Hold up My Heart

I knew shit was going to go down, it was not like I didn't expect it to happen. It was inevitable and I could change the courses around. I knew what his reactions would be, maybe it was like what was going to happen, but honestly, knowing Jacob, it could be anything. He was always full of bullshit surprises.

“Arabella, get outside. Now.” Jacob said through his teeth. I rolled my eyes and chuckled softly before getting up, grabbing the bag and heading out the door. The door slammed behind me and once I reached the last step, I started off in a small jog, heading towards the forest. Seconds later after entering, I was shoved against a tree.

“What the fuck, Jacob!” I screeched, my hand dropped the cigarette and the bag, and I could hear the glass vials shattering. I looked down and then back up with a glare, “Shit, now look what you made me do!” Thankfully Jacob hadn't shoved me hard enough, but his grip was strong enough to hold me in place.

“What the hell are you thinking, Arabella!? Do you have any idea what that shit does to people? Are you out of your mind?” His voice was frantic, fully of worry and pain. I could tell he was shaken up, my heart longed for him, but I couldn't let that part of me show.

“What's it to you?” I asked simply.

“Why were you at that old shattered up place last week with some guy?” He asked out of the blue. I huffed, figuring that he was the one at the jewelry store. But reading my mind, Jacob added, “Jared saw you there when he was getting Kim's birthday gift.”

I ignored his answer, “I was meeting a friend, who happens to be a guy.”

Jacob frowned, his body was getting closer to mine. “But, why?” The anger was getting to me, I could feel it begin to boil inside my chest, feel it start to erupt.

“Why the fuck were you spying on me? You seriously had to send one of your friends to do that shit?” I was breathing heavily now, the explosion was too sudden.

I looked into his eyes, glaring at him and trying not to lose. “I wasn't spying on you, I swear.”

Sighing, I said calmly, “He's just a friend.”

He sighed, then, telling me that he'd let that go for now. I only rolled my eyes and ignored his response. Then suddenly, Jacob scoffed, his grip got tighter around my arms. “You're hurting yourself, Ara.”

I snorted, chuckling after wards. “Of course I am, silly. But it's a painless way to do it, so it's perfect for me.” I gave out a sick and twisted laugh.

Jacob whimpered, his head lowering with defeat. “Arabella...” He whispered. My guard was beginning to go down, my lips began to aim downwards into a frown.

“No, Jacob, you have no fucking right to call me that anymore. Nor do you have the right to try and come back into my life after you left. I have nothing left besides what I've grown accustomed to. Drug, yes, those are the only things I can trust, and you just need to -” By sudden fault my rampage was interrupted with these warm lips fabricating against my own.

“Don't resist,” Jacob mumbled against my lips. And I listened to him. I let myself kiss him, Jacob slowly let go of my arms, and I let my hands cup his sweet delicate face as my lips played against his, our tongues roaming each others' mouths. I pulled him closer as his hands grabbed firmly on my hips. The kiss deepened even more, I felt my chest rub against his and I felt my heart begin to race. Our mouths danced in synchronization, smoothly yet with lustful technique. I couldn't stop, I wanted this to continue for as lost as it possibly could. But I needed it to stop, and when I shoved against his chest and resisted, it did.

I winced at the sensitivity I was feeling. I shoved Jacob away and backed out into the entrance of the forest. Running to the driveway I turned and opened Karina's door. “I'm – I have to go,” I said weakly, my voice cracked, and he noticed. I shut the car door and started the car fast, just before backing out
quickly and speeding off down the road to Port Angeles.

~

The ride was long and slow, I couldn't believe the things that I was feeling. My stomach was in twists and knots, getting tighter and tighter at every second that I breathed. I contemplated to quit, but I'd soon run out of air and freak out. I knew that would happen, and I didn't feel comfortable with it.

Small tears slid down my cheeks as I drove through towns and cities. The event that had just happened was something that I never expected in the least. Maybe the kissing and touching, and yelling and exploding; but I never expected that my wall would fully break down and let me fall entirely for Jacob Black. That's not how it was supposed to be, now. I wasn't supposed to allow that, and no matter how many times I thought of ways to rebuild that stone wall, nothing seemed to stick together.

I knew where I was going, and I knew that, that place in which I was headed for, had the only thing that I believed to help calm me in overwhelming shitty situations like this. It was my truest friend and only antidote that I could trust