Where I Lay My Head

After Cecil had put me in my place, there wasn't much excitement left for me to feel. I was disappointed with realizing women were treated differently wherever I went. It appeared I had no choice but to be with Baz. I didn't have much interest in anything as I focused on not crying while letting him grope me as he pleased. Watching the groupies paw at Rachel put a damper on things as well.

We were at the beach again, it's beauty only enhanced with the night sky's milky reflection. Sebastian had his hand stuffed in my back pocket, clutching forcefully at my butt with his spindly fingers. Cecil couldn't have been more supportive of Sebastian and I, and that only made me feel worse. Every twitch of Baz's finger against my flesh made me feel filthy and brought me closer to tears. I had certainly never been touched like that and couldn't help but think 'If this were Rachel...'

The groupies were stark-naked soon. They had descended into the ocean but stood in water shallow enough to bare all. I wasn't hesistant to call them 'the sluts' by that point.

All I wanted to do was go home to Mullica because I surely didn't belong there. Culture shock was getting the best of me. I felt helplessly innocent amongst a pack of barbarians and couldn't refrain from silently crying now.

"I'm gonna go for a walk." I whispered hoarsely to Sebastian, trusting that he wouldn't pay any mind to the moisture circling my eyes.

His grip had gotten tighter on me as he watched the sluts, his sluts, bounce with the waves baring everything.

"Okay, babe." he said cheerily.

I pushed our bodies apart and lept to my feet. Once those feet had taken me a good ten foot away from the group, I faltered to approaching hysterics. Close behind, I heard sand flying. It's rhythm was busy and didn't match with that of my feet. Somebody was running for me and whoever it was would have to just deal with the fact that I was crying. I wasn't at liberty to stop at that point.

"Wait up!" Rachel's voice called.

I didn't but he caught me anyways. His presence at my side as we walked was enough to calm my nerves for the time being so I could sniffle my tears away.

"If it bothers you that much," he gestured to the tears bedazzling my face. "Then why don't you stop him?"

".... It's what Cecil wants for me." I said nasally, staring blankly at the dusty ground. It wasn't until the words were already spoken that I realized how ridiculous they sounded.

He groaned angrily, not stopping to think of the way we were brought up.

"What do you want for you? Fuck Cecil!"

I couldn't answer him because my answer would have only brought forth more complications. That was something that I truly didn't need.

"I'm sorry, Rachel."

He inhaled deeply to tame his frustration. "I'm sorry, that you were raised in such a fucked up way. Whatever asshole taught you that you can't think for yourself just b'cause you're a woman needs to pull his head out of his ass!"

I cringed at the volume of his voice, but it felt good to hear a man speak like that for once. It only made me care for him more.

"Thank you..."

There was a couple minutes of silence before my thoughts boiled over.

"I hate it so bad when he touches me, Rachel." My voice cracked into weakness when another tear fell. I swiveled my blurred vision to him trailing beside me and noticed his clenched jaw and gaze, fiery with anger.

"I know... I hate it when he touches you too."

An exhilarating splash of happiness bubbled inside me at those words, knowing that he cared in a way similar to how I did. I wanted so desperately to tell him that I loved it when he touched me.