Where I Lay My Head

These thoughts engulfed me as I made just a dent in the list of housework that could have been done. At eleven o'clock, Cecil beckoned me away from the kitchen for a game of Pong. I was very tired but couldn't turn that down. That would be like a junkie turning down free dope.

So Cecil and I played for hours upon end, on account of me literally begging for just 'one more round' several times, until 2 o'clock in the morning when the guys returned. My eyes were parched and drooping but Pong seemed to be some sort of adrenaline-source for me, so I wasn't aware of how tired I actually was.

As soon as the obnoxious roaring of Cecil's friends buzzed in our ears, his controller went flying backwards and he thanked the Lord.

"Get Baz to play with you now that he's back-- I'm going to bed!" With a long, exasperated groan, Cecil pushed himself to his feet.

"But I don't like him, Cecil." I whimpered, looking up from my spot on the floor.

He glared down to me offensively just as he did when I had mentioned my distaste for Sebastian earlier. It was peculiar, him taking that so personally. He was hiding something that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"Goodnight, Adeline Priscilla." he sniped firmly, turning on his heels and exiting the living room into the hallway.

He said 'Adeline Priscilla', not Addie and not Priss. He used my whole name. That's what my father and brother always did when they were upset with something I had done.

"What did I do?" I whimpered quietly as Cecil evaded my eye-sight.

"I don't know, babe, what did you do?"

At first, that voice startled me but once it spoke the word 'babe', all it did was disgust me. I didn't want to deal with Sebastian, then or ever. I noticed that following Sebastian was the rest of Cecil's cronies. All of them seemed inebriated to an extent, but Sebastian most of all. Hopefully he would pass out soon.

"You got Cecil to play with you, huh?" Snake asked as he threw his limber body onto the nearest chair.

He gestured to the joystick still molded to my hand and I nodded, letting a sweet grin bend my lips.

"You shouldn't play for so long, ya know." Scotti murmured and laid on the floor while Rob and Rachel sat on the couch, and Sebastian folded his legs Indian-style on the area of ratty pumpkin colored carpet to my right.

I still wasn't used to a lot of things here. It was difficult for me to detest a man’s word so I agreed with Scotti quickly. But Sebastian, of course, was an exception to all habits.

I made some type of vile face at him. It could have been a glower, or grimace, or a scowl, I don't know. Either way, it wasn't a pleasant face, and I pushed myself away from him to sit between Rachel and Rob on the sofa.

I smirked when I saw from the corners of both of my eyes, Rachel and Rob covering their mouths to muffle their laughter at Baz's cold rejection. I'm sure that was a rare source of humor around those parts.

"Man, I could use a beer." Scotti sighed from his place at our feet.

I took that as an order to get him a beer, being the only woman on the premises. I began to push myself to my feet, but stopped and collapsed backwards to my place on the couch once I noticed everybody staring awkwardly straight at me.

"Um... he didn't mean you needed to get it." Rachel said. "Is that how it is where you're from?"

There it was-- I knew it was coming. They were of course going to be curious as to how my lifestyle was in Mullica, to more of an extent than whether or not I shaved my legs. That was alright, I suppose, but not my favorite of all things to explain.

"Yeah..." I responded quietly, making sure to stare anywhere but at an actual person.

"That's..." Rachel began, but had to put some thought into how he would finish that statement. "Different?"

"But it's great where I live, too." I made clear, just so they wouldn't think I came from some sort of cult. "Men are very respectful."

I made sure to glare directly at Sebastian while I said that, but he wasn't paying attention anyways.

There was a very awkward minute of silence as the boys struggled to understand how I could accept a lifestyle like that. They glanced to each other, and then to me with a glimmer of demeaning pity in their eyes. They couldn't quite grasp how many benefits I could gain from living such a conservative lifestyle and that I was born into it so it was normal for me. Personally, I didn't understand a life that didn't project that image onto women. Was it possible that I wasn't doomed to a life oftechnically mutual slavery?

It wasn't long before their gold-fish memory spans lost track of that particular issue and began questioning me further. The things asked by Scotti, Rob, Snake and Rachel were appropriate and I didn't mind answering them at all. They asked me about Rumspringa, if I liked "normal stuff", as they put it, and if I would choose it over my real home. I told them that I wasn't sure yet and wouldn't think of that until my allotted time in Toms River was over.

Sebastian, on the other hand, couldn't keep his busy mind out of the gutter for a split second.

"So, you're not s'posed to have sex in... well, Bumfucked Egypt, or wherever you're from," he interrupted himself with a shrill chuckle. "But are you, would you say... opposed to Toms River-sex? It’s better here, trust me. I know."

He was hammering me with questions like that and I was especially relieved when he passed out, because I was on the verge of tears and with that would come a world of embarrassment. I'm sure that English girls didn't cry when beautiful men asked them about where they stood on sex. It was still a very sensitive topic for me because it was one that was strictly prohibited in my family, like the unholy grail of Mullica Hill freaks. That would be one of the key reasons for the guys to ogle at the Amish-Mennonite lifestyle I was still leaning towards.

Rob, Rachel and I were the last to claim consciousness. It wasn't long before the conversation shifted to something more normal, like all of the great things to keep me in Toms River opposed to Mullica Hill.

"I still don't get it!" Rachel sighed with confusion, more to himself than me. "Why would you even think about stayin' there? It sounds fucked up."

My lips bashfully turned upwards as I wondered how to approach that question. It was obvious to me, but he, as well as other English folk, had a completely different train of thought that I hadn't learned to read yet.

"Do you have a boyfriend there or something?" he asked, his face literally wiping the confusion from his face as he convinced himself that he had cracked my code. "A secret boyfriend that you don't wanna leave?"

I shook my head and giggled. "No, silly, I can't have a boyfriend!"

He rolled his eyes with frustration and groaned as I drew his confusion to the surface again, but I didn't take it personally; it wasn't the first time somebody had trouble understanding me. I was just happy to talk to Rachel. Anything said to me was a hundred times better than it should have been when it came from his mouth; don’t ask why, because at that point in time I wasn't sure.

"Then why stay there?" he asked for the umpteenth time, and considering I didn't have an answer that he could fathom, I just decided to change the subject.

"Why should I stay here?"

"It's great here." he shrugged simply. "I mean, I hate it. I'll be going to the city soon, out West. But I'm sure Toms River is like, fuckin'... New York City to you."

I chuckled, somehow finding his oblivion attractive, although it was nothing new. Sebastian, Snake, Scotti and Rob were all equally clueless, but they weren't Rachel. You can do the math yourself.

"Really, though," Rachel sighed, leaning farther back into the couch cushions to somehow deepen the atmosphere of this conversation. "You might be used to it, but.... it's not right, what they taught you where you live. You can kick just as much ass as any man can and you should be treated like it."

What the hell was he saying? What? My mind was blown and my stomach was going crazy with a strange feeling... A man had just told me that I should be treated equally. Girls from Mullica had told me that time after time, but a man? Never. That reserved a special place in my heart for Rachel, my heart.... that was pounding way too fast for its own good. What the hell was this guy doing to me?

"Foxy ladies..."

Those were Rob's last couple words before he was out, leaving Rachel and I to giggle at the statue-like position that he was maintaining, hunched over the neck of his beer bottle that was stuffed between his wiry legs. Rachel abruptly stood up once that moment had passed and disappeared into the darkness that was the kitchen. A stale yellow light lit up that side of the apartment for a brief moment, and I heard the sticky rubber bindings of the Frigidaire peel open. He reappeared with two frosty bottles of beer at hand and stopped in front of me to hold one in front of my face.

"M' lady." he chimed, taking a bow onto the couch once I scooped it from his gentle grasp.

I meagerly grinned, knowing that this kind gesture was a result of what we had discussed earlier after Scotti had mentioned a beer himself. Rachel seemed to be the most bothered by it, and I was astonished with the feeling that came by a simple beverage.

"Thank you."

With my frail touch I brushed away a layer of chalky frost off of the bottle to reveal the sparkling brown glass hidden beneath. At the very top of the bottle was a jagged metal cap nearly welded on. I stared to it, bewildered and wondering how I was supposed to gain access to the discovery I would make inside. It was, of course, my first beer. Nervously, I peered to Rachel out of the corner of my eye and watched as he levered his bottle against the edge of the coffee table. With a quick thump to the neck of the bottle, the cap flew to the other side of the table and gray fog poured from the opening.

I didn't even attempt it. It wasn't worth the humiliation gained from failing twenty times in the pathetic fight of 1987, Adeline Hooley vs. Glass Bottle.

"Um..." was all I had to say before Rachel traded beers with me and opened the second one identically without hesitation.

Next, I was to drink. This is what Rumspringa's all about, I remember thinking before raising the bottle to my lips and gulping down the most controversial substance I had ever consumed. It was my first carbonated beverage and burned the living hell out of the tenderness of my throat as it slid down, like thousands of pinheads appearing from thin air just as I swallowed. My eyes narrowed tightly and I let the brothy taste tingle on my tongue. Meanwhile, Rachel was heavily laughing at my reaction but I couldn't pay attention to my surroundings. It was an astounding feeling to drink beer. I felt like I had put my senses to good use for the first time in my life and I needed more.

Two beers later, I was feeling the affects of that alleged demon. It was churning in my stomach and I was beginning to understand why my people hated alcohol so much, but couldn't manage to hate it myself. It seemed to ease the tension between me and my newfound friend, making my first memorable experience of Rumspringa even better.

I went to bed that night, or I could say morning, with only three hours of dusk left to take advantage of. I couldn't sleep past daylight because my body was vigorously trained to wake up early on account of my full, regular day of chores. Now that, for the first time in my life, I had no chores I was wishing that wasn't so. Sleeping in was something I wasn't familiar with but would have liked to know, not that I could get any sleep there anyways. The noises from outside kept me up, the occasional police sirens and passing cars reminding me that I was out of my place. When daylight came, my mind was busy just as it had been when I had succumbed to that very bed hours before.

I thought about Cecil and how much he had changed, and how maybe it was a good change. I also thought about his friends and how interesting they all were. A strange sensation in my stomach made me excited to spend more time with them, excluding Sebastian and especially Rachel, but I was also very nervous. I still had a lot of warming up to do, a lot of new things to experience, and a lot of awkward situations to endure. Overall I liked this new place. It was interesting and eccentric, careless and tripping away from any rhythm, factors that my life had always gone without. The coming day would bring forth more new things to marvel at and I was curious, to say the least.