Eventually, Something Has to Give

The distant sound of dripping water on the other side of the window was the only thing that reminded me that I was awake and to stay awake. Falling asleep right now wasn’t anywhere close to what I wanted to do right now.

They were down stairs playing their little act with Tanner and Mum.

So far only I –and their other victims- knew what they really did, who they really were and what they were like around anyone that didn’t know what they did. Even I have to admit they should win an acting award for it because, after all that they do, they haven’t been caught yet, but at the sometime I’m wondering how the hell they haven’t been caught yet.

I guess if I wasn’t so invisible to everyone and if they hadn’t Tanner wrapped around their fingers people would notice. Maybe if mum wasn’t so busy either she would notice. Maybe if dad was home more he would notice too. But of course no one did.

Sniffling I slid off my bed bitting back gasps of pain that wanted to leave my lips and stood on my unsteady feet. Half limping and wobbly I sneaked the best I could out of my room and into the bathroom just down the hall. Turning I locked the door behind me and double checked that I had. I even placed a towel over the handle to block the keyhole in case someone decided to look through it.

Turning to face the mirror the first tear drop of the day feel from my eyes, running down my cold cheek.

For a long moment I just stared at my extremely pale, sick looking face. My eyes were lifeless looking back at me; the skin around them was dark, almost black from the lack of sleep. My lips were a pale pink and rough like I had been throwing up for the last two days straight.

But other than that I had no marks on my face apart from some very small scratches that only I would notice. They were careful not to damage my face because they knew someone would notice then, but they didn’t stop them from marking the rest of my body.

Finally looking away from the mirror I pulled at the end of my long shirt I was wearing. I guess I better check the bandages and make sure nothing is infected...

~.~.~

My eyes fluttered open to see my room a light with sun from the window. Sighing I rolled over just to get hit in the eyes with bright rays of light. Grumbling I sat up in bed and got out standing on the wooden floor that was cool to the touch.

Running a hand through my most likely messy hair I headed out of my room and into the bathroom just across the hall. With a slight flick of the wrist the sliding door rolled shut and I came to a stop in front of the mirror.

Frowning I looked back at my reflection not the happiest, mostly because of that dream. At least it wasn’t one of the bad ones and I mean bad ones as in the ones they were hurting me. Ones like that sad little thing were better to handle and sometimes it didn’t even worry me.

But I wonder will these dreams ever go away? Ever since I was first shoved into the room they took me in I’ve had dreams from what they did. That guy in the mall a few weeks ago now just happened to spark the bad ones up again. I wish I could just make them disappear.

Shaking my head I studied my face in the mirror to the one I saw in my dream like memory. My eyes showed more life to them, there was only really small bags under my eyes they was more red then purple-black. My lips were pale but not rough and I noticed even my hair had a bit of life to it. I didn’t look well in the dream, but I know in the dream it would have been dead flat and no shine to it.

Slowly my eyes trailed down to my shirt. Bitting my lip slowly I pulled at the hem before ripping it over my head exposing my naked top half to myself. What I saw made me frown. The bruises and gashed were long gone, yes, but some scares were still there.

Some were able to be seen in daylight, others not unless your close and more only by feel. They were all different shaped, sizes and colour tones. It almost made me sick to look at them and the ones on my back. Other then the dreams they were a solid reminder of what happened.

“They’ll never go away.” I whispered to myself.

It was true, they wouldn’t. Sighing sadly I looked down at the ground as I removed the rest of my clothes before locking the door.

Because of them I hate my body.

+.+.+

Sitting on the grass at the front of Pat’s house I sighed picking at the threads on the bottom of my long sleeve shirt. After last night I feel a little self conscious of the scars, so today I covered up well as I could for a day like today. I wasn’t really that out going today either, not that I normally am anyway.

After that day mum lied to me I’ve been really quiet and to myself because I know something is wrong at home and I don’t know what it is. But I know it must be something big enough for me to feel this way.

Everything is still all over the place in my head; from the memories, drawings I’ve done, being with Jar- my friends a lot. At the moment my head was not really here because of how much it was all over the place. I think I’ve said this before but everything has changed really fast and well I’m not that used to change anymore, at least not this big. I still don’t know what to think of it all.

Sighing again I lied down on the grass somewhat facing away from everyone and brought my knees in close to me. I closed my eyes softly and listened to the bands talk and Tanner’s random questions about their shows.

Suddenly I felt someone move the hair off my face before their warm breathe ran across my skin. For once I didn’t move away because I felt like I couldn’t even though it wasn’t Tanner or Jared...or even Garrett. Normally that would shock me so much I would all but run away, but right now I didn’t feel it.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

“Are you ok?”
“Yeah.” I sighed lightly.
“You don’t seem like it.”

Pat pouted leaning right over my head until the top of his hit the grass in front of my face, he blinked those big puppy dog eyes of his before smiling.

“Are you feeling sick?” He asked blinking those eyes again.
“Something like that.” I said simply.

He nodded slightly and moved from my view. I blinked when the sunlight hit my eyes again then closed them. I didn’t feel scared that I didn’t feel scared from him doing that...maybe I am sick? Or maybe I’m losing my mind, because that’s what I felt like.

From behind me I heard Pat talk quietly to someone but I couldn’t make out what he said. The next thing I noticed was someone moved to be in front of me, cutting the sun from my face. I peeled my eyes open only to be shocked not to see Jared or Tanner, but Garrett. He smiled softly at me before moving to lie on the grass as well on his side facing me but not really close.

“Pat said you were feeling sick?” He asked unsure.
“Something like that.” I repeated shrugging.
“Off day?”

I closed my eyes nodding. I heard him sigh and almost felt him move slightly closer. I felt his fingers gaze over the top of my hand that was laying limp between us. That should have scared me too but it didn’t. This time I think it was because I am finally getting used to him, it’s hard not to because of the amount of time we spend together, which is starting to become every day thanks to Jared.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He whispered.

I opened my eyes and looked him straight in the eyes. Could I tell him even a little of what was bothering me? Couldn’t I trust him? Jared keeps telling me that I could ever since he found out I had dreams a couple of days ago. Garrett even promised he wouldn’t tell anyone and that I could talk to him if a wanted to.

But doing something and saying something is two different things.

“You won’t tell anyone?” I asked not looking away from his eyes.
“No.”

I looked for something in his eyes to say that was a lie, but I couldn’t see anything. Damn he was confusing...but he said that was because he cared about me...that confused me more. Why would he care about someone like me?

“I had another dream last night.” I whispered so only he could hear.
“A bad one?”
“No...Well not really.” I continued shaking my head. “It was more of a memory then anything, all these dreams are memories.”

I flinched as I noticed I let that slip. I looked at Garrett scared but he simply smiled resting his hand on top of mine. I sunk my teeth into my lip deeply.

“What happened in the dream?” He whispered. “If you don’t mind me asking.”
“I was looking at myself in a mirror.” I said.

Well it was the basic thing that happened without saying any details.

“Why?” He asked confused moving in a slight bit closer. “Why would you be looking at yourself in the mirror for?” He whispered.
“To see how bad I looked.” I said so lowly even I had a hard time hearing it.

Garrett gasped lightly and I flinched internally knowing that he heard. I shouldn’t have said that. Maybe I shouldn’t tell Garrett anything.

“Well I didn’t know much on details but right now you don’t look bad at all.” He smiled softly as his cheeks turned a very light pink. “You’re very pretty actually.”
“Thank you.”

My heart gave an odd thump in my chest and I felt like hiding my face somewhere because I know that it would be almost red. He called me pretty. No one outside of family has called me that in years, I almost got to the point of not believing at anymore.

But he thought I was...surely that had to be a lie.

“No need to thank me, just pointing out what I see.” He said rolling onto his back scratching his neck.

I started at him for a moment as he looked at the sky. That had to be a lie, right?

“Hey Larissa...” Jared muttered.
“Yeah?” I asked looking at him willing my cheeks to go back to normal colour.
“I think you better have a look at this.”

Confused I sat up and glanced at him before turning my attention to where his, Tanner’s and the rest of our group was; which happened to be my house. Just as I was about to ask him what he was talking about the front door slammed open as dad stomped his way down the stairs and to his car.

Mum followed him out the door and stood on the front veranda glaring at the car dad was in.

“Your kids care about you, maybe you should care about them!” She yelled making me shocked.

Dad simply drove away before mum turned heading back into the house.

“What the fuck?” I whispered.

I turned and looked at Tanner who was just as shocked, confused and even hurt.

“What the hell was that about?” He asked as everyone in our group looked at us two.

I have no idea but I want- no I am going to try and find out. Some of this stuff that has made me uneasy in the last few weeks needs to be sorted.