Flirting With Disaster

Sometimes you have to step back and ask yourself, when is it time to stop? When has everything gone too far? Or, how long ago did I cross the line?

She sat there, watching the green eyes that had been watching her all night. They were both in different conversations on different sides of the room, but their attention was only focused on each other.

She couldn’t remember when those green eyes had become a problem for her, but maybe that’s because she always knew they would become trouble at some point. She always said she wouldn’t become that girl, but that was before two different people turned her world upside down.

When exactly did they become a problem? She would never be able to place it exactly. It could have been when those eyes first laid sight on her, or it could have been when they started to cause a rift in her current relationship.

Angie met Brian Haner Jr. a year and a half ago when she spilled her full cup of coffee all over him in a coffee shop one morning on a weekday. She had apologized profusely for her clumsiness, and he had told her she could make it up to him with a date. She accepted, but when she did, she never expected it to turn into the relationship it was now.

He had been sweeter than she ever expected him to be, and their relationship had been perfect for almost half a year. She should have known that it couldn’t be that good forever, though. If she had to guess, the moment everything started to go downhill was the day he introduced her to all of his friends.

That was the day she met Zacky for the first time. The moment Angie laid eyes on him, she got an unbelievable feeling that she had never received before, even with Brian. It may sound silly or shallow, but just the mere sight of him made her go weak in the knees, and it still did. There was this unique feeling of attraction between them that she knew was hard to come by.

When they shook hands, electricity shot in toe curling tendrils from her fingertips all the way down to her feet. And from the look he gave her with those green eyes, she knew she was in trouble because he felt it too.

Angie pushed the feelings into the darkest corners of her mind for as long as they would let her, but it became so hard to ignore something that strong since she was around Zacky almost every single day.

After that, she and Brian began to argue constantly. She tried to convince herself that the sudden rift in their once strong relationship wasn’t caused by Zacky, and it worked for awhile. They became like sandpaper to each other, wearing down each other’s nerves until they blew up at each other. Even so, they never left each other.

Instead, they both found their own escapes. Brian took solace in alcohol with his friends more often than usual and Angie found sanctuary in his best friend. Angie and Brian became so good at ignoring their problems because it was just so much easier than dealing with them.

She knew that deep down it was her fault that they were in this unhealthy relationship. She got angry whenever he did something that was different than what Zacky would do because as each day passed, Angie wished more and more that Zacky was in Brian’s place.

Brian knew there was this unspoken connection between the two of them, but he never brought it up. He never brought it up because they both had a silent agreement that the best way to deal with their problems was to not deal with them at all.

Angie never could understand why someone would cheat on their boyfriend or their spouse, but that was before she was put in a situation where she could cheat on Brian. She was beginning to realize you never knew what you would actually do in a situation until you were faced with it.

Before they had come over to Matt’s house for a party, Angie and Brian had gotten into a huge fight over nothing in particular. It always happened that way now. It would start out small and end with every single problem they’ve had with each other laid out before them.

So, why were they still together exactly? It was because most people liked to stick with what they were familiar with. It may have been because neither of them wanted to start all over with someone else, but for Angie, the main reason was fear. She couldn’t end her relationship with Brian only to switch her affections over to Zacky. It wasn’t fair to either of them because she didn’t want to ruin the strong friendship they had for so long.

She didn’t want to be without either of them, and despite all of their problems, Brian had given her one of the best years of her life. It didn’t stop her from wishing that it could have been Zacky she spilled her coffee on that day, or that she could have met him before Brian somehow. Angie couldn’t go back in time though, so all the wishing in the world couldn’t place her in a different situation at the moment.

“Are you ready to leave yet?” Angie heard Brian whisper into her ear. They hadn’t really talked to each other all night, and she was surprised he hadn’t passed out by now since he had liked alcohol more than usually lately. She was surprised he sounded one hundred percent sober.

Angie had to drag her gaze from Zacky’s in order to answer him. If he saw they had been staring at each other all night, he didn’t say anything.

“Not yet,” Angie replied, forcing herself to keep her eyes on Brian’s. “I know you have to get up early tomorrow, so I don’t mind if you want to leave. I can have Zacky drive me home or something.”

Brian looked over at his friend and he frowned. He knew they had some kind of connection between each other, so he didn’t look pleased at her suggestion.

“Alright, but just make sure you don’t come back too late,” he said, placing his empty beer bottle on the table that was in front of them. “And make sure Zacky hasn’t had too much to drink.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine,” she said, kissing him quickly on the cheek. Her kiss held no emotion, but they were used to their unemotional, passionless relationship now.

In making her decision to stay there, Angie knew that she was playing with fire. She knew what she was asking for, but it didn’t stop her. She went into one of the rooms she was standing by, the room that contained everything from the band. She turned on the lights, looking over their golden records hanging on the wall.

She went into the room knowing that Zacky would follow her there. If there was one thing that many people didn’t know it was that Angie liked to play with fire.

Sure enough, just a few minutes later, she heard the door to the room close, and she knew it was Zacky who had closed it.

“Why didn’t you leave when Brian did?” Zacky asked as he came up behind her. He was so close to her, almost touching her, and the anticipation made Angie want to explode.

They were playing dangerously close to the line now, and they both knew it. They were in a room by themselves with no one to watch them. They had been dancing around this invisible line for months now and the only question was when one of them was finally going to cross it. Of course, crossing the line meant different things to different people.

Had Angie crossed the line the first day she met Zacky, when she was so utterly attracted to him that she seriously considered dumping Brian on the spot? Did Zacky cross the line every time he gave her one of those earth shattering glances? Did they cross the line every time they talked to each other, knowing what hidden feelings both of them held?

Angie had never physically cheated on Brian, but emotionally cheating? That was a completely different story. Her relationship with Zacky had progressed from stolen glances to hidden whispers, and she really didn’t know what was right and what was wrong anymore.

“Because I didn’t want to leave,” Angie said, turning around to face him. She knew full well what she was doing every time she went to Zacky for comfort after she and Brian had a big blow out. She knew it was wrong to flirt with Zacky, to touch his hand in a suggestive way, and to hint that they could someday take their cautious flirting into something more, something forbidden.

When Angie was around Zacky, all conscious thought flew out the widow. He intoxicated her senses, blurring what she knew was wrong into something that was right. She knew it was wrong, but it just felt so good to be able to let everything you should be worrying about slip away.

At the moment, she should have been worrying that Brian thought she was being unfaithful, but now that Zacky was standing just inches away from her, all of her worries and fears went out of the window.

“I couldn’t stop staring at you all night,” Zacky whispered, taking a step closer to her. They were now straddling the line, so dangerously close to going over the edge. Angie’s head was swimming, her infatuation for this man so strong that it took over all of the senses she had.

In the time she had become so dangerously close to Zacky, Angie started to realize that adults were just like children in so many ways. They always wanted what they couldn’t have, just because they couldn’t have it. They liked to push the limits, seeing how far they could go until everything came tumbling down around them. The feeling of danger was exhilarating, it was intoxicating, and people always chased after that feeling, even if they knew it was wrong.

That’s exactly what Zacky was to Angie, though. He was dangerous for her, he was forbidden, and he was on the other side of a line she was certain she was about to cross.

“Zacky, we can’t do this,” she said, not much power behind her voice. There was a part of her that knew they couldn’t do this to Brian, but the part of her that wanted Zacky was so much bigger.

“When’s the last time the two of you even cared about each other, Ang?” he asked as he snaked an arm smoothly around Angie’s waist. “You two fight all of the time and you show up and leave places at different times. When you should be spending time with him, you’re spending time with me.”

“Are you asking me to cheat on your best friend?” she asked, trying to muster up the last bit of self-restraint she had left. Zacky was just so good at wearing it down every time she was around him.

“No, I’m just saying you’ve already cheated on him,” he said. “You’ve cheated on him every time you wished I was him. You can’t keep pretending to love someone you don’t want to be with.”

“I do love Brian,” Angie said, stronger this time. She tried to get out of Zacky’s grasp, but he just pulled her in closer, taking away the last bit of will she had. His hands felt so good and so warm as they examined their way up her back and over her shoulder blades.

“Well, then the question is do you want to be with him more than you want to be with me,” Zacky said softly as he placed a light kiss on the outline of her collarbone. Angie tilted her head back, unable to think anymore. The place where his lips touched her skin came alive with feeling. It was almost like she had been seeing the world in black and white and that Zacky was slowly painting everything with vibrant colors for her to see.

Angie didn’t need to verbalize her answer, as she guided his mouth to hers. Their kiss was explosive from months of anticipation and hidden touches, and they both clung to each other desperately, like they would die if they weren’t together. She saw fireworks when they kissed and her skin came alive underneath his touch.

He tasted like cigarettes and whiskey, but to Angie it was the sweetest combination she had ever discovered. She felt his hands travel down her back again, and as they came up under her shirt, her eyes opened wide as all thought forced its way back into her mind. She couldn’t believe the overwhelming guilt and disgust that came with it.

Angie shoved Zacky away, a new found strength in her muscles. He looked at her with such a confused expression, and she almost didn’t know what to say. They were both out of breath from the passion behind the kiss, and it became even harder to breath as tears stung the backs of her eyes.

“What the fuck, Angie?” Zacky exclaimed as he tried to come close to her again. Angie just shook her head and put out an arm to block him.

“What the hell was I thinking?” she asked out loud, slowly backing her way out of the room. She was so disgusted with herself that she didn’t even know what she should do. “I need to go home.”

Angie stumbled her way out of the room and walked straight into Matt. She looked up at him to apologize, and his face crinkled in worry as he took in her now tear stained face. She knew Zacky would be following after her at any moment and she had to get out of there as soon as possible.

“Angie, what’s wrong?” Matt asked, his voice filled with concern.

“I’m fine,” she said, wiping her tears away to the best of her ability. “I was actually wondering if you could take me home, though.”

“Of course,” he said. “Go out to my truck, it’s unlocked. I just need to get my coat and I’ll be right out there.”

She gave a quick nod in thanks and then pushed her way through the crowd of people as fast as possible. Angie climbed into Matt’s truck once she got outside and she leaned her head on the cold window of the passenger door. The feeling was refreshing and it brought her further out of the daze that Zacky had caused.

When they had first kissed, Angie had still been caught up in his spell, but she had quickly realized that she really had been feeling just infatuation for him all along. She wanted him because she couldn’t have him, and now that she had gotten what she wanted, she felt terrible.

She saw so many flashes of Brian and her when they had been at their best, and she realized she loved him, not Zacky. She had always loved Brian, but because of her stupidity and selfishness, she might have ruined that forever.

While Matt drove her home, back to Brian, back to where she really did belong, Angie thought it was so weird how infatuation and lust could be so much stronger and overpowering than actual love, and it scared her. It scared Angie that those feelings almost made her throw the best thing that had ever happened to her away.

It seemed like it took forever to get back to their apartment, but when they did, Angie gave a quick thanks to Matt and ran as fast as she could to her door. It was dark inside of her apartment, and she found Brian sleeping peacefully in the dark, completely unaware of what had just happened between her and Zacky.

“Angie, is that you?” he called out groggily. She realized she must have woken him up when she came in the door. Angie couldn’t contain her tears anymore at the sight of him. She felt so bad over everything that had happened, over the stupid fights and her inappropriate relationship with Zacky.

“Ang, what’s wrong?” Brian asked, sitting up in alarm. She crawled into bed with him and clutched onto him for dear life, sobbing into his chest. He wrapped his arms comfortingly around her, and it felt so good. She couldn’t believe that her stupid desire for Zacky had overshadowed the feeling of belonging that she always received when in Brian’s arms. She knew she was supposed to be here with Brian, and she should have left with him when he wanted to leave.

“Where did we go wrong?” she cried, her body shaking with heart wrenching sobs. “We used to be so happy, but now we can barely stand the sight of each other.”

“I don’t know.”

“This is all my fault.”

“No, it’s not,” Brian said, running his hand up and down her back in a soothing motion. “If we try hard enough, we can fix things so they’re back to the way they used to be.”

“But you don’t understand, I did something-“

“It doesn’t matter what you did, all that matters is that we love each other, aside from all of the bullshit. We can work through anything together.”

At that moment, Angie knew she had made the right choice. Her feelings of love for Brian had been overshadowed by her infatuation over Zacky for so long, but she could see clearly now that Brian as the one she wanted to be with.

Sometimes, you had to flirt with disaster in order to realize that crossing the line isn’t as enjoyable as it seems to be from far away.