I Can Use Some Guiding Light

(January 28, 2010)

I felt Allison move around in her sleep a lot before opening her eyes quickly. “Did I fall asleep?”

I nodded, “Yeah, around 6am.”

“Aw, I'm sorry, Bri,” she apologized, sitting up and allowing me to move a bit.

I shook my head, “It's okay, you needed your sleep.”

“Well...I didn't want you to be alone,” she told me.

I hugged her tightly. I'll never understand how one person can be so kind. We parted from our hug and I got up to check my phone, which sat on the nightstand. I had one unread text.

From: Matt Hey man, we r all comin to my house 2day. 1 month 2day :/

I replied.

To: Matt Yeah...i know. I'll b there.

I set my phone down and sighed. Fuck...it's really been one month since we lost him. It still feels like it was just yesterday. This is still so unreal. Allison stood up and wrapped her arms around me, obviously seeing the look on my face. “Allison, do you wanna come to Matt's today? I'm sure the guys would like to meet you.”

She replied, “Well, I don't know. Am I gonna be in the way?”

I assured her, “Of course not.”

“Okay, then yeah, I'll go,” she answered. “Can I like...borrow a shirt to wear, though?”

I nodded and handed her a random Syn Gates shirt I had hanging in my closet. She smiled
as a thank you and quickly took off her shirt and pulled mine on. She pulled her hair back into a messy ponytail and checked her thin line of eyeliner in my mirror. Once she was done, she slipped on her shoes and was ready to go.

I was already dressed, just needing to slip on some shoes. After that, we walked to my car and I started driving off to Matt's. On the way, I softly played the radio in the background, filling the odd silence in the car. We pulled up into Matt's driveway, where Zack, Brian and Johnny's cars were already parked. I got out of the car and walked around to open Allison's door. We walked up to Matt's door together, where I knocked on it.

“C'mon in, Bri,” I heard Zack say.

I opened up the door and walked in, Allison following behind me. “Hey, guys.”

They all raised an eyebrow, looking at Allison.

I introduced her. “This is Allison, she's my friend. She's been helping me a lot through this.”

She waved and sat down beside me on the couch, where Zack and Gena were already sitting. Matt and Val and Johnny and Lacey were sitting on the other couch together. Michelle was nowhere in sight, thankfully. Knowing her, she'd probably bitch out Allison.

“So, how've you guys been?” I inquired, expecting the same answer from each of them.

“Eh...,” was all that came from their mouths.

I nodded, sighing. This is all so horrible. It's so difficult to face the facts. Every time I come to Matt's, I'm expecting to see Jimmy here, being his usual lively self. But, that's not gonna happen ever again. I'm never gonna be able hang with all four of my best friends again.

Without Jimmy, things are so different. I'll never forget him. For the rest of my life.

After a small silence throughout the house, Matt sighed and began, “Hey, guys, I've been thinking...and I know this is gonna be hard, but..."