Practice Makes Perfect.

Patrick and I laid there in my bed. He was wrapping his fingers around mine and his head laid on mine. My head was nuzzled in between his arm. I felt so warm and happy to be with him. Patrick moved his head and looked at me. “You're so smiley.” He said quietly. “Am I not allowed to be?” I asked giggling. “No, I just like seeing you happy. It reminds me of when I first saw you.” He said. I smiled because he remembered that. “I still meant what I said. Every single word. You're the only person I want.” He said stroking my hair. I got up and laid on top of him. “I love you too, Patrick.” I said with my head on my arms. Patrick kissed me and leaned back with his head on my headboard. “That was pretty fun, though. We have to do it again sometime soon.” He said with a grin. I buried my head in his stomach to hide myself blushing. Patrick fell asleep after a while of us talking. I was still awake because I forgot to take my sleeping meds. I got up and got dressed and walked around my apartment. I looked over at my phone on my kitchen counter and I had a text message from some friends and one from Jon. “You okay? You didn't answer earlier.” He said. “I'm with Patrick.” I said. “What do you mean? He just came over?” He sent back minutes later. “Jon, it's like three in the morning. What are you doing up?” I asked him. “I can't sleep. What's going on with you and Patrick?” He replied. “He just came over.” I said. “And?” He texted back. “We just talked and stuff.” I said. I wasn't going to tell Jon what happened. “I hope he treats you well, Blaine.” He said. “Go to sleep, Jon. You need it.” I said. “You too, Blaine.” He said. I went back to my bed where Patrick was asleep and I laid down next to him. Within an hour, I was asleep too. Patrick woke me up at eight in the morning to tell me he had to leave for practice. I slept for three more hours and got up at eleven. Patrick would be gone for the day so I stayed at home. I finished up some papers for my classes and then someone was at my door. “Jesus. You think people would let me know they're coming over.” I huffed as I got up to answer the door. Jon was standing there. “Can I come in?” He asked me. “Of course.” I said opening up the door where he went to my couch. “What's up?” I asked him sitting down. “Patrick told me what happened with you guys last night.” He said. I looked at him. “Yeah. We talked.” I said avoiding what else happened. “Yeah and how he slept with you.” He said. “Did he tell anyone else?” I asked him. “Not that I know of.” He said. “Jesus.”I said sighing and getting up to look out my window. “I'm sorry.” He said. “Don't be. It's not your fault. I don't even know if I'm supposed to be mad.” I said. “Last night, he told me he loved me.” I said. I saw Jon get up. “What did you say?” He asked me. “I told him I loved him too. I do, Jon. I mean, sometimes I do. I don't love him when he's this person with this massive ego and this person who thinks that when they need me they can just come to me. But every other time, I don't mean a thing.” I said. “I feel like every guy I meet does this to me. Am I that bad of a person?” I asked laughing. “Blaine, it's not you.” He said. “You're the most amazing woman I know. How could you think that this is your fault?” He asked me. “Because every guy around me is messed up. I tell them I love them and they use me or cheat on me.” I said. “Not every person around you is like that.” He said. “It sure feels like it sometimes.” I said sighing. “I'll never do that to you. I won't leave you or hurt you.” He said. I turned and looked at Jon. I put my head on his chest and just breathed. “I can't cry anymore.” I said laughing. I could feel Jon rubbing my back. “Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we were together.” I heard him say. I stood up straight and looked at him. “I liked you, Blaine. I think I still do sometimes.” He said. “Jon, I...” I started to say before he interrupted me. “I know I put you in a really bad spot here. But you deserve better than what Patrick is giving you. I would never treat you like that.” He said. “I would want to be with you. I could never look at another woman.” He finished. I just stood there and looked at him. “I can't be that girl, though. Girls already look at me like I'm a skank because I'm with Patrick. If I was with you, Patrick would know and do you think he would be okay with that? I'd forever be known as the girl who broke up your team. I could never make a name for myself.” I said. “We would deal with these things as they came.” He said. “Jon, I don't know. I said all those things to Patrick and did that stuff with him last night. How screwed up would it be if I just did a complete 180?” I said. “You're the only person who knows what you want, Blaine. If you want Patrick, that's fine. I understand if you love him but if you want me, I'm here. I will be here for you.” He said. Jon leaned down and kissed me. He held me tight and kept kissing me until I stopped him. “I have to go.” He said. “Yeah.” I simply said. “No matter what happens and whatever you decide, I still want to be friends with you. I'll always care about you.” He said. I nodded my head and then he left. I sat there and I just thought. I hated Patrick for always being a total prick and for using me. I hated Jon for telling me how he felt and telling me everything bad Pat did. But I loved Patrick. He made me happy. I wasn't in love with Jon but I loved being around him. He made me feel safe. I guess I had to make some decisions.