Hold up My Heart

I smiled as I ran out of the forest, finally in a clear opening. I walked to the small house; the lights were bright, lighting over the whole front yard. Releasing a sigh I climbed the porch steps and knocked on the door roughly. My eyes were beginning to close; I'd open them with seconds to spare as the door opened. That's when I began to feel dizzy.
I rubbed at my eyes, I tried to keep myself awake. But I was just too weak and tired, I could hardly hold myself up anymore. I began to fall, I could feel it. And then I felt warm arms catch me, caress me in those warms arms. His voice echoed in my head, repeating and slowly fading. His panicked voice picking up some speed in reality, but slowing down in mine.

"Arabella!"

I mumbled something incoherently as I tossed and turned, my eyes still closed as I tried to find a comfortable position on this couch. I hadn't the clue of where I was, I didn't want to know where I was. For all I knew, I could be at some pedophile's house and I wouldn't give a shit if I was in danger or not.

Those pills had gotten to me.

I hadn't done anything to break them down, to make sure that they only stayed in my system for a short amount of time. If I was active, and not lying around on the forest floor, the effects would have been gone by now. Besides, when using Ecstasy, you can't just not be active, it doesn't work like that.

Wherever I was, it looked awfully familiar, and it was dreadfully quiet. If I had any good sense in distant hearing, I'd be able to hear even a car driving from a mile away. But of course, I'm no supernatural creature who can possess those types of things. Slowly opening my eyes, looking around the small room that I was in, I noticed that I, of course, was not in the house that Karina and I shared.

Putting pieces together as quickly as I could, I figured a way to get out. If it was dead silent here, no one was in my view or even around, then maybe, just possibly could I sneak out without getting raped and murdered. Perfect conclusion, Arabella. I grumbled in my mind.

Slowly getting up, I tossed the blanket that previously lay atop of me and pulled myself to my feet. Now just realizing that my shoes weren't on, I looked around until I spotted them. Somehow my shoes had slipped off my feet and were placed nicely by the front door. I'm sure my rapist would have done that, - note the sarcasm.

After grabbing my shoes and slipping them onto my feet, I snuck my way to the door, and just like that I cringed at the belief of God loving me so much that he'd dare to test me as I stepped onto a part of the floor that creaked instantly. I contemplated running out of this house screaming bloody murder and that I was doomed greatly, but later decided that that wasn't such a good idea.

Sneaking out without say a word sounded pretty reasonable to me.

Just as my hand was on the knob, I'd twisted it and pulled the door open effortlessly, somehow I believed that I was doomed in an accessible way.

"Where do you think you're going?" His low, husky voice asked. I grimaced, shutting my eyes tightly and waiting for this nightmare to end. "Shut the door, Ara." He ordered, automatically I closed the door and released my hand from the knob.

This wasn't good at all. Why did it have to be him who let me crash here because I was so intoxicated on drugs? Why did I bring myself here in the first place?

"Let me go home, Jacob." I whispered in an angered tone. I heard him scoff, he was coming closer to me, I could feel it.

I felt his hot breath skim across the only bare part of my neck, chills instantly streaked up and down my spine. "I don't think I can let you do that, Ara. We need to talk first." I felt his hot hand grip my arm, and if I wasn't weak and zoning out every two seconds from the drugs, I would have snatched my arm right back.

"I don't want to talk," I mumbled. Jacob pulled me towards his couch, slowly so I wouldn't fall over. He was being extremely cautious with me; I was confused. Jacob waited as I tried to make myself comfortable, to which I could hardly get situated. Jacob finally lost his patience and placed both of his hands on my arms, stopping me from making another move.

I could have smiled like a school girl as his buff stature towered over me. I could have been the school slut - which I partially am, and grab him into a full on kissing festival. I could have done many things, and these drugs had messed me up enough in the opposite way so that I wouldn't do any of these things. This is odd.

Jacob let go of me moments later, sitting back into his original position. "Why the hell were you in the woods last night, Ara? Do you know how dangerous it is out there? You could have gotten yourself killed! And what the hell are you doing drugging your self up!?" His questions rambled on and on about my safety and how I was being stupid for wandering in the woods by myself. But if you felt how I felt, you really would give a shit.

I let out a small giggle, shaking my head as I did so. Jacob's face contorted in confusion as I giggled furthermore. If Jacob hadn't stopped me sooner, I would have exploded into a chorus of gay laughter which would never stop because it'd be too hard to control.

"What the hell is up with you, Ara?" He whispered, his tone was serious. I could have cried, begged Jacob to forgive what I've been doing - his warm brown eyes and his melancholy face proved to me that I would have given in. Why was I caring so much? I shouldn't be giving in to his stupid pathetic antics.

I began to feel like myself again after the small confrontation in my head. I wasn't going to care, I wasn't going to give in and forgive Jacob for what he did. No, never. I let Jacob move around in awkwardness for a few minutes, I couldn't pass by without doing so.

"What's up with me is none of your business anymore, Jacob Black." I seethed, my glared set dead on to his eyes. They widened the minute I snapped at him, shock and surprise exceeding at both the same time.

His facial expression recovered after I settled myself back down and he realized that I was back to myself. "It is my business, Ara! You're my imprint for crying out loud!"

"Who says I'm crying?" I mused, smirking at his glare.

Jacob ran a hand through his hair twice, apparently irritated. What surprised me most was the fact that he had the guts to inch closer to me so out faces were mere inches apart. "You don't understand these feelings that pierce through my chest everyday that I'm without you." He stated, pointing to his chest. I looked down, he had copious amounts of scratch marks on his chest.

He'd felt it too...

I stifled a sob, a cry, anything that would give me away. Anything that would show how weak I really was and how badly I was hurting myself.

"I know you feel it too, Arabella." He whispered. Well, that cover has been blown. "I know you understand how painful it is to be away from each other, to feel what the other person is feeling. I can feel your pain because you indulged yourself to feel what I was feeling. I know that you miss me, just as I miss you. I want you back in my life, Arabella. If I can't have you back, only God knows what will happen to us both."

Things began to turn around as I saw from his point of view. I could picture his wolf side howling at the moon in pain, I could see him clawing at his chest, trying his hardest to tear out the painful aches and throbs pulsing in his chest. I was giving in now, wasn't I?

I felt tears prick in my eyes, they began to gloss over as my shaky fingers went up to my shirt. I grabbed a hold of the hem and pulled it down, only to show the scars and marks that I've gotten from attacking myself for the pain. Jacob looked down at my chest, instantly he winced at the sight. His right hand slowly lifted and a second later his warm skin touched gently with my cold skin.

I closed my eyes as I let the warmth and gentleness of his hand trace over the small contours of lines scarred into my chest. It felt good to have him mentally close up those wounds, I could have smiled, laughed even; but I didn't. I just let him feel those lines.

When I didn't feel his hand there anymore, I opened my eyes; his brown orbs connecting with my dark brown, almost black eyes. I let go of my shirt, the pressure of my pull crimped up the hem, I wasn’t even bothered with it.

"I will never let that happen to you ever again; but you have to promise to stay with me, Arabella." He whispered, his face inching towards mine.

I could give in, show how weak and pathetic I really was. I could let myself down, let my guard down even further, disprove how worthless I ever was, deny the strength that I believed to have in myself. Or I could turn away now, leave him in the dirt like he left me, deal with the pain to a certain extent and continue on with my life to believe that Jacob had never come back here.

I loved the second idea.

His lips grazed against mine for a split second before I let my hands shove hard against his chest and push him over. I ran for the door, too eager to get out. As I yanked it open I turned back to look at Jacob who was currently pulling himself up from the floor.

"You're nothing to me, Jacob Black." I spat before running out of his house and towards the road. I never stopped running, not until I felt safe enough to stop and take a breath.

I didn't like what I did. I didn't like what I said. I knew it was wrong of me to do, I understood my consequences for throwing him under the bus. But you know what? He deserves what's coming his way. He put me through hell and now I was going to return the favor.