Eventually, Something Has to Give

I can’t believe what I am doing.

I seriously couldn’t, it was like someone had me on puppet strings and making me walk down the road with my mobile in my hand showing the address to me. I’m really starting to think I have lost my mind now; I’ve been waiting for it to happen, I guess doing something like this proves it.

Or I’m way over thinking and being anxious about it. Maybe is all of them.

Either way inside I was freaking out a little, because I’ve never really spent much time with other people then Jared and Tanner like this. I know Jared has something to do with this idea and Tanner supported it (I think he wanted me out the house to talk to mum). They wanted me to have a friend that wasn’t related, pretty damn bad.

Deep inside I admit I do too...but it’s just hard to let that happen even after everything that happened. In some ways I’m amazed I’m still here even though I hate myself for what happened as much as I hate those four guys. Sometimes I wonder what they’re doing now and if they were in jail or not yet.

I have to admit, I kind of hope that they are, either that or getting back what they did to me and around five other people. I wonder if they had changed at all and what would I do if I was to see them again...I’d probably be holding Tanner back from killing them, so I could hurt them first. I bet it would feel good having my fist slam against their faces and hearing their noses crack under my knuckles.

But that won’t happen because I’m not going back to that state ever again and with luck I will never see them again. Or that guy from the mall...I might actually let Tanner punch him in the face if I see him again...gosh I’m such a nice person today.

Laughing to myself I shook my head, and then glanced at the phone in my hand to check the address. I was close to the house about another street away if I remember what Jared said right. Normally I never walk towards this side of town unless I go to Jared’s which was another two blocks away.

After another ten minutes of walking I found myself looking at the house with the same address. I’ve only seen this house once but last time I took no real care at looking at the details. The house was nice and even from the outside it looked homey. The garden was flowering; no weeds and the grass looked that soft I could lay in it. The house was a classic cream colour with blue-green frames and eves.

Taking a nervous breath I walked across the lawn sucking my bottom lip into my mouth, chewing on it hard. Sometimes I’m amazed I even have a bottom lip anymore, this must be the biggest habit I have. I still can’t believe I’m doing this.

Maybe I should just go back home...

Shaking my head again I stopped in front of the door. I hesitated for a long time bitting that hard on my lip I almost broke the flesh while staring at the wood. Heart thumping wildly I closed my eyes when I lifted my hand making it knock against the door. I held my breath listening for any movement from inside – I heard nothing.

Sighing I knocked again but I bit harder this time. Still I heard nothing as I stood waiting. I looked down at my phone as I waited for a few long minutes.

“This is stupid.” I muttered to myself.

Rolling my eyes at how stupid I was coming here, I turned on my heel but froze when I heard the door lock click behind me.

“Sorry for making you wait, I was doing the dishes.”

Turning around slowly I looked at him shyly bitting down on my lip again. I could almost see the awkward air float around me.

“It’s alright.”

Garrett smiled at me opening the door wider for me to enter the house. I showed him a very shy smile as I stepped past him unsure. I crossed my arms over my chest making myself small as possible in the unfamiliar house. I wonder if his family is home.

Blinking hard I followed him into the kitchen where he quickly fixed up the stack of dishes that looked like they were going to fall over any second.

“So how was the walk over here?” He asked walking out the room gesturing for me to follow him.
“Good, nice weather for it.” I said quietly as we entered the lounge room. “Only took around half an hour.” I shrugged.
“That long and you are not the slight bit breathless?” He asked looking shocked. “I would be banging on your door asking for somewhere to sit.” He laughed trying to make me feel better.

I smiled lightly and sat down on the couch he was sitting on. Slowly I looked around the room at the decorations and trinkets on the shelves and the photos that hung on the wall. More family looking then our living room, that’s for sure.

“Was Tanner busy?”
“Yeah...” I nodded remembering he was invited over too. “I think he wanted to talk to mum about yesterday, I don’t actually think she knows that we all saw that.”
“Do you have any idea what that was about? I don’t know your mum but I could tell she was pissed.”
“No, not really.” I muttered glaring at the ground. “She stayed in her room all night.”
“Did your dad came back home?”

Snorting I shook my head. No I don’t he has the heart to do so anymore. ‘Your kids care about you, maybe you should care about them’ yeah something is defiantly wrong for mum to yell that at him. Sighing I placed my head in my hand.

“It will be alright, I’m sure it will be sorted out soon.” Garrett said softly from my side.

I glanced at him to notice that he has scooted a slight bit closer to me. He smiled softly and placed his hand on my arm. Just he doing that made me feel like I could relax, but I know I can’t; there was too much to worry about.

“So do you want to hang out watching movies?” He asked.
“Sure, I guess.” I shrugged.

To be honest I didn’t care what he did, I already felt awkward and stupid being here, most because, well, it’s been years since I’ve done this – being at a friend’s I mean. I haven’t been at a friend’s house since before high school when everyone at school treated me like I was something they could use.

Garrett jumped up from the couch and happy picked up a few DVD’s. I raised an eyebrow at his sudden happiness but sunk back into the couch. I still can’t believe I’m here. Am I actually connected to puppet strings?

“So what do you like?” He asked around a big smile.

+.+.+

We ended up watching two different movies that Garrett let me pick, which of course ended up being Tim Burton movies. I love his movies so much and Garrett had a ball with ‘Corps Bride’ because it was the closest thing to zombies that we watched.

His fascination with zombies is weird but funny. Some of the things he said during the movie made me double over laughing. He almost had me crying and that is rear for me. This guy confuses me to no end, I can tell you that right now.

“So did you manage to figure out that drawing you got angry at?” He asked with his mouth full of popcorn out of nowhere.
“No.” I said blinking – it wasn’t a lie or the truth either.
“Oh ok.” He nodded. “You haven’t been throwing the book around again have you?” He asked amused.

Smiling I rolled my eyes.

“No I haven’t.” I shrugged. “I just yelled at Tanner instead.”
“That’s not nice!” He exclaimed. “You’re mean.”
“I thought you were going to call me a’ meaner’ then.” I laughed.
“Nah, I’m not a kid like Jared.”

I bit my lip to hold back a laugh but nodded agreeing. Yeah Jared can act like a big kid sometimes.

“Also I was wondering something else,” He started sitting up straight on the couch besides me.

I watched as he placed the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table waiting for him to speak. I felt my stomach knot from sudden nerves about what he would have been wondering about.

“I noticed that for a couple of days you looked less tired, way better then that day I found out that you had them. Are they going away at all?”

I froze for a moment unsure what to say. Should I lie, tell the truth or say something without giving much detail. But if I did lie would he ask Jared about it? Would Jared say anything if he did? He hasn’t told anyone yet that I know of, so can I trust him like my bothers say?

“No.” I said slowly looking away from him. “Not really, just less...bad ones.”
“Does Jared know about them? Like what their about?”
“Some of them.” I said quietly.
“Are they dreams or like old memories? My dreams are really fucking weird things.”
“Memories.” I said slowly and quietly. “What’s with all the questions?”

I glanced at Garrett and he looked at me a little shocked. He bit his lip before running a hand through his hair.

“Sorry, over curious I guess.” He muttered.

I nodded understanding that he would be. He knows next to nothing about me so it made sense.

“It’s ok...just uncomfortable to answer.”
“Next time if I make you uncomfortable again, just tell me shut up.” He smiled. “Or fuck off; I’m not pushing you to answer anything I ask if you don’t want to.”
“Thanks.” I smiled slightly.
“For what?” He asked confused.

I had to stop and think for a moment but then I smiled making him more confused.

“For understanding I guess.”
“Then you’re welcome.”

The sudden sound of my phone ringing made us both jump in our seats. I quickly pulled my phone out and looked at the screen to see home was calling me. Confused I hit the talk button and raised the mobile to my ear.

“Hello?”
“Lara, are you at Garrett’s?” Tanner asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“Do you think you can come home? Right now?”
“Yeah I guess, why?” I asked standing up from the couch.

I didn’t like his tone of voice.

“Mum and Dad are in a screaming match and I really think you should get home right now.”
“I’m coming.”

Tanner hanged up at the same time as me. With wide scared eyes I looked at Garrett who was now standing too looking at me worried and confused.

“Can you take me home? I need to be there quick.”