Eventually, Something Has to Give

My heart thumped in my chest as my stomach twisted in what I would say was in an extremely unhealthy way when Garrett pulled the car up at my house. From the outside it looked nothing different what-so-ever than normal, but I knew that the inside was different.

I was afraid to get out the car and go in, but I know I had to. I wanted to know what the hell is going on and what the hell dad’s problem was. Just thinking about it made so many emotions flood my body almost making me start to shake.

“Thanks for the ride.” I said quickly unbuckling.
“No problem, do you want to me to stay?”
“Uh, no. I think we’ll be fine.” I muttered more to myself then anything. “I’ll call Jared or you if something really bad happens.”
“Okey.” He nodded as I opened the car door. “Good luck.”

I got out, closed the door before waving at him quickly, though I think he wanted to say something else before I shut the door. He quickly waved back before I turned around. Letting out a deep breath I walked away from his car and all but ran to the house. I didn’t want to walk that fast but I had a feeling that I had to be in there – and the feeling wasn’t good. It was seeping into my stomach making me feel sick.

Sadly I was used to that feeling so I cut any feeling off in my throat and breathed out through my mouth to stop from all the junk food I ate at Garrett’s coming back up. I’ve had enough panic attacks now to know how to stop myself from throwing up, that was the only good thing about having so many.

My hand reached out for the door handle before I froze hesitating. Closing my eyes I opened the door and stepped in. I heard nothing at first, apart from the living room clock that ticks to loudly. Bitting my lip I opened my eyes as I closed the door. I walked though the house slowly listening for anything. The house felt different to me, it wasn’t calm, that’s for sure.

“Wow you really have turned into an asshole now haven’t you?”

I froze shocked at the anger I heard in mum’s voice. The only time I have ever heard her use that tone was when she found out about those guys hurting me. She wasn’t really a person capable of such anger unless something really bad happened or she was extremely hurt. It hurt me to hear it, which means things were worse then what I first guess.

I swallowed hard taking slow steps to the kitchen where I heard mum’s voice from. Once I was around the corner of the doorway I stopped so I was still hidden. I don’t think I wanted to see this just yet.

“How can you just be so careless? Don’t you give a fuck about anything anymore?” Mum continued. “I know our marriage has been falling apart for a couple of years, but...”

I looked at the floor shocked. But at the same time it didn’t surprise me that their marriage has been braking. Now that this has been placed into the open it was pretty obvious that this family has been falling apart for years...just before we moved.

Before it wasn’t all that noticeable, I guess I did notice but ignored it because, well, family means everything to me after that shit happened. They were the only ones I could trust in anyway – the ones that held me together and kept me sane. I guess you could say they were the only thing that kept me here for a while.

I ignored how broken everything had became because then I couldn’t handle it, it would have been the last straw for me. Now I’m not so sure...but, fuck, I dunno. Maybe I shouldn’t have ignored it.

There is lot of things I shouldn’t have done.

The feeling of someone placing their hand over my mouth muffled my scream when the person placed their other hand on my shoulder to spin my around. I came face to face with Tanner. I glared darkly at him as I balled my right hand into a fist. I pouched him half heartedly in the chest for scaring me.

He winced but quickly pecked my cheek as if to say sorry. I lightened my glare and frowned because he knows I get scared too easily. He quickly wrapped me up into a small hug which managed to bring a small smile to my face but that was wiped off when dad hissed something angrily at mum.

“Do you know what is going on?” I whispered.
“Not exactly, I have been listening but I haven’t gone into the kitchen yet. Once they started I called you right away.” He said quietly.

I nodded then slowly let him go. I gestured to the kitchen as if as asking if we should go in, he shrugged unsure. Tanner ran his hand through his hair and bit his lip.

“Maybe we should, seeing as this involves us.” He whispered.

I took a shaky breath. He showed me a smile to make me feel better, it would have worked if the smile reached his eyes and got rid of the worry in them. Slowly he stepped around me and walked into the kitchen. Both mum and dad went silent when he stepped foot in the room.

“What the hell is going on?” Tanner demanded.
“Nothing.” Dad half hissed. “This has nothing to do with you.”
“Hun maybe you shouldn’t-“
“This has everything to do with me.” Tan cut mum off.
“Like hell it does! Get out.”

Hearing dad talk to Tanner like that slightly flared my anger. He had never talked to Tanner like that before and like hell I would let him. Sucking in a deep breath I walked into the room coming to a stop next to Tanner half glaring at dad.

“This has nothing to do with you either.” Dad hissed from where he sat at the kitchen table.
“If you talk to Tanner like that then it has everything to do with me.” I said in my dull cold voice. “The same with mum.”

Mum looked at me telling me to leave the room now and I wanted to question that look but instead I looked away from her to Tan and stood my ground. This needs to be sorted out and I want it sorted now.

“I can talk to them they way I want.” Dad muttered crossing his arms.
“Mum what’s going on?” Tanner sighed annoyed.
“You father decided to be a heartless cunt.” Mum said making me and Tan gasp shocked at her words.

Dad snorted.

“Well if it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t have this problem.” Dad said glaring at me.

I felt my eyes go wide in shock. What have I ever done to him? From besides me Tanner growled angrily.

“Oh yeah, what has she ever done?” He asked sarcastically.
“Just being her! Ever since we moved here for some reason which I still have no idea why she’s became an antisocial bitch!”

For s split second my heart stopped as two other people in the room gasped. Mum started yelling at dad as Tanner fumed from beside me. I was just in too much in shock to do anything. How could he say let alone think that? Yes, I’m antisocial but that’s about it. How could he...?

“You won’t do anything let alone trust anyone, everyone at work things I’m a father to a freak.”
“Don’t you fucking talk to her like that!” Tanner snapped.

Tanner moved to stand protectively in front of me as my body started to shake violently. Water started to pool in my eyes and I blinked hard to keep tears back as Tanner continued to yell at dad.

Is that all I am to everyone: an antisocial freak?

“She’s weak!” Dad yelled. “She got bullied at school a little and it’s like it’s broken her!”

Bullied a little?!

Suddenly I stopped shaking and my hand formed into fists. Fire spread out through my veins and without taking much noticed of what I was doing, I half pushed Tanner to the side and glared at dad so icily, he flinched and looked at me with wide eyes.

“I wasn’t bullied.” I hiss darkly. “I was fucking abused!” I screeched.

Dad’s jaw dropped in complete shock. I didn’t want to tell him that but I had no choice seeing as he thought I was some type of “antisocial freak of a daughter”. He was ashamed of me and that was what his problem was apart from that his marriage was falling apart with mum.

If he actually stayed fucking home for fucking once then maybe he would have a marriage.

He was ashamed of me for something I didn’t do and had no control over. Fucking asshole.

“Lara- I...I-“
“Fuck you.” I hissed at dad leaving him more shocked.

Without another word I ran out the room as mum started yelling at him for being so heartless to his own daughter.

I guess those guys that hurt me were right about one thing they said; my dad was a heartless workaholic. They said that to me a few times and I always reminded myself what they said was rubbish and lies. I guess one thing wasn’t a lie.

I ran up to my room and shoved the door open. Starting to shake violently again I grabbed my bag I take to movie nights at Jared’s, that always has spare set of clothes in it and my sketch pad. I didn’t want to be here anymore today. I don’t care what Tanner or mum has to say about that but I’m not staying here tonight.

Just as I placed my art book in the bag Tanner rushed into my room and wrapped me into a hug before I could even say anything. I let the bag drop to the floor before wrapping my arms around him so tight I probably stopping him from breathing. We stood like that for a long time and I held my tears back the best I could.

“Take me to Jared’s?” I whispered voice cracking.
“Sure.” Tan nodded pulling away.

He bent down grabbing my bag asking if I needed anything else. I shook my head and let him take my hand pulling me out of the room and to the front door. Just as we got out side mum came running out, tears falling down her face.

“I am so sorry.” She sobbed. “I thought that I, I dunno could change his mind. He’s been like that for months now.”

I pulled her into a small hug but said nothing. ‘Been like that for months now’ so that means he really does think I’m a freak. I felt more tears weld up but I blinked them away.

“Are you going to Jared’s?” She asked pulling away.

I nodded and she nodded understanding.

“Call if you need me darling.”

I nodded again and got in the car. Tanner wasted no time pulling onto the road and driving away. He knows that if I stayed there any longer right now I would break or at least crack. I can’t...I can’t handle something like that anymore. I just...can’t.

I dunno if it was because my mind was so messed up right now or what but I felt like it only took seconds to get to Jared’s. Tanner stopped the car and suddenly he gasped.

“Hey it’s alright, please don’t cry.” He said softly.

I lifted my hands to my face to feel warm water on them. I hadn’t even notice that I was crying yet. Tanner quickly jumped out the car and I heard him shout out for Jared as he rounded the car to my side. He opened the door letting me out.

Shakily I got to my feet and attacked him in a hug. Tanner quickly held me back rubbing his hand up and down my spine.

“How can he every say that?” I breathed.
“I dunno...” He sighed kissing my temple. “But don’t listen to him, because he’s wrong. There is nothing wrong with you.”

Unsure I just nodded burring my head into his shoulder to shop myself from shaking so much.

“What happened?” I heard Jared gasp.

Neither of us said anything as Jared pulled us inside his house. Still shaking and tears slowly falling from my eyes I sat down on the couch pulling my knees up to my chin.

Tanner took Jared into the kitchen and I knew he did that to explain what happened and even though I couldn’t hear them I placed my hands over my ears anyway, because I just couldn’t hear what dad said again, even though it was echoing through my head like a broken record.

My father thinks I’m an antisocial freak.