Eventually, Something Has to Give

The house stood quiet as my feet padded softly against the wooden floor. Why I happen to be up this early I have no clue, but I couldn’t sleep – not with the dreams I was having anyway. I honestly kinda guess some would come back with Tanner being home now, but I’ve put up with them for years now...so I could almost say I was used to it by now.

Yawning I walked into the kitchen and noticed the dirty breakfast dishes from my parents in the sink, I know Mum had to go to work for a little today...but Dad? I thought he said he was having time off today during that five minutes I saw him for last night?

I never see him anymore, I don’t even think mum does and they share a bed! I just find it weird because, yeah he works all the time, but he always found time to at least talk to me – I haven’t had a normal conversation with him for over three months now. I just find it...weird, but I’m not going to worry over it.

I actually trust him and he just must be really busy with work.

I headed over to the cupboards and started making myself breakfast, normally I never ate this early, but I might as well now that I’m in this room. Humming quietly I placed the milk away and lent up against the bench with a bowl fill of cereal in my hands. Like I was a human vacuum I ate it really quickly and started cleaning all the dishes, because I know for a fact no one else would and Tanner was still in bed.

Picking up one of the ceramic bowls I started scrubbing it when I felt two arms wrap around me. My eyes went wide and I dropped the bowl into the water as a yelp left my lips. I froze in the person’s arms and it suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“I’m so sorry!” Tanner gasped letting go. “I thought you notice me walking in here!”

As his arms let go of me fully and I noticed it was actually my brother, my heart started again. I gasped for a shaky breath of air before spinning around to face him. I glared hitting his chest.

“No I didn’t, I didn’t hear a thing.” I said lowly trying not to spit the words into his face.
“I really am sorry.” He whispered.

He quickly kissed my cheek and I relaxed a little. If he does that again, he will be the death of me.

“For a second I forgot how easily...scared you are, I didn’t mean to.”
“I-it’s alright.” I sighed. “Just...just warn me next time.”
“Will do.” He nodded.

I sighed again before nodding and turned back around to the sink, picking up the bowl I had dropped. I heard one of the kitchens chairs move as I placed the bowl in the dish rack. I pulled the plug before wincing my hands with fresh water. I shook the drops of water off my hands as I left the room. Right away I could hear Tanner’s footsteps followed me.

Maybe I was wrong about it being awkward around us all the time; maybe it would be more like he was my bodyguard.I needed one from myself.

“So what were you planning on doing today?” He asked as we entered my bedroom.
“Dunno, I never really plan much.” I shrugged. “If I’m not helping Rhonda or at home; Jared is taking me somewhere to do something.”
“You too are really close, even more then before I went to college.” He murmured.

I turned around to face him, seeing that he was looking around my room eyes wide in curiously. I had changed my room around a fair few times since he was last home. I watched quietly as he went through the row of paintings I had sitting on the floor by my wardrobe. I have no problem with anyone looking at my paintings, but my writings and drawings were a different story altogether.

“These are really good.” He said looking up at me.

I smiled feeling my cheeks heat up slightly, like they always did when someone said anything about something I did. He grinned back and all but skipped over to my bed sitting on the edge. Sometimes I wonder who was really the oldest of the two of us.

“Well since Jared isn’t here to drag you somewhere, can I?” He asked tilting his head.
“I guess.” I shrugged smiling.
“Let’s go for a walk around town, I want to see if anything has changed.”

I laughed and moved across my room to grab my shoes.

“Trust me when I say nothing has changed, but let’s go anyway.”

+.+.+

Tanner and I walked side by side down the main street of the shopping area. As we past the shops I glanced into the windows but saw nothing of interest so far – to me actually it looked quite boring. I was never a big shopper.

As we walked past some clothing shops I zipped up my hoodie because like the last few days the wind was still cold, it was sunny today but cold. I don’t know what I hate more: hot weather or cold. Just as bad as each other I guess.

“So Jared said you hang around with his friends a bit.” He grinned.

I knew I wouldn’t have to wait long for this conversation with Tan; it was a record I only had to wait twenty four hours. But I hate talking about it.

“Yeah I guess, he’s around them a lot and I just happen to tag along with them, like a lost puppy.” I shrugged hoping that was the end of this, I should know better though.
“You’re not a lost puppy! You’re friends with them right?”
“No-I mean...I dunno honestly.” I said tripping over my own words a little.
“And why not?”
“And why would I?”
“Well I just thought you would be, Jared seems to trust them a lot and they seem nice enough.”
“That’s true, they’re nice to me.”
“But you’re not friends with them?”

I shook my head keeping my eyes ahead of me. I didn’t want to see the look in his eyes, I bet he was disappointed.

“Well I don’t see why you’re not.” He said softly making me sigh.
“I don’t trust them.” I said slowly.
“Trust takes a while to build but I’m sure you can trust them.”

I groaned getting annoyed and shoved my hands into my hoodie pockets. Why must he bring this up now? He only got home yesterday and it was like he never left in a way. For two people that didn’t keep contact well when one was away we managed to go back to normal in a very short time.

“No I can’t, I don’t want to get hurt.” I stated like it was most obvious thing in the world.
“Maybe they won’t hurt you.” He said in the same tone. “You are a lovely person under that wall of yours.”
“I don’t have a wall, I have a fence.” I stated. “Some people can jump it; most can’t.”
“Maybe you should lower it and let others jump it.”

Tanner caught my wrist pulling me to a stop. With his hold he turned me around so I would face him, but I wouldn’t look at him.

“Everyone hates to admit it but everyone needs friends, besides family members.” He said softly placing his fingers under my chin to try and make me look at him. “Look at me please.”

I didn’t. I couldn’t – all I would see in his eyes is how upset and disappointed he was, also how he wished for what happened those years ago didn’t happen. I closed my eyes to block memories and keep in tears that was suddenly brimming my eyes.

“Can we not talk about this here and now?” I asked almost pleadingly.

He let out a long sigh and pulled me into a hug. For a moment I didn’t return it, but eventually I did, mostly because he wouldn’t let go until I did.

“Sorry, I know talking about it hurts you, but I want you to be happy.”

Instead of saying anything I just nodded stepping away from him. Finally I looked up at him to see him smiling softly.

“Come on, we’ll go to Auntie Rhonda’s cafe and have some chop chip muffins.”

Talking my hand I let Tanner pull me along after him towards the cafe silently. Like usual I didn’t know what to say just like yesterday with Jared. I never knew what to say. It was like hearing the same words but from a different person.

Should I do as they say and let someone in? Like I asked yesterday: could I let myself do that? I don’t think I can...but Jared and Tanner must think I can because well, they both said about it to me now.

I feel confused...and totally terrified.

The bell of the cafe door as it opened snapped me from my thoughts and I blinked jumping slightly. I rolled my eyes at myself as we stopped in front of the counter.

“Hi Rhonda!” Tan called.

Our auntie popped her head around the corner from the kitchen and her eyes went wide. It took her less than two seconds to run around the counter to greet us. I gave her a light hug and let her attack Tanner. I laughed to myself and looked around the shop as they talked excitedly to each other. People waving caught my eyes.

Smiling softly I waved at John and Garrett, who were sitting in the back corner. John grinned gesturing for me to join them. I glanced at my brother and aunt before sighing. I walked over to Jared’s friends slowly. I noticed Garrett’s eyes light up a little, but it must just be the lighting in here; why would he be so excited to see me for?

“Hi Larissa!” John chirped.
“Hello.” Garrett smiled.
“Hey guys.” I said softly.

I pulled out one of the two spare seats and sat next to Garrett.

“How are you?” He asked tilting his head to the side slightly.
“I’m fine.” I smiled. “And you two?”
“I’m good.”
“Great.” John grinned.

I smiled nodding and glanced up to see Tanner standing beside me. He looked at me rising his eyebrow smiling. I knew he was thinking about out our little “conversation” back on the street about friends. I rolled my eyes at him.

“Guys this is Tanner, my bother. Tanner this is Garrett and John.” I said pointing to said person. “Jared’s band mates.”
“Oh cool, nice to meet you both.” Tan smiled holding his hand out.

They all shook hands and suddenly a muffin were in front of me and everyone else at the table, causing four loud ‘thankyous’. Rhonda chuckled and headed back to the kitchen.

“So what do you two do in the band?” Tan asked.
“I sing.” John grinned.
“I play bass.” Garrett nodded.
“Awesome.” Tan chirped.

I chuckled and took a bite out of muffin doing what I apparently do best; listening. I guess we would be here for a while.