I Can Use Some Guiding Light

(January 11, 2010)

The first two weeks without him slowly passed us by. This is actually the first day I've started feeling better. Guess this is one of my better days? Might as well wander around town, see if I can keep this good mood up. I hope I can. I need a good mood right now.

The guys have their girlfriends to comfort them, someone that loves them enough to care about how they feel and try to make them feel better. I lost that. I'm alone right now. The only person who used to cheer me up was Jimmy, but he can't help now, can he?

I entered a coffee shop, hoping some coffee can also make me feel alive. I'm tired of feeling dead inside. I walked up to the counter and the barista looked up at me.

“Hi, I'm Allison, how may I help you today, sir?” she asked me, giving me a look. Not a bad or dirty look, just as if she was thinking about something.

I sighed, realizing how depressed my voice sounded, “I'll have...just a small cup of coffee. Plain and simple.”

She nodded, the same look in her eyes. “That'll be...$2.24.”

I handed her the money, she gave me my change and I waited for my coffee to be ready. She walked over to where I sat down and handed me my cup.

“Here you go,” she said, with the sweetest smile ever.

I smiled for the first time. “Thank you.”

I guess this is my better day. I don't think I would've smiled yesterday. Maybe this means life is gonna start getting easier...at least a little bit. Wow, a positive outlook? This is getting weird. After that barista smiled at me, I've felt a bit better. Ah, that's probably all in my head.

I looked back over at her, and she gave me another heartwarming smile. I smiled back once again. She was just being friendly. There is no possible way she could know how hurt I am right now. Maybe she could tell by looking at me. She's probably one of those people who are good at sensing others emotions.

There was soft music playing in the background, so I directed all of my attention to that. It was the radio.

“This next song has been requested a lot recently, after the passing of-” Oh fuck no. “the drummer of Avenged Sevenfold. He is missed dearly.” Dammit.

Seize the day, or die regretting the time you've lost. It's empty and cold without you here. Too many people to ache over.

I put my head in my hands. I can't let this okay mood go to crap now. This damn song.
I looked up at the barista, who was looking at me with a worried expression. I sighed, got up, grabbing my coffee and walked out of the coffee shop.

A melody, a memory, or just one picture.

Great. Now I wonder how long this “happiness” will last.