Hold up My Heart

"Where the hell have you been, Arabella Nelson!?" Was the first thing thrown at me when I walked into the front door. Then a not so soft couch pillow was thrown at my head. Boy that is just the greeting I have been dying for. I just love getting yelled at and hit in the face with pillows when I'm walking in the door after a horrible evening that occurred in hell.

I gave Karina a shrug, right now I didn't even know where I had been. All I know is that I went to hell and back, apparently. Karina glared at me, running over to my side and huffing like an angered twelve year old. She was cute like this; she was short and reminded me of Snookie from Jersey Shore for some reason.

I rolled my eyes at her, I wasn't in the mood. I began to walk out of the hallway and towards the stairs. "I did not say you could walk away from me, missy!" She squeaked, sliding right in front of me - blocking the stairs of course.

That's when most times I would have broken down and spilled out my feelings and problems to my best friend, any normal teenage girl would. But I'm not really normal, per say. I wouldn't show how I felt, I'd put it in the back of my head and take my anger out on drugs and boys.

"I drugged myself up apparently, and found my way to Jacob's house - after wandering the forest, of course." I grumbled earnestly. Karina sighed, shaking her head, of course she was worried.

"Do you know how worried I was?" See? "I felt like a mother who lost her sick little puppy! You - you scared me, child!" She yelled, gasping dramatically and grasping at her chest. Oh, the irony.

I placed my hands on Karina's shoulder, "Calm down, Kari. I'm fine, alright? I'm sorry and I'm in once piece as you can see. Stop hyperventilating and breathe."

Karina nodded, "Breathe, yes I need to breathe."

"I thought you hated me after our fight." I mumbled. Somehow we'd found our way over to the kitchen table, making up this conversation.

Karina ran a hand through her thick hair and sighed, "I didn't and don't hate you, Ara. I was upset and hurt that you'd take your own rules seriously and not let me live my own life." I chewed on my bottom lip. She was sort of right. "I just - I really like Embry and he's different from other guys... He's very different." A smile crossed her lips while a blush crept onto her cheeks.

She really does like this boy, I thought.

I gave Karina a warm smile; I'd have to accept this sooner or later. "Well, I'm going to be the good best friend and accept your choices and decisions. But if he hurts you - I'll kill him." Karina nodded firmly the smile never faltered. She and him would be good together, I had a feeling, and I was accepting her path. But then I realized something - something very important. "Karina, how exactly do you feel about Embry?"

She blushed again, biting onto her lower lip. "Well when I first saw him it's like things instantly clicked. He makes me feel like I'm... alive. When we're not together or hanging out, I get this small feeling in my chest and it hurts sometimes, and it makes me want to be with him all the more."

My first thought was of course about me, that's what came instantly. I knew and understood how Karina felt, in more than many ways. I finally got what she meant about him being different and her feeling alive from his cause. Jacob Black made me feel all of those things, all of the time.

Secondly, I had an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I tried to remember what Jacob had told me about this imprinting thing. Jacob had imprinted on me and the two of us felt the same way that Karina feels about Embry. Imprinting changed many people; they felt a strong feeling of passion and adoration towards their imprint. Karina felt alive around Embry. Her heart hurt when she wasn't with him.

Embry imprinted on my best friend.

"Holy shit!" I gasped, throwing myself out of my chair and over to Karina. I stopped myself before I could tell her what all of this meant. I couldn't tell her, she'd either call me crazy or fall even harder for Embry. Or she could do both. Either way, I didn't like my only two choices. And even though I love Karina with my whole heart, I didn't think she needed love.

If only I could gag right now.

Karina gave me a confused look as she stood up skeptically. "You alright?" She asked slowly. I chewed on my lip, deciding against my plan and nodding my head. "Good," She smiled, "Because you are going with me to the bonfire tonight held at First Beach. And you're not saying no, because I am the only one with a car and only I can take you to the Shack for our supplies."

I guess I'd do anything for my drugs...

I sighed, giving in instantly. I could live without my supplies. "Fine. But you're evil." I muttered. Giving me a wide smile, Karina hugged me before walking back into the living room to settle down and watch TV. I grumbled before stomping my way up the stairs, each time I'd stomp harder just to piss off Kari.

"It's not working, Arabella!" She yelled from the other room, I rolled my eyes and muttered incoherently.

~

Three hours 'till we'd leave to attend the bonfire. Three hours and I'd have to face hell, because I knew that he would be there. I knew that the Quileute boys always went to the bonfires. No one ever missed the event. I wish I could have missed it though.

I tried faking a cold, which of course did not work, to my dismay. Karina somehow had learned not to fall for my stupid lies, and I didn't like where it was going. I begged Karina to just let me stay home, but she threatened me again with never taking me to the Shack ever again. I would walk there if I could, but one, I'm too lazy, and two, it's in another town.

I was deciding on what I would where there, and no I was not going to try and impress Jacob or his pack mates. I wasn't in high school anymore, I don't do those childish things. I contemplated on wearing something crummy, but later decided against it and wore a pair of shorts and my red plaid tunic.

Two hours left, the time was killing me. Patience was getting out of control, the anticipation - which I desperately tried not to have, was getting to me clearly, and it showed that it would not go away.

That's why I have my stash for occasions like this. Not that I go to bonfires all the time and see my ex who I truthfully hate yet carry a passionate feeling for all at the same time. Throwing myself over the edge of the bed I grabbed the brown paper bag and tossed it, along with myself, onto the bed.

It lay right in front of me, all the contents that I had left. It wasn't much - which was a sign that I needed to go back to the Shack soon and buy some more, but I think that this was all that I needed. I wouldn't be using it all, and I didn't want to seem too out of control there. Karina would kill me for embarrassing her.

But then again, she deserves it since she pulled me into this, to which I had to agree to if I wanted the things that made my life worth living for.