Eventually, Something Has to Give

“You know as much as I’d like to help you with that, it’s not really something that I can.”

Tanner sighed as he spun around probably for the thirtieth time on the computer chair. I bit down on my lip and looked at my hands that were resting in my lap.

“I know, but I just...dunno, maybe thought that it would help me if I talked about it? You know I can’t handle that much emotionally.” I all but whispered.

I sighed and brought my hands up to hold my head. I had just told him what happened at Garrett’s two days ago; about the whole ‘he likes me and I don’t know if I like him the same way’ thing.

Though the more I thought about it the more I think I realise that I do like him.

I have no clue on relationships or even what you feel other that what I have read in books and seen on TV. Like I said to Garrett; I’ve sheltered myself that much after being abused that I didn’t allow myself to feel any of that. I didn’t let myself feel a lot of things actually – not even friendship which was an easy dur factor. It wasn’t hard to spot.

But things have changed so much over the last six months. I didn’t have my feet on the ground before when it came to reality, now the only thing holding me down was a thick rope that won’t break until I was on the ground again.

At least from that I know I’m still somewhat here; that I still was sane.

...Probably a bit overdramatic explanation on how I feel right now but it makes sense to me, which is all I really care about.

Tanner sighed again from where he was sitting before I heard the chair squeak. Seconds later I felt the bed besides me sink lightly as his arm wrapped its way around my waist. He rested his head lightly on mine.

“Don’t stress over it ok? If you do like him that way well I guess when you’re ready you’ll just know. If you don’t well you’ll figure that out too.”
“What if I naturally keep sheltering myself like I have been? I’ve never let myself think or feel anything of that before until now since it’s been brought up. I guard myself too much.” I sighed.
“You guard yourself with good reason. If I was in your position back then...shit, I’d be in a mental hospital.” He chuckled. “You’re stronger than what you think.” He added with a smile clear in his voice.

I smiled softly and curled up to him a little.

“You have no idea how proud me and mum are of you over the last six months. Even Jared is! I bet if I asked Garrett or any the others they would agree. It’s like you have grown up in a way but haven’t, you know?”

I peered up at him to see him grinning brightly. He engulfed me into a tight bear hug that made us both fall off the bed. We laughed, but he laughed even more when I tried to shove him away but couldn’t. He placed one huge sloppy kiss on my cheek. I rolled my eyes but smiled all the same.

Tanner was always too much of a kid at heart to be fully serious for too long. Eventually he finally let me go and sat back straddling me. Good thing he was my brother because this would have been so awkward. He chuckled lightly and moved off of me so I could sit up.

“Do you want my honest opinion from what I can see about this?” He asked.
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“Well, I think that you possibly like him; because you opened up to him, you trust him among other things. There has to be something special about him other than he can – well is a sweetheart.” He shrugged. “I could be wrong though...I was wrong about our dinner last night and burnt it black.” He frowned thinking about it.

I smiled lightly remembering last night at dad’s house and nodded so show that I understood what he said. I actually thought of that myself but not for very long because I didn’t find it that important at the time. It’s kind of fits though right?

Gosh all of this sounds so cliché or something. This would be such a weird story if any of this was written...I’m happy I don’t write stories; I draw them.

+.+.+

“Move your ass woman!” John yelled from across the street at Pat’s house.

I turned around and gave him a bit of a look that made him stop complaining, smile sheepishly and look away. I was actually surprised it worked because normally that only worked on Jared. I smiled as I carefully headed across the street.

Like we have done a few times now the group gathered up and sat at the front of Pat’s house to talk while the sun slowly went down. Why we always did that on Pat’s front lawn I don’t really know, but it was something we started doing, like the movie nights at Jared’s and the random group picnics at the park.

Actually lately we started a few things like this, which I enjoy doing now. I feel somewhat safe around these guys now...and it was fun even if I still happen to be only listening to them. It seems that the guys like the fact that I would actually sit there and listen to them even if they were talking about nothing. I never minded doing so; everyone always wants someone that would sit there and listen to them.

As I walked around Kennedy’s car that was parked on the curb, a slightly movement caught my eye, which gave me just enough warning of Garrett jumping out from where he was crouching down and locking his arms around me. He laughed hugging me from behind.

I smiled and lent back into him before he let go. As I said to him and as anyone can tell nothing about our friendship has changed, which was a relief because it would be really weird if it did.

It would be too awkward even for me.

“Hey.” He smiled nudging his hip with mine.
“Hi Garrett.”
“I didn’t scare you much did I?” He asked suddenly almost sounding unsure.
“Nah, I saw you move before you leapt.”

Garrett pouted a little which made me laugh. We started walking towards the others, who was either smiling at us or talking to someone else. I ignored the look Tanner was sending me, I don’t want to think about any of that tonight...or at least until everyone went back home.

“Damn, I can never sneak up on people.” Garrett mumbled.
“You need a better hiding place.” I half suggested.

He nodded smiling before sitting down next to Pat. I ended up on the other side of Pat next to Jared. Pat grinned at me saying a quick hello. He gave me a shy hug which I returned. Pat is a definite definition of a puppy. Can I keep him?

I turned to Jared and hugged him even though he wasn’t even paying attention to me. He jumped lightly before flashing a bright smile. He brought one hand up and ruffled my hair. I pulled away frowning a little and patted it down somewhat flat again as Kennedy – who Jared was talking to- laughed. I smiled softly and moved slightly so I was sitting with my legs half folding in front of me.

Out of habit I started picking at the poor grass, pulling the blades into the smallest pieces that I could.

...Then I threw them into Jared’s shoe without him realising as Kennedy started talking again.

I chuckled lightly and started listening to what Kennedy was saying, something to do with a new song they have written.

I sighed a little and shifted on the grass again so my legs were folded on my side with my body leaning on my right arm. I stayed silent as usual and just listened calmly shoving any worries to the back of my mind.

Eventually the sun started to disappear over the rooftops taking the warm air with it. I started to feel goose-bumps rise on my arms making me fold them over my chest, not that it did much to help. I bit down on my lip and brought my knees up to my chest. I should probably go back home and get a jumper, it’s not like I have far to walk.

“Would anyone want anything to eat?” Pat offered.

I almost laughed as everyone but me yelled out in agreement. Pat looked at me tilting his head to the side. I smiled softly and nodded, half taken back that he remembered to see my answer before walking away. He grinned turning for his house. I looked back down at my lap and tightened my arms over my chest. A small burst of wind blew past blowing most of my hair into my face.

“Are you cold?”

I nodded turning to look at Garrett through my hair. I lifted one hand up and tucked as much as I could behind my ear, only to have half of it blown back into my face. I guess tomorrow will be windy like they said on the news.

“Yeah, I think I’ll go home quickly to grab a jumper.” I said softly getting up slowly from the ground.
“Can I tag along?” Garrett asked.

I smiled softly and nodded. Garrett smiled and held a hand out for me to help him up. I chuckled and took his hand. I helped him to his feet and started walking slowly to the house with him trailing at my side...almost like a lost puppy. I smiled at that but didn’t say anything.

I held the front door open for him and flicked on the living room light. Mum was away for a couple of days for some fancy work meeting, she’s been home so much more lately that it was kind of weird for her to not be here, but at the same time I was used to it.

I smiled again as I felt his hand slid into mine. I felt my face heat up the slightest but like usual I ignored it. Why did I always so that? I was only holding hands with him.

Maybe Tanner is right?

I walked into my room, flicking on the light and headed straight for my wardrobe. I pulled the doors open looking for my red hoodie, where ever I put it this time.

“Do you have a name for him yet?” Garrett asked holding up the tiger for me to see with a cheeky smile.
“Not really.” I chuckled. “I couldn’t think of anything better than Tiggy.” I shrugged.

He laughed from behind me as some clothes I had shoved up on the top shelf of my wardrobe feel to my feet. I rolled my eyes but smiled when I saw that my red hoodie had fallen with them. I picked it up and slid it on, before kicking the clothes back in enough to shut the door.

Garret chuckled and I moved so I was sitting next to him on the bed. He placed the tiger on my lap smiling softly.

“Tiggy sounds fine with me.” He shrugged.

I smiled and ran my hand down the stuffed toys back. This toy is probably the cutest thing I’ve ever been given, everyone thought I didn’t like these kind of things so never got me any apart from when I was a baby...they ended up in the bin when Tanner got his hands on them.

I looked up at Garrett and handed the tiger back so he could place it back on my pillows where I normally kept it. Would it be stupid to think that is one of my favourite things in my room now?

Garrett looked back at me and smiled. I smiled softly and was about to look away when he lifted his hand running the pad of his finger down the side of my face. A touch like that six months ago would scared the crap out of me...now it made me blush shyly. It’s still scary that I’m not scared from it – if that made any sense of course. Probably not.

I looked up at his eyes and noticed something different, though at the same time all I could see was that usual happiness in his eyes. Sometimes I wonder if he ever gets sad, he always seems happy and carefree. But as I learnt that was makes Garrett; Garrett. It what makes him different and a hell of a lot different than me.

“Can I...?” He said so lightly that I almost didn’t hear it.

I looked at him confused, but that quickly changed to completely shock as his lips pressed against mine so lightly and so softly that if I didn’t have my eyes open I probably wouldn’t have even noticed.

He shot backwards looking just as shocked as I felt.

Where...what...?

“Shit, I’m sorry!” He choked out. “I-I didn’t mean to do that, I uh-“

I bit down on my lip and shook my head slightly to clear it. That was...probably my first real kiss, if I counted that as one. I have been kissed before by the same assholes that abused me, but I don’t count that as I kiss at all. Nowhere near it. I don’t even want to remember that right now.

Garrett took a deep breath and stood up from my bed muttering another apology, but before he could walk away I grabbed his wrist stopping him. I don’t know why I did that because I don’t know what to say. Maybe so it wouldn’t leave everything awkward? I dunno.

“I-it’s fine, uh, don’t go...unless you want to.” I muttered unsure.

He turned back and me and looked down at his feet shyly. I gently let go of his wrist and bit down harshly on my lip before taking a deep breath.

“I...I think, t-that-“ I cut myself off shaking my head trying to clear it again. “I think that I like you too...I’m not completely sure because...well I don’t know much about any of this, but there is...something there.” I whispered, but loud enough for him to hear.

I can’t believe that I said that...but as the words come out I knew that they are completely true. I bit down on my lip hard again; I could slightly taste blood in my mouth.

I jumped when Garrett’s face was suddenly in front of me, his eyes wide in surprise but with some kind of spark behind it.

“Really?” He asked.

I felt my face really badly heat up, probably bright red as I nodded. A huge smile spread across his lips before I was tackled into a huge bear hug. I laughed lightly hugging him back as he kissed my cheek gently.

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.” He said with an obvious happy tone in his voice. “I was over the mood just being your friend.” He admitted.
“Now you’re over the sun?” I weakly joked shyly.

He laughed nodding lightly before pulling away, still smiling brightly. I smiled back almost shyly. He opened his mouth to say something but the house phone ringing cut him off. He moved for me to be able to get up and dash to the phone when was in the hallway.

What a horrible time to ring here.

“Hello?” I asked.
“Where the hell are you two? The food is here already!” Tanner whined.
“We’ll be right there, don’t eat ours.”

He whined before hanging up on me. I sighed, he has such bad timing.

“Tanner?” Garrett asked as he stopped next to me.

I nodded as he took my hand and lead me to the front door. I looked down at my feet as we walked but I couldn’t help but smile just as bright as Garrett was.