Saving Grace

I couldn't muster the strength to open my eyes though my mind was working well, much to my despair.

Words such as "ectopic pregnancy", "emergency surgery" and "possible internal bleeding" echoed through my head.

I had lost the baby and although I had scrambled to find any way to save it, the doctors didn't have anything to do that.

"We can always try again, Beautiful," Nick had said when the doctors had given us a moment to absorb the news.

It hadn't been the words I wanted to hear but then again, I was sure that no words could console me.

I could hear the soft squeak of rubber-soled shoes on linoleum flooring in the distance and a more prominent sound of dress shoes tapping lightly nearby. Slowly, I forced my eyes open and turned my head to look to my side.

Nick was sitting in a chair, his jacket missing; the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up to nearly reach his elbows. His tie was loosened around his neck and his fingers were tangled in his hair as he looked at the space between his tapping shoes.

I felt sick though it wasn't so much physical as mentally. My thoughts and more recent memories had turned my stomach into a nauseous pit.

He glanced up and immediately, upon seeing my eyes, relaxed.

Nick slid his chair forward and took my hand in his as the other reached up to touch my hair. "How are you feeling?"

I just had surgery to terminate my unplanned though wanted pregnancy. I was amazing.

I simply shrugged, not wanting to lie or sound like a bitch. Nick was just trying to be the supportive boyfriend that he was supposed to be, after all.

I wanted to cry in all actuality but for some reason I just couldn't in front of him.

He cleared his throat. "Everyone knows that you and John weren't really dating now."

If the pain medication wasn't starting to kick in already, I was sure I would have felt my stomach clench. "What did they say?" I asked, my throat uncomfortably dry. My voice croaked and cracked, a sound unpleasant even to my ears.

"Nothing really. They didn't seem upset at all. Everyone is really worried about you."

I raised an eyebrow though the motion took all the might I had to do so. For the first time since I opened my eyes, I scanned the room to find various bouquets of flowers. I gulped back the emotion that was balling in my throat. "Is there anything that I can get you, Beautiful?" Nick asked softly, as if I was about to shatter and maybe, just maybe, I was.

I shook my head and fought against my suddenly heavy eyelids that were coaxing me back asleep.

I barely felt Nick's lips pressing lightly and oh-so carefully around the IV protruding from the top of my hand. "I love you," I heard him say though he sounded far away. When I couldn't fight sleep any longer, I allowed myself to slip into unconsciousness.

-----

I sat, propped up, in the hospital bed that I was being forced to stay in for three mandatory days. I looked through the cards that had arrived with each bouquet of flowers. The guys from A Rocket To The Moon had sent me one as did Linnely, the O'Callaghan family and each of the guys from The Maine. Even John, himself had sent flowers that incorporated yellow lilies in it though their blooming season was well over. How in the hell he knew that they were my favorite flower was beyond me.

I felt touched by all eight vases filled with gorgeous flowers but yet I somehow felt guilty and sad.

Nick wasn't in the room which I wasn't terribly upset about.

"-I don't know, I only talked to her for a few minutes when she woke up. She seemed okay but then again, the pain medication they set up was starting to kick in," I heard Nick say from the hall.

"I see... I'll- uh- I'll just go home then. She probably doesn't want any visitors right now, anyway," John replied. He knew me so well.

"I'm sorry, but can you hang around here for a while more? For me? I understand if you want to go-"

"I can wait," John cut in softly. I pictured them doing that stupid man-hug thing that I saw them do often and looked back to the tiny cards in my hands.

Nick- almost cautiously- walked into the room and stopped dead in his tracks upon seeing me. "You're awake," he stated, a weak smile placing itself on his lips.

I nodded and studied the card that Jared had scrawled on with his elegantly swooping handwriting that someone looked messy and perfect in one. I wasn't sure how he managed it.

Nick walked over and perched in the chair that I had last seen him sitting in. He studied me as I blankly stared at the card that I had been gazing at for the past twenty minutes.

"You know, it's okay to cry, Amelia," he said softly. I wanted to disagree but I stayed motionless.

He suddenly stood and sat himself beside me on the narrow bed. His arm carefully maneuvered around me. He rested his hand delicately on my hip before he pried the stiff papers from my fingers. Nick tossed them aside and pulled me to his chest.

I felt myself cling to him, my fingers tangling in the cotton of his white dress shirt that he was still wearing. His tie was now missing-in-action, I vaguely noticed.

I felt liked sobbing but my eyes weren't producing any tears.

Lips pressed to the top of my head. "We'll get through this, Beautiful," Nick whispered, hugging me to him as if he were hanging on to something for his life. "Somehow, we'll get through this."