Eventually, Something Has to Give

The lead smudge page of my art book stared back up at me in an almost mocking way. The page was so smudged and lined no matter how much I tried to erase it, it wouldn’t rub off. Grabbing the corner of the page I ripped it from the book, scrunched it up and threw it on the floor by my feet to pick up later.

As I sat back in the chair I could feel a pair of eyes on me, but I ignored it and pinched the bridge of my nose closing my eyes. I needed something to draw – something nice and that someone would want to keep looking at. I also wanted something meaningful and related as to why I was drawing in the first place.

Always easy said than done.

Opening my eyes I sigh and looked up at mum and Tanner sitting on the floor either side of the coffee table with the game board ‘Trouble’ sitting right under both of their noses. One glace at the game and I could tell mum was winning. It wasn’t surprising to see – mum can beat him at Trouble no problem but she could never beat him at Monopoly, it was weird.

Catching Tanner’s eyes I looked down at my art book and started chewing on the end of the pencil. How hard was it to come up with a simple but nice drawing? All I wanted to do was do a drawing to give to Garrett, as somewhat as a thank you. I know I don’t have to do that but I wanted too.

I guess in a way I wanted to thank him for everything he’s done for me - most of all excepting me exactly how I am; nightmares, scars and all. He knew pretty much everything but the hard details of what those guys did to me now and it doesn’t bother him a bit of how he treats and thinks of me as a person.

Most people would want to run away when they find someone with a past like me, which is fair enough. Not many people want to deal with that type of baggage.

In a way I’m still shocked at myself that I managed to tell him everything – I didn’t even get my brothers to explain for me or anything. I always thought in the back of my head that if I did actually managed to tell someone I would end up getting either Tanner or Jared to spill it all. Then again I didn’t tell him everything at once, that’s probably the only reason why I managed it. Even that was amazing of myself in my head.

Shaking my head from thoughts I all but pouted down at the page beneath my fingers. Drawing was never a problem, but deciding what to draw always was – right now it was harder than normal.

I sat like that for about the next ten minutes staring at the page with the clicking of the board game in the background when car lights shone though the curtains. I looked up but mum and Tanner must have not noticed it at all. Placing the art book on the couch I stood and headed to the front door. I was only a step away when whoever it was knocked on the door softly.

I unlocked it and pulled it open half expecting it to be the guys – though they are due over later – but smiled shyly when I saw dad standing there. I half hid behind the door as he walked in before shutting it.

“Hello Larissa.” He smiled softly nodding his head.
“Hi.” I said shyly.

He touched my arm softly in a nice gesture before walking into the lounge room. I let out the small breath I didn’t notice that I was holding in and followed him quietly. I didn’t know he was coming over tonight...at least I don’t remember mum saying anything. Tanner looked at me half confused once I sat back down on the couch picking my art book up. I shrugged.

“How is everyone this evening?” Dad asked sitting down on one of the arm chairs.
“We’re good, taking it nice and easy.” Mum smiled. “At least until everyone else gets here.” She chuckled looking at Tanner.
“The guys aren’t that much to handle, they probably just eat everything we have.” Tan grinned cheekily.
“I thought you already did that.” I said quietly looking down at the empty page.

Tanner scoffed as our parents laughed. I smiled softly but still didn’t look up - I wanted to at least get something started before the guys did get here and also I was trying to ignore the slight awkward air that floated in the room from dad. I know he doesn’t mean to make everything awkward around him, but it wasn’t something we could stop.

“So who is coming over?” Dad asked slightly confused.
“Jared, Kennedy, John, Pat and Garrett. Mum invited them, so we’re going to watch movies and pig out on pizza or something.” Tan said as I heard the game board click again and the dice rattle around. “Mum this game is stupid! I want a six not a fucking four!” Tan exclaimed.

I actually half expected for him to get busted for swearing but he didn’t. I bit my lip so I wouldn’t laugh and picked up my pencil.

“And don’t laugh Lara.”

I looked up to grin at Tan before once again looking at the blank page. Mum and dad kept talking quietly and I continued to stare at the book. It got to the point when I was about to throw it across the room frustrated, but I didn’t do it. It would scare my family and it would wreck the book. I wasn’t about to wreck the drawings I did have in it and well, Garrett got me this book.

Suddenly there was loud knocking on the front door. Before I even had a chance to stand up Tanner was already running out of the room as mum chuckled. I placed the book on my lap and placed the pencil into my pencil case. I looked up just as all the guys walked into the room with boxes of pizzas and what looked like bags of Chinese or junk food.

“We got food!’ Jared grinned placing what he had on the other couch.
“Hello everyone.” Mum smiled as Jared helped her off the ground for a hug.

Kennedy walked past behind where I was sitting and poked my shoulder playfully. I smiled at him and looked back over at everyone else. Garrett jogged over to me, flopped down almost sitting on my lap and quickly kissed my cheek softly letting his lips linger there for a long moment. I laughed shyly and hugged him as he pulled his lips away from my skin.

“Hello lovely.”
“Hello.” I grinned into his shoulder.

I pulled back and looked up to see Jared standing in front of me. He bent down to my level and wrapped his arms around me in a soft hug, I squeezed him back before he let go and wondered back over to the food to help Tan set it all out on the coffee table. I watched eyes wide as they did, how much food did they seriously bring?

“Can I ask you guys a question?” Mum asked getting all of their attention. “Do you think you brought enough food? Look at all of this!”

+.+.+

I waiting until everyone had eaten and was settled in watching the second movie of the night before pulling my sketch book out again.

Dad surprisingly was still here and it actually looked like he was having a lot of fun. He was sitting in one of the arm chairs with mum in the other. Jared, John and Kennedy were sitting on one couch and me, Garrett and Pat was laying on the pull out sofa. Tanner was sitting on the back of our couch with his legs all over mine like if he owned the place.

I bit down on my lip hard and stared at the page once I had opened the book. I wanted so bad to draw him something and I still don’t know what. I want it to be good. I want it to be something that he would love and be happy to either keep it to himself or show everyone he knew. I want it to mean something to him – to impact him even just a little as he has impacted me. He has helped me so much and I will always be thankful for that.

How did I come across someone with such a sweet heart? I thought, for at least a while, all I did was attract bad ones. I was proved wrong, way wrong.

I sighed lightly and turned my head to look at him. He was staring at the TV with his eyes light and curious, body relaxed and a small smile pulling on his lips. I could see the TV screen was reflecting on his eyes every time the screen lit up.

I have to be completely honest...he, he just looks beautiful like that – so calm, happy and relaxed. I don’t think I ever thought of a boy as beautiful before...

My cheeks heated up and I looked away just in case he noticed. If he noticed and said anything it would be embarrassing, but if Tanner hears then the whole damn room would know. I shook my head and suddenly froze as an idea hit.

What if...what if I was to draw him? Like a portrait of him, looking like he was right now. Would he like that, if I was to try and capture him on paper with pencil stokes from my own hand – to make him come alive on a page like a photograph or a mirror image. At least I hope he does.

Quietly I got out a pencil and eraser and moved so I was sitting crossed legged, being careful not to hit Garrett and make Tanner fall of the back of the couch when I pulled my legs out from under his. I placed the book the best I could in my lap and looked at Garrett.

Fixing the pencil in my hand well I made the first stroke, starting to sketch the basic outline of his head, before moving to the rough placement of his eyes, hair and lips. It would take a while just for the basic sketch, but that was ok. I have pretty much all the time I wanted to draw this. I can even do some of the details tomorrow, as long as I remember this well. I’m sure I can, I kinda wish I had a camera to capture this though.

I don’t know how long I sat there for just trying to get the line placement right, but before I knew it the movie was playing the credits and I had just got the sketch part done. I took a good look at what I had done so far and smiled. So far; so good.

“Well I might go home, I’m tired.” Pat said lightly.
“Yeah same.” John muttered stretching out and almost hitting Jared in the head.
“By the way thank you for letting us take over your living room Mrs Monaco.” Kennedy added smiling.

All the other guys pipped up saying their thanks as mum laughed softly.

“No need to thank me, you lot are allowed to come over anytime.”
“So since I’m such an awesome nephew am I allowed to stay overnight?” Jared grinned.
“Of course!” Mum nodded.

Pat, John, Garrett and Kennedy got up and started heading towards the door, the rest of us got up and followed to say our goodbyes. Pat, John and Kennedy all hugged me softly and such before leaving calling out their goodbyes. I stood by the door and watched as John got in his car and Kennedy followed Pat into his house. I guess he was staying the night with Pat.

I turned and headed over towards Mum who was talking to Garrett when dad caught my attention. I looked at him and tilting my head to the side slightly.

“I’m going now too sweetie.” He said softly. “Good night.”

Then he did something that I really didn’t expect; he hugged me. His arms went softly around my shoulders and he was holding me that light for a moment I thought he wasn’t touching me. I softly moved my arms around him before we both pulled away. I smiled softly like he was and nodded. My hands were shaking but I tried to hide that.

“Night dad.” I murmur.

He smiled again and turned to mum giving her a small soft hug too. She pulled away and called up to Tanner saying good night. Tan appeared at the top of the stairs and smiled.

“Night dad!” He yelled before running to his room again.
“Sometimes I wonder if he’s still twelve.” Dad chuckled.
“Or two.” Mum added.

Dad smiled and headed out the door but not before saying good night again. I shut the door softly. Well...that was different.

Two arms slid around my waist and I jumped lightly. I head Garrett laugh in my ear and I turned in his arm to look at him. He grinned at me and kissed the side of my head quickly.

+.+.+

I looked down at Garrett as he slept completely spread out on the mattress that took up my bedroom floor. I smiled softly and looked down at the drawing, before looking at him again. I was trying to get his hair in the picture right. It was hard with him in a completely different spot now, but it was still helpful. At least I was getting somewhere.

I bit back a yawn and forced my eyes to stay open as the lead brushed the page. I wanted to get this part done before I went to sleep. It was a good thing he stayed over because I might have found it hard to do without him here.

I shook my head lightly and kept drawing. My eyes were getting heavier and heavier...

The feeling of whatever was in my hand and lap moving made me stir. I sighed slight and tried to turn. I reached sleepily for my blanket but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I felt myself starting to fall sideways.

“Whoa, I got you lovely. Lie down.”

I groaned lightly and once I felt my pillow under my head I curled up and snuggled into the mattress. I shivered lightly at how cold it was.

I heard some rustling before the bed besides me moved. Whatever it was it was warm.

“Good night Lara.”

I hummed and curled up to Garrett. I was too much asleep to understand what he said next and curled in closer to him, his warmth.