Eventually, Something Has to Give

Trust was something that took time to build and just a single moment to tear apart.

Trust was something everyone takes for granted and threw around easily just like lies.

Trust was something almost everyone had except for people like me.

I barely trust anyone anymore. I have my reasons why, many reasons actually. I’ve had my trust and heart broken by so many people I learned the best thing to do is not trust anyone useless I knew solidly that I could.

For me that was only three people; my Mum, Dad and my cousin Jared. That’s it. They are the only people that over the years I trusted and didn’t break it just because they could. Sure at times they did things to hurt that line of trust, everyone did by making mistakes. But those other people did it like if they wanted to see me sad and hurt, these three didn’t.

So I did the only thing I could to stop myself from getting hurt. I stopped trusting people and closed myself off from almost everyone. I was always a bit of a loner, so really that didn’t bother me so much. I got used to it pretty fast. At least this way I know I won’t get hurt and I’m fine with that.

I have been for years and I don’t see that changing anytime soon, if ever.

Opening my eyes I come face to face with the other side of my bedroom which was almost too clean for my liking, but I have been home alone all day before Jared got here - whom is now currently laying across my bed messing around with my stereo remote trying to find a good song to listen to.

Jared spends most free afternoons with me, either at my house or his because I’m usually home alone. My parents work a lot; some could call them almost workaholics, but that’s not the case. The jobs they have, have very long work hours; my Dad usually ends up flying all different places for work meetings while Mum is stuck in a busy office and my brother who I hardly see or speak too is off in some fancy collage away from here.

So that leaves me with Jared, my Aunt and Uncle. My other “brother, mother and father” so my mum calls them. None of us mined that of course, I guess we always have been pretty close.

“So what do you plan on doing this weekend?” Jared asked quietly.

I turned my head to the side where he was showing me a small smile. Why he always asked me that question a lot I have no idea, it normally had the same dull boring answer.

“Nothing I guess; might do some more painting.” I answered in my usual semi flat voice.

Jared’s lips flattened into a line as he nodded. From his eyes I could see the gears working in his head about something, he always seem to be thinking when I gave that sort of answer. I’ve never been sure why but I never asked, apart from curiosity I never felt the need to. It’s his mind, not mine.

“What about you?” I asked plainly, but interested.
“Planning on having a movie night with the guys on Saturday, maybe work out some band stuff.” He smiled. “You know, you could come over too.” He offered but I was already shaking my head.

I don’t like being around them much. It wasn’t like I hated his friends...I just don’t trust them. Plus it does get very awkward quickly when I’m there so I retreat to either the spare room or Jared’s room. Why bother them when their having fun?

“Well you don’t exactly have to be around us, you can do your own thing like usual. I just would feel better if you weren’t home alone.” He said looking at me in a way where I had no choice but to look back, all which showed in his eyes was care.
“I’ll think about it.”

He showed me that loving caring smile of his and nods his head before dropping the subject. That was my usual answer, but he know I will think of it, even if the answer is no. This guy cares for me to much.Other than my parents he’s the only one that does. Letting a smile pull slightly at my lips I reached over and placed my hand over his. It was like my way of saying thanks for caring. I don’t happen to be a very affectionate person.

Jared beamed at me and turned his hand over to hold mine and as if he was to calm me he started running his thumb softly in circles on my skin. I just watched with soft eyes as he did this.

“The guys are going to be picking me up from here soon, we have band practice today.” He said quietly after a few minutes. “Sorry, I can’t stay longer.”
“It’s Ok,” I nodded. “Have fun yeah?”

To be honest I didn’t like the fact that his friends knew where I live, but it was expected with Jared being here so often and Pat living across the street. I let out a small sight but I quickly smiled up at Jared. I knew he loved playing in the band, band practice or not. It makes him smile and when he smiles I smile...it sounds stupid but in most cases it was true.

So like usual the two of us sat on my bed; smiling, laughingmostly him anyway and talked about all random things. Like usual he did most of the talking, but I never mind I liked listening. For a long time I sat there, legs crossed listening as he told me about what he and his friends did yesterday.

I find his stories...interesting. I’ve never had friends like that so I found it fascinating, but still it doesn’t make we want to be friends with them. I don’t trust him – I don’t trust anyone.

Before I knew it I was opening the front door for him and walking out onto the front veranda. One of his friend cars was parked on the curb waiting; I just gave the car a bored glance before looking at Jared who waved to whoever it was. I didn’t know whose car that was and in a way I didn’t really care.

Jared turned to me and gave me a quick hug, which I returned which a soft smile.

“Think about this weekend, ok? Just rock up anytime.” He said pulling away.
“I will.”

He gave me that caring smile again and walked down the three stairs and to the car. Once he opened the door to get in, I turned and walked back inside the empty house. Closing the door I locked it and let out a long sigh.

Great, another night home alone.