Hold up My Heart

The struggle with not relapsing was constantly getting to me, eating away at my mind, clawing at my body and soul, every minute of the day. I'd gone over a month without using drugs, and I'd been doing so well, especially with the help of Jacob and Karina. I was no longer letting substances control my every thought and move.

Jacob had been one of the biggest distractions that I was grateful for. His humorous ways and optimistic views really reminded me of what we had in the past. And now it was only getting stronger. I'd let myself fall back into his arms, no matter how hard I had tried not to, every day began to ease up on my grip and soon I was back to being one of those love-struck girls.

Jacob had also tried his best too distract me from whatever was coming our way, something that wanted me. It was obviously a vampire, but Sam had said that his scent was off; no one could pinpoint what exactly it was, but it was definitely vampire. I'd tried to keep my mind off of the future and what it might hold for me; my fate was held in the hands of my boyfriend and his pack of werewolf brothers. I never thought I'd live through something that outrageously absurd. So to get just about everything off my mind, Jacob was taking me somewhere for a little surprise, and then we'd go back to his house for movies while Billy stayed with Charlie for the night. I was a bit curious as to what Jacob had planned for us.

Currently, I stood in front of Emily's mirror and stared at myself while Emily held up different outfits in front of my body to try and find just the right outfit. I was not allowed to choose, apparently Jacob directed Emily to pick something out for tonight – she's probably been in on this whole thing anyways.

“Too pink,” I groaned as Emily held a pink blouse and white skirt in front of me. I could hardly stand the sight of pink, let a lone let it be gripped to my body for a whole night.

Emily frowned playfully and threw the clothes on her bed. She grabbed another outfit, this time a dress. Not even a second after she held up the [url=http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=31580234]outfit and I was already smiling like a fool. This was perfect.

“You read my mind, Ara,” Emily said with a laugh. “Now you get changed into this and I'll come in and finish up everything else. I'll go tell Jacob you're almost ready,”

After I had changed into the dress and finished putting on the rest, and Emily had put my make-up on, I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked a bit different, my make-up wasn't caked on like how I had always had it before. It was done lightly, a natural glow set to my features. The blue eye shadow brought out my eyes immensely. I looked different; but it was an amazing kind of different.

“Can I come out now, Em?” I yelled from the doorway.

“Of course!” She yelled back. I cleared my throat and fixed myself before I walked out into the living room. All eyes instantly went to me, widening at the sight, smiling at the new look. But I didn't look at anyone else and what their reactions were, I only looked for Jacob's.

“Wow, Arabella,” He whispered as he got closer to me. “You look beautiful,” he smiled down at me and kissed my cheek. I smiled and felt a small blush creep on my cheeks – was I really turning into a love-struck fool?

“You kids have fun now, 'ya here?” Embry called from the couch as Jacob lead me out of the door and towards his car.

“Protection is always key for no babies!” Quil added in a high-pitched voice. There was a slap, probably from Emily, and then a loud, “Ow!” coming from Quil's mouth.

“So immature,” Jacob muttered with a smirk as he helped me into his car. Once settled, Jacob took off down the road to wherever he was taking me.

~

The date had been something that I least expected. Jacob had taken me out to eat down by the boardwalk, a special reservation just for us two, right over the ocean. It was impressive, but I doubted that he thought of this all by himself.

Throughout most of the date, Jacob complimented me with sweet words and while we ate, we talked about stupid things; memories that I had held deep within the back of my head. They were painful to relive and think about, but once Jacob had noticed, he grabbed my hand and all of those stabbing pains were released and I felt nothing but pure adoration and love radiating off of Jacob. It took less time to get back to his house, and when we arrived, we headed into his empty home; I was thankful that Billy was gone, now Jacob and I could just talk.

After what seemed like two slow dragging hours, I looked at Jacob and said, “I think I'm gonna go home, will you take me?” We headed to his room aimlessly. Jacob looked confused.

“Why do you want to leave, Ara?” Jacob asked curiously.

I sighed; I wasn't comfortable staying here with Jacob by ourselves. I knew that if he did even the slightest thing, I'd be too tempted and would possibly lose control. I didn't want it to go that way, at least that's what I thought. “Because, I just want to go home and sleep,” I said carelessly.

Jacob's brows furrowed, looking up at me he sighed, “Come on, Ara, I know you're hiding something,” Shit. “What is it?”

I rolled my eyes, did there always have to be something wrong with me? “Nothing, Jacob,” I lied easily. “I'm just tired -”

“Arabella, I know you all too well; what are you thinking?” Jacob kept urging, pushing at my protective shield, and he was easily poking holes in it.

I grumbled, “Jacob, I told you -”

“Arabella, dammit, just tell me what -”

“I hate you.” The words blurted out and Jacob looked like his heart was being squeezed tightly. “I hate how easily I’m afraid of disappointing you. I hate your smile because it makes me smile. I hate your eyes because I get lost in them. I hate how scared I am of losing you. I hate how much I love you and let you in. And the worst part is… I hate how I feel so empty without you." I let my wall down, pulling the shield back so I was now unprotected.
Jacob flinched, but then without a second thought, in two strides Jacob had me pinned against his wall, hands holding my face with his warm lips connected to mine. I didn't know what to do at first, but as his lips began to move, so did mine, and I didn't fight it. And as his lips and mine danced around, our hands roamed around each others bodies, and soon our clothes began to slip off. Our lips began to move together again, and it was like pure heaven. His warm breath against my face, his heated touch against my body. It all sent me shivers. And the shivers reminded me of why I had come to love this boy. The sexual part was apart of it, but the biggest part was the way the butterflies flew around excitedly in my stomach. And I had never had that feeling before.
And it’s like something else had taken control of me just then. It’s like the lust and passion I felt towards Jacob had won over for this short second. My hands took control when they pulled Jacob’s face towards mine. The instant our lips touched, once again, was like pure fire, such a strong, passionate feeling, and I never wanted it to end.

We'd reached the bed by the time Jacob’s arms wrapped around my waist and got a better grip to pull my closer to him. My hands had stayed resting on his face as he kissed me.

My lips began to part with Jacob’s, and this kind of kiss felt good. It wasn’t anything too overwhelming; it made me feel these butterflies.

Jacob’s hands began to roam on my hips; each step he took was a step towards his bed. I could feel him lift me up just slightly so I could reach his lips better. The kissing continued, and I knew I never wanted it to stop. I wanted to go further, with Jacob.

It was then when Jacob knew that I’d decided that I wanted him, all of him. His smile made my heart skip a beat, and I knew that he wasn’t just happy for getting me, like this. I closed my eyes and absorbed the pleasure Jacob began to give me. It felt so amazing; nothing else was on my mind but him.

Then something exploded inside of me. It began from my chest, inner mostly; my heart. It was like a cooling feeling going through my heated body. Like the feeling of walking outside into the coldness after being in a warm toasted house for so long. It felt so amazing and just plain earth shattering. His bed was ground zero and everything else was dead.
Jacob then whispered something that I knew I needed to hear, “I love you, Arabella,”