Hold up My Heart

I woke up with a major fucking hangover. It was killer, but not as bad as it usually was. Usually, I'd wake up, hangover of course, and my body half off, half on the bed - or couch. It all depended on how Karina and I got ourselves into the house.

And this time, I found myself lying on the cold tile floor of the bathroom. I didn't know how I'd gotten there, but my best bet was probably from crawling. Pulling myself off the floor I hardly let out a groan of pain from sleeping in such an uncomfortable spot. But of course, I was used to that, because before Karina and I moved in together, I was always sleeping on the cold hard ground around La Push's forests.

Taking a look at myself in the mirror and scoffed at how horrible I looked - make up smeared down my face, tattered clothes; my shirt not even on. I gave myself one last look before tripping off everything and taking a nice warm shower to clean myself off. The water was nice, and warm - of course. I let the water run down my body and sooth my muscles. It felt great. Until I had to get out, and get ready for school.

Karina and I had been skipping for the past week because we really didn't want to be there. Or at least I didn't. we'd been partying almost every night for that past week, and now we had chosen that we'd go back, just to piss off the teachers more; with our intrusion. They'll hate their vacations from us being ruined. But who was I to care?

See, the teachers at La Push High school simply knew me as the quiet, shy girl who hung out with the boys. But nothing ever went on with them, I was too prude for any of that. They knew me as the smart girl who took her time with her work, and got straight A's and shit. They knew me as the one who'd fallen for him. But now, after he - and the rest of them, left, oh boy were those teachers in for a real shock.

Of course, I had changed into something unexpected, why wouldn't I have? I lost the most important person in the world to me, and the coolest friends ever. I never knew why, and I still don't. My parents were too caught up into their work to give a damn, and I was just fucked.

Not to be all cliché' and whatnot, but at La Push High, Karina and I somehow had gotten ourselves to give off the 'fuck off or we'll fuck you hard' kind of vibe. The 'badass girls that you don't want to mess with.' But the funny thing was, they’d only given themselves these thoughts and us – mostly me, our ‘type’ because of everything that happened.

Ever since he left me and the whole town, I was messed up. I was messing up in school - not that I gave a shit. And besides the drugs, alcohol, and partying with the usual sexual play, nothing really bothered me anymore. I couldn't and still can't feel anything anymore. I lost complete feeling for everything. Why do you think I do what I do? Because there's no shame in doing things that can't hurt you.

~

"Shit, Ara you look like, well, shit." Karina grinned as I pulled a brush through my now dry, dirty blonde hair.

Giving her the 'don't mess with me, it's too early in the morning,' look, I countered, "Well you are your usual hideous self." Karina gasped at me and slapped my arm. "Ooh, ouch, mama."

"So, excited 'bout going back?"

I rolled my eyes and grumbled, "Fuck. No." Karina chuckled as she pulled out her bag and tossed it on my bed. "Fuck, I have nothing to wear." I whined.

"Oh come on, Ara, you've got shit loads of...shit." Giggling, Karina walked over to my closet and pulled out my favorite black pair of skinny jeans, my amazingly comfortable black boots, along with my pink cover up and white t-shirt. Once I pulled it on, I looked in the mirror and gave myself a smirk.

"Damn, I look good!" I chuckled. "But I need something else." Grabbing my beanie hat and putting it on my head I smiled in satisfaction.

"Jeez, what is up with you miss preppy?" Karina asked. I gaped at her and shoved her away.

"How am I supposed to know? Something just tells me that I need to look good for today..." Karina, giving me a dirty look, grabbed her bag and mine and pulled my to the door.

"Let's just go." She shook her head. Once in the car, my feet on the dashboard, I cranked the radio up as loud as it could go before singing along with the song.

"I am just a word to you, but I am very real and cold... Cold to all of this - Cold to how you feel - Cold to all your lucid reason." I yelled horribly. Karina chuckled and shook her head, but sang - or screamed - along.
"I am everything! I am anything! I am automatic, I am yesterday! I am everyday, I am gonna be..." We yelled together. The windows were down and we smirked at the annoyed drivers passing us and shaking their heads in disappointment. Who are they to think poorly of us? Oh wait, I don't care.

"You're horrible." I laughed as the song ended. Karina gaped at me and smacked my arm lightly - she was so weak.

"Fuck you." She stuck her tongue out.

"Watch where you're driving, dumbass." I chuckled as I shook my head.

"Ugh, I really don't want to be back here." Karina muttered as we pulled into the parking lot. Already we were getting stares and wide-eyed looks, mostly directed at the one, the only! - me.

"What the fuck are you staring at?" I spat as we walked past a group of kids looking at us in gaping expression.

"Okay, I know we are so hot and all, but seriously." Karina yelled over her shoulder as she winked at some freshman who began to blush. I had to cover my mouth so i wouldn't hurl and laugh all together. "This is unusual, Ara."

"You're tellin' me." I mumbled as I watched the stares. Oh, and did I mention, when he left me for...dead, the whole school found out and it was a huge riot for almost a month. Until it died down and I changed over. But I still didn't understand why they were all staring so intently at us. At me.

Karina's locker was right next to mine, so it was easy to just talk to each other while we got our belongings for class. This was the usually way things were done here, but today was different, and it almost ruined my life.

"So, Mr. Petrov's not going to like us being back here." Karina snorted as we both shut our lockers in unison. Both of us walking down the hall - stares still appearing galore, I laughed.

"Oh, that will be good to see his face." I made a goofy shocked face imitating Mr. Petrov's and got a huge donkey-like laugh from Karina. "I'm glad that I have enough in me to make you laugh like a jack ass."

"I can't believe you just said that!" She chuckled as she took her hand and shoved me over. I lost my balance fair enough to be caught by a pair of strong arms.

"Thanks." I chuckled as I glared at Karina and turned around to meet my savior. Our eyes locked the instant they met, and I couldn't look away. Not even for a second. His beautiful, lustful brown eyes peered into mine, and I suddenly felt an internal pull towards him. His bright glistening white smile made my knees weak - almost. But soon I snapped our of it and gaped at the boy standing before me.

"Hey, Ara." Jacob Black smiled down at me.