Eventually, Something Has to Give

Sometimes I think people around me have a habit of dragging me to places and making me do things that I don’t really feel comfortable doing. All those times when I wasn’t sure about being around Jared’s friends, going to the mall or going to any other crowed places – were great examples of that.

Sadly when this happens I’m always outnumbered, why they want me to go with them I have no idea. Right now it was Tanner, Garrett and surprisingly John, trying to make me go with them to the mall. The plan is to meet up with the others and make an afternoon of it.

After freaking out last time at the mall, I don’t really want to go. I know my brothers will be there and my friends...but what if I get left alone again around so many people? What happens if I see that guy from the art shop in the shopping centre?

“I don’t think I should.” I mumbled crossed my arms over my chest lightly.

I looked up at the three that was standing in front of where I sat on the couch. I made my face look unreadable but even so it felt like they could hear my rushed heart beat. It was so loud in my ears I was amazed I could actually hear them say anything to me.

Once again I felt so stupid for being so scared.

“And why not?” Tanner asked tilting his head to the side.

I glared up at him. Like hell he didn’t know why, he was the first one to know exactly why. He is the first one to fully understand why I didn’t want to go.

“You know why.” I sighed looking down letting shoulders drop.
“Lara.” He sighed kneeling down in front of me. “You’ll be fine, we are all going to be there and there will always be someone with you.”
“I know...I just...” I trailed off to mime the last two words ‘I’m scared’.
“No need to be, like I said you’ll be fine.” He grinned. “I’ll even make Pat go with you into the toilets.”

I laughed before placing my hand over my mouth to keep quiet, unlike the others. John actually looked like he was going to drop to the floor from laughing so hard.

“I don’t really think you have to do that.” I said quietly.
“Ok I’ll make Garrett go with you.”
“Thanks but no thanks.” Garrett mumbles as John laughed more.

I couldn’t help but smile a little bit before it slowly faded.

“Are you going to come willingly or am I carrying you?” Tan asked standing up straight like if he was showing off how tough he was.

I glanced at the door way, but there was no way I could make a run for it. I wouldn’t make it. If Tanner carries me there it’s going to embarrassing as hell. So I guess like normal I have no choice.

“Willingly.” I muttered standing up.

Tan grinned and ran towards the front door. John chuckled following my brother swinging his car keys around his fingers. Garrett walked by my side, at my slow pace out of the house. I closed the door behind everyone and locked it.

At the moment mum wasn’t home, she was helping dad sort his new house out. I think dad was glad she offered because from what I heard he was still useless at keeping anything that wasn’t work organised.

I’ve only seen the house shortly once, when we all went with him house hunting. It was nice, small and cosy – I guess that’s why he picked it. It wasn’t far from here either; it was walking distance which was somewhat good as I tend to walk everywhere. I do have a car licence, but I don’t like driving. I rather walk or see if Jared or someone can take me...not that I go out all that much anyway.

Letting out a deep breath, I placed the keys in my pocket and walked towards John’s car where everyone was waiting for me – everyone but Tanner who was acting like a kid claiming that he was in shotgun.

Seriously sometimes my brother surprises me, he can be very protective, organised and responsible, but at the same time he can be child-like, hyper and energetic. If I didn’t know him so well I would think he was bipolar. He’s not and I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing...

Shaking my head I slipped into the back seat, half slammed the door and clicked my seatbelt in. I rested my hands that were balled into fists in my lap and chewed in the inside of my cheek. I felt like grabbing and shaking myself for being so scared to go to the bloody mall. It was wrong I felt like this...but at the same time it would be wrong for me not to.

The lightest feeling of someone’s fingers running down my arm made me look up to see Garrett looking sad and worried for a split second before he smiled reassuringly at me. His hand ran all the way down to mine and wrapped itself over my fist.

“Hey John, can you turn the radio on or something?” He asked looking away from me.

Without saying anything the radio was suddenly turned on. Some song I didn’t know started playing from the back speakers, Tanner must know it because he started humming quietly to the song. At least he wasn’t singing in the car I guess – not that he is a bad singer, he has a good voice but he tends to sing loudly.

“I’ll stay with you.” Garrett whispered. “You know I will.”

I smiled softly at him nodding. I knew he would make sure I wasn’t left on my own there, it made me feel safer but I was still unsure and nervous.

When John pulled into the car park ten minutes later and I noticed how many people were actually here, my heart started to do back flips in my chest and it felt like half of the air got taken out of my lungs. I haven’t felt this emotionally weak for years. I used to be somewhat alright about coming here that obviously wasn’t the case anymore.

I feel exhausted already.

When John finally found a parking spot, we all shuffled out the car and made our way towards the front doors of the building. Out of normal reaction when I was scared like this, I rushed to Tanner’s side; grabbing his hand holding it tightly. He said nothing as he squeezed my hand back and let me half hide into his side.

I feel so damn pathetic. I hate myself so much when I’m like this.

...no wonder that guy from the art shop found it funny to scare me shitless. All he probably saw was a pathetic girl that was too afraid of everything around her to even smile in public at a cute puppy.

I crunched my eyes together and shook my head. No I had to stop thinking like that, I was strong enough to not cry here wasn’t I? I wish I could draw something right now - that always made me feel better. Even though most of my drawings are sad or even depressing, it allowed me to escape for a while. It was always either that or listening to music.

Right now I couldn’t do either. My heart did another terrifying flip against my ribs.

Slowly we all entered the building and I moved my eyes to the ground so I wouldn’t notice the amount of people at some commercial stand so much. As we past them I let myself look up again. There was a few people but not as many as what it would be in areas like the food court. Fuck I hope we doing go and sat down there.

“Where are we meeting them?” Garrett asked.

Tan and John shrugged looking around for them.

“Pat said something about the food hall and the music shop next to it.” John muttered.

I sighed closing my eyes, the only thing that ran through my head was; fuck my life.

+.+.+

“What about this one Larissa?”

I looked at Jared like if he had two heads for two obvious reasons; one, he was holding up a dress and two, it was a baby pink. I have nothing against dresses or the colour pink – as long as I wasn’t the one wearing it.

Well...pink shirts maybe, but dresses; hell no. I don’t wear dresses unless I seriously have too; I’ve always been like that.

“Oh come on, just try it on! You don’t have to buy it, just do it for fun.” He smiled.
“How can trying on a dress be fun for someone who hates wearing them?” I shot back.
“Just try it on.” He said placing it in my arms. “You don’t have to get fully undressed, just show the boys how pretty you are with a dress on.” He grinned.

I snorted, very “unlady like” and half stomped off to the change rooms. As I bet everyone in this mall could tell I wasn’t in the best mood being here. Sure some things we have done were fun...but I still didn’t want to be here. I don’t know if it was just me or what, but it felt like there were becoming more and more people in every shop we went in.

It was unnerving, I felt so crowded, unwanted and shy. Not to mention scared still.

Shaking my head, I closed the door behind me and quickly slid the lock across. I hanged up the dress on one of the hooks and took my jack and shirt off, sitting them on the stool in the corner; there was no way I am taking my pants off. Frowning I picked up the pretty summer like dress, took it off its hook before shimmering it over my body.

Once I got it on and messed around with it to make sure it was sitting properly and didn’t show more than my bra straps off, I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked alright I guess, the light colour went with my pale skin so it didn’t make me look like a fluoro light.

“Are you ready yet?” Jared called. “Everyone is waiting.”
“And who said I was going out there?”
“Me!” Tanner yelled.

I growled under my breath and unlocked the door. Taking a deep breath I pulled the door open and made my way out of the dressing rooms. I poked my head around the door way that led back into the shop, to see the guys standing there waiting; all six of them.

I felt like hitting my head on something or running away but like normally it doesn’t seem like I have a choice. Like I didn’t have a choice about coming here. They probably mean well by making me, but I’m not happy about it. But I swallow that down and do it because it makes them happy. It if makes them happy then it must be worth it.

I stood out in the doorway and bit down on my lip hard. I bet I look horrible in this. This is so embarrassing.

All they guys looked at me in shock, hell even Garrett looked like his jaw hit the ground. I knew they didn’t like it. I turned to leave but Tanner jumped out and grabbed my arm so I would stay where I was.

“You look prettyful sis.” He smiled standing back to take a better look.
“I do not.” I whispered.
“Yeah you do.” Jared nodded. “Too bad we have all finished school, if you wore that to the ball you would be voted queen of the night.”
“Bullshi-“
“He’s right.” Garrett said cutting me off. “You look gorgeous in that.”

I looked at him in complete shock. Did he...? No, he couldn’t have, I must be hearing things! He just...called me gorgeous. I felt my face heat up really bad as I sucked in my bottom lip bitting down on it hard. Jared and Tanner looked at him in shock as John, Pat and Kennedy nodded as if they agreed.

I swallowed down the sudden lump in my throat and mumbled a quick ‘thankyou’ before turning to head back to the room I got changed in. Well that was...shocking. I’ve never been called gorgeous before. I don’t even know what to say to that. What would anyone say to that other than thankyou?

“Lara!”

I turned around on my heel and looked at my brother as he rushed towards me.

“Sorry to ruin the moment, but I just noticed something.” He said shyly.
“What?” I asked confused.

He took my hand and gave me a gentle push into the stall.

“I can see your scars.” He whispered. “Their hard to spot if you’re not looking for that, but I know how self conscious you are of them.” He whispered.

My jaw dropped.

“They didn’t see them did they?” I asked quickly spinning around to look in the mirror.
“No, like I said you can’t see any of the noticeable ones, only if you were looking for them.”
“Shit.” I hissed. “I didn’t even look for them before going out there.”
“It’s alright, like I said I’m sure no one but me saw them, I just thought I would say something just in case, sorry.”
“It’s fine, thanks for telling me.” I nodded.

He gave me a soft smile and ran out the dressing room before he could be busted for being in here. I shut stall door and locked it. I moved in front of the mirror to check the scars. He was right the ones you could see were hard to notice, but still that was close.

If John, Kennedy, Pat and Garrett saw them, they would sure to ask where they are from. I think Garrett can piece it together without asking but the other three...I don’t won’t to tell them, maybe one day if I can’t trust them enough but now; no way.

I now have another reason not to wear dresses.

...but Garrett did say I looked gorgeous in one.