The Only Reason We Fall Down, Is to Find a Person That Will Lift Us Up Again
Start Over Again
I heard the policemen investigating my friend sherry, she was panicking as usual. The sirens sound were so loud that I felt my ears exploding. I was crying heavily on my friend’s –Jasmine- shoulder, yet, when I looked around no one was crying except Jon’s mother, and me. It was late, and we were standing infront of a nightclub…this day was really perfect until now. I looked to the ground once more, where Jon was lying, covered with blood…lifeless.
“Excuse me, are you Selena Wilson?” a tall tanned man, in a local police uniform asked
“Yes” I answered, sobbing
“Would you please come with me, we would like to ask you some questions” He guided me to a police car, where another policeman was investigating some people.
“There she is” He told the other policeman, and whispered something in his ear, then left.
“Hello, miss Wilson, would u please take a seat?” I sat down on the opposite chair, it was a kind of van and inside there was a small desk with scattered papers, and a couple of chairs facing each other…
“So, you were a friend of Jon, right?”
“ya”
“close?”
“very close, actually”
“So, didn’t he ever tell you if he had some problems with someone, or got involved in anything, or if he was on drugs for example?”
“No, Jon was never that kind of guy, he never got involved in anything illegal”
“so, don’t you know if he was having problems with anyone, if he had any haters, or people who might have killed him?”
“I don’t know”
“you were his best friend and you don’t know about his personal life?” Right now, I was really beginning to lose my patience, I never entered a police station before, never mind getting investigated on a MURDERING case, especially when it’s my best friend’s murder…
“miss Wilson?”
“sorry, I told you I was his best friend alright, but Jon was kind of secretive, and he never told me about his personal problems much, he always said that I’m a girl and I’d never understand anything about his problems if he told me, fine?”
“Fine, you are free to go now miss Wilson, but we may be needing your assistance again in this case”
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It was pitch black, and I couldn’t see anything, but I could hear Jon’s voice in a distance. He was screaming, I ran towards the voice, constantly being blocked by walls. I reached a very bright room, my eyes hurt me from the extra brightness.
I saw Jon lying on the floor, all beaten and wounded, his mouth was pouring blood, and he was still screaming.
“Selena” I heard his distant voice again.. I ran towards him, as he kept screaming my name again and again… I was a few inches before him when I hit something, it was like a huge invisible wall that separated us. I kept trying to find a way to reach him but in vain.
“JON, JON!!!” I saw him bleeding from every part of his body.,,
“JON..” I was still searching on the invisible wall, when I saw a light path behind him, he was being sucked inside it.
“JON..NO, PLEASE JON WAIT, PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME”
“I LOVE U SELENA” and then he completely disappeared inside that light..
“JON” I screamed my loudest voice…but he wasn’t there anymore…
………………………………………………………………………………………………
“Selena” I jolted from my sleeping position, I was breathing heavily.. my mother was sitting on the end of the bed, looking worried, and my heart was hardly pounding in my chest.
“don’t worry dear, it’s just a nightmare”
“what time is it?” I asked, still trying to catch my breath
“It’s 6:30”
“Oh, k” I sighed, relieved. I still felt guilty, though, for waking up the whole house again, but at least it’s not 3 am as yesterday, my father should be up by now.
“U still not going to school?”
“I think so”
“Sel, dear, I know that you and Jon were best friends, and I know how you’re feeling right now. I want you to know that Jon was like a son to me too, and we all feel terrible about what happened to him, but you’ve been missing school for more than a week now”
“I know mom, but I just can’t imagine going to school and not seeing him there” I started sobbing.
“And your teacher, I think his name was Mr. Derby, called and said that the school will not be permitting anymore absence”
“But…” I started but she stopped me
“No buts, Selena. Now get up, and get ready, I’ll drive you to school today on my way to work”
“Mom..”
“15 minutes” she said as she left my room
I laid back again, and started crying heavily…I was still trying to believe the fact that I won’t be seeing Jon again, that he won’t be driving me to school every day, I can’t imagine anyone else that I’d go out with, or cry to when I fight with my parents…he meant the world to me, more than just being my best friend. I looked to the bedside table, where a photo frame he bought me earlier this month was lying, it had a picture of me, him, and Delen… I laughed as I looked at the picture, I was standing wearing strange-looking glasses, and Jon was kind of riding Delen in the snow, it was new year’s eve, the best one I ever had in my life…
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“Hey, you’re back” Jasmine kind of shouted when I entered class this morning
“Ya, I guess so” I said in an almost whisper, as I put my books on the desk
“So, I’ve copied every lesson we took, I don’t think you’ll be missing anything, and if there’s any lesson you don’t understand I can explain it for you, mkay?”
“Ya, thank Jas”
“So, we’re all going out for pizza tonight, wanna come?”
“No, I guess I’ll study tonight, need to catch up a little”
“A little??” she said, smirking
“okay, a lot” I said laughing along, then something snapped in my head
“Hey, where’s Delen?” I asked, rather anxious, I needed to speak to him
“dunno, he never showed up since..uh, since then”
The rest of the day passed slowly, I wasn’t really paying attention to any of the classes, and I guess my teachers weren’t really so fond of it, so I got shouted at a couple of times. But whenever I tried to really pay attention at class, my mind wandered off to Jon…and Delen. I need to speak to him right away. Me, Delen, and Jon were best friends since a long time, but I was closer to Jon in another way, a way that nobody knew of except me, Delen, and Jon.
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“Finally” I sighed as the bell rang signaling the end of the day.
“Sure u don’t wanna come, I can pay for u if u don’t have money, you know” Jasmine said as she zipped her school bag.
“nah, I’m good, I’ll just go to Delen then head home”
“I don’t think you’ll find him, we went there several times after the…accident, but his mother said he wasn’t there”
“I’ll just give it a try, I really need to talk to him”
“mkay, see u tomorrow”
“bye” I said and headed out of the giant double doors of the school
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Delen’s house wasn’t so far from school, only a 5 minutes’ walk. I rang the bell, and his mother opened the door for me.
“hey, Mrs. Miller, is Delen here?” I said, forcing my politest smile
“I’m sorry Selena, but he went out this morning, he didn’t come back yet” she said and started closing the door –yeah, she wasn’t really a friendly person-
“Please Mrs. Miller, I need to see him, can you just please tell him I wanna talk to him, I’m sure he won’t mind” I was practically begging her now
“I’m sorry Selena, but I assure you he’s not here, you can check out if you want”
“ok, thanks” I sighed, then walked away
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Delen wasn’t the type who can disappear like this, and I was sure he didn’t get drunk and pass out somewhere for example. Ever since the accident he had 5 years ago because of a drunk driver, he swore he’ll never drink in his life, and he actually kept that promise. He would always scold me or Jon when we got really drunk –which was really rare in my case. But I was very worried, though. Me and Delen knew Jon had some problems before he died, but we never spoke a word, not even in the investigations. Delen was really scared and he told me that day, that he was feeling that we were betraying Jon by not speaking. When I thought about it, I felt really worried that Delen might actually speak of this in the investigations, but I knew that he knew better, he won’t do that after what happened to Jon. I kept looking for Delen in all the places I thought he might be at, after I left his house. I even called Alex, and asked him if he had heard from him lately. Alex was the closest friend to Delen after Jon, he was a friend of mine too. I was looking through a window of a restaurant looking for Delen when something snapped in my head. I practically ran through the street, to the deserted park where me, Delen, and Jon usually hung out. I felt so stupid that I didn’t look for him there before. I reached the park after 10 minutes of running, sweating and out of breath. It was dark, and the wrecked pieces of the swings were making terrible sounds as they moved with the wind. It actually looked like a haunted park, so it was usually deserted, and no one ever came here. That’s why it was the perfect hang out place for us. I looked at the park hoping that I’d spot Delen in this darkness. I saw him sitting under a bare tree, and he was…OMG, is he DRINKING???
“Delen?” I asked as I got closer to him, not completely sure if it was even Delen.
“Selena” he said slowly as he moved the loose strands of his black hair off his eyes, and took another gulp of the beer he had
“oh my god, Delen, are you drinking?” I said as I snatched the can from his hand and threw it away.
“Delen, what happened? What are you doing here?” I said as I sat down next to him, the wind was blowing furiously, and I felt the cold air against my skin.
“thinking” he said shrugging
“Delen, are you ok?”
“I feel terrible, Selena, he was my best friend pretty much since we were born, and I feel like I’m betraying him” He began sobbing, and I held him close trying to comfort him.
“Delen, did you tell anybody?”
“No…you know we can’t tell anyone, they can get to us too, Selena”
“It’s killing me too, Delen, it’s killing me. I have nightmares each night, and in every one I see him dying or bleeding, and I try to reach him but I can’t”
“I’m afraid”
“Delen, why are you drinking, you swore you’ll never drink in your life”
“I also swore that I’ll stand for him, no matter what, and look what I’m doing now”
“Delen you need to listen to me” I said shaking him “Jon put himself in all of this, it wasn’t your fault nor mine. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. If Jon was here, he’d never want you to beat yourself up like that”
“IF he was here, Selena” he interrupted me “but he isn’t” he said raising his voice a bit
“Delen, you know we can never prove anything on these people” I said angrily “HECK. We don’t even KNOW who these people are”
“Selena” he started but I stopped him
“It’s over Delen. Jon put himself willingly in this, and neither you nor me will take the guilt, ok?”
He sighed and stood up, pulling me up with him.
“Promise me, Delen. Promise that you’ll stop beating yourself up for this” I held his hand, but he let go roughly
“And you Selena” he said
“what?” I took a step back
“why don’t you stop beating yourself up?! I mean just start again, find another person to love, and stop mourning over him”
“I…I” I started but failed to find any words to say
“come’on, Selena. You need to get your life back”
We stayed silent for god knows how much time, then Delen took my hand and led me to his car.
“Let’s go home” I nodded, and went into the passenger seat. Delen got in, and started the car.
We didn’t say anything on the car ride home. Delen pulled up to my house, and I muttered a quick thanks, before getting out of the car and running up straight to my room.
I sat on my bed, thinking about what Delen said. I didn’t even notice I was crying until mom knocked about an hour later. She went in and sat beside me on the bed.
“What’s wrong honey?” she cooed
“nothing” I sniffled
“is this about Jon again?” she asked gently. I nodded.
“Don’t worry, honey, you’ll learn to forget” I nodded again.
“Anyways, I came to tell you that Jessica is coming tomorrow” she said giddily
I smiled. Jessica is my cousin, and she’s my favorite person in the family. She’s like my older sister, we used to practically live together, until she moved to NYC to work there. Now, I rarely see her, unless when she comes to visit.
“ok, thanks mom” I said “I think I’m going to sleep now anyway”
“ok. Goodnight, honey” she kissed my forehead, and got out of the room after turning off the lights.
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“Selena” shouted Jessica the moment she came through the door, I was laying on my bed, with my headphones blasting a song by Evanescence
“Jessica” I said as I jolted from my position and ran towards her, she embraced me in one of her bear-like hugs
“Hey, you weren’t supposed to arrive before another couple of hours or so”
“I found an earlier flight” She shrugged
“I missed you so much”
“Me too, I’m really sorry Sel, I wanted to come as soon as I heard what happened to Jon, but you know…work”
“Don’t worry”
“Are you alright now? God, I can’t even believe what happened, I mean, Jon was always a sweet person, who the heck would kill someone like him?!!” she said, her voice going louder as she pulled me beside her on the couch
“Jessica, I really need to talk to you about… uh, something. I know you just got here….but…uh”
“Can’t you just talk now?” Her face looking more worried
“Tonight, I’ll take you out to a restaurant, but please don’t tell anyone about this. It’s really serious, Jess”
“ok, I’ll just go take a shower and get settled” she said, leaving the room
I sighed, and laid back on my bed. As if on cue, the song ‘clueless’ started on my playlist. ‘I just wish you were here with me, it was always you who’d wipe away my tears, and tell me it’ll be alright…it’s just so different without you, I really miss you’
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Later that day, I was lying on the ground with Jessica. We were in the deserted park, and it was getting really late, I still haven’t talked about it with her, though. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, watching the glistening stars above.
“So, it does really hurt, right?” Jessica blurted
“It’s an understatement” I said
“Selena, I know it’s not really my area to talk in, but you’ve been always honest with me. You always told me I was like your sister, but I know you’re hiding something from me, I can just feel it” Jess turned and looked at me
“something like what” I said hesitantly
“was there something between you and Jon, Selena?” she asked
I sighed, then shifted in my position and sat upright.
“he was my boyfriend, Jess” I said looking down
I felt her wrap her arms gently around my shoulders, and pull me to her chest. I cried silently for a few minutes, after all the memories of Jon came flooding back into my mind. I also felt guilty that I kept something like that a secret from my Jessica… I pulled away after a while, and Jess handed me a tissue. I felt horrible, and I knew I looked like that too.
“sorry” I sniffled
“I’m not angry you didn’t tell me, Sel….just, confused” she said soothingly
“no one ever knew, Jess…except Delen, but it wasn’t something personal. It’s just we had to keep it a secret, and Delen knew cuz he was our best friend and everything, u know”
“yeah…so, it does hurt, right?” she asked “being your boyfriend and all, I mean I’ve only seen him like once or twice but I noticed something there between you”
I sighed. Then lied down again on my back.
“You know what really hurts me, jess………. my parents” I said as I laid down staring at the black sky, Jessica hesitated a minute, then laid down next to me
“I thought you were getting along just fine with them” she said
“They never understood me, nor even cared about what I really want for that matter. Me and Jon were never friends, it was kind of love at first sight. Two years ago, when he asked me out, I thought I’d see what my parents think of him first. I told my mother about him, as just a friend, but I knew she never even liked him. You know that one time, she started ranting on him, and how irresponsible he is, she even thought she could stop me from being his ‘friend’… that’s why I thought it’ll be better that way. He never complained though, he saw boys asking me on dates, or hitting on me cuz they thought I was single. He respected that I needed to hide our relationship from my parents, just cuz I loved him so much. But they never understood what it meant to me, and I just couldn’t risk being away from him. Believe me, Jess, I didn’t really want to hide anything from you, but I needed to. Not even Shery, nor jasmine know about this. It’s just me, Jon, and Delen…and now you” I was breathing heavily, as I felt the warm tears on my cheek, Jessica must have noticed too, cuz she pulled me into her arms, calming me down.
“I really miss him, Jess. He was my everything, and now it seems so dull, and lifeless. And it hurts me even more, that I can’t cry about it, can’t talk to anyone and tell them about the nightmares I get. I can’t ask anyone to help me get over him… cuz everyone thinks we were just GOD DAMN FRIENDS!!!
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I woke up to the sun peering through my thick curtains, urgh!!! I hate the sun in the morning…. I shifted a little in my bed and bumped into something…or someone? Oh, it’s just Jessica. Ya, I forgot she sleeps next to me when she’s here. But…how did I get here?! Last thing I remember yesterday was telling Jessica about Jon..and then…urgh!!! THE HEADACHE IS KILLING ME!!!
Jess woke up a few minutes later. “Morning, sunshine” she said as she jumped out of bed.
“I’m gonna make some coffee, want some?” she asked from behind the bathroom door
“ya, please”
I did my morning ritual, and went downstairs to the kitchen. Jessica was sitting on the island, drinking coffee, and holding her head. I went to the fridge, and fetched some ready-made sandwiches, I put them in the microwave and sat beside Jessica.
“thanks” I said, sipping my coffee
“no problem, so, there are some painkillers here, take one after you drink your coffee” she chucked me some pills as she continued sipping her coffee
I nodded, then went to grab the sandwiches from the microwave.
“oh! And your parents left this note…it was on the fridge” Jess said, and gave me a little sticky note
Dearest Selena,
Sorry we had to leave for an urgent business trip, we’re coming back in 10 days. We left you some money on the counter, try not to waste it all, though. Take care of yourself, and DON’T skip school. I’m gonna call you when I can. And you can use the car until we come back. Bye
Love, mom and dad
“oh…they left again” I sighed “they could’ve woke me up to say goodbye, though”
“maybe they didn’t want you to get up so early, it’s Sunday” Jessica said, shrugging
“uhmm…a VERY good reason” I managed a little laugh, but actually, I feel like crying “I’m gonna go change, and go to Delen, you wanna come?” I asked
“Nah, I have some work to do anyway. Your internet password is still your birthday, right?”
“um…no. It’s JASF<3, have been for a while”
“can you write it down please? I don’t think I can memorize it” she handed me the note my parents left and a little pen. I scribbled it down quickly.
“God, what kind of password is that?” she said as she looked at the paper
“uh…yeah, the neighbors’ kids found out the other password so I had to change it”
I made my way upstairs, and took out some jeans and a t-shirt from the closet. I changed quickly, and got down, waved to Jessica, and got in the car. As I started the engine, some tears started slipping down my face. Wow, I actually forgot that I changed the password of my internet. When was that? Oh…last year, on our first anniversary. It was the best year in my life, before Jon started doing drugs, before any of this mess started. I remember that day, Jon took me out to that Italian restaurant, then we went ice-skating. Actually he was ice-skating. But I was just slipping on the ice and falling down. Then that night, we went to a really romantic movie. It’s called Twilight. And in the last part of the film where they were kissing, Jon kissed me. It was my first kiss. He made it so sweet and gentle, even though it was cut short cuz of all the annoying people that kept shooting nasty comments at us. It was still the best day in my entire life. That day when I got home, I changed most of my passwords to JASF<3……… Jon and Selena Forever <3
I pulled up infront of Delen’s house, and knocked on the door. Although I’ve been friends with Delen since a long time, I never liked his mother, and I think the feeling is mutual. Although his sisters –on the other hand- are quite adorable. They’re both 29 –twins actually- and are married. I never saw them except once or twice, but I really liked them. Sometimes I wonder if I can find someone else to love and marry by the age of 30 like them. I knocked again on the door, and his mother opened.
“Good morning Mrs. Miller, is Delen here?” I asked in my politest manner
“Ya, he’s up” she said and re-entered the house leaving the door open, God, this woman hates me.
I made my way up the stairs and to Delen’s room. And being the polite girl I am, I entered the room without knocking I found Delen sitting on the floor with a bag of chips on his lap, and some magazines scattered on the floor around him. I laughed a little and sat beside him.
“Hi, wassup?” I said cheerfully
“Damn” he said as he threw another magazine carelessly across the room
“and welcome to you too” I said sarcastically shaking my head “what are you doing?”
“trying to find pictures of world war 2, I gotta finish the assignment today” he said without glancing up from the magazine he’s flipping through
“pictures of world war 2….in a teen ink magazine???” I said laughing
“I don’t have any other sources, Selena” he said mocking my sarcastic tone
“what about the internet, genius?” I said, stealing some chips
“I’m not allowed to sit on the computer this week, parents’ orders” he said while grabbing another magazine from the pile beside him.
“why? What did you do?” I asked. No answer.
“Hey, what did you do?” I asked again
“My dad knew I was drinking yesterday” he said looking at another magazine, wow..he’s looking for pictures of wars in a car magazine :D
“Oh…that. Ya, I wanted to talk to you about that, too”
“Please, no more lectures. I’ve had enough yesterday” he said finally glancing up to look at me
“umm, no. I just wanted you to promise never to do that again” I said
“you don’t need a promise” he said looking up, and smiling “it tasted awful anyway” I laughed a bit
“I don’t know how you…and Jon drank it anyway” he smiled at his own joke
“ok…leave this rubbish right now. God, Delen, how do you keep all these things in your room” I said sternly, standing up. I helped him up. “come ‘on let’s go to my house, did you do the article?”
“uh..yeah” he said, putting a light jacket on
We went downstairs, then got in the car. I drove back to my place. We went up to my room, and I found Jessica sitting on her laptop. Good, the PC is free. I sat on the bed beside her.
“Hey, I’m back” I said
“Hey Selena, hi Delen” she said while she continued typing on the laptop. Delen sat on my PC and opened it.
“Hey, Sel…the password” Delen said
“Oh..yeah. it’s the same”
“so, what does it mean, Selena” Jessica asked
“what?” I asked
“the password…what does it mean?” she said
“uh…nothing” I stood up quickly “I’m gonna make something to drink, what do you want?” I said standing by the door.
“Coffee” Jess said, shooting me a smile
“Hot Chocolate” Delen said without turning from the computer
“k” I said, and left the room
I was just about to knock on the room door, when I heard Delen and Jessica talking…and they were talking about me. I hastily put the tray of steamy mugs on a nearby table, and stood quietly behind the door, so I can hear them better.
“I’m really worried about her” I heard Jess saying
“ya, me too” Delen said
“so, what does the password mean?” she asked
“oh, yeah. It means Jon and Selena forever. They both made the same password for most of their accounts and devices. They put it on their first anniversary I think” Delen said
“umm…you know a lot about their relationship” Jessica said
“yeah, they were both my best friends. And no one knew about them, so they always asked me for advice and these things. I was kind of the third wheel” I heard them laughing from inside, but I felt my heart stinging a bit, I mean, we never meant to make Delen feel that way, did we?
“So, Delen, do you have a girlfriend?” I heard Jessica asking
“um…no. I’m not interested” Delen said
“in girls?” Jessica asked. God, Jessica, what are you thinking, Delen’s not gay. At least I think he isn’t.
“No” Delen said sharply “I meant I’m not interested in having a girlfriend”
Ok, so I guess I should go in before anymore misunderstandings happen. I bet it’s quite awkward inside. I went in, and handed each of them their mug, then sat down on the couch and started flipping through a new issue of Seventeen.
“Found it!!” Delen shouted, and I almost fell off the couch
“God, Delen, it’s just a picture” I said, as I went to him
“No, that’s the picture that’s going to get me an A plus” he said waving a newly printed paper infront of my face. I snatched it from his hand and looked at it.
“mmm…Delen. Hate to break it up to you, but” I started laughing uncontrollably “this picture is about world war 1”
“No way” he said looking again at the information on the computer
“Damn” he said again after a while
“here, let me search for it” I said as I sat down and pushed him off the chair
I found a couple of good pictures, and Delen pasted them on his article. We were sitting on the kitchen’s island flipping through the delivery menus looking for something to order.
“what about pizza hut?” I asked
“um..no. I want subway” Delen said
“come ‘on, we can make sandwiches all the time. Let’s order pizza” I said
“I don’t want pizza, let’s eat from burger king” Delen said, pulling out Burger King’s menu
“Gross.. you know I don’t like it” I whined
“sandwiches” Delen said
“Pizza” I challenged
“sandwiches”
“pizza”
“sandwiches”
“pizza”
“sandwiches” he said grabbing the cordless phone
“pizza” I said fighting him over the phone
“I’ll order Chinese” Jessica said as she calmly jumped off the table, and grabbed the phone from my hand
“cool” Delen said, as he sat back on his chair
“I’m fine with that” I said glaring at Delen, and going back to my chair
We were eating these Chinese rice/chicken thingies, and watching an old episode of Degrassi.
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I actually make it on silent all the time. I flipped it open, and found that I had one new message. From jasmine.
Hey, Sel, we’re having a small gathering tonight at my place. Just a small surprise party for Alex’s bday. He said he didn’t want a party, so there aren’t many people coming. Can you come at about 7, and get Delen, too. n presents r obligatory :D c u tonight.
I closed my phone and got back to my food. It’s not really delicious, though. I don’t know why people ate it all the time. After a while, we all finished our food, and Jessica went upstairs.
“Hey, Delen, we’re going to Alex’s place tonight…it’s his birthday” I said
“I don’t like parties at their place. They’re always full of drunk people and fights” He shuddered at the thought
“it’s not a party, just a small gathering for dinner”
“oh…k”
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We spent the rest of the afternoon watching T.V and eating some leftover sweets. Delen left at 5, so he’d get ready, and we agreed to meet at the mall at 6. I looked at the clock, wow..it’s five thirty already. So, I got up, took a shower, and started skimming through my closet for a suitable outfit. To be honest, I don’t really feel like going to any parties, last time I went out was with Jon, and it was the night of his murder. God, why did I insist we go out that night?? So, after a while, I put on a simple black dress, some low heels, and a simple touch of make-up. I got into the car at about 6, well, the mall is only 10 minutes away. I pulled up into the mall parking and called Delen to see where he is. I met Delen infront of a RadioShack store, and we went inside looking for a suitable present for Alex. We found a new play station game, and I got him a shirt from a store nearby. We didn’t bother wrapping the presents anyway, so half an hour later we were on our way to Alex’s place.
I pulled up infront of jasmine’s house. It was 10 past 7. There was just another car infront of their house, so I guess Jasmine was for the first time in her life, true about what she said. And thanks god, there was no party, cuz Delen would’ve killed me. I knocked on the door, and Jasmine opened. She was wearing a short indigo dress and some high heels, her hair was pulled up in a loose ponytail. In shorter words, she looked absolutely stunning.
“Hey” she squealed, hugging me
“Hey, Delen, you look great” she said hugging Delen briefly
“Hey, Jasmine, how are you?” Delen said, looking to the floor
“come ‘on, we’re waiting for you” she said, pulling us inside
We went into the living room. Inside, Alex was sitting on a chair drinking some beer, Shery and Martin-her boyfriend- were sitting on a love seat in the corner, talking together. I saw a girl from school sitting on the floor, and there were a couple of guys I don’t know, but I think they were from Alex’s football team.
“Hey, Selena” Alex said as he hugged me
“hey, happy birthday” I said as I handed him the t-shirt bag
“Hey, man, happy birthday” Delen said, and gave him the play station game
“Delen…hey, how are you, haven’t seen you for so long” Alex said, and they did that stupid guy handshake thing
We were sitting on the floor eating some pizza jasmine have ordered. I was chatting with Alex about school, and these things. And Delen was talking to Jasmine, they were sitting across from us, but I noticed Delen blushing almost every time Jasmine told him something. Wait…what?? Delen’s BLUSHING??? OMG…does that mean he…um…likes her? OMG, I have to ask him when we get out of here. I was thinking about how cute Delen and Jasmine looked together when Sherry stood in the middle of the circle and placed an empty bottle on the floor…oh no!! I hate that game
“Guys…we’re gonna play spin the bottle” sherry said as she sat down again beside Martin, everyone shifted a little so we were sitting in a circle around the bottle. Sherry spinned it and it’s bottom landed on Delen, and the tip landed on me…Oh, Good. Now am gonna ask Delen about Jasmine.
“Truth or Dare” I asked him
“Dare” he said
“If you like Jasmine, ask her out….now” I said calmly, then everyone bursted in laughter and oh’s and all this crap
“come ‘on Delen” I urged
Delen glared at me for a minute, then stood up, I thought he was going to leave, but he got down on one knee infront of Jasmine and said “Jasmine, would you go out on a date with me” I was completely shocked, but nevertheless joined in the cheering group that was waiting for jasmine to say yes…
“Yes…finally” Jasmine said and hugged Delen, everyone erupted in laughter, but we all calmed down after a minute and continued playing. We continued for another hour asking stupid questions, and doing some stupid dares. Like, one of these football dudes got dared to run around the house in one minute, and he got back after 30 seconds –seriously the house isn’t THAT big. Shery spinned the bottle, and the bottom landed on me, and the tip on Alex.
“Truth or dare” he asked, a mischievous smile playing on his lips. I thought, that if I said truth, maybe he’ll ask some embarrassing question, or worse…he can ask something about Jon. But if I said dare, it’ll most likely be a stupid one like everyone else.
“Dare” I said
“ummmm…Selena, would you go out on a date with me?” I stared for a minute, dumbfounded, is he really REALLY asking ME to go out on a DATE with him??? I mean, Alex is one of the most popular guys at school alright. He’s really handsome, and funny, and he’s the captain of football team. There isn’t a girl in Burton high school who doesn’t fancy him, but I never thought of him that way… I was just thinking of a suitable excuse when I heard Delen starting to talk
“She’d love to” Delen said, I glared at him, still shocked of what he said.
“umm..Selena, what do you say?” Alex said, shifting his gaze between me and Delen, who were currently having a glaring competition.
“uh…ummmm” I stuttered, but Delen cut me off
“Alex, what about a double date?” Delen said
“Sure, that sounds great, what do you say Selena?” Alex said enthusiastically. I looked around, and everyone was looking at me with anticipating eyes, except Delen, he was looking at me with such…challenge.
“Ya…that sounds…um…great” I said, and managed a tiny smile towards Alex, who was currently beaming.
“ummmm…ya, so I think it’s getting late now, we should be going” Delen said as he stood up “Selena” he said and looked at me, I quickly sprung to my feet
“Ya” I said “Bye, guys” I waved to them, then Jasmine and Alex walked us to the door
“I’ll call you tomorrow so we can set up our date, k?” Alex said, we were standing on the door
“I’ll meet you tomorrow at school, Alex” I said
“uh…yeah, right” he said, blushing a bit
“happy birthday, Alex” I said and went into the car, he closed the car door behind me, and went into the house. Delen got in the car, after Jasmine went into the house too. I started the engine, and drove to Delen’s house.
“What the hell was that about” I shouted at Delen
“What?” he said, smirking
“Don’t be like that, Delen. Why did you agree that I go out with Alex?”
“You wanted to” he said
“Are you insane?? Delen I don’t like Alex that way” I pleaded, wishing he’d understand me
“then why did you agree” he was still smirking, and it was driving me CRAZY
“I didn’t agree. In case you haven’t noticed, you AGREED for me”
“I just said you’d love to, then suggested a double date. But YOU agreed to it”
“I couldn’t say no infront of all of these people, especially after you agreed”
“Selena, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have forced you into this…but look…you’ll be with me and Jasmine, and I think it’ll be a good distraction from…uhmm…the accident” he said
“I don’t want a distraction, Delen” I said
“you Need it ,Sel, you gotta move on” he said
“anyway, what’s up with you and Jasmine?? You never told me about it” I said, it was my turn to smirk
“uh…it’s kind of a recent…uh…crush” he was looking to the floor, and blushing
“yeah, right” I said
We drove in silence the rest of the way. I dropped Delen at his house, then went to my house. I went up, and found Jessica still sitting on her laptop, God she never gets bored.
“Hey” I said, and plopped down on the bed next to her
“Hi” she said, closing her laptop “So, how did the party go?”
“uhmm…fine, I..I got a date with Alex Smith”
“What?!!” she said excitedly “Tell me about him”
“it’s not exactly a date, it was a dare and he was being really polite, and everyone was looking at me, and even Delen kept saying how ‘I’d love to’ so I had no choice and agreed”
“Well…it’s still a date, right?...Sel, am so happy for you” she was jumping up and down on the bed like a 5 year old, and I couldn’t stop laughing at how she looked
“um…yeah, I suppose” I said as I took off my clothes, and took out a new pajamas “it’s a double date actually”
“cool, who’re you going with?” she said
“Delen and Jasmine” I said
“nice, when are you going?”
“I don’t know, but I guess it’ll be tomorrow, we’re gonna set it up tomorrow at school”
“k” she said, and I went into the bathroom, did my usual ritual, wiped off my makeup, and went downstairs. I found Jess in the kitchen making some coffee.
“Hey, want some?” she offered
“uh..no, thanks. I’m going to sleep anyway, got school tomorrow” I said heading up the stairs
“right…school. Almost forgot how it’s like” she said laughing
“yeah, wish I could say that, too. good night” I said laughing
“Good night” she said
I went upstairs, and into my room. I set my alarm to 6 o’clock, and sent a message to Delen to remind him to pick me up tomorrow, cuz am not in the ‘mood’ of driving I went to bed that night, and for the first time in a month, I drifted into dreamless sleep.
*****************************
I was getting ready in my room with Jasmine, and Shery. Somehow, today at school we decided it’ll be a ‘triple’ date, not a double one. So, Jessica was currently putting Jasmine’s make-up on, and I was helping Shery find a good necklace to match her new dress. Honestly, I think we three looked great.
The boys were supposed to come pick us up in about 10 minutes. Today at school, we decided we’d go to the cinema, then go to a new French restaurant. I was –surprisingly- really excited by the idea. As I was walking home from school today, I kept thinking about Jon. I think maybe, if he was still alive he’d want me to move on with my life, and be happy. But, maybe not. In the end, as I was thinking, I realized that all my assuming were based on IF he was alive, but he’s not. And it’s not my fault, and no one can change what happened. The case is closed. No one ever found who did this. Jon was gone, and everyone was ready to move on. Including me.
The bell rung, and snapped me out of my thoughts. Jessica came in smiling.
“Ok, girls. They’re here” Jasmine and Shery practically skipped out of my room.
I took a deep breath, and as I was passing by Jess, she leaned in, close to my ear.
“and they’re hot” she whispered. I giggled.
I went down the stairs, and found Jasmine, Delen, Shery, and Martin already out of the house.
Alex was standing on the door, wearing dark Jeans, and a black blazer, surprisingly matching my black strapless dress.
As I was walking down, locking eyes with him, I felt that maybe this is the time I can start over again. Somehow, for the first time in my life, I felt grateful that my relationship with Jon was always kept a secret….
“Excuse me, are you Selena Wilson?” a tall tanned man, in a local police uniform asked
“Yes” I answered, sobbing
“Would you please come with me, we would like to ask you some questions” He guided me to a police car, where another policeman was investigating some people.
“There she is” He told the other policeman, and whispered something in his ear, then left.
“Hello, miss Wilson, would u please take a seat?” I sat down on the opposite chair, it was a kind of van and inside there was a small desk with scattered papers, and a couple of chairs facing each other…
“So, you were a friend of Jon, right?”
“ya”
“close?”
“very close, actually”
“So, didn’t he ever tell you if he had some problems with someone, or got involved in anything, or if he was on drugs for example?”
“No, Jon was never that kind of guy, he never got involved in anything illegal”
“so, don’t you know if he was having problems with anyone, if he had any haters, or people who might have killed him?”
“I don’t know”
“you were his best friend and you don’t know about his personal life?” Right now, I was really beginning to lose my patience, I never entered a police station before, never mind getting investigated on a MURDERING case, especially when it’s my best friend’s murder…
“miss Wilson?”
“sorry, I told you I was his best friend alright, but Jon was kind of secretive, and he never told me about his personal problems much, he always said that I’m a girl and I’d never understand anything about his problems if he told me, fine?”
“Fine, you are free to go now miss Wilson, but we may be needing your assistance again in this case”
*********************************
It was pitch black, and I couldn’t see anything, but I could hear Jon’s voice in a distance. He was screaming, I ran towards the voice, constantly being blocked by walls. I reached a very bright room, my eyes hurt me from the extra brightness.
I saw Jon lying on the floor, all beaten and wounded, his mouth was pouring blood, and he was still screaming.
“Selena” I heard his distant voice again.. I ran towards him, as he kept screaming my name again and again… I was a few inches before him when I hit something, it was like a huge invisible wall that separated us. I kept trying to find a way to reach him but in vain.
“JON, JON!!!” I saw him bleeding from every part of his body.,,
“JON..” I was still searching on the invisible wall, when I saw a light path behind him, he was being sucked inside it.
“JON..NO, PLEASE JON WAIT, PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME”
“I LOVE U SELENA” and then he completely disappeared inside that light..
“JON” I screamed my loudest voice…but he wasn’t there anymore…
………………………………………………………………………………………………
“Selena” I jolted from my sleeping position, I was breathing heavily.. my mother was sitting on the end of the bed, looking worried, and my heart was hardly pounding in my chest.
“don’t worry dear, it’s just a nightmare”
“what time is it?” I asked, still trying to catch my breath
“It’s 6:30”
“Oh, k” I sighed, relieved. I still felt guilty, though, for waking up the whole house again, but at least it’s not 3 am as yesterday, my father should be up by now.
“U still not going to school?”
“I think so”
“Sel, dear, I know that you and Jon were best friends, and I know how you’re feeling right now. I want you to know that Jon was like a son to me too, and we all feel terrible about what happened to him, but you’ve been missing school for more than a week now”
“I know mom, but I just can’t imagine going to school and not seeing him there” I started sobbing.
“And your teacher, I think his name was Mr. Derby, called and said that the school will not be permitting anymore absence”
“But…” I started but she stopped me
“No buts, Selena. Now get up, and get ready, I’ll drive you to school today on my way to work”
“Mom..”
“15 minutes” she said as she left my room
I laid back again, and started crying heavily…I was still trying to believe the fact that I won’t be seeing Jon again, that he won’t be driving me to school every day, I can’t imagine anyone else that I’d go out with, or cry to when I fight with my parents…he meant the world to me, more than just being my best friend. I looked to the bedside table, where a photo frame he bought me earlier this month was lying, it had a picture of me, him, and Delen… I laughed as I looked at the picture, I was standing wearing strange-looking glasses, and Jon was kind of riding Delen in the snow, it was new year’s eve, the best one I ever had in my life…
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Hey, you’re back” Jasmine kind of shouted when I entered class this morning
“Ya, I guess so” I said in an almost whisper, as I put my books on the desk
“So, I’ve copied every lesson we took, I don’t think you’ll be missing anything, and if there’s any lesson you don’t understand I can explain it for you, mkay?”
“Ya, thank Jas”
“So, we’re all going out for pizza tonight, wanna come?”
“No, I guess I’ll study tonight, need to catch up a little”
“A little??” she said, smirking
“okay, a lot” I said laughing along, then something snapped in my head
“Hey, where’s Delen?” I asked, rather anxious, I needed to speak to him
“dunno, he never showed up since..uh, since then”
The rest of the day passed slowly, I wasn’t really paying attention to any of the classes, and I guess my teachers weren’t really so fond of it, so I got shouted at a couple of times. But whenever I tried to really pay attention at class, my mind wandered off to Jon…and Delen. I need to speak to him right away. Me, Delen, and Jon were best friends since a long time, but I was closer to Jon in another way, a way that nobody knew of except me, Delen, and Jon.
--------------------------------------------------------
“Finally” I sighed as the bell rang signaling the end of the day.
“Sure u don’t wanna come, I can pay for u if u don’t have money, you know” Jasmine said as she zipped her school bag.
“nah, I’m good, I’ll just go to Delen then head home”
“I don’t think you’ll find him, we went there several times after the…accident, but his mother said he wasn’t there”
“I’ll just give it a try, I really need to talk to him”
“mkay, see u tomorrow”
“bye” I said and headed out of the giant double doors of the school
----------------------------------------------------------------
Delen’s house wasn’t so far from school, only a 5 minutes’ walk. I rang the bell, and his mother opened the door for me.
“hey, Mrs. Miller, is Delen here?” I said, forcing my politest smile
“I’m sorry Selena, but he went out this morning, he didn’t come back yet” she said and started closing the door –yeah, she wasn’t really a friendly person-
“Please Mrs. Miller, I need to see him, can you just please tell him I wanna talk to him, I’m sure he won’t mind” I was practically begging her now
“I’m sorry Selena, but I assure you he’s not here, you can check out if you want”
“ok, thanks” I sighed, then walked away
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Delen wasn’t the type who can disappear like this, and I was sure he didn’t get drunk and pass out somewhere for example. Ever since the accident he had 5 years ago because of a drunk driver, he swore he’ll never drink in his life, and he actually kept that promise. He would always scold me or Jon when we got really drunk –which was really rare in my case. But I was very worried, though. Me and Delen knew Jon had some problems before he died, but we never spoke a word, not even in the investigations. Delen was really scared and he told me that day, that he was feeling that we were betraying Jon by not speaking. When I thought about it, I felt really worried that Delen might actually speak of this in the investigations, but I knew that he knew better, he won’t do that after what happened to Jon. I kept looking for Delen in all the places I thought he might be at, after I left his house. I even called Alex, and asked him if he had heard from him lately. Alex was the closest friend to Delen after Jon, he was a friend of mine too. I was looking through a window of a restaurant looking for Delen when something snapped in my head. I practically ran through the street, to the deserted park where me, Delen, and Jon usually hung out. I felt so stupid that I didn’t look for him there before. I reached the park after 10 minutes of running, sweating and out of breath. It was dark, and the wrecked pieces of the swings were making terrible sounds as they moved with the wind. It actually looked like a haunted park, so it was usually deserted, and no one ever came here. That’s why it was the perfect hang out place for us. I looked at the park hoping that I’d spot Delen in this darkness. I saw him sitting under a bare tree, and he was…OMG, is he DRINKING???
“Delen?” I asked as I got closer to him, not completely sure if it was even Delen.
“Selena” he said slowly as he moved the loose strands of his black hair off his eyes, and took another gulp of the beer he had
“oh my god, Delen, are you drinking?” I said as I snatched the can from his hand and threw it away.
“Delen, what happened? What are you doing here?” I said as I sat down next to him, the wind was blowing furiously, and I felt the cold air against my skin.
“thinking” he said shrugging
“Delen, are you ok?”
“I feel terrible, Selena, he was my best friend pretty much since we were born, and I feel like I’m betraying him” He began sobbing, and I held him close trying to comfort him.
“Delen, did you tell anybody?”
“No…you know we can’t tell anyone, they can get to us too, Selena”
“It’s killing me too, Delen, it’s killing me. I have nightmares each night, and in every one I see him dying or bleeding, and I try to reach him but I can’t”
“I’m afraid”
“Delen, why are you drinking, you swore you’ll never drink in your life”
“I also swore that I’ll stand for him, no matter what, and look what I’m doing now”
“Delen you need to listen to me” I said shaking him “Jon put himself in all of this, it wasn’t your fault nor mine. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. If Jon was here, he’d never want you to beat yourself up like that”
“IF he was here, Selena” he interrupted me “but he isn’t” he said raising his voice a bit
“Delen, you know we can never prove anything on these people” I said angrily “HECK. We don’t even KNOW who these people are”
“Selena” he started but I stopped him
“It’s over Delen. Jon put himself willingly in this, and neither you nor me will take the guilt, ok?”
He sighed and stood up, pulling me up with him.
“Promise me, Delen. Promise that you’ll stop beating yourself up for this” I held his hand, but he let go roughly
“And you Selena” he said
“what?” I took a step back
“why don’t you stop beating yourself up?! I mean just start again, find another person to love, and stop mourning over him”
“I…I” I started but failed to find any words to say
“come’on, Selena. You need to get your life back”
We stayed silent for god knows how much time, then Delen took my hand and led me to his car.
“Let’s go home” I nodded, and went into the passenger seat. Delen got in, and started the car.
We didn’t say anything on the car ride home. Delen pulled up to my house, and I muttered a quick thanks, before getting out of the car and running up straight to my room.
I sat on my bed, thinking about what Delen said. I didn’t even notice I was crying until mom knocked about an hour later. She went in and sat beside me on the bed.
“What’s wrong honey?” she cooed
“nothing” I sniffled
“is this about Jon again?” she asked gently. I nodded.
“Don’t worry, honey, you’ll learn to forget” I nodded again.
“Anyways, I came to tell you that Jessica is coming tomorrow” she said giddily
I smiled. Jessica is my cousin, and she’s my favorite person in the family. She’s like my older sister, we used to practically live together, until she moved to NYC to work there. Now, I rarely see her, unless when she comes to visit.
“ok, thanks mom” I said “I think I’m going to sleep now anyway”
“ok. Goodnight, honey” she kissed my forehead, and got out of the room after turning off the lights.
****************************
“Selena” shouted Jessica the moment she came through the door, I was laying on my bed, with my headphones blasting a song by Evanescence
“Jessica” I said as I jolted from my position and ran towards her, she embraced me in one of her bear-like hugs
“Hey, you weren’t supposed to arrive before another couple of hours or so”
“I found an earlier flight” She shrugged
“I missed you so much”
“Me too, I’m really sorry Sel, I wanted to come as soon as I heard what happened to Jon, but you know…work”
“Don’t worry”
“Are you alright now? God, I can’t even believe what happened, I mean, Jon was always a sweet person, who the heck would kill someone like him?!!” she said, her voice going louder as she pulled me beside her on the couch
“Jessica, I really need to talk to you about… uh, something. I know you just got here….but…uh”
“Can’t you just talk now?” Her face looking more worried
“Tonight, I’ll take you out to a restaurant, but please don’t tell anyone about this. It’s really serious, Jess”
“ok, I’ll just go take a shower and get settled” she said, leaving the room
I sighed, and laid back on my bed. As if on cue, the song ‘clueless’ started on my playlist. ‘I just wish you were here with me, it was always you who’d wipe away my tears, and tell me it’ll be alright…it’s just so different without you, I really miss you’
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later that day, I was lying on the ground with Jessica. We were in the deserted park, and it was getting really late, I still haven’t talked about it with her, though. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, watching the glistening stars above.
“So, it does really hurt, right?” Jessica blurted
“It’s an understatement” I said
“Selena, I know it’s not really my area to talk in, but you’ve been always honest with me. You always told me I was like your sister, but I know you’re hiding something from me, I can just feel it” Jess turned and looked at me
“something like what” I said hesitantly
“was there something between you and Jon, Selena?” she asked
I sighed, then shifted in my position and sat upright.
“he was my boyfriend, Jess” I said looking down
I felt her wrap her arms gently around my shoulders, and pull me to her chest. I cried silently for a few minutes, after all the memories of Jon came flooding back into my mind. I also felt guilty that I kept something like that a secret from my Jessica… I pulled away after a while, and Jess handed me a tissue. I felt horrible, and I knew I looked like that too.
“sorry” I sniffled
“I’m not angry you didn’t tell me, Sel….just, confused” she said soothingly
“no one ever knew, Jess…except Delen, but it wasn’t something personal. It’s just we had to keep it a secret, and Delen knew cuz he was our best friend and everything, u know”
“yeah…so, it does hurt, right?” she asked “being your boyfriend and all, I mean I’ve only seen him like once or twice but I noticed something there between you”
I sighed. Then lied down again on my back.
“You know what really hurts me, jess………. my parents” I said as I laid down staring at the black sky, Jessica hesitated a minute, then laid down next to me
“I thought you were getting along just fine with them” she said
“They never understood me, nor even cared about what I really want for that matter. Me and Jon were never friends, it was kind of love at first sight. Two years ago, when he asked me out, I thought I’d see what my parents think of him first. I told my mother about him, as just a friend, but I knew she never even liked him. You know that one time, she started ranting on him, and how irresponsible he is, she even thought she could stop me from being his ‘friend’… that’s why I thought it’ll be better that way. He never complained though, he saw boys asking me on dates, or hitting on me cuz they thought I was single. He respected that I needed to hide our relationship from my parents, just cuz I loved him so much. But they never understood what it meant to me, and I just couldn’t risk being away from him. Believe me, Jess, I didn’t really want to hide anything from you, but I needed to. Not even Shery, nor jasmine know about this. It’s just me, Jon, and Delen…and now you” I was breathing heavily, as I felt the warm tears on my cheek, Jessica must have noticed too, cuz she pulled me into her arms, calming me down.
“I really miss him, Jess. He was my everything, and now it seems so dull, and lifeless. And it hurts me even more, that I can’t cry about it, can’t talk to anyone and tell them about the nightmares I get. I can’t ask anyone to help me get over him… cuz everyone thinks we were just GOD DAMN FRIENDS!!!
*************************
I woke up to the sun peering through my thick curtains, urgh!!! I hate the sun in the morning…. I shifted a little in my bed and bumped into something…or someone? Oh, it’s just Jessica. Ya, I forgot she sleeps next to me when she’s here. But…how did I get here?! Last thing I remember yesterday was telling Jessica about Jon..and then…urgh!!! THE HEADACHE IS KILLING ME!!!
Jess woke up a few minutes later. “Morning, sunshine” she said as she jumped out of bed.
“I’m gonna make some coffee, want some?” she asked from behind the bathroom door
“ya, please”
I did my morning ritual, and went downstairs to the kitchen. Jessica was sitting on the island, drinking coffee, and holding her head. I went to the fridge, and fetched some ready-made sandwiches, I put them in the microwave and sat beside Jessica.
“thanks” I said, sipping my coffee
“no problem, so, there are some painkillers here, take one after you drink your coffee” she chucked me some pills as she continued sipping her coffee
I nodded, then went to grab the sandwiches from the microwave.
“oh! And your parents left this note…it was on the fridge” Jess said, and gave me a little sticky note
Dearest Selena,
Sorry we had to leave for an urgent business trip, we’re coming back in 10 days. We left you some money on the counter, try not to waste it all, though. Take care of yourself, and DON’T skip school. I’m gonna call you when I can. And you can use the car until we come back. Bye
Love, mom and dad
“oh…they left again” I sighed “they could’ve woke me up to say goodbye, though”
“maybe they didn’t want you to get up so early, it’s Sunday” Jessica said, shrugging
“uhmm…a VERY good reason” I managed a little laugh, but actually, I feel like crying “I’m gonna go change, and go to Delen, you wanna come?” I asked
“Nah, I have some work to do anyway. Your internet password is still your birthday, right?”
“um…no. It’s JASF<3, have been for a while”
“can you write it down please? I don’t think I can memorize it” she handed me the note my parents left and a little pen. I scribbled it down quickly.
“God, what kind of password is that?” she said as she looked at the paper
“uh…yeah, the neighbors’ kids found out the other password so I had to change it”
I made my way upstairs, and took out some jeans and a t-shirt from the closet. I changed quickly, and got down, waved to Jessica, and got in the car. As I started the engine, some tears started slipping down my face. Wow, I actually forgot that I changed the password of my internet. When was that? Oh…last year, on our first anniversary. It was the best year in my life, before Jon started doing drugs, before any of this mess started. I remember that day, Jon took me out to that Italian restaurant, then we went ice-skating. Actually he was ice-skating. But I was just slipping on the ice and falling down. Then that night, we went to a really romantic movie. It’s called Twilight. And in the last part of the film where they were kissing, Jon kissed me. It was my first kiss. He made it so sweet and gentle, even though it was cut short cuz of all the annoying people that kept shooting nasty comments at us. It was still the best day in my entire life. That day when I got home, I changed most of my passwords to JASF<3……… Jon and Selena Forever <3
I pulled up infront of Delen’s house, and knocked on the door. Although I’ve been friends with Delen since a long time, I never liked his mother, and I think the feeling is mutual. Although his sisters –on the other hand- are quite adorable. They’re both 29 –twins actually- and are married. I never saw them except once or twice, but I really liked them. Sometimes I wonder if I can find someone else to love and marry by the age of 30 like them. I knocked again on the door, and his mother opened.
“Good morning Mrs. Miller, is Delen here?” I asked in my politest manner
“Ya, he’s up” she said and re-entered the house leaving the door open, God, this woman hates me.
I made my way up the stairs and to Delen’s room. And being the polite girl I am, I entered the room without knocking I found Delen sitting on the floor with a bag of chips on his lap, and some magazines scattered on the floor around him. I laughed a little and sat beside him.
“Hi, wassup?” I said cheerfully
“Damn” he said as he threw another magazine carelessly across the room
“and welcome to you too” I said sarcastically shaking my head “what are you doing?”
“trying to find pictures of world war 2, I gotta finish the assignment today” he said without glancing up from the magazine he’s flipping through
“pictures of world war 2….in a teen ink magazine???” I said laughing
“I don’t have any other sources, Selena” he said mocking my sarcastic tone
“what about the internet, genius?” I said, stealing some chips
“I’m not allowed to sit on the computer this week, parents’ orders” he said while grabbing another magazine from the pile beside him.
“why? What did you do?” I asked. No answer.
“Hey, what did you do?” I asked again
“My dad knew I was drinking yesterday” he said looking at another magazine, wow..he’s looking for pictures of wars in a car magazine :D
“Oh…that. Ya, I wanted to talk to you about that, too”
“Please, no more lectures. I’ve had enough yesterday” he said finally glancing up to look at me
“umm, no. I just wanted you to promise never to do that again” I said
“you don’t need a promise” he said looking up, and smiling “it tasted awful anyway” I laughed a bit
“I don’t know how you…and Jon drank it anyway” he smiled at his own joke
“ok…leave this rubbish right now. God, Delen, how do you keep all these things in your room” I said sternly, standing up. I helped him up. “come ‘on let’s go to my house, did you do the article?”
“uh..yeah” he said, putting a light jacket on
We went downstairs, then got in the car. I drove back to my place. We went up to my room, and I found Jessica sitting on her laptop. Good, the PC is free. I sat on the bed beside her.
“Hey, I’m back” I said
“Hey Selena, hi Delen” she said while she continued typing on the laptop. Delen sat on my PC and opened it.
“Hey, Sel…the password” Delen said
“Oh..yeah. it’s the same”
“so, what does it mean, Selena” Jessica asked
“what?” I asked
“the password…what does it mean?” she said
“uh…nothing” I stood up quickly “I’m gonna make something to drink, what do you want?” I said standing by the door.
“Coffee” Jess said, shooting me a smile
“Hot Chocolate” Delen said without turning from the computer
“k” I said, and left the room
I was just about to knock on the room door, when I heard Delen and Jessica talking…and they were talking about me. I hastily put the tray of steamy mugs on a nearby table, and stood quietly behind the door, so I can hear them better.
“I’m really worried about her” I heard Jess saying
“ya, me too” Delen said
“so, what does the password mean?” she asked
“oh, yeah. It means Jon and Selena forever. They both made the same password for most of their accounts and devices. They put it on their first anniversary I think” Delen said
“umm…you know a lot about their relationship” Jessica said
“yeah, they were both my best friends. And no one knew about them, so they always asked me for advice and these things. I was kind of the third wheel” I heard them laughing from inside, but I felt my heart stinging a bit, I mean, we never meant to make Delen feel that way, did we?
“So, Delen, do you have a girlfriend?” I heard Jessica asking
“um…no. I’m not interested” Delen said
“in girls?” Jessica asked. God, Jessica, what are you thinking, Delen’s not gay. At least I think he isn’t.
“No” Delen said sharply “I meant I’m not interested in having a girlfriend”
Ok, so I guess I should go in before anymore misunderstandings happen. I bet it’s quite awkward inside. I went in, and handed each of them their mug, then sat down on the couch and started flipping through a new issue of Seventeen.
“Found it!!” Delen shouted, and I almost fell off the couch
“God, Delen, it’s just a picture” I said, as I went to him
“No, that’s the picture that’s going to get me an A plus” he said waving a newly printed paper infront of my face. I snatched it from his hand and looked at it.
“mmm…Delen. Hate to break it up to you, but” I started laughing uncontrollably “this picture is about world war 1”
“No way” he said looking again at the information on the computer
“Damn” he said again after a while
“here, let me search for it” I said as I sat down and pushed him off the chair
I found a couple of good pictures, and Delen pasted them on his article. We were sitting on the kitchen’s island flipping through the delivery menus looking for something to order.
“what about pizza hut?” I asked
“um..no. I want subway” Delen said
“come ‘on, we can make sandwiches all the time. Let’s order pizza” I said
“I don’t want pizza, let’s eat from burger king” Delen said, pulling out Burger King’s menu
“Gross.. you know I don’t like it” I whined
“sandwiches” Delen said
“Pizza” I challenged
“sandwiches”
“pizza”
“sandwiches”
“pizza”
“sandwiches” he said grabbing the cordless phone
“pizza” I said fighting him over the phone
“I’ll order Chinese” Jessica said as she calmly jumped off the table, and grabbed the phone from my hand
“cool” Delen said, as he sat back on his chair
“I’m fine with that” I said glaring at Delen, and going back to my chair
We were eating these Chinese rice/chicken thingies, and watching an old episode of Degrassi.
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I actually make it on silent all the time. I flipped it open, and found that I had one new message. From jasmine.
Hey, Sel, we’re having a small gathering tonight at my place. Just a small surprise party for Alex’s bday. He said he didn’t want a party, so there aren’t many people coming. Can you come at about 7, and get Delen, too. n presents r obligatory :D c u tonight.
I closed my phone and got back to my food. It’s not really delicious, though. I don’t know why people ate it all the time. After a while, we all finished our food, and Jessica went upstairs.
“Hey, Delen, we’re going to Alex’s place tonight…it’s his birthday” I said
“I don’t like parties at their place. They’re always full of drunk people and fights” He shuddered at the thought
“it’s not a party, just a small gathering for dinner”
“oh…k”
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We spent the rest of the afternoon watching T.V and eating some leftover sweets. Delen left at 5, so he’d get ready, and we agreed to meet at the mall at 6. I looked at the clock, wow..it’s five thirty already. So, I got up, took a shower, and started skimming through my closet for a suitable outfit. To be honest, I don’t really feel like going to any parties, last time I went out was with Jon, and it was the night of his murder. God, why did I insist we go out that night?? So, after a while, I put on a simple black dress, some low heels, and a simple touch of make-up. I got into the car at about 6, well, the mall is only 10 minutes away. I pulled up into the mall parking and called Delen to see where he is. I met Delen infront of a RadioShack store, and we went inside looking for a suitable present for Alex. We found a new play station game, and I got him a shirt from a store nearby. We didn’t bother wrapping the presents anyway, so half an hour later we were on our way to Alex’s place.
I pulled up infront of jasmine’s house. It was 10 past 7. There was just another car infront of their house, so I guess Jasmine was for the first time in her life, true about what she said. And thanks god, there was no party, cuz Delen would’ve killed me. I knocked on the door, and Jasmine opened. She was wearing a short indigo dress and some high heels, her hair was pulled up in a loose ponytail. In shorter words, she looked absolutely stunning.
“Hey” she squealed, hugging me
“Hey, Delen, you look great” she said hugging Delen briefly
“Hey, Jasmine, how are you?” Delen said, looking to the floor
“come ‘on, we’re waiting for you” she said, pulling us inside
We went into the living room. Inside, Alex was sitting on a chair drinking some beer, Shery and Martin-her boyfriend- were sitting on a love seat in the corner, talking together. I saw a girl from school sitting on the floor, and there were a couple of guys I don’t know, but I think they were from Alex’s football team.
“Hey, Selena” Alex said as he hugged me
“hey, happy birthday” I said as I handed him the t-shirt bag
“Hey, man, happy birthday” Delen said, and gave him the play station game
“Delen…hey, how are you, haven’t seen you for so long” Alex said, and they did that stupid guy handshake thing
We were sitting on the floor eating some pizza jasmine have ordered. I was chatting with Alex about school, and these things. And Delen was talking to Jasmine, they were sitting across from us, but I noticed Delen blushing almost every time Jasmine told him something. Wait…what?? Delen’s BLUSHING??? OMG…does that mean he…um…likes her? OMG, I have to ask him when we get out of here. I was thinking about how cute Delen and Jasmine looked together when Sherry stood in the middle of the circle and placed an empty bottle on the floor…oh no!! I hate that game
“Guys…we’re gonna play spin the bottle” sherry said as she sat down again beside Martin, everyone shifted a little so we were sitting in a circle around the bottle. Sherry spinned it and it’s bottom landed on Delen, and the tip landed on me…Oh, Good. Now am gonna ask Delen about Jasmine.
“Truth or Dare” I asked him
“Dare” he said
“If you like Jasmine, ask her out….now” I said calmly, then everyone bursted in laughter and oh’s and all this crap
“come ‘on Delen” I urged
Delen glared at me for a minute, then stood up, I thought he was going to leave, but he got down on one knee infront of Jasmine and said “Jasmine, would you go out on a date with me” I was completely shocked, but nevertheless joined in the cheering group that was waiting for jasmine to say yes…
“Yes…finally” Jasmine said and hugged Delen, everyone erupted in laughter, but we all calmed down after a minute and continued playing. We continued for another hour asking stupid questions, and doing some stupid dares. Like, one of these football dudes got dared to run around the house in one minute, and he got back after 30 seconds –seriously the house isn’t THAT big. Shery spinned the bottle, and the bottom landed on me, and the tip on Alex.
“Truth or dare” he asked, a mischievous smile playing on his lips. I thought, that if I said truth, maybe he’ll ask some embarrassing question, or worse…he can ask something about Jon. But if I said dare, it’ll most likely be a stupid one like everyone else.
“Dare” I said
“ummmm…Selena, would you go out on a date with me?” I stared for a minute, dumbfounded, is he really REALLY asking ME to go out on a DATE with him??? I mean, Alex is one of the most popular guys at school alright. He’s really handsome, and funny, and he’s the captain of football team. There isn’t a girl in Burton high school who doesn’t fancy him, but I never thought of him that way… I was just thinking of a suitable excuse when I heard Delen starting to talk
“She’d love to” Delen said, I glared at him, still shocked of what he said.
“umm..Selena, what do you say?” Alex said, shifting his gaze between me and Delen, who were currently having a glaring competition.
“uh…ummmm” I stuttered, but Delen cut me off
“Alex, what about a double date?” Delen said
“Sure, that sounds great, what do you say Selena?” Alex said enthusiastically. I looked around, and everyone was looking at me with anticipating eyes, except Delen, he was looking at me with such…challenge.
“Ya…that sounds…um…great” I said, and managed a tiny smile towards Alex, who was currently beaming.
“ummmm…ya, so I think it’s getting late now, we should be going” Delen said as he stood up “Selena” he said and looked at me, I quickly sprung to my feet
“Ya” I said “Bye, guys” I waved to them, then Jasmine and Alex walked us to the door
“I’ll call you tomorrow so we can set up our date, k?” Alex said, we were standing on the door
“I’ll meet you tomorrow at school, Alex” I said
“uh…yeah, right” he said, blushing a bit
“happy birthday, Alex” I said and went into the car, he closed the car door behind me, and went into the house. Delen got in the car, after Jasmine went into the house too. I started the engine, and drove to Delen’s house.
“What the hell was that about” I shouted at Delen
“What?” he said, smirking
“Don’t be like that, Delen. Why did you agree that I go out with Alex?”
“You wanted to” he said
“Are you insane?? Delen I don’t like Alex that way” I pleaded, wishing he’d understand me
“then why did you agree” he was still smirking, and it was driving me CRAZY
“I didn’t agree. In case you haven’t noticed, you AGREED for me”
“I just said you’d love to, then suggested a double date. But YOU agreed to it”
“I couldn’t say no infront of all of these people, especially after you agreed”
“Selena, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have forced you into this…but look…you’ll be with me and Jasmine, and I think it’ll be a good distraction from…uhmm…the accident” he said
“I don’t want a distraction, Delen” I said
“you Need it ,Sel, you gotta move on” he said
“anyway, what’s up with you and Jasmine?? You never told me about it” I said, it was my turn to smirk
“uh…it’s kind of a recent…uh…crush” he was looking to the floor, and blushing
“yeah, right” I said
We drove in silence the rest of the way. I dropped Delen at his house, then went to my house. I went up, and found Jessica still sitting on her laptop, God she never gets bored.
“Hey” I said, and plopped down on the bed next to her
“Hi” she said, closing her laptop “So, how did the party go?”
“uhmm…fine, I..I got a date with Alex Smith”
“What?!!” she said excitedly “Tell me about him”
“it’s not exactly a date, it was a dare and he was being really polite, and everyone was looking at me, and even Delen kept saying how ‘I’d love to’ so I had no choice and agreed”
“Well…it’s still a date, right?...Sel, am so happy for you” she was jumping up and down on the bed like a 5 year old, and I couldn’t stop laughing at how she looked
“um…yeah, I suppose” I said as I took off my clothes, and took out a new pajamas “it’s a double date actually”
“cool, who’re you going with?” she said
“Delen and Jasmine” I said
“nice, when are you going?”
“I don’t know, but I guess it’ll be tomorrow, we’re gonna set it up tomorrow at school”
“k” she said, and I went into the bathroom, did my usual ritual, wiped off my makeup, and went downstairs. I found Jess in the kitchen making some coffee.
“Hey, want some?” she offered
“uh..no, thanks. I’m going to sleep anyway, got school tomorrow” I said heading up the stairs
“right…school. Almost forgot how it’s like” she said laughing
“yeah, wish I could say that, too. good night” I said laughing
“Good night” she said
I went upstairs, and into my room. I set my alarm to 6 o’clock, and sent a message to Delen to remind him to pick me up tomorrow, cuz am not in the ‘mood’ of driving I went to bed that night, and for the first time in a month, I drifted into dreamless sleep.
*****************************
I was getting ready in my room with Jasmine, and Shery. Somehow, today at school we decided it’ll be a ‘triple’ date, not a double one. So, Jessica was currently putting Jasmine’s make-up on, and I was helping Shery find a good necklace to match her new dress. Honestly, I think we three looked great.
The boys were supposed to come pick us up in about 10 minutes. Today at school, we decided we’d go to the cinema, then go to a new French restaurant. I was –surprisingly- really excited by the idea. As I was walking home from school today, I kept thinking about Jon. I think maybe, if he was still alive he’d want me to move on with my life, and be happy. But, maybe not. In the end, as I was thinking, I realized that all my assuming were based on IF he was alive, but he’s not. And it’s not my fault, and no one can change what happened. The case is closed. No one ever found who did this. Jon was gone, and everyone was ready to move on. Including me.
The bell rung, and snapped me out of my thoughts. Jessica came in smiling.
“Ok, girls. They’re here” Jasmine and Shery practically skipped out of my room.
I took a deep breath, and as I was passing by Jess, she leaned in, close to my ear.
“and they’re hot” she whispered. I giggled.
I went down the stairs, and found Jasmine, Delen, Shery, and Martin already out of the house.
Alex was standing on the door, wearing dark Jeans, and a black blazer, surprisingly matching my black strapless dress.
As I was walking down, locking eyes with him, I felt that maybe this is the time I can start over again. Somehow, for the first time in my life, I felt grateful that my relationship with Jon was always kept a secret….