Eventually, Something Has to Give

“You’re sure you’ll be fine by yourself?” Mum whispered.

I smiled nodding taking the shopping list and money from her hands. Someone had to do the shopping and at the moment I had no choice but to go by myself. Tanner was at Jared’s and mum was heading to work. I hated when I had to do this.

“I’ll be fine; Tuesdays aren’t normally busy at the shops by Rhonda’s cafe.” I nodded. “Long as I focus on these things I’ll be fine.” I said more convincing myself than anything.
“Ok then.” She sighed. “Call if you need me.”

I nodded and got out of the car which was parked at the small shopping centre. I took a deep breath and waved at mum before closing the door. When I saw her wave back I turned and headed for the doors of the building.

Sucking in my bottom lip I walked in keeping my eyes on the ground and crossing my arms over my chest. I hated shopping by myself; it was just as bad as sitting in the food court of the mall alone. But today I just had no choice so had to bare this. I am always afraid that something would happen or that I would have a panic attack just from being here.

I felt so...stupid for being like that in public areas, that much I wanted to pull at my hair and scream, but I just can’t help it. They broke me and made me like this. I wish I wasn’t but I just can’t do anything about it. If I was just so untrusting back then maybe it wouldn’t have happened, I should have known those guys were bad news, but no I was too stupid to see that.

Oh how I wish I could forget about it.

Grunting annoyed I shook my head sharply to get rid of those thoughts and glanced at the list in my hands.

Bitting my lip harder I headed into the supermarket, grabbing a basket as I past them. I glanced at the list again before looking around at the first isle. Slowly I made my way down it looking for anything that was on the list. I held the basket close to me and wrapped my free arm around my waist secretly hoping that would make me seem less noticeable as I pasted an old couple. I kept my gaze away from them and at the items on the shelves.

Slowly I moved into the next isle, then the next looking for the things I needed. I wanted to move faster but I had no idea where things were in the shop. I continued nibbling on my lip, by the end of this I won’t have one left – either that or it would be badly swollen.

As I walked into another isle shivered as the cold air hit me but I ignored it and walked up to the milk area grabbing one of the 4 litres bottles; yeah this would be fun carrying home with everything else. Being too heavy for the basket I moved it to my arms and turned to head down further but froze. Not far away from me were two guys around my age.

My heart gave an odd thump and my mouth became suddenly dry.

They hadn’t noticed me so I turned again and went back the way I came before they could. What happened if they started talking to me for some reason? What if they were like...them?

I know I’m over thinking it once again but what if they were? When I see people like that I can’t even trust to be anywhere near them.

Bitting my lip to the point it was almost breaking the skin I headed into the last isle. I walked straight up to the battery area taking a deep breath. All I had to get was what mum wanted and I was out of here before anyone could take notice of me.

You made it this far, please don’t have a panic attack now.

I grabbed what I needed and headed for the tills with my heart thumping and palms sweating. It made me so sick knowing I was like this. I hated myself for it. I really did.

Shaking my head I loaded up my stuff and the lady started scanning them humming cheerfully to herself with a soft smile etched into her lips. She seemed so carefree...

“That would be 70. 45 thank you.” She said sweetly.

I handed her the money and shoved the change in my pocket mumbling my nicest farewell as I could in my current panicking condition. She smiled as I grabbed the bags. I walked away from there as quick as I could without looking too rushed. I almost sighed in relief when I was out the supermarket. I am such a chicken.

Shaking my head again I headed past the shops quickly, at least I did until I saw the craft shop. I slowed down and looked through the windows. I needed a new sketch pad again...I closed my eyes for a second and turned heading into the shop. If I was here I might as well get one right? Drawing did help me. A lot.

I moved the three bags I had in my hands better and walked down the side of the shop where no one was. I let my eyes run over everything and couldn’t help but feel a little better looking at the items that I loved. I wish I had more money on me because then I could get myself some new paints while I was here.

Smiling to myself I stopped at the books area. Once I realised how many books was here my jaw dropped. Oh my...

“What one do I get?” I whispered to myself.

I leaned forward to read the prices better when suddenly someone hit my shoulder, making me yelp as well as jump startled.

“You mind you’re taking up the whole area.” Someone grumbled.

I turned my frightened eyes to see some guy glaring at me, he actually looked younger than me by a year or two, but that glare of his almost made me stop breathing.

“S-sorry.” I spluttered out.

Suddenly the guy smirked and took a step closer to me making me step back. He did it again only to get the same reaction. My chest heaved a little as I tried to breathe properly. The look in his eyes was defiantly not nice...it was the same look they had.

“What’s wrong sugar?” He chuckled. “Are you scared of me?”

I took another step back as he laughed a little. Why was this guy bothering me? Did I have a sign over my head saying “bad guys and trust breakers: come hurt me!” or something. He smiled a little darkly when I said nothing. Slowly he reached out for my arm but I ripped my arm away.

“Oh come on, I’m just trying to be nice and help you,” He glanced at the area we were standing in. “Chose a sketch book.”

I shook my head not being able to form words. This was my greatest fear and it was happening – I was in public this time and no one was around to help me. I sudden flash of memories of what happened four years ago hit and I almost whimpered starting to shake.

“L-leave me a-alone!”

Without warning I turned and ran from the shop...only to hit someone hard enough to make us both fall to the ground. I landed hard on my arm and gasped loudly before whimpering.

“Oh gosh, Lara you ok?”

I looked up to see a familiar face, one I thought I would never be so happy to see. Before I could even open my mouth to say something, loud laughing rang in my ears and I looked up to see the guy laughing at me. I curled in on myself a little. He scared me like that just for his own fun?

“People like you amuse me.” He chuckled turning to walk away smiling.
“Was he bothering you?”

I looked back at the person I had run into and nodded looking down at my shaking hands. Garrett placed his hand on my shoulder and I flinched slightly at the touch.

“Are you ok? What was he doing?” He asked with worry dripping from every word.
“H-he was s-scaring me.” I said very quietly.

Slowly I felt Garrett’s arms wrap around me, holding me as I shook more, but I couldn’t push him away or hold him back for some reason. Slowly I took long deep breaths trying to calm down, not that it helped much.

“It’s alright, he’s gone now.” He said softly.

I nodded lightly as he let go picking up the shopping bag with was obviously his. With shaky hands I gathered up mine, slightly surprised nothing had spilt. I opened the bag with the milk in it just to make sure.

“Come on, I’ll take you home.”

Nodding again, I got off the ground with my bags ignoring the pain in my arm, where I know for sure that it would bruise later. Garrett gently wrapped his arm around my shoulders making me tense up for a moment but as we started walking I slowly relaxed. If I wasn’t so freaked out about what happened, then I would have been freaked out about that.

Eventually we got outside and he led me to what was obviously his car. He opened the passenger door for me and took my shopping bags. I slid in as he placed the shopping on the back seat, and then got in himself.

Silently he started the car and moved out of the parking lot. I sucking in my lip and started bitting on it, it actually felt swollen.

“Thank you.” I whispered.
“You’re welcome.” He whispered back. “Are you sure you’re alright? You look really pale.”

I shook my head and looked down at my hands. No I wasn’t alright. Out the corner of my eyes I saw Garrett hold his free hand out for me, like he did at the food court that day. I hesitated before moving my shaking hand into his warm one. His fingers wrapped around mine as his thumb rubbed circles on my skin in a calming way.

I leant back into the seat and closed my eyes. I stayed like that until I felt the car stop. I opened my eyes to see my house in front of me. I let go of Garrett’s hand and got out of the car. I saw him grab my shopping and smiled at me as he headed for the front door. I unlocked it for him and we headed inside.

For a split second I froze; had let someone in our house that wasn’t family for the first time in I don’t know how many years...

Swallowing hard, shoving that thought to the back of my mind, I walked towards the kitchen with him following. He placed the bags on the table and I grabbed the items that needed to be in the fridge out and placed them away.

“Is anyone else home?”
“No, my parents are at work and Tanner is at Jared’s.”
“Do you want me to call Jared for you?”

I looked up at him in the eyes. He actually looked really worried about me, that shocked me.

“Please.”

He smiled nodding and pulled out his phone. I turned quietly, walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Garrett sat next to me talking quietly on his mobile.

“I brought her back home...ok, yeah I will.”

He smiled at me as he placed his phone away. Then he did something else that surprised me, he held his hand out again like he had before. Shyly I placed my hand in his again. I don’t know what it was, but him just holding my hand made me fell, calmer I guess. And right now I needed that. My heart felt like it was going to burst.

I’m amazed I wasn’t crying.

“They’ll be here soon, you don’t mind if I stay?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Thanks.”
“Anytime.”

I smiled and looked down at my lap. But inside I was terrified; I was trusting Garrett enough to hold my hand...