Saving Grace

Wide eyed and a little pale, Linnely ran her fingers through her hair. "Oh. My. God. You have to tell them!"

"I know! I know! I'm planning on it! John doesn't know that but I'm telling Bree. I don't care what he says."

"Good! You better tell her damn quick, girly!"

I sighed and nodded.

"John was a prick today though, eh?" I looked at her curiously. "Well, he must have done something severely wrong to make you cry!"

I smiled a little. "I don't know what that was about really... It was probably stress breaking me down... or hormones..."

Her eyes flew open wider though I didn't think they could. "Are you...?"

I nodded, smiling. "You can't tell anyone else though. Only John, Nick and you know."

She nodded in agreement and understanding before a silence settled over the two of us. Suddenly, a loud, excited squeal belonging to Linnely pierced my eardrums and she hugged me in a nearly bone-crushing embrace. A silly grin was slapped over her face when she pulled away and rose. "Okay, I'm going to let you sleep now. You need to stop stressing though," she said seriously. "It's not good for your health. I'll- uh- tell the boys to leave you alone for a while."

I nodded as she took strides backward. "And don't you worry, I will keep your secrets," she added before shooting me a small smile and shutting the door behind her when she was in the hall.

-----

I hugged my pillow closer to my body as I willed myself to fall back asleep.

I had yet to open my eyes, fearing that if I did there would be some sort of bad news revolving around Bree. I didn't want to face that just yet.

The familiar sound of fingers sliding against nylon guitar strings caused my eyes to slowly flutter open. John was sitting across the room in his desk chair as he slumped over and continued writing.

After a moment, he leaned back in his seat and started softly strumming his guitar, creating a pleasant melody. He must have felt that I was watching because he spun his chair to face me. Normally, I would have closed my eyes and pretended to be sleeping but I surprised myself by doing just the opposite.

We studied each other for a moment, not speaking as I was still upset with him from before. He sighed, resting the body of his acoustic guitar on his lap before resting one arm over it. John looked defeated now more than angry. "I'm sorry, Amelia," he said after a sigh. "You were right yesterday..."

I sat up and ruffled my hair. I felt gross; my jeans were clinging to my body uncomfortably, my shirt was wrinkled and my hair was a mess. I knew I was getting off subject by thinking that, of all things, but I didn't know what to say to John at the moment.

"Will you forgive me?" he asked, his green orbs serious. "I mean- I understand if you don't-"

"I forgive you," I whispered.

He awkwardly scooted himself over to the side of the bed. "I want you to hear song that I just finished writing. It's called Saving Grace."

I watched him as he picked up his guitar and started playing the melody he had started before.

"I walk the tightrope on my way home you're my backbone
I know you're somewhere close behind me
I walk the fault line in a dirt field in the spring time
I feel the wind start to remind me of you
And the sweet talk on the sidewalk
It's true
All I know is

All we have is what's left to today
Hearts so pure in this broken place
'Cause we are, we are, we are
'Cause we are, we are, we are
Lovers lost in space
We're searching for our saving grace.

And I still remember how your lips taste on holidays
You leave in December. What can I do to make you stay?
'Cause we won't fade away
We'll find peace while others change
And I know you're somewhere close behind me

And it's true
Oh, the sweet sound in the background
It's you
All I know is

All we have is what's left today
Hearts so pure in this broken place
'Cause we are, we are, we are
'Cause we are, we are, we are
Lovers lost in space
We're searching for our saving grace

Oh yeah. We're searching for our saving grace
Oh yeah

Keep on searching, keep on searching
Keep keep, keep keep
Keep on searching, keep on searching
Keep keep, keep keep

I walk the tightrope
You're my way home
You're my backbone
You'll always be here right beside me

All we have is what's left today
Hearts so pure in this broken place
'Cause we are, we are, we are
'Causes we are, we are, we are
Lovers lost in space
We're searching for our saving grace

Keep on Searching
Keep on Searching
We're searching for our saving grace."

He looked at me after resting his guitar back on his lap, trying to figure out what I was thinking. "I love it," I replied softly, a small smile gracing my lips.

John grinned widely at me, obviously happy with my response.

We sat there, smiling like idiots for seemingly hours until our grins slowly faded from our faces. Before I even realized that the space between us was closing, John pressed his lips against mine and I let my emotions- I mean hormones- take over.

My fingers tangled within his brown mop of hair as we moved our lips in perfect sync.

Nick's face popped into my mind and in a split second, I felt my hands on John's chest. I pushed myself away from him, my heart beating rapidly in my chest as I tried to catch my breath. I couldn't look at John so instead, I turned my eyes to my knees as I draped my fingers over my mouth in attempt to stop the tingling sensation they were experiencing.

What the hell was I doing? I had Nick! Nicholas Andrew Santino; the boy who impregnated me, the guy who was John O'Callaghan's best friend!

The bedroom door flew open and bounced off of the cream-colored wall. "Dad just called! Get up and get ready! We can finally go see Mom," Shane announced before walking back down stairs.

I had never been so grateful for a distraction in my life.

I rose from the edge of the mattress, walking to the bathroom before John attempted to speak to me.

I locked the door behind me before stripping and turning on the shower. I sank to the floor of the bathtub and wrapped my arms around my legs allowing the water to clean me of my filth though my now guilty conscience wouldn't be cleaned up as easy as I would like.

I felt like a whore, a trick, one of those girls that I swore I would never turn out to be like.

I took a shaky breath knowing that the only way to stop this before anything else happened was to leave.