This Love Will Be Our Downfall

Patrick text told me to come meet him at his condo. I get to his condo and see that he isn’t even there instead there was note on the door.

Eurotrash,
Jon wanted to go out tonight. Stay the night.
I love you!
-Patrick

I just sighed and unlocked the door to his condo. I sat down in the front room and watch TV for what seemed to be three hours and then I heard fumbling for the door knob at the front door. By the time Patrick got home that night I was in one of his nike shirts and a pair of his big pyjama pants that fit over my growing waist. I was comfy. Then I heard a girl’s voice, and my heart dropped. I went up to the door and opened it. Then I saw it. Some ice crew slut all over MY boyfriend.

“Oh shit.”She said looking at me.

“Lizzie.” he said looking at me.

“No fuck you! I can’t deal with this. Patrick things were gonna have to change for everyone not just fucking me!” I yelled at him.

“I...” He said.

“WHAT WERE YOU GONNA DO WITH THIS FUCKING FAILURE OF A FIGURE SKATER FUCK HER? SEE HOW FLEXIBLE THIS ONE IS?” I was upset I couldn’t deal.

“You fucking bitch!” The girl spat at me. “I’m half the figure skater you’ll ever be!” She said looking at me with narrow eyes.

“OH JUST FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING CHAV! I can land a fucking quad. What and you do a twizzle? OH SO HARD TO DO! Hold on let me do a one foot spin! OH SO HARD!” I was full of rage I stormed out barely grabbing my purse and phone. I however on the elevator ride down looked at the time and it read 4 AM. There was no way I was gonna ruin what ever mood Katey was in, even if my life in utter shit mode right now.

I called Jonathan and he picked up right away. He was always good on the call person.

“Hello?” He said wide awake.

“Jon did you go out with Patrick tonight? Don’t lie to me I can’t handle them anymore.”

“No? Why would I go out with--- What did he do?” Jon asked me.

“Jon can I come over. I don’t want to go fucking home. Your condo is closer than mine.” I said to him.

“Just wait I’ll pick you up. I don’t want any weirdoes by you. It is 4 in the morning.” You could hear him moving around. “Wacker and Michigan okay?” He said to me.

“Okay.” I said hanging up. Ten minutes later I was in Jon’s car and we were going back to his condo.

I didn’t meet Jonathan Toews until the first game of the regular season. I got along with Jon perfectly, and I think it was based on the fact that I was overly cultured to be dating someone like Patrick Kane. Jon actually sat next to me at some team thing so he could pick apart my brain about imported wines. It was the best conversation I ever had in my whole life.

“You okay?” he asked me. I just shook my head and started to cry.

“I don’t want this anymore. I want old life back.” I said between my tears.

“Don’t say that. You are just upset right now.” He said fully coherent even at 4 AM.

“I’m sorry I called you it is just I know you wouldn’t lie to me, and I would have Brent but he---”

“Don’t call Seabs. He is fixing something right now.” Jon said cutting me off.

Oh I see what you are doing Brent Seabrook. Well at least one of us is gonna be happy?

“Why was he gonna cheat on me?” I asked him.

“I don’t know It is Patrick. Do we ever understand what he does?” Jon said. Good point.

“I can’t do this. This is too much.” I said looking down at my stomach.

“You are overwhelmed, but everything will work out okay.” He said grabbing one of my hands.

“No it won’t. Jon I’m broke. I don’t have a job. My job was ice skating. I can’t do that anymore. I’m broke. I rely on my cheating ass boyfriend for money. I haven’t bought a damn thing for myself in weeks with my own money. I’d get a job, but Patrick insists that he’d be damned if his pregnant girlfriend have to lift a finger. I never had a job in my life. I’ve been a spoilt rotten kid since I could remember. I never ever had to worry about money. I never ever had to worry about anything. I got cut off a few weeks ago, because of a baby. My boyfriend is probably gonna cheat on me because of a baby. My life is fucked up because of a baby that I know Patrick doesn’t even want, but he is acting like for my sake. I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to watch my stomach get bigger and bigger, and when I look like I’m about to pop have something that is gonna need me for everything. I know nothing about babies. I know nothing about what a healthy family is like. My parents hated each other. They screamed at each other all the time, because of me. Their marriage almost broke up because of me. I was the reason my parents hated each other for so long. Then when they moved back to Poland and left me here they are back to being so happy. What about this baby? What are they gonna be like? They a gonna be the same miserable child I was. Money doesn’t make a family happy. It buys you nice things, but that can’t make happy all the time. Patrick and I aren’t gonna make it, I have that gut feeling that once Patrick gets a taste of what being a dad is gonna be like he is gonna leave and just throw money at me. I fucked up so bad in life. I’m stuck. I do what I am told, because Jon that is the only way I’m getting out of this whole thing alive.”

He didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what I was doing anymore. I was starting to regret all of this. I was starting to become less naive about what was thrown at me less than a month ago. I was 11 weeks into this whole baby thing. Patrick was 11 weeks into a relationship he already fucked up. This wasn’t love. If you loved someone you would never hurt them.

That night I spent it at Jon’s condo. Jon’s condo had a wonderful view. It wasn’t like Patrick’s where the view of the city was beyond gorgeous and up the river more. I had to block Patrick out though.

The only thing that blocked Patrick out was ice skating.

I need to chance it this one time.

When Jon left for practice that day I left him a note.

Jon,
Thank you for everything. I really mean it.
I’m out for the day, but I’m gonna go home.
So I’ll see you around.

To the ice I go,
Lizzie

That day I found myself in spandex, a fleece, and a tight ponytail. I tied and laced my skates up extra tight that day, and I was gonna drown out the world for an hour.

When those blades touched the ice some strong of emotion of missing something to death hit me. I loved the ice. I loved everything about it. It was the only thing I knew that would never ever let me down. I felt sane and calm on ice skates. I felt awesome in skates. I felt amazing on the ice. I never in the world felt so calm as I did right now. I let the music play on my iPod and I skated around the rinks a few times to get use to the ice again.

I loved ice skating more than I would ever love anything in the world.

I started to so simple spins, and I wasn’t getting sick anymore so I took it up a notch and started to do camel spins and shotgun spins. I loved this more than anything right now.

After a few spins I just lunged on the ice and shoot the ducks.

I want to jump.

I was forty-five minutes into my ice skating enjoying every second of it. I went to do a 4-3-2 sequence and when I went to jump for the quad I took off and closed my eyes like I always did. Then in that split seconds of spinning some feeling of heartbreak came when the song changed on my iPod. I lost my concentration and I landed stomach down on the ice... Really hard. It knocked out the air in me. I gasped for air. Then I just started to cry. That’s when I felt it. Something didn’t feel right at all.

“LIZZIE!” I heard someone shout. I didn’t want to move. I was afraid to move, because there was just shooting pain everywhere. My cheek was on the ice and I just laid there. “Lizzie are you okay?!”

It was Jon.

“No.” I simply replied.