Status: Occasionally updated. Not too often.
I Can Use Some Guiding Light
I've Lost My Power To Feel
(December 31, 2009)
New Years Eve. Feeling numb. Sitting at home alone. I haven't spoken to anyone in the past two days. I needed be alone. I've lost my best friend, and a few days before, I lost the girl who I thought loved me. Yes, Michelle DiBenedetto. She told me she didn't love me anymore. She took my heart and smashed it, and now it's nonexistent.
I haven't cried at all. I guess I've become numb. As much as it comes to my mind, I can't get out a single emotion. Guess it just hurts that damn bad. This isn't fucking fair. I could be spending this time with my best friends, being the happy Brian I usually am. So could the rest of the guys.
This didn't have to happen. Jimmy didn't have to leave us. He could've stayed with us.
At least for a little bit longer.
I decided to get my mind off this shit by changing it to the MTV New Year's crap that it always shows. As usual, some bands performed, all of which I had never heard of. Some of MTV's usual shit.
My cell phone began ringing, and I was about to ignore it, until I saw who was calling. “Hey, Matt.”
“Brian...where the hell are you?” he questioned in tears.
I sighed, “Home...”
“Why aren't you here with me and the guys?”
I replied, still feeling no emotions rise within me, “I...I wanted to be alone. I'll...I'll come over tomorrow.”
“Okay...well, bye...,” that was all he said before hanging up.
Oh great...here comes that god damn countdown.
10...Feeling nothing within me.
9...I feel empty.
8...I miss him.
7...It hurts so god damn much.
6...Why can't I get a single emotion out of me?
5...So many questions unanswered.
4...Why'd he leave?
3...Why'd God take him from us?
2...Will we ever heal?
1...I fucking doubt it.
Here's to the beginning of a year without our best friend.
New Years Eve. Feeling numb. Sitting at home alone. I haven't spoken to anyone in the past two days. I needed be alone. I've lost my best friend, and a few days before, I lost the girl who I thought loved me. Yes, Michelle DiBenedetto. She told me she didn't love me anymore. She took my heart and smashed it, and now it's nonexistent.
I haven't cried at all. I guess I've become numb. As much as it comes to my mind, I can't get out a single emotion. Guess it just hurts that damn bad. This isn't fucking fair. I could be spending this time with my best friends, being the happy Brian I usually am. So could the rest of the guys.
This didn't have to happen. Jimmy didn't have to leave us. He could've stayed with us.
At least for a little bit longer.
I decided to get my mind off this shit by changing it to the MTV New Year's crap that it always shows. As usual, some bands performed, all of which I had never heard of. Some of MTV's usual shit.
My cell phone began ringing, and I was about to ignore it, until I saw who was calling. “Hey, Matt.”
“Brian...where the hell are you?” he questioned in tears.
I sighed, “Home...”
“Why aren't you here with me and the guys?”
I replied, still feeling no emotions rise within me, “I...I wanted to be alone. I'll...I'll come over tomorrow.”
“Okay...well, bye...,” that was all he said before hanging up.
Oh great...here comes that god damn countdown.
10...Feeling nothing within me.
9...I feel empty.
8...I miss him.
7...It hurts so god damn much.
6...Why can't I get a single emotion out of me?
5...So many questions unanswered.
4...Why'd he leave?
3...Why'd God take him from us?
2...Will we ever heal?
1...I fucking doubt it.
Here's to the beginning of a year without our best friend.