Fiction

There was a voice. It wasn't loud, but I could hear it. It was a faint whisper that almost seemed like it was singing to me. The voice was melodic and nothing like I had ever heard. "Kelsey," it called in it's sweet voice.

I tried to see if I could recokgnize it. It wasn't Brian's, I winced mentally at the thought of him. It wasn't my dear Ray Ray's. Finally I came to realize it was my inner voice talking to me in my sweetest tones that I have never heard before.

I tried to open my eyes but my eyelids felt like bricks. They were so heavy and they refused to open at my demand. 'Where was I? Whats going on?' I asked myself.

"Kelsey," the voice called to me again. I tried to respond but I couldn't do that either. Slowly, I was starting to freak out and my heart beat picked up. Faintly I could hear beeping of some kind in the background, like one of those heart monitors. Was that where I was then? The hospital?

I tried to move my hand, but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel any part of my body. It felt as though I was trapped in this body unable to move. Like I was just there and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Kelsey," my voice once more called. The voice sounded much closer but yet just a whisper. "Kelsey, dear." I listened intently to the voice, seeing that was the only thing I could do. "Are you ready to go?"

What did it mean was I ready to go? Go where? What happened? Where was I? What was going on? I had so many questions but none that I could verbalize.

"You poor thing. Look at you. Your a reck, a disaster. You should have just stayed with the poor man. After all he did love you. He loved you with everything and here you are now because you thought your inner voice was right. That he would treat you just like a piece of trash, but he's here. He's right beside us. Holding our hand. He's sobbing Kelsey, he truely is. He misses you, he does so much."

I wanted so much to open my eyes and see his face. For the voice to go away so I could tell him that I was sorry. That I loved him so much too and that I didn't mean anything by this accident. That is was just a bump in the road we would soon get over. This I would promise. I would promise so much so, but I couldn't. I couldn't open my eyes and tell him I couldn't do it. My heart ached with the pain of wanting to see him. To touch him, to apologize over and over.

"Your little accident left us in a very bad critical condition, it did. Do you know how long it has been? Almost a year it has been now and you still have yet to wake. Your body is healing nicely oh and we have beautiful child now. He goes by the name of Shiloh. Our dear friend new how much we loved that name."

My heart was breaking on the inside. It's what it felt like. I wanted so much to sob. Everything was so wrong so twisted. How could I have done this to the people I love... To Brian, to Ray Ray. All of them.

"We'll be leaving soon. We will. We should say our goodbyes first don't you think?"

I yelled my agreement in my head then all of a sudden I was able to open my eyes to move. I gasped and looked around myself. I was in fact in the hospital but Brian was nowhere to be found. No one was anywhere. The room was dark and I felt so alone. So very alone except for that same calm sweet voice in my head.

I grabbed a sticky note from the table next to me and a pencil.

Dear Brian of whom I love most,

I'm sorry I did this to myself. I'm sorry I put you through so much sorrow and pain and grief. There's not much to say in what little time i have left, but I bet you are a amazing father. Truely an amazing one! I love you. I know that probably doesn't mean much now considering it has been a little over a year, but I do. This accident should mean nothing. I'm sorry for not trusting in the words you say. Next time, or in the next life I will believe. I'll hold you to me and never let go. Brian you mean the world to me. Tell our kid I love him also. You both are the best men in my life.

Love,
Kelsey

P.S. Please don't be afraid to move on. Death happens, just don't stick on me forever.

I placed the note in my lap and wrote another to Ray. Telling her to be good and cherish everything she has. To take care of Brian for me and Shiloh and that I love her very much and she was the best of friend any girl could ever ask for and that I would be watching over everyone.

I sat the note next to the other and looked at them. "I'll miss you," I said out loud and started crying. I grieved for everyone that I knew. I grieved for myself and I grieved for this life that I would be leaving behind. How I wish I could stay but I knew I couldn't. I knew it was my time to leave.

I laid back down and starred up at the ceiling and ran through my life up to the accident. I smiled at the good memories of me as a child to my favorite adult moments. My nose being broken included.

"I love you all," I said re-closing my eyes. Tears still cascading.

"You've done a good thing. We'll see God, we'll live a life where we won't feel sorrow. Don't worry Doll. They'll be in good hands." I dozed off and returned to the same place I was before. In my paralyzed state but this time. I heard the heart monitor beep a long sound and then there was nothing but whiteness.

My worries faded my pain dimenished, and my sorrow evaporated. The only thing left on the inside was love, memory, and happiness.