She Was The Challenge He'd Been Waiting For.

"Iz, are you alright?" Matt asked quietly, holding the small blonde closer. She had been silent during dinner and on the drive home and he couldn't fathom why. She had this look in her eyes as if she felt guilty about something. She didn't meet his gaze and seemed totally disengaged. He didn't know what was wrong. He knew that her parents didn't approve of him, and he knew that she wanted to please them, but that wasn't fair. He was still in the running to be with her, wasn't he? He deserved to be with Isabella after she'd been with a guy like Alex. He would never even think of treating her like a one time use camera or something. In fact, Matt didn't understand why her parents didn't approve. What mattered wasn't his physical appearance if he really made her happy... right?!

She looked up at him, her gaze almost fearful. The way her eyes looked murky made him wonder if she was going to cry. He hated when girls cried, especially Isabella. It broke his heart that she was upset and not knowing what it was. He knew that she had been unresponsive to her mother's attempts at therapy, but she was never unresponsive to him. In fact, he and Isabella had never had such an awkward encounter. He knew that something was bothering her, but he wasn't sure if he should say anything. And as he pondered whether he should ask again, she finally decided to speak.

"Matt, I... I'm not being fair to you."

"What are you talking about?"

She sighed, looking down. "I think that a part of me... still wants Alex." When she looked up at him, she expected him to be enraged. She expected smoke to be coming out of his ears and for Matt to throw a fit. But he didn't do any of that. He sat there as if she'd told him the sky was blue, and nodded. He didn't seem affected at all by her statement, and while she was sort of happy to not have hurt him, she didn't know what was going on. The truth was that he'd been friends with Alex longer, so he probably knew more than she ever did. He knew that Alex had a charm that was seemingly everlasting on girls. But he also knew that Alex was a great liar and often had girls wrapped around his finger.

The older boy sighed, letting his arms loosen around her. "I know." He didn't say anything else, and he didn't meet her eyes. He pressed his lips softly to her shoulder and moved some hair from her face. He didn't even say how he knew or if he was upset. He didn't even react in a way that would have her understand what this really was. Isabella didn't understand that Matt expected this or that he was used to this. He knew that Alex would always have a hold on her and he probably couldn't get her to shake it. He knew that no matter what, there was a good chance he'd be second place. Even though Alex had treated her like shit and raped her, he was still the one she wanted.

"Matt, I..." She paused, unsure how to piece together what she wanted to say. "I'm being pulled in two directions... Its like I'm trying so hard to get to you, and Alex is holding the puppet strings or something." The girl frowned, stroking his cheek gently. She didn't want him to feel badly or as if he weren't enough. Isabella knew that she wanted to be with him; she knew that Matt was her safest bet. But no matter how much she wanted him, there was still something about Alex. Of course it was that he was her first, but it was more than that... She really had felt something in their relationship. He had been wonderful to her until he'd gotten what he wanted. It had seemed so easy with him.... like he was able to understand the way Travis passing had ruined her. He was patient with her, and taught her what she needed. All she had wanted was to please him, and that had also ended it.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Iz. I'm fighting for you, but I can't do this alone. You know that he's no good for you. You know that I'm falling for you more everyday-" He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't care if your parents don't like me; all I care about is you."

Tears were starting to develop in Isabella's eyes. She clenched her eyes closed so not to see them fall, but they did. She didn't want to seem weak, but she was at such a crossroads. What if she made the wrong decision? What if Alex hurt her again? She couldn't help but worry and wonder. All Isabella wanted was for this stupid soap opera that had become her life to end its season. She hadn't wanted any of this. In fact, her life was boring, but safe before she even agreed to go out with Alex. How was she supposed to know he was going to ruin everything? Hurting Matt felt worse than the pain she was experiencing. He'd been nothing but wonderful to her, and this was how she was repaying him? Alex had hurt her and used her, but her heart was still aching for him. What type of logic was this? Why couldn't she just pull away from everything that Alex had meant to her?

"I should probably go." Matt spoke quietly.

"N-no." Isabella spoke, stopping him from getting up. She straddled his lap, though with her much smaller figure, he easily could have pushed her aside. Rather than do that, he fell back against her pillows, letting his fingers trail over the skin exposed when her shirt had ridden up. He looked up at the blonde with a sense of wonder. He didn't know why she wanted him to stay. He knew that her parents wouldn't want him here, and he knew that they had repeatedly told her that Alex was a better choice, but Isabella seemed content with his presence. "Matt, I want to be with you... I-I mean.... Maybe if w-we..." She blushed bright red. "Maybe if you make love to me... maybe I'll be able to-"

"No." He spoke firmly.

"No?"

"Isabella, this isn't about sex. This is about you comparing between me and Alex. I know that he made it seem like sex was a huge part of a relationship, but it doesn't have to be. I'm okay with what we've done... I love what we've done."

"So you don't... want to-?"

"Bells, I'm a guy, of course I want to. But I know that you aren't ready and I won't be like him forcing you into it."

She looked embarrassed, and frowned. She didn't want to seem like some weak girl who needed her boyfriend to console her. Isabella had offered himself to her and he hadn't even budged. Was he not attracted to her? Was she not enough? Was he disgusted that Alex had gotten to her first? So many questions ran through Isabella's head. She moved off of Matt's lap and turned her back to him. She didn't want him to see her cry. She didn't want him to try to make up for rejecting her.

"Minnie," He wrapped his arms around her again. "You're perfect... you're beautiful, and smart, and fun, and I love y- I love being around you." He fumbled over the words, wondering if admitting he loved her was too much. He did though, and she was always on his mind. He adored the girl though, and he couldn't help but admire her. He didn't care that she had been with Alex. He didn't care that she was an emotional, borderline bi-polar mental case. He thought she was perfect no matter what.

At the mention of her pet name, Isabella relaxed. She was still disappointed, but couldn't decide if that was because Matt didn't want to sleep with her or because he didn't seem phased by Alex at all. She wished she'd met Matt first and let him be her everything. The girl felt terrible for everything she continued to put him through. She hated the way her parents treated him and she hated that she couldn't be all in with him. No matter how much she cared for Matt or how much she wanted to only want him, her heart seemed to constantly quicken at the mention of Alex's name. It felt as if without him, there was no one who could really understand. Some things she told him, she could never tell Matt, or even Kara. But he had broken her heart, shattered it, and hadn't seemed to care at all. Alex didn't want the responsibility of actually being her boyfriend. He wanted to fool around and then move on, so why did he change his mind?

Isabella pressed her lips to the older boy's, letting her fingers gently tug at the ends of his dark hair. He sighed, pressing his forehead against hers as he tore away from her lips. He looked sad, and slightly disappointed, but he didn't say anything about it. He kissed her cheek before getting off of the bed. "Minnie, you know how I feel about you. But you have to decide how you feel about me."

"Mickey-" She sighed. "Matt, I want you. I want to be with you, and hold your hand. I wanna cuddle and go on dates. You're the boy I want to be with, but I can't help that Alex still has some sort of hold on me."

"Iz, I understand that he was your first and that your parents want you to be with him, but you can't expect me to be okay that he's constantly on your mind, or that you still wonder if you hadn't slept with him, that you'd still be together...." He frowned, shaking his head. "I want to be with you so badly, but I don't know if I can fight much longer. I'm getting so tired of this. I don't want to cause all of these issues. He's one of my best friends, but until anything happens, I can't even look at him."

The blonde didn't speak. She shook her head and opened her mouth as if she was going to respond, but shut it quickly. She didn't know what she could say to that. The truth was that Matt had a point. She knew that Alex still had a hold on her even if she tried to shake from it. She wanted nothing more than to move forward with Matt and forget everything else, but if Alex still constantly remained on her mind, perhaps she had to pursue it. She had to understand what was happening with him before she could decide to be with Matt. Maybe she wasn't over him... Maybe her feelings for him were stronger than she thought. The truth was that she didn't have any answers, and couldn't provide any comfort to Matt. She knew that she wanted to be his girlfriend and be with him, but she couldn't allow herself to move forward without, at least, considering what lingering feelings she held for Alex. And the fact that he was the one her parents wanted did have something to do with it.

"Call me when you figure this out." He smiled sadly.

------------

Isabella was angry. She wasn't just angry, she was upset, and disgusted. To think that she was so happy with Matt and then these new thoughts were appearing. It wasn't just about Matt or Alex, it was about her friends as well as her parents. It felt as if she had so many people to please when she couldn't even decide what she wanted. Travis would have known what to do. She didn't think that she was worth the two boys fighting over her, and she didn't like that they had to seemingly battle for her affection. She just wanted to be happy with whatever or whoever.

She knew that Matt was the better choice, but her parents favored Alex. How could she go against her closest relations? She had always listened to her parents and do everything they asked, so how could she now decide to be an individual? The truth was she'd been thinking a lot about Alex. There were definitely things about him she missed that Matt couldn't provide. There was a certain comfort that she felt with him that no one else could even attempt. There was something special when they were together, and she knew that spark couldn't ignite with anyone else. Even though she was trying to convince herself to choose Matt, it didn't seem that her mind was agreeing. Isabella was still hurt by Alex, she was still burdened with the fact that he'd stolen her virginity when she probably would have given it to him willingly soon after. She wanted to hate him for what he did, but something stopped her.

It was remembering the way he looked when she slapped him at the diner, or the way he kissed her at Rita's. She wasn't sure she could fight her urges anymore, and the fact was that she wasn't sure if she wanted to. The girl knew that giving him her virginity was a huge deal and felt as if she had to cling to him as she'd clung to it. No matter what her friends said, her heart ached for the boy who'd taught her everything about living freely and understanding her own desires. Her mother had told her to go after her inclinations, hadn't she? After she'd admitted what happened with Alex, the older woman had suggested she go after Matt to find out if there was something there, and there was. So why couldn't her parents accept if she wanted someone else? Alex seemed to have left a scar on her porcelain skin; a constant reminder of the person she'd become and how she got there. But it was easier to talk to him about unpleasant things. She didn't understand why Matt seemed to get uncomfortable when she spoke of Travis, but Alex seemed to be fine with it.

Perhaps there were two extremes between the boys: Matt cared for her despite her Asperger's, and didn't let it get in the way. Alex, however, was able to see her Asperger's as a leverage over her, and he allowed her childlike qualities to be his guide. She didn't think that he was a bad person or that he only wanted her because he could easily manipulate her, but now she wasn't sure. Her Asperger's had never seemed to bother Alex, in fact, he often handled her very well, so why did it also affect the end? She wondered if she'd given him the wrong signals or if she'd misunderstood what was happening. Perhaps, subconsciously, she wanted him to have her virginity, but fought admitting it. Maybe it wasn't rape, and she was too embarrassed to admit that she wanted it too. Why had Matt been so adamant that he wasn't like Alex?

She was willing to admit that Alex had hurt her, but it wasn't totally because of the sex, it was because he left. As soon as they finished, he was rushing out the door. Had he been embarrassed or ashamed? Was this all he wanted from her? It led to a struggle of letting people in and a constant fear of getting hurt again. Isabella wanted Matt so desperately to prove himself to her. Alex had broken her as if it was a game and she wasn't sure the healing had done much. It felt as if he'd shattered her heart and Matt had tried to take it back together. It didn't feel like it would last. Had she been so quick to run into Matt's arms because he was a safer choice? Was it because she knew he'd protect her that she'd gone for the older boy?

Alex had apologized and told her he loved her. He said he was just scared and she wasn't sure if she could believe him. She wanted to, she really wished it was that easy though. Thinking about the way he'd kissed her at Rita's, and the way he'd seemed so desperate then... Maybe he did feel guilty, maybe he meant it. It hurt to think about him, but it hurt more not to. But seeing him with that brunette had ruined his point... if he'd really longed for her, why was he with someone else? She desperately wanted to feel as strongly for Matt as she had for Alex, but she wasn't sure it would happen. The truth was that she wanted Matt to be her Mickey. He was so good to her, but she started to wonder if it was too good. She didn't feel worthy of it, so she allowed herself to doubt these feelings. It seemed that she was so lost in figuring out what she felt for Alex, that the feelings for Matt suffered. He was the boy she should have been with all along, but now she was just lost.

"Isabella?" Her mother called from the doorway, heading into her room before the girl was able to reply. The older woman sat at the edge of her daughter's bed and sighed. She hated to see her little girl so lost and confused. The truth was that she hadn't helped her daughter any, and probably had pushed her away instead. It was just her attempts to be protective and to keep her daughter's dignity. This was about more than preferring Alex.

It wasn't that they didn't like Matt; it was that they were afraid of another boy hurting her. He was older, and he had more experience, and he seemed a little threatening with those piercings. Sure, he was a nice boy, but Isabella had been hurt enough. She wasn't sure Matt being nice was enough. It was a protective measure that found her parents taking Alex's side. They didn't want to believe that he had just left her, and that he'd taken her virginity against her will. Mrs. Randall had held several sessions with him and she knew that it hadn't been his intention. He wasn't malicious that he would rape a girl without any sort of guilt. But because he'd been the one to take Isabella's virginity, her parents wanted him to be the one she held onto.

The girl didn't say anything, just pulled her blankets closer as if she could hide from everything. Her mother sighed, reaching out to stroke her daughter's blonde hair. She hated to see Isabella so upset, but she wasn't sure what could be done. If Isabella really wanted to be with Matt, she would have made a big deal of it. If she really didn't have feelings for Alex, she would have made sure it was known. Lately she hadn't said much of anything, and of course that only made things worse. The girl just sighed, moving the blankets a bit so she could look at her mother. And with a weak murmur, she spoke. "What do I do?"