Hopelessly Devoted.

There was something that people didn’t know about Rachel Berry. It should have been obvious to them, but it wasn’t. Maybe it’s because they saw the way she supported Quinn Fabray, but no one has ever really taken the time to look back at Rachel and see that she was jealous of Quinn. It started in the beginning of sophomore year, when Quinn was dating Finn. Rachel watched every day as Quinn walked down the hall to Finn, and even if she yelled at him for not supporting her enough, he always followed her down the hallway with those puppy dog eyes and an apology for not being good enough for her on his lips.

You are good enough for me, Finn, Rachel thought, as she watched him run past her towards Quinn. But even when she thought he was finally seeing her, it turned out it was only for Quinn. And she was hurt, hurt enough to come straight home after Glee practice and go straight to her room, do her homework, and try to fall asleep. It happened with Noah. Sweet, sweet, Noah. Rachel started dating him because he reminded her of Finn, but she fell in love with him because he had his own way of showing her he cared. But she saw the way he looked at Quinn during rehearsals, and she knew she had to end it before he did. So she broke up with him, and watched as he ran back to Quinn, like everyone else in her life.

But the killing point, the point that broke her down and was the last straw, was when her mother – her own mother who had told Rachel she wasn’t able to take care of her – picked a little girl, who despite dark brown eyes, looked just like Quinn. Her own mother. Rachel spent days in her room, staring in the mirror, trying to figure out what was wrong with her. What was it about her that threw people away from her and right into Quinn’s arms? Why wasn’t she enough for anyone?

She fell into a silence that was noticed by everyone. Towards the beginning of junior year, everyone thought the silence was good; a relief from Rachel’s constant chattering. But as the weeks went by and it continued, they began trying to get Rachel to talk, actually trying to bring back the chattering they thought they would never miss. But she would just give them a small half-smile, a weak impression of her old megawatt grin, and say she didn’t want to talk about it. Even Mr. Schuester tried to get her to talk, practically giving her solos left and right. But she quietly gave them away to Tina or Mercedes, but mostly Quinn. No one understood it, but eventually they all gave up, letting Rachel sink into silence.

Rachel had tried – and successfully – pushed the last memory of Jesse from her mind. But she hadn’t managed to push him out of her heart. He was always there, like a tugging reminder of just another person she wasn’t good enough for. She thought she had finally found someone who had liked her – loved her – enough to stay. But he hadn’t. The only comfort from his leaving was that he didn’t run into Quinn’s arms. There are days where she sat in her room and pulled out a small notebook, where she had written about everything they had done. There was no denying that Jesse had made her the happiest and had made her the saddest. But she silently thanked him for not going to the blonde, for leaving to Los Angeles, and put away the notebook, covered in fresh, saltwater tear stains.
Rachel spent more time in the library that year. She used to drive from school to the library and stay there until the librarian told her she had to go home. She found that it made a warm and welcoming home to escape in, and it was quiet, like she was. She curled up in an armchair, reading a different book every day. She knew the library wouldn’t leave her, and she liked that.

Her small, quiet world is shattered one afternoon. The day hadn’t been any different; she went through school as usual, passing up a solo in Glee, and driving to the library, curling up with a new book in the familiar armchair. But around five o’clock, something happened that broke her routine.

“What are you reading?” She hardly believed her ears. She was afraid to look up, in case she had imagined it. But she took in a deep breath, tearing her eyes away from the book and up at the man she had never expected to see again.

“East of Eden, by John Steinbeck.” She replied, her voice shaky as she watches him walk in front of her, sitting on the ottoman in front of her armchair. He smiled slightly.

“Quite a hefty book.” He commented, and she nodded slowly.

“I like it though. It tells a wonderful story.” She said quietly, her eyes unable to leave him. He smiled a bit wider, and opened his arms to her. Instantly, she puts the book down, moving forward and falling into his arms, wrapping her arms around him.

“I thought you’d never come back.” She mumbled, resting her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

“And miss all your drama? Never.” He said, and she wants to cry and laugh at the familiar words.

“Why did you come back?” She asked quietly, keeping her head against his chest.

“My uncle had a heart attack last week. His funeral is Friday.” Jesse said quietly.

“I’m sorry.” Rachel said, looking up at him with an apology in her eyes.

“Don’t be. Your dads told me I could find you here. I was surprised. I thought you’d be in the ballet studio, practicing Laurey’s dream ballet sequence. Isn’t that what you do when you’re stressed?” Rachel wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe it was the fact that he was here, or the fact that he actually remembered that she did that dance when she was stressed after a year, or maybe it was just because he had come back to her, but she started to cry. Jesse didn’t say anything, just held her and rubbed her back soothingly until she stopped.

“I ruined your shirt.” She said, laughing slightly through her tears. He smiled gently.

“I have plenty more.” She looked up at him, smiling brightly for the first time in a long time, and hugs him close, whispering in his ear that she’s never been happier to see anyone before. He chuckled, kissing the top of her head.

He stayed with her, in the library and in Lima. He moved into his uncle’s house, and told Rachel he would wait for her to graduate high school. The Glee club began to notice a change in Rachel. She began brightening up, returning to her former self, a happier, calmer former self. She began accepting solos again, and soon everything was back to normal. No one knew what it was that changed her, but they had a feeling it had to do with whoever was picking her up after school every day.

Slowly but surely, Jesse St. James began to patch up Rachel Berry, helping her heal the holes in her heart that had been torn out by jealousy of one Quinn Fabray. He made her realize there was nothing wrong with her, and made her smile again. He was devoted to her, hopelessly devoted, and neither of them would have changed anything about it.