm dropping it at the shop. The neck is all out of whack."

The one thing that got me the most was that she said goodbye to Jack and Rita Mae but didn't say a word to me. As she walked out the door to the garage she just glanced over her shoulder at me and I suddenly felt furious. We used to have such heart wrenching goodbyes. Now it was like it didn't even matter.

When Rita was at school and I got home from taking Jack to day care, I slipped off my Chucks at the table by the front door and went to call Mike and Tre. It took some convincing to get them to come over but they agreed.

I was sitting in the basement with a case of beers and a few packs of cigarettes when they came in.

"I see you started without us." Mike noticed the empty cans and cigarette butts that surrounded me.

"Where's Gracie at?" Tre looked in the sound booth and behind the piano as if she was hiding.

"LA on business."

"Damn. I was hoping she'd make me breakfast." Tre sat on the floor and I slid the case of beer over to him, telling him breakfast was right here.

When Mike asked why I was drinking at nine in the morning, I asked why not.

"Look Billie. We told Grace that you're thinking about quitting." Mike sat down on the piano bench as he spoke. He probably hadn't had enough coffee yet because he was restlessly walking around previously.

"Jesus. What else did you tell her?"

"That you purposely upstage us every chance you get." Tre was so blunt about it. I was gonna need a lot more beer.

Mike, Tre, and I talked and talked until we worked everything out between the three of us. Over those couple of hours I drank more than a few beers and passed out. Mike and Tre weren't there when I woke up on the couch and it was nearly four o'clock.

Mumbling to myself about being late, I stumbled up the stairs and grabbed my keys, trying to put on my high tops without looking when I heard the distinct voices of my kids. Following the sounds I saw Mike helping Rita Mae do homework at the kitchen table while Tre was sitting on the floor with Jack making faces at each other and cracking up with laughter.

"Thank you guys so much…" I ran a hand over my face thinking about how Grace would have killed me if I forgot to pick them up again.

"No worries man." Mike smiled and I sat down at the table with them.

"Daddy you smell weird." Rita looked me up and down, scrunching up her face and sticking out her tongue.

"Well! Sorry if I offend you!" I pulled the little girl into my chest, making her scream and push me away as she said ew and gross to me.

[Third Person]

When Ross, Stella, and Grace went on stage at eight pm, they immediately began to play with the energy of teenagers. The small building was packed, which surprised the three since their shows had been such short notice. Grace introduced herself and her band, holding up her can of cold beer and toasting to the night ahead of them.

Parading herself across the stage with her trusty Gibson at her hips, Grace set a fast pace as they powered through their better known songs. Giving Ross and Stella a chance to refuel on beer, Grace played with her audience.

"Now then. Who here would ever guess that we in the Long Summer Nights were almost thirty?" She watched in delight as the crowd shook their heads in collective disbelief.

"I'm gonna let you all in on a little secret. These jeans I'm wearing? I got them brand new when I was twenty. My husband wouldn't tell you all that though, he probably doesn't even remember!"

This, playing on stage and feeling the vibe of the crowd, was Grace's way of letting off steam. The fact that the fearless woman was downing beer as quickly as she could get her hands on it was helping to loosen her out.

Sending Ross and Stella a wink, Grace set her guitar down, pulled the microphone off the stand, and threw herself into the open arms of the crowd while her band mates continued to play. Pulling herself away and back onto the stage, Grace kept a tight grip on the atmosphere. It was like having a huge, raging party.

As the near three hour set came to a close, Stella, who was still a quirky little blond with a bob, asked if they were coming to the show tomorrow night, earning thunderous replies.

"Who's coming out partying with us after this?" Grace riled them up even more, running a hand through her already wild hair before strumming a loud power chord.

The three friends' set might have almost been over but their night was only getting started.