Eventually, Something Has to Give

My breathing was coming out in small gasps as I moved around my room with my head spinning. My feet slid over the carpet as I paced and my hands lifted to my hair pulling the strands gently.

What was I going to do?

My teeth sunk down on my lip sharply. For this to happen wasn’t something that I expected...though really I should have seen it coming. It’s been hot weather for days now so going swimming was something on everyone’s mind that has a pool they could go to or could bear going to the shitty town pool that people try and stay away from.

I somewhat like swimming, but I don’t get to do it very often anymore because I get scared and today everyone was heading over to Kennedy’s to spend the afternoon ‘floating and splashing’ as Pat said. I never knew that Kennedy had a pool until this morning when Garrett and Tanner double attacked me when I was peacefully sleeping.

They had both practically screeched in my ear about it and that I ‘had’ to come. Well Tanner screeched about it, Garrett more yelled before kissing my cheek in apology for waking me up.

But still that didn’t stop me from freaking out right now.

I wasn’t freaking out over going to some place I’ve never been before as I’ve never been to Kennedy’s. This was very surprising, but I was freaking out because we were going swimming.

And why was I scared about it? Because those assholes that bashed me up years ago threw me into a pool at the school once “accidently” during a mixed year class. I was sore from what they did to me the day before –which was shoving me into a desk and door frame when no one was looking, things like that- and almost couldn’t pull myself back above surface.

The idiot that pushed me in had to drag me back out of the pool when I finally did get a breath of air. Since then I get a bit scared of pools, which really, is understandable.

Also there was another problem, there was a huge chance everyone could see the marks that cover my skin. If my shirt that I swim in moves at all then I’ll have nothing to hide my scars - all the ones that simply stood out as bad eyes saws to the world. Everyone that would look at me would see them if they took more than a one second glance. When they’ll see them; they’ll ask. They will want to know what caused them.

Would I even be able to say it? I can come up with crap excuses over the couple on my legs, but saying I feel down the stairs ten times won’t really be believable for the rest that marked me. There was no way of covering it up.

If I did somehow manage to tell them, what would their reactions be? Would they think of me differently? Would they want to still be my friends? Would Garrett think they made me less good to look at? I don’t even think Jared and Tanner can help much.

The only way out was to say I didn’t want to go swimming; which was a load of crap with this heat, or that I didn’t feel well; which would sound stupid as well. So really I was stuck unless I went swimming.

I groaned to myself and removed my hand from my hair. I headed towards my draws and pulled out my shorts. I pulled them over my bather bottoms and started looking in the draws for a shirt to wear in the water...if I go in the water.

What am I going to do?

I grabbed a plain light blue shirt that I don’t wear much and threw it over my head, just seconds before my bedroom door opened. Mum stood there smiling softly.

“You better hurry up; Jared’s waiting on you.”

I nodded slipping my feet into my thongs. I grabbed my small backpack from my desk before walking past mum and out of my room. Placing one strap over my shoulder I pulled the front door open seeing Jared’s car parked on the curb with my brother already inside.

“See ya mum.” I called.
“Bye hun, have fun!” She called from what I guess was the living room.

Dad was over for afternoon tea so it wouldn’t surprise me if they were in there.

Shutting the front door of the house, I made my way to the car and slid in placing my bag besides me. I felt my hands shaking already as I chew down on my lip. It would either be swollen or split before sunset at this rate. My heart felt like it was going to burst.

The car started moving so I placed my seatbelt on quickly. I brought my bag into my lap and held it close to stop myself from shaking. I don’t know what I can do other than not swim at all.

I bit down on my lip harder without splitting it – if that was possible.

After a while Jared pulled up at what I guess was Kennedy’s house. I got out the car with them and followed Jared as he talked about last summer when they had a pool party here. I remember being invited to that, but didn’t go because of obvious reasons back then.

“You alright Larissa?” Tan asked as we walked through the gate on the side of the house. “You’re shaking.”

I didn’t want to lie so I just nodded with a small smile, though really that was a lie just without words. Tanner frowned and gently grabbed my wrist to stop me walking. I looked at the wall of the house before letting my eyes settle on him. He tilted his head to the side worried and curious.

“I-I kinda of scared being around pools.” I whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

His eyes narrowed in confusion. I sighed and was just about to say why when his eyes widened in shock. I guess I have told him about that.

“Oh.” He muttered letting my hand go and scratched the back of his head in thought.

He smiled softly and pulled me in for a short hug.

“No need to be scared, you’ll have me, Jared, Garrett and everyone else.” He whispered into my ear. “You’ll be that protected you can’t even fall over and graze you knee here.” He added pulling away.

But being that watched over if I make one slip up, there goes my half secret pass because of scars.

Before he could say anything more though, a pair of arms snaked their way around my waist, making me jump slightly. I bit back a smile and leant back against him. I could just feel Garrett smiling without even looking at him. Tanner laughed lightly when someone whistled from behind us.

That night we kissed when we went back to the group John made a comment that we were ‘too busy making out on my bed’ for taking so long and Garrett said something like ‘yeah, close to that’; so in a nut shell everyone knows about us now.

If only today could have been easy as that.

I looked at Tanner in the eyes with only a look that he would completely understand: utterly terrified as Garrett spun me around in his arms. He smiled softly and kissed me on the corner of my mouth.

“Hello lovely.”
“Hi Garrett.” I smiled almost forcefully.

I hugged my bag to me slightly closer to stop myself from shaking again. What would Garrett think with those scars on my skin? I don’t think it would change much of what he thinks of me as a person, but could he handle knowing that they are there and seeing them? It took me about a year to get over the fact they were a part of me and there was nothing I could do about it. On bad days seeing them still made me feel sick.

Garrett pulled away taking my hand and gently pulled me past the house and to the back yard. The first thing I noticed was the white fencing around the pool where the guys hovered around the water talking and drinking from soda cans.

I took a shaky breath. Maybe I just won’t swim at all; it would save me the pain.

“Are you alright Lara?” Garrett asked when we stopped at the pool gate. “You looked really pale and your hand is shaking.” He said squeezing the hand he was holding.
“Yeah.” I said weekly.
“She’s just never been here before.” Tanner said suddenly from almost nowhere. “But she’ll be alright after a while.” He smiled.

Garrett nodded and squeezed my hand again in comfort. I shot Tan a thankful look. He winked and mouthed ‘you’re welcome’ before opening the gate and walking inside with us following.

+.+.+

“Get in the pool you lazy asses!” John all but screamed as he floated around in a tire on the water’s surface.

Not even seconds later Tanner jumped into the pool right next to John’s head swamping him with water, which was very amusing. Even more so when they started squabbling when Tan surfaced.

Really the only ones that weren’t in the pool was me, Jared and Pat. Pat was sitting on the edge with me, but he actually had his legs in the water and Jared was finishing his drink off.

Pat laughed lightly and slid towards the water more to dip his hands in. When he brought them back up he flicked water onto my legs on purpose. I chuckled lightly before flicking a bit of water that was in a puddle besides me. He squeaked lightly and shuffled away. I bit down on my lip so I couldn’t laugh.

Suddenly Jared ran between us and leaped into the pool successfully half soaking me and Pat while creating a small wave that ran the length of the pool. And I only just got dry from the last splashing, not that I really care. If I did I wouldn’t be near the pool at all.

“Welp I’ve had my shower today.” I pointed out lightly when Jared popped up making him laugh.
“Doesn’t smell like it!” Tanner smirked from where he was clinging onto the tire John was sitting in.
“Let go, you’re going to tip me.” John grumbled.
“That’s the point!”

Next thing I see was John in the water and Tanner high fiving Kennedy. I laughed lightly shaking my head. I pushed my damp hair from my face and watched as Pat slid into the pool. Now I was the only one that wasn’t in the water.

I bit down on my lip and looked around to find Garrett, who was, in fact right in front of me with his arms propped over the edge with his chin resting on his hands. Once our eyes locked he smiled and reached one arm out to touch my foot; which was my closets body part to him.

“Coming in?” He asked curious.
“I d-dunno.” I shrugged like if it didn’t bother me if I did or not.

Really, it bothered me. It bothered me a lot. He shot me another curious look before pulling himself out of the pool. He shuffled back to be sitting with me and wrapped a dripping wet arm around my waist. It actually felt really cool against the suns heat. It wasn’t boiling hot today but still hot enough to fry a little.

“Why not, it’s lovely in there. A lot better than sitting out here in the sun.”

I sighed and shook my head. I balled my hands into fists and looked down at my lap; I probably shouldn’t have though because that must have been what gave me away.

“What’s wrong?” He asked tucking me into his side a little rubbing my arm. “And please don’t say nothing.” He added softly.

I groaned lightly and pulled away from him. I didn’t have to tell him about the scars still but I can tell him about the pool. I held a hand out for him to take. He took it with without hesitation and I lead him furthest away from everyone but still within the pool fence. I sighed and made sure he was standing in a way that no one could see my face or his.

“I-I don’t really like pools – I got shoved in once by the same guys that was h-harassing me, I almost drowned.” I muttered. “I’ve only been in a pool twice since then.”

I didn’t even get to finish my sentence before he was already hugging me. I rested my head on his shoulder and held him back. How can he make me so calm in situations like this?

“You don’t have to go in if you don’t want to.” He muffled into my shoulder. “But if you do I’ll be there, you don’t even have to let go of me.”

Should I or shouldn’t I? The only reason why I wanted to was to cool down and really that was the whole reason why everyone came here. I guess...I guess if I just float around and keep a watch on my shirt no one will see anything. As long as my shirt stays down than I’ll be fine.

Last time I went swimming no one saw anything, then again I was only with Tanner and Jared; not four other people. Three which don’t know my full past and one that half knows it.

“You won’t let go of me?”
“Not unless you say so.”

Someone shoot me now. I sighed but nodded.

I’ve got this far right?

Garrett kissed my cheek before pulling away only holding my hand. He pulled me over to the pool steps and slowly stepped down them with me following. I glance up at Tanner. He gave me a scared but encouraging look with a smile. I smiled softly back before looking down at my legs. The water was up to my knees.

“I don’t want to put my head under, at all.” I whispered so only Garrett could hear.

I remember that last time I was fine until my head went underwater, then I couldn’t handle being by the pool anymore. Anyway as long as I do keep my head up then I can keep control over my shirt, because I won’t be diving nor doing bomies.

He nodded and turned so he could hold both of my hands in his. He went down the last two steps backwards; I followed slowly until I had reached the bottom. The water was up to my waist and really nice on my skin. Still holding his hands I stepped closer to him so our toes were touching and rested my head on his shoulder taking a deep breath.

“Hey guys, Lara isn’t the keenest being in a pool so can you please not splash her at all.” Tanner said softly but loud enough for everyone to hear.

It kind of shocked me that he admitted that, but I was grateful for it. I heard everyone say that they wouldn’t in slight curious tones but they didn’t ask why, which made me more grateful. Then John just had to make a crack at me and Garrett for standing like this. I roll my eyes playfully. I hope he knows when he goes out with someone he’s going to get it from everyone, even me.

Garrett suddenly let go of my hands and wrapped his arms around my waist shuffling backwards pulling me with him. I squeaked quietly but didn’t try to escape. The water slowly rose; I held my shirt down until we stopped at elbow deep. I let my shirt go placed my hands on his shoulders after moving my head.

“You alright?” He asked tightening his arms.
“Yeah.” I nodded.

I looked past him to see the rest of the guys having a diving –more like bellyflop- contest at the end of the pool. After seeing Jared’s legs slap the water when the dive messed up I looked back at Garrett. Ouch.

“Sorry if I’m stopping you from having fun with the guys.” I muttered frowning.
“Now why would I rather flop on water like a dead fish than swim with you?” He grinned.

I laughed lightly before the noise was cut off with his lips. I added pressure back lightly before pulling away shy and cheeks heating up. He chuckled and kissed the corner of my mouth.

“You’re so cute when you’re shy.” He said randomly.
“Oh shut up.” I muttered.

He laughed more grinning brightly. I smiled and looked down a little sliding my arms around his neck more. I guess he could tell I was a bit tense because he started rubbing circles into my lower back before walking us deeper into the water.

We stopped at shoulder height and didn’t go any deeper. As we started to float around a little he never let me go, just like he said he wouldn’t.