Saving Grace

You will not hyperventilate, Amelia. You will not.

I found myself in the O'Callaghan's bathroom, my palms pressed firmly against the cool, speckled counter-top as I tried my hardest not to hyperventilate though I found it nearly impossible.

"I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't," I repeated, as I tried getting a sufficient amount of oxygen in my lungs. I pinched my eyes tightly closed and tried sucking in the deepest breath I could manage.

"Hun?" The sound of knuckles lightly rapping on the bathroom door echoed through small half-bathroom. Bree sounded concerned, as did John twenty-one minutes ago, along with Ross eighteen minutes before now and let's not forget about Shane and Jay trying to make sure I was okay eleven and three minutes ago.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" she called through the door.

I picked my head up which I had let hang loosely as I tried getting a grip on the emotions running rampant through me. I was obviously not doing something right.

"Y-Yeah!" I called.

She hesitated. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah!" I forced my eyes open and began searching for a bag or something to help control my breathing. I found an untouched, unused make-up bag beneath the counter and immediately, I slid to the floor. Breathing deeply in and out, I held the make-up carrier to my mouth.

I was just glad that I had managed to control my emotions until John had pulled into the driveway of the home he had grown up in.

I sighed a breath of relief as I finally was able to breathe normally and brought my knees to my chest, my arms trembling as I wrapped them around my folded legs.

So what if John liked Marissa with all her tall, curvaceous, large-eyed being? I wasn't his real girlfriend. Hell, I was barely a friend to him.

He was a musician, a freaking musician! I didn't need another one of those in my life.

I forced myself up and shakily clicked the lock back. I flickered my eyes up from the floor to find Bree, Ross, Jay, Shane and John crowding the small corridor, concern etched over their faces.

Bree was the first to react, her arm wrapping around my waist as if to help stabilize my balance that had gone missing since my travel to Arizona. "Uh, Shane, honey," Bree started, looking to her youngest son, "Why don't you make sure that Amelia gets up to John's room?" she asked, her voice as sweet as it would be on any other occasion.

"I'm really fine," I tried but the serious looks I was given by each of the O'Callaghan's silenced me.

Shane took Bree's place and I had to admit, it was a little odd to have a younger person take care of me.

"I think eating something will make you feel better, is there anything you'd like in particular?" Bree asked, tagging along behind us as Shane guided me toward the stairs.

I shook my head, not wanting to bother Bree.

Ross swooped to my other side to help Shane get me up to John's room when we reached the bottom of the staircase. Jay watched in concern from ground level as I suddenly threw my hand out to steady myself, pressing it against the wall halfway up the steps. "I'm fine," I said after a moment of composing myself.

"Stop saying that, Lia," Shane said. I shot him a scowl before continuing up the remaining steps.

Ross and Shane stood awkwardly beside John's bed after I crawled onto it, as if they weren't sure if they should leave me unattended.

"You are not the most graceful person," Ross stated suddenly.

I turned to him with an eyebrow cocked. I knew from the moment I met Ross that he was by far the bluntest of the O'Callaghan children, I just wasn't sure if that was a good thing yet.

"I must have forgot to pack it and bring it along with me; I was graceful until I got here," I said, leaning against the headboard and crossing my arms. Both Ross and Shane narrowed their eyes at me, obviously unbelieving. "It's true!" I cried. "I was extremely, extremely graceful back in Braintree."

"She was," John agreed with a light smirk as he walked into the room, a glass of water, a bag of chips and a cereal bowl balancing with ease in his hands. He stopped at the end of his bed, looking from me to his brothers. "That's what first caught my attention."

I studied him curiously.

Shane was about to say something, but Jay's calls for both he and Ross distracted them both. They sighed a little before ducking out of John's bedroom which was still surprisingly neat with the exception of my suitcases spaced out on the floor from searching for an outfit.

"It's true," John continued, his green eyes looking directly into my orbs.

I blushed. He shouldn't be telling me stuff like this, especially after... I shook my head as if literally shaking the thoughts from my mind.

"I've never seen a person with as much grace as you. Well, I mean, before you left it back in Braintree..." He stopped upon seeing my glare.

"I am not that clumsy," I stated, lifting my nose in the air and closing my eyes.

He laughed a little. I could hear his footsteps before I felt the side of the bed he had slept on sink lightly. "Are you absolutely sure you're okay?" he asked.

I opened my eyes and looked to him.

I just realized that I have feelings for you though I know I shouldn't. No, I'm not okay. "Yes."

He smiled. "I brought you something that I'm positive will make you feel better," he said, holding out the cereal bowl and chips still in his hands. I smiled upon seeing the salsa looking up at me.

I took them from him and rested the bowl in my lap before taking the glass of cold water he was also offering to me. "Thank you," I mumbled, my voice soft as I ran my fingers through my bangs, pushing them from my face. I pulled my legs toward me to sit cross-legged, careful not to spill anything.

"No problem," he said, leaning back against the headboard, pulling his long legs up to stretch out almost the whole length of the bed. "Is there anything else you need?" he asked.

A therapist. Yes, I think I need to speak to a therapist. "N-No, but thank you," I said before holding out the bowl for him to pick out of. He studied me, as if unsure if I really was going to share my food with him or if I was psyching him out. "I said I would share in the store, did I not?"

John hesitated for a second more before accepting that I was, in fact, telling the truth.

I studied my toes, thinking over everything. Maybe I should leave before anything else happened. I could say that something came up pertaining to work and then this would be all over. John would announce to his family a little after that our long distance relationship just wasn't working and we broke it off. Then I could move on with my life.

I took two weeks off of work; I'd have time to visit my grandmother, go blow some money on unneeded things back in Massachusetts, pack up Nick's things for his move after tour.

Dread bubbled into my stomach at the last thought.

Nick was going to be moving out whether I liked it or not.

I could be mature about it. I could and I would. It wasn't like we had a chance anymore anyway. He was probably sleeping around with tons of girls- girls far prettier than myself. It was tour after all, anything was possible.

"Are you still here?"

John's voice snapped me from my thoughts. "Yeah," I said, turning my eyes to him.

"You zoned out there for a second. What's running through that head of yours?"

I blinked at him. "Nothing," I said before turning my gaze to my fingernails.

A knock on the door caught both of our attention. Looking up, Bree stood, her robe still wrapped around her, phone in hand though I could tell that it was no longer in use. It was a little odd that the white silk of her robe nearly matched her skin tone. "You'll never guess who I just spoke to," she said, her eyes looking delighted despite just how ill she looked.

"Who?" John and I asked in unison.

"Nick," she said, a small smile tugging the corners of her lips upward. "He's in Phoenix for a few days; I invited him over for dinner."

I felt all the fluids in my face drain and dread re-filled my stomach.

Bree's facial expression turned confused. "Oh dear, you look terrible," she said, walking over and resting her hand over my forehead to see if I had a fever. "I thought it would be nice, having someone a little more acquainted with you to visit," she continued as she perched on the edge of the mattress, her feet firmly planted in the carpeting.

I turned to John, my eyes guarded. "Don't tell me that you and Nick are in the middle of a fight..." she said, picking up on my uncomfortable body language.

"What? No. Nick and I are-are like this." I held up my hand and tangled my middle and index finger around one another, forcing a smile.

Bree's face turned relieved. "Good." She sighed. "He sounded happy, like he really wanted to stop in," she added.

I looked to John, my brow furrowed in confusion at the information Bree just gave out.

"Are you feeling a little better?" John's mother asked, her eyes serious once again.

"Yeah," I said. "Yeah, absolutely. I just-" I stopped, forcing my rambles to also. "I think I'm better," I said, forcing a polite smile on my face.

Bree's wine-colored lips turned upward in a faint, brief smile. "I'm glad to hear that. You and Nick are really close, huh?" she said, rising and pulling her white, silk robe closer about her body, distorting the lovely red zinnias that were printed against the fragile fabric.

I turned to John and studied his facial expression before turning back to Bree. "Yes. Yes we are," I agreed, my voice barely hiding my lie.