Hold up My Heart

My head was throbbing like crazy and my first instinct was to grab the back of it and wait for the pain to stop. But my hands were both stopped by what looked to be like tubes. I looked around the room and found myself lying in a bed – not a hospital bed, just a normal bed. But the IV’s pretty much threw it away that I wasn’t in a normal hospital – if I was even in one at all.

The room was tinted dark, so it was hard to see where I really was. I knew what a hospital bed felt like, also, and this wasn’t one of them. The constant yelling and laughing from outside of the room also gave it away. Sighing, I pulled myself up into a sitting position, but fell back down when the feeling of light-headedness came over.

“I wouldn’t try that again if I were you,” His husky voice said with slight concern. Rolling my eyes I turned away so I wouldn’t have to look at him. I heard him get up from his seat and when I turned to look over at him, he was reaching over to turn on the lights.

Blinking a few times, I grumbled, “Did you have to do that?” The smirk on his face was the only response I had gotten back. “What am I doing in here?” I asked after a second of silence.

“You must have hit your head when you ran out of your house after I came along.” He sighed as he sat himself back down on the chair that was awfully close to the bed – which I had now just found out was his bed.

“Why am I in your bed, with IV’s stuck in my arm?” I asked rather harshly.

Jacob rolled his eyes and only said, “Because I wasn’t going to let you go to the hospital or to the Bloodsucker’s house, so I had Carlisle come here and fix you up.” I nodded, already hearing about Carlisle and the Cullen’s. They didn’t seem too bad to me.

Looking back over at Jacob I sighed and asked how long I’d been here. He answer with a mumble that sounded like something ‘around a few days or so.’ I wasn’t going to complain or even speak about it. At least I was more healed up and I’d be able to get on my way quicker.

After fighting with myself about speaking to Jacob anymore, I gave in, “When can I leave?” I slightly groaned in annoyance; I hated talking, especially to him.

Chuckling, Jacob stood up once again and reached over to touch my arm, which I yanked away instantly. “Carlisle should be coming in shortly to unhook you from these things,” He gestured to the tubes with a smile, “And then Emily is going to help you get ready for our date tonight.” Jacob said it with such calmness and casualty, when I was on the bed – unable to move without feeling the tug of the tubes, flipping shit over what he’d just said.

I yelled at him constantly, repeatedly, using every curse word I could possibly know, all while he left the room with a permanent smirk plastered on his face.

~

I wasn’t too fond with anyone at the moment. Not even my best friend Karina, who had actually helped come up with the plan. I think that the only thing that I felt okay about, was that I got to pick out what I wanted to wear – nothing too skanky and revealing, or anything too careless, those were the orders from Karina. I took it into consideration to shove my fist in her face, but decided against it – because she left the room.

So after a few minutes of looking through my closet and searching for something that matched Kari’s standards, I found something good enough, and changed into the outfit for tonight. I had to admit, I looked good, but it would have been better if Karina hadn’t taken all of my make up and left me with the almost au natural makeup that she’d gotten herself into using. After taking one last look in the mirror, I sighed, this was as good as it was going to get.

Karina said that Jacob would be picking me up around six –thirty, and must I have been the mindless person that I was, turned my head around to look at the clock. I was stumped, obviously. Jacob would be here in less than ten minutes and I hadn’t even calmed myself down to an acceptable level. But then I smacked myself, why was I even so worried about this? It was a meaningless punishment that everyone else would like to call a date. Oh, but it was pure hell for me.

After mumbling a goodbye and a fuck you to Kari, Jacob guided me to his piece of shit car, and being the gentleman that he horribly could not pull off for my tastes, he opened my door and let me in before jogging over to his side and hopping in. After backing out of the drive way and turning onto the busy road, Jacob began to try and make small talk.

“So are you feeling alright?” I had a million responses to that, and not one of them didn’t have a cuss word. I had such a colorful vocabulary and I honestly didn’t care what slipped out of my mouth.

Grumbling under my breath, I ignored him and reached my hand over to the stereo where I messed around with the radio until I found the rock station. Turning it up I looked back out of the window as the music blared through the speakers. Knowing that Jacob has a dislike for this kind of music, I smirked when he turned it down.

“Turn it back up,” I demanded without moving a muscle. My head stay leaned again the cold window as Jacob huffed – but didn’t listen to me. “Dude, just turn it back up!” I said while my head turned to face him.

“You know, it’d be great if you tried for once, Arabella.” I flinched at the name, but decided to listen. “Just let me take you out on this date and try to make the best of it, alright?” I could hear the true agony and hope in his voice, and for a second I was beginning to crack. But my black heart spoke to me and I knew just exactly what I’d do.

Sighing I looked at Jacob, trying my best not to smirk. “Okay, Jacob, I’ll try for you.” And just as easy as I’d thought it up and pushed the words out of my mouth, I laid back in the seat and turned my head towards the window. Nearly fifteen minutes later and my eyes began to adjust to new scenery. There was more of a town now, and not a lot of green trees. Bright lights shined down from the signs on either street, reading off ads about their latest of whatever. After feeling the car stop and put into park, I un-buckled my seat belt and reached for the handle, and before I was given the change to touch it, the door swung open and a hand reached down for mine. I felt like I was going to be sick, but I sucked it in and took Jacob’s hand anyway.

The dimly lit lanterns that hung from the ceiling were beautiful and they lit up the small restaurant that Jacob was currently leading me into. Finding seats was quick and easy and after the two of us sat down at the table; Jacob was racing through the menu, mumbling about what sounded good. After approaching our table, the waiter took both of orders – I hardly felt bad for the waiter seeing as he had to use another piece of paper to write down Jacob’s order. But once he’d left, my eyes looked around and sadly they fell on Jacob’s and I couldn’t look away.

Grabbing my coke I took a sip before setting it down and asking with a harsh tone, “What the hell are you looking at?” I sighed then, knowing that I ruined what I had planned; but trying again wasn’t a problem.

Jacob chewed on his bottom lip, “Do you remember this place?” His eyes wandered around the place and soon mine followed. I saw picture frames held up on two walls, they looked familiar but I couldn’t quite remember what was in those frames. Sadly, the only thing that I really remembered about this place was the wallpaper. Its light brown color with beige vintage designs printed in the paper; I used to be so intrigued with this place when Jacob and I were around the age of fourteen.

I nodded after taking in the small memories that were there, but fading. “I do remember, hardly though.” A small frown came across my lips and Jacob seemed to notice this and quickly he got on with it.

“Remember when Rachel took us here to get some ice cream? It was so hot that summer, and it took everything that we had just to convince her to take us?” His smiled didn't falter, and it shocked me when I watched his eyes glisten.

I chuckled quietly but it was obvious to Jacob that I was laughing, remembering what happened exactly. “She was so pissed off when we ended up using her money for 'Denny's' special bowl of just about anything we could stack on there.”

Jacob nodded and laughed, I could tell that he was memorizing this place almost four years ago, when Denny was still alive and making his most famous greasy burgers and packed baked potatoes. “God, she even left us there to drive back home and tell on us. And she was seventeen!” The both of us laughed at the memory, and now just realizing, I missed Rachel, I missed this place that I used to go to all the time with Jacob when we were both starving our asses off.

I sighed and shook my head lightly, “We've had too many fun times here, but -”

“It's a shame you don't remember them,” Jacob finished for me with a sad sigh. Before I could open my mouth to explain, our food had arrived. Jacob didn't even take a second glance before he started chowing down on his food. I took small bites, not wanting to cause a scene that was already playing out. But then again, this small town of La Push should be used to these guys like Jacob, and their bombarding at every available restaurant, raiding the place of all the food.

I spent the ten minutes of eating quietly, and watching Jacob inhale his food. I was disgusted but I kept my face straight and hid away any sign of disdain and distaste. Shortly after, Jacob wiped his face with the napkin that was tucked into his shirt. When he looked up, though, his face turned a bright red and he smiled.

“You're such a fat ass,” I commented with a smirk.

Rolling his eyes Jacob scoffed and countered with, “Well you were the same way when we were younger, so don't go judging little ol' innocent me.”

I snorted and took a sip of my drink – damn I needed to get some alcohol in here. “You eat more than the both of us ever ate.”

Jacob chuckled and sighed, “It's part of being a...” He trailed, his eyes looking deep into mine as if to communicate through them. I nodded, understanding a second later. Of course, that was because he was a wolf.

“Can we go, now?” I asked as nicely as I could. I couldn't sit still for so long, ever; I needed to start walking around and get my legs some feeling again. Jacob, understanding, nodded and placed money on the table before getting up with me and following outside.

As I walked to the car, I heard Jacob laugh from behind me and say, “Not so fast, Bella.” I seethed at the name and turned around to glare.

“This date isn't over yet?” I asked with hopelessness. He nodded and reached for my hand. I optionally took it and let Jacob lead me down to a boardwalk near the ocean. Memories came flying back in my mind and absentmindedly I smiled. Jacob noticed because he smiled to me and squeezed my hand.

“You remember this, I know you do.” He laughed deeply. I nodded and looked up at him. I remember this place, and when I looked back down, I saw the bench that Jacob and I had sat at when I had gotten my first kiss from him. Butterflies and unknown sweet feelings began to erupt through my stomach, and in some sick way, I liked it, a lot more then I ever wanted to.

Pulling me down so we were sitting next to each other, Jacob did nothing but keep his eyes on me. Not once did they leave my face, though every so often, his eyes would wander down my body, and that I didn't mind.

“First kiss,” I whispered. Jacob was getting closer to my, his face was soon centimeters away from mine. I could feel his warm breath on my face and I wanted nothing more then to kiss him again. But the monster inside of me almost shocked me, and I pulled away.

“Ara,” Jacob pondered, his voice was getting rough again.

Letting out a breath, I turned to him, “Do you remember the time when you, Embry, Quil, and I went over to the edge of the boardwalk?” He nodded. I couldn't help but laugh, then. “We dared Embry to jump in the water, but he was too chicken, so all of us agreed to jump with him.”

Jacob chuckled deeply, his smiled was wide again. “Yeah! And when all of us were up there, you suddenly made a loud chicken noise and freaked the hell out of Embry, causing him to fall in, screaming like a little girl.” We both laughed at this memory, it was something to definitely treasure for as long as we could. I laughed again, and then something surprising happened. Jacob sighed, his voice was serious when he blurted out, “What happened to you?”

Suddenly, my bitter self came back to life. “You did.” I glared at him, not for ruining this moment, but for asking something so vulgar in ways that I did not accept.

He sighed, “You already know the truth, Arabella. You've even seen it, and still...” He trailed, his voice was lost, and he was trying to get it back when he whispered, “Why do you keep pushing me way?”

“Why do you care?” I seethed again. “You're the one who left me!” I was getting angrier now, so I stood up and began to walk away. Within walking three feet Jacob's warm hand grabbed onto my forearm and turned me around forcefully.

“You know the reasons, Ara! And you're choosing this – to push me away. I am back for you, and it's not only because you are my imprint. I have loved you since the day we met.”

I scoffed, interrupting his bullshit. “That's nothing but shit, Jacob, and you know it. I could be dreaming for all I know. And then once I wake up and hope to see you again, you won't be there!”

Jacob shook his head and winced, “What's shit is you and coping with what happened by fucking other guys at every chance that you get.”

My face turned white, I knew it did. I felt all of the blood drain from my face. My heart began to skip beats while my hands balled into fists and my mind exploded profanities at me. “You really should not have said that, Jacob Black.”

He knew what he had said was wrong, the look on his face said it all, but he kept it going, “Oh really? And why?”

I bit my lip, “I've never done anything even close to having sex. In fact, I am still a virgin because I wasted my fucking time waiting for you to come back, because we promised each other to be the firsts. But hey, I guess I'm the one who goes and fucks guys whenever I get the chance.” I made a move to punch him but instantly held back, and instead I walked away.

“Ara, I didn't know! I mean, from what I saw, you and Paul, I -”

“Just drop it Jacob!” I yelled as I crossed the dirt path. I could hear him running up to me and before he could come closer to me, I turned around and growled, “Don't come anywhere near me, Jacob Black. Stay the hell out of my life!”

His footsteps stopped dead in their tracks, I could feel his heart breaking, but I hid the pain that I felt and kept walking. I was done, I didn't care what anyone said anymore. I would fight this imprint bullshit, even if it killed me.