Lost Heart

We could never guess what people would turn out into someone differently in matter of time. People did change, but sometimes we couldn’t easily accept the change they had.

People did change drastically.

And it happened in Scotlyn’s life.

“Been lonesome again, Scotty?” a voice snapped her bubbly mind. Her mind was wandering over to the other side of her world. She could see her beautiful past talked to her. She could see her love of her life been always there smiling to her. Seeing the past times was always being her favorite because she could remind the things she always adored what she saw in her boyfriend.

Not being an unexpected mess like she’s been through.

Scotlyn grimaced and chuckled at the person who handed her McDonald’s brown bags. Scotlyn took one bag and held it as the person joined her on the park bench that day. He smiled at Scotlyn and quickly clutched on his own McDonald’s bag and let out BigMac from it.

“Thanks, how did you know I’m here? And how could you buy one for me?” Scotlyn chuckled and slowly slid opened her own BigMac.

“This park is just the kinda destined place for you, Scotty. Well, you pretty much spend your day here, contemplating. Either it’s about your new ideas for your monthly column in TeenVogue or Kennedy” he curled his crook of lips at her and took one big bite of his burger.

Scotlyn sighed and shook her head, actually lying. “Of course it’s not about Kennedy. What happened to him anyway? I just felt walking around the park on this nice and bright Sunday. You know how I’m bored and tired of my work, John,” she laughed forcefully.

Scotlyn found a cup of coke inside the bag and took it out before she actually sipped it. She glanced to her side and found John was staring intensely to her.

“I know something, Scot. He’s not him anymore, eh?” he blurted out. John’s sudden burst rang in her head. She paused of his words and gripped on her coke tightly. She really wanted to ask John how he knew. But she kept pursuing her lips in thin line.

“I know how your mind works, Scot. I kinda feel that too. The guys do feel it too. Kennedy becomes someone different lately,” John told her as his eyes trailed on his BigMac. Scotlyn stayed silent without gesturing to start her BigMac. She intensely clenched her grip on the brown bag.

“I notice many things change him,” he added silently.

Scotlyn blinked several times while her mind wandered over again. She knew John was right about Kennedy—her Kennedy.

Kennedy wasn’t the Kennedy who used to make fun of his girlfriend anymore with his dramatic jokes.

Kennedy wasn’t the Kennedy who used to make some random romantic surprises to Scotlyn.

Kennedy wasn’t the Kennedy she once knew as one of the clown in the band.

Kennedy wasn’t the Kennedy who used to tell sweet things to her that always made her flattered every time he’s being sweetheart.

Kennedy wasn’t the Kennedy who sent butterflies inside her stomach again.

Kennedy wasn’t the Kennedy she used to know.

There’s no more surprise dinner, no more romantic talks, no more cuddling on her bed all day long. Kennedy never showed his genuine yet goofy smile again to Scotlyn, he never showed his affection again to her and the worst part was….

He never told her how he loved her so much again.

The Maine might leave for tours. Her Kennedy left for tours and someone different came back. He wasn’t her Kennedy again.

They usually wouldn’t get into frequent fight. Kennedy wouldn’t usually complain at her, but this Kennedy made things differently.

“He seems not your Kennedy anymore, Scot” John told her softly as if John could read in her mind, rummaging all the important files she kept inside her treasure box where she kept her good memories.

“Not that I want to worsen between you two, Scot. You’re my good friend, we’ve known for years and you’ve been his good girlfriend for forever. I just thought maybe you should know,” John kept talking while Scotlyn solemnly listened to him without giving any replies to his words.

“Every time we crash to someone’s party, he tends to ask for some numbers. He got some girls and…” John swallowed hard and sent his nervous look to Scotlyn. Scotlyn winced at the words. She didn’t even think she could imagine Kennedy would play in her back. Kennedy wasn’t the type of that guy. He’s sweet and caring and everyone just loved him. He’s a good boy and loyal boyfriend.

He’s just not that kind of guy.

Listening to John already made some new wounds in her fragile heart. She’s been aching of the fight she’d been into with Kennedy. It’s like they were in the end of their love life. But neither Scotlyn nor Kennedy ever dared to break their relationship apart. Not just yet.

But when John told this thing, she could feel a blade just ripped her heart out. Scotlyn was near to tell that the relationship wouldn’t work further.

She’d been together with Kennedy for like what? Three to four years? Scotlyn was his girlfriend from his high school. She was his prom date, his high school sweetheart. She was there long before Kennedy got into The Maine. She was there when Kennedy was still in his previous band with his good friend, Stephen Gomez. Scotlyn was there when Kennedy used to sing in Last Call For Camden.

She was there for him in every moment he had in his life.

And Scotlyn was still his girlfriend until now The Maine got bigger with their new album.

John was right; she had been his girlfriend for ages.

“Tell me why did he change, John” Scotlyn bit down her lower lip. “H-he’s never in my side again. Why? What happened to him, John? What happened to my Kennedy?” her voice sounded growing hoarse. She kept holding back her emotion with her clenched fist.

“Scotty…” John leaned closer to her and put down his McDonald’s bag. He put his arm around her. He tried to soothe her but it turned worse. She didn’t tear out her eyes but she could feel her heart beat rapidly. Her breath blew roughly as if she suffocated herself and her head, her brain went haywire.

The fury she’d been holding went to her ear and she was ready to burst every anger she’d held quietly.

She was tired.

She only let one tear slipped on the corner of her left eye and held the rest inside her eyelids.

She missed her old Kennedy.

~***~

Change was what Kennedy doing. He liked to be different.

But the change he got use to pull some different context in his friends or girlfriend’s life.

And Kennedy didn’t give about it. He just liked to be different. It felt good for him.

The boys usually hung in John’s pad and stayed for the night. They usually chatted about their work in the studio and new schedule for their tour. But today, they just had fun to loose their self.

Pat and Garrett were playing their Guitar Hero while Rachael—Garrett’s girlfriend sat next to him while she’s reading some fashion magazine. On the other way, Jared was playing guitar with his mad skill and John sang with him. Trey—Garrett’s brother and Halvo from A Rocket To The Moon paid their presence there as well. Trey was sitting next to Kennedy with their laptops. Kennedy was managing the Tumblr while Trey played Pacman there.

“Anyway Ken, where’s Scotty?” Rachael asked as her eyes glued on the fashion column.

John who was singing was distracted for a moment and stared at Kennedy who looked unpleasant.

“I don’t know” Kennedy replied effortlessly sounded devastated.

“What do you mean with I Don’t Know, Ken?” Rachael was almost like to snort and she thought that Kennedy just played along. And by the look Kennedy gave to Rachael, John could tell he wasn’t in the mood to give it a shot for where the conversation went.

Kennedy clenched his teeth, “I said I don’t know, Rach” Kennedy looked pissed. Rachael frowned at Kennedy’s response. It didn’t sound good.

“I’ve never seen you together again, Ken. I kinda lost her” Eric Halvorsen joined hiding his giggly laugh.

Rachael jolted and the magazine on her hand fell drastically, “Ken! You didn’t break up with her, did you?!!” Rachael gasped while her eyes lingered on Kennedy’s.

Kennedy bit the inside of his cheek. He just slowly shook his head. “No” he simply said and his eyes showed some emotion that only John who could read it what it meant. Kennedy was hesitant.

“Are you in fight?” Rachael pressed

“Rach, I guess it’s their business” John cut in and shot his message look to Rachael. Garrett bought this and gave a gentle squeeze on Rachael’s wrist to stop her bombarding question at Kennedy to come.

Kennedy growled under his breath and decided to stand up from his laying form. He walked out from the room, leaving the guys there with their confused look at him. Kennedy clenched his teeth and walked to the balcony there.

Kennedy let out his cigarette and lit it up before he dragged in the nicotine smoke that usually he needed when he was stressed up. He thought about many things he went through. He knew he wasn’t in the good term with his girlfriend and he thought about giving it a break for a moment.

As much as Kennedy didn’t like Rachael’s comments about his relationship with Scotlyn, he hated Scotlyn’s whines over his new self. Kennedy couldn’t find the wrong part of him being changed. He liked to be different and he thought that the change he got in his life was for his won good.

He’s a famous kid now, and he needed to change many things. Still, he couldn’t tell why Scotlyn hated his change. And it surely led him to let Scotlyn by herself for a couple days. He just got into semi-big fight with Scotlyn after Scotlyn jabbed him with disapproval arguments.

They screamed at each other, Kennedy was furious with Scotlyn and Scotlyn cried when she saw the other side of him that changed. She hated this kind of Kennedy and then they decided to give some space for each other for a couple days.

It frustrated him. He hated Scotlyn. He hated how Scotlyn could be overreacted with the problem. He was angry and decided to loose himself.

Kennedy could careless about how the boys would react when they found him made out with some random girls in the club. He was angry with her and angry with himself. And he needed something to distract his emotion. That’s when John and Pat caught him shoving his tongue into some other girl’s throat where it brought him to have a couple of one-night stands.

Garrett who found this couldn’t believe himself. He couldn’t believe that Kennedy could be that kind of person. He actually did hurt Scotlyn in purpose! He got some slight conflict with Kennedy after he heard John and Pat caught him to have sex with this unnamed girl. He stood for Scotlyn and was close to kill him.

But Kennedy assured Garrett about his owning the problem. He let Garrett to leave him and Scotlyn alone.

Kennedy could still feel the fresh blood that came from his nose when Garrett literally hit him in anger. It was hurt but he knew he kinda deserved it.

It wasn’t Garrett’s fault. He was right about this. He was right about Kennedy being in wrong side. But Kennedy still didn’t want to change things he messed.

Kennedy let out his smoke long sigh when he sunk down on the wall. His mind wandered around randomly as he contemplated. But he was suddenly distracted by the phone inside his pocket. His cell phone rang and showed the caller ID he didn’t want to talk to at most.

Of course, Scotlyn.

“Yes” Kennedy answered aimlessly in monotonous tone.

“Ken…” Scotty said when Kennedy could picture her biting down her rosy perfect lips. The lips he always missed to press with his. “Uhm… hey”

“What do you want, Scot?” Kennedy shot straight to her and even though it sounded a bit harsh for Scotlyn.

“Well, I just want to hear from you. It’s been almost a week since the last time we talked” she sounded hesitated.

“Alright. I’m fine” Kennedy said before he dragged more of his nicotine stick. They fell in awkward silence and he could hear Scotlyn’s breath from the other line. She didn’t sound really good and of course he knew it’s about him. They’re not really in the good terms latter.

“I wonder, if... If we can meet up?” Scotlyn said hesitantly.

“What?” he frowned and growled lowly enough for Scotlyn not to hear it.

“The meet up” she repeated.

Kennedy breathed out almost liked with annoyance. “Right. When?”

“Tomorrow lunch? Burger King at 11?”

“Ok” he said monotonously. On the other way Scotlyn held back her giant urge to cry out to hear Kennedy’s monotonous response. She could tell that he didn’t want her anymore.

“Uhm…Ken, I...” she started again.

“Right, bye” then he clicked off the line leaving Scotlyn’s mouth gaped.

Kennedy sighed and chucked his cell phone down into his pocket again as he continued his nicotine drags. He heard the slide door opened and he saw John came out from it. He followed Kennedy out to the balcony and greeted him.

John stared at Kennedy with his greenish to blueish eyes and sent some meaningful look to him. Kennedy furrowed his eyebrows at him and then plucked out his cigarette on the cement floor.

“Now what?” Kennedy growled.

“You should know how to treat somebody, especially your girlfriend” John blurted out.

“Wait.. What?” Kennedy looked offended “This is not your business. Stay the fuck away” Kennedy dragged his feet inside the house back again leaving John.

“She’s not heartless, Ken” John grabbed Kennedy’s forearm to hold him back. “She still cares about you”

Kennedy groaned, “Why does everybody need to give a fuck about my business here?” he spat at John bitterly.

“Because you’re an asshole, Ken. You need to see yourself”

Kennedy snatched back his arm and pushed John away. “It’s not my fucking fault! She starts to be a bitch, she starts to hate me and I can’t stand it!”

“This is absolutely your fault! You’ve changed! I even don’t recognize you again”

“This is my life, you have no rights to accuse and judge me. Just back off from my fucking business. It’s not yours!” he stated venomously and stepped back inside the house. John just sighed pitifully at his good friend and shook his head at him. Kennedy turned out into some disaster like.

Meanwhile, as Scotlyn just heard Kennedy killed the line, she slumped on her couch and gripped tightly on her phone. She didn’t know that Kennedy—her Kennedy—didn’t want her that much.

She breathed in and out while she assured herself to do the last part in their relationship. She actually would do anything but break up with him. She still wanted him.

~***~

Scotlyn played with her French Fries inside the Burger King while she waited for Kennedy to come. She sporadically breathed in and out to loose herself. It felt like she was going to meet the President instead of his on-off boyfriend. The nerve took over her body and sent some cold sweats around her nape.

She randomly checked out through the window. Her eyes tried to figure Kennedy’s presence but he apparently hadn’t reached the place. She checked her watch and it was past 15 minutes. Kennedy usually wouldn’t be late. She somehow thought that he would never reach the place.

She made up the meet up for reason. She wanted to know where their relationship actually runs to. She didn’t like to be hung and suspended like this.

And after like 10 minutes later, she found herself gave up. She quickly gathered her things and decided to walk away. But she was stopped still at her seat when she saw Kennedy finally reached the place. But he didn’t go inside; he chucked down his hands inside his jeans pockets and looked really hesitated.

After like forever, Kennedy then walked inside with his unsure look. He walked through the door. His eyes wandered over the Burger King but didn’t land on Scotlyn because suddenly, a girl greeted him.

Scotlyn watched him from the distance. He looked shocked when the girl showed herself to Kennedy. A wonderful smile suddenly plastered on his face when he looked at the girl. Scotlyn choked some breath as she saw her boyfriend. The girl slung her arms around Kennedy’s neck and bobbed annoyingly.

Scotlyn saw Kennedy’s lips moved to talk sweetly and smiled at the girl. They talked for a bit and then the girl looked like she was about to leave. Kennedy’s head nodded and played with her hair.

The fingers he used to use to play with Scotlyn’s hair.

Scotlyn started to suffocate when she saw the girl smooched Kennedy on the lips as she left. She swayed her hips suggestively at him. She winked and air kissed to him before she left the Burger King.

The girl kissed Kennedy on the lips. The lips Scotlyn used to own for her.

And the worst part, Scotlyn didn’t recognize the girl. Kennedy never mentioned about this girl to her.

Kennedy laughed and shook his head at her. He smirked and then his eyes wandered over the place again. He wished that Scotlyn wouldn’t reach the place first to watch his slight scene with his new flavor girl.

But he was wrong. His eyes darted on Scotlyn’s dimmed eyes. She bit down her lip and clenched her teeth. She quickly got off from her seat and walked toward the door with face down.

Something lurched on Kennedy’s stomach when he saw her. She actually saw him with the previous girl and it wasn’t good to handle.

Kennedy didn’t tear his eyes off from her incoming figure. She didn’t let her eyes to see him and just left passing him as if she never knew him. She was out from the Burger King.

Scotlyn composed herself. She held her tears stronger while she walked down to the sidewalk.

She could feel her eyes were burned of the feeling she forcefully held. It was kinda aching and the wound slit opened. She didn’t even believe herself that Kennedy—her Kennedy—would do that such thing. In front of her eyes. Kennedy wasn’t the cheater type, but how could he do that?

Kennedy wouldn’t kiss anybody except her. But not until today.

Her body was shaking and her heart defeated her. She coughed some tears and wailed when she walked. Tears started to stream wildly down on her rosy cheeks. Her eyes burned with the salty tears and her nose was flooded. She hugged herself around and stopped in the nearest bus shelter.

It actually stated that they were already over. No suggestion, not even words to claim that they’re officially broke up. They were not a girlfriend and a boyfriend anymore.

While she waited, people started to figure her. They just stared at her without asking. Some shot her some disgust look and some just pitiful look. When the bus reached the shelter, people queued to climb inside the bus.

That’s when she felt someone squeezed her shoulder. And turned her around.

She was met with no one but Kennedy. He’s no longer her Kennedy.

“Scot,” Kennedy softly said. His voice was a bit hoarse and deep. Her heart ached more to hear the lips he used to say her name sweetly said her name again after like forever.

Scotlyn didn’t stir. She clung on the pavement like a statue. Words didn’t come out from her lips.

“It’s…no. it’s nothing” Kennedy managed his words.

The imaginary fire on her eyes started to prickle again. She choked on her own breath and then shook her head softly. “It’s okay, Kennedy” she forced her failed smile to him.

Kennedy’s heart sunk when he saw how fragile his girlfriend-or-whatever-their-term was. She looked shaky and hopeless. He hoped he could wrap his arm around her and told her that it’s nothing, a real nothing. He wanted to say sorry for billion times at her about him cheating.

“How—“ Kennedy was cut off.

“Seriously, it’s okay. I’m fine with it. It’s not like we’re together anymore, Ken” she stuttered her last words.

“What?” he frowned.

“We’re done. You made good to break it up. It’s…” she gasped shakily trying to continue her choked breath. “That’s the last thing you wanted to tell me. You want to break up with me. It’s fine. I’m...” her voice was almost liked to whine “We’re over”

Scotlyn wiped her tears and shoed her smile to Kennedy, “What I wanted to tell you in Burger King was… I still love you no matter what. I love you, John Franklin Trotter. In case you want to know” Scotlyn called him by his real name that made Kennedy’s stomach turned upside down.

Kennedy didn’t like to be called with his real name John Franklin Trotter, but in this circumstance, he missed the name that Scotlyn used to call him.

Kennedy took Scotlyn’s forearm and gave a gentle squeeze, “It’s not like that. I was... she was...” Kennedy swallowed hard and then let out a long sigh. “She’s my…”

“Hook up. The boys have been telling me about things, Ken” Scotlyn replied. She managed her breath and shut her eyes closed to wipe the sinking feeling. But it’s failed.

“No, Scot…” Kennedy defended.

“Don’t lie to me, Ken. It’s already hurting to watch you kiss somebody else”

Kennedy bit down his lip, “Right. Alright!” his grasp was out from Scotlyn’s reach “I slept with her. I fucked her the night—“ his voice was cut off with loud sound of Scotlyn’s slap. The burning sensation started to grow on Kennedy’s cheek.

Scotlyn burst out in deep wail. She couldn’t hold the wild tears longer. The salty tears flooded and built beneath her eyelids and they started to line down eagerly.

“Who are you now?” Scotlyn stuttered her shaky voice “You’re not my Kennedy anymore!” she was almost like to scream.

“Scot...” Kennedy held his breath under his clenched teeth.

“I loathe you, Kennedy. I fucking loathe you! My Kennedy won’t fuck around when he actually still has a girlfriend!” Scotlyn pushed Kennedy’s chest and cried a river. She quickly wiped her long lasting tears and ran to the bus, leaving Kennedy being the middle of attention because of the scene they made.

~***~

Scotlyn slammed the door once she reached her apartment. She threw her purse to the couch and then ran to the bathroom. Her apartment was no longer warm after Kennedy left and didn’t come back again. It was so deserted.

Scotlyn was faced with the big mirror in her bathroom and watched her smudged make up. Her eyes were dimmed and wet, her cheeks were moist by the dry tears, her nose hurt of the feeling that flooded, her breathe caught up to her throat.

She was a total wreck. She couldn’t believe that she actually broke up with Kennedy—her Kennedy. She didn’t own him anymore.

She decided to wash herself inside the shower, to loose the hard feelings she’s been carrying. She took one hour meaningless shower and quickly dried herself. She slid inside her old pajamas and walked out from the bathroom to the couch.

She grabbed her old yet big snuggie inside the drawer and wrapped it around her. She fell down on the couch and clicked on the TV as she started to cry again.

She was not a big girl, she wasn’t tough enough to deal with the break ups, she was mindless and wreck.

She could sniff the snuggie she’s been holding. She could see the slight scent of Kennedy. She remembered the good times they shared in her apartment. Kennedy loved the movie night with Scotlyn, they wrapped around in that big snuggie and snuggled as they watched some horror or comedy movies.

She still remembered the way Kennedy slid inside her t-shirt beneath the snuggie. She could tell how good it was when Kennedy squeezed her warm stomach with his cold fingers.

Scotlyn fell in slumber as she was too tired to cry out again remembering all the things she got with Kennedy.

She gasped continuously in her sleep after the wild cry she’d been doing.

~***~

“Fuck you Kennedy! Fuck! What the hell are you thinking! She’s your girlfriend, ass!” Garrett grabbed Kennedy’s collar with his height and then slammed him to the wall after Kennedy told him the things with Scotlyn. John, Pat and Jared watched them in anger look.

Practically, The Maine boys had been a great friend for Scotlyn and to hear that Kennedy break it with her, it made them furious. They wouldn’t take it seriously if Kennedy and Scotlyn broke up because of their own choice, but it was about Kennedy and his fucked up behaviors as a boyfriend.

The change Kennedy took, frustrating people around him.

Garrett abruptly hit Kennedy under his left eye and sent him to the floor.

“Garrett! Enough!” Jared grabbed Garrett away from Kennedy.

“He fucked it up, Jared! He fucked it up! He fucked around like he’s fucking cheap! He’s a bastard!” Garrett choked some anger breath from his throat.

“Garr, it’s his choice”

“Scotlyn has been a wonderful woman that boys would kill to get her! Then what? This tool nev—“

“Garrett! Enough!” Jared shook Garrett’s body and glared to him.

Kennedy winced at the pain he got under his eye, his lips were cut. He groaned and slowly stood up.

“She broke it up, man!” Kennedy replied harshly “I didn’t dump her, she did!”

“It’s because your douchery, asshole!” John joined “I don’t get why you wanted this” John said venomously.

“I believe it’s the best for us. We don’t seem click anymore. We got into fights and that made me sick! She’s being all suing girlfriend! I can’t take that anymore”

“Fuck it, Ken. Did you even say you’re sorry to her after what you’ve done to her?!”

“I didn’t do anything wrong! I do what I wanted, and this is what I wanted!” Kennedy egoistically spat back to John making John lost his control and hit Kennedy’s stomach.

“You’re right! A fucked up tool like you don’t deserve that amazing girl!” John growled as Kennedy moaned in pain.

“Fucker!” Kennedy glared to John and the rest of the guys as he walked out from John’s living room out from his house. “Own your fucking business! This is my fucking life!!” he ran to his Honda Civic and hopped inside.

Kennedy slammed the door and punched the wheel continuously as he threw his tantrums.

“Nothing’s wrong with me! Why do they keep telling me shits about myself!?” he screamed.

Kennedy thought the guys didn’t have right to be angry with him and to hit him. He hated John and Garrett at the moment. He rummaged his pocket and let out the car keys. He shakily started the engine so he could easily escape from O’Callaghan’s residence.

His eyes trailed to the door that suddenly revealed Pat Kirch. He ran toward Kennedy’s car while his long hair swayed side to side. His bobbing feature approached him and asked him to get him inside his car.

“Now what!” Kennedy let Pat inside.

“Ken, it’s not good for you”

“What are you doing? You want to join them against me, Pat? Seriously nobody’s in my side; they don’t know how to be in my fucking road”

“Easy, mate. Easy. I wanted to tell you and straighten this up. I might don’t know anything about how your relationship went, but the guys were right. You did it wrong. Scotty has been our great friend. We’ve known her for years, well, not as long as you knew her. But we do love her. We just don’t want her to get hurt. And in this case, you hurt her so bad, man”

“She’s not a saint who you all have been telling. It’s like I’m the big bad wolf who always do the wrong things. You all never get to see my side”

“But you did hurt her, Ken. Have you even said you’re sorry to her?”

Kennedy rolled his eyes, “No. It’s not a big deal” he spat annoyingly

“It is a big deal, moron! You did something wrong to somebody, you have to apologize to her”

Kennedy growled under his breath. “We’re not even together anymore. I don’t give this shit. Now get out from my car, I need to loose my night!” he glared to the little Pat Kirch but Pat stayed calm. He remained on the passenger seat as he solemnly stared at Kennedy.

“Do you even remember the good times with her? Who did give you wonderful lovely things? Who was there in your side when you’re down? Who was there for you to lighten up your mood? Who did cook all your favorite foods? Who did take care of you when you sick? It’s Scotlyn, she was all there for you, Ken”

Kennedy didn’t reply him; he didn’t let his eyes to stare at Pat.

“Who was the one that kept you a company before your fame? Who was the one that accepted your bad sides? She’s the one, Ken. We all knew it. She would anything for making you happy, she would do anything to be a perfect girlfriend for you. She sometimes talked about how you two would end up seriously in the altar someday. She loves you that much, Ken. You hurt her really bad and now I’m asking you to say your deep apology,”

“Pat…” Kennedy said breathlessly, “I don’t like being forced” he replied with horrible sound.

Pat sighed, “Okay. It’s up to you. You just need to know, we, the band don’t hate you, Ken. We love you, we love Scotlyn. We just want you two to be happy. John and Garrett lost their control because they care about you” Pat said wisely and pursued a thin smile on his lips.

“Thanks…” Kennedy said at last after he fell in long silence. “thank you, Pat” Kennedy crooked a weak smile.

“No prob, bro” Pat said, “Now it’s your turn, it’s up to you how to make things right. I don’t force you to make up with her, it’s your choice. You just need to think straight and do the right thing”

“Alright, Pat” Kennedy smiled at last as Pat nodded in understanding.

Pat slid out from the passenger seat and gave the salute to Kennedy

“Thank you, Pat” Kennedy said at last as Pat slammed the door. Kennedy started the engine again and drove away from the driveway leaving Pat.

Kennedy composed himself. He was contemplating. To go to see Scotlyn or to just call her. Kennedy’s eyes darted on the road while he was thinking. But then he decided to go to Scotlyn’s place. He thought maybe it was the best way.

Kennedy turned the wheels toward the apartment of Scotlyn. He passed a couple traffic lights and then stopped when he was jammed in random traffic jam.

He clicked his tongue when he met the traffic jam. He peeked out from the rolled down window and checked the traffic. He groaned to see there was some commotion at the end of the traffic jam.

The cars slowly moved forward and that’s when he realized about the commotion. There were crowds of people that gathered around to watch the firefighters did their job. Kennedy knitted his brows and gloated his eyes to see that the apartment of Scotlyn was in fire.

Kennedy quickly climbed out from his car and ran toward the building to join the crowd.

The building was devoured by wildfire while Kennedy’s mind thought of million things.

Where the fuck is Scotlyn?

Kennedy panicked asked to the paramedics who did their job giving some oxygen for the victims. He was searching for Scotlyn’s figure but she’s not there.

Scotlyn’s apartment room was in 5th floor and the fire was wildly devoured the building from the 4th floor. He could see the 5th floor was growing destroyed by fire.

He didn’t see Scotlyn and he went frantic. “Sir! I can’t find my girlfriend! She lives on the 5th floor!” Kennedy roared.

“Kid, settle down. The firefighters are doing their best to evacuate the people on 5th floor right now”

“But I don’t see them!”

“They’re inside. Just calm down, okay. I’m sure your girlfriend would be alright. Sit down tight, kid”

“I can’t fucking calm down, you asshole! It’s my girlfriend there!” Kennedy was in full fury and spat at the paramedic. He ran toward the building door and got inside, but he was instantly grabbed by two firefighters who came instead.

“Don’t make it worse, kid. Stay away from the fire!”

“My girlfriend’s still inside! Let me go inside! Let me go, you fuckers!” Kennedy struggled from their tight grasp but failed.

“We’re trying to find everybody. Nobody would get hurt, now stay away from the fire!! Don’t be a useless idiot!” one of the firefighter roared at Kennedy and threw Kennedy toward the paramedic.

Kennedy’s body was shaking while the paramedic tried to calm him down. They asked him to sit but Kennedy refused. He remained there, standing up while his eyes worriedly stared to the emergency door.

Half an hour later, the emergency door was opened to reveal the rushed firefighters, the saviors for the victim inside the building. Kennedy gasped for air when one of the firefighters carried Scotlyn’s fainted body out from the building.

She was wrapped with snuggie and the firefighter who carried her handed her to the paramedics. The paramedics did their job, laying her body on the wheeled bed and gave her the oxygen. Kennedy rushed to her and checked her.

Kennedy hugged her weak body and started to cry when he found her. She’s got some damaged burned skin on her arms and her legs.

“Scotty... Scotty. Baby…” Kennedy called her but the paramedic didn’t let him to get further. He was pulled from Scotlyn to give her some space.

“Her lungs are filled with the wild smoke from the fire!” one of the paramedics shouted. The paramedics did their best to give some extra oxygen to her and Kennedy waited with horrible look on his face.

“Fuck it, fuck it! Scot…” he cursed himself as someone kept him firmly on his grasp to hold him from Scotlyn.

Kennedy’s heart skipped a beat, but no it stopped when he heard the paramedics dealt with Scotlyn. He could feel his surrounding turned into slow motion when the paramedic said, “We lost her. Too much smoke on her lungs”

His breath caught up. His legs were shaking. Kennedy ran to Scotlyn’s lifeless body and pushed the paramedics around him with tantrums.

“SCOT! SCOTTY!” Kennedy’s hoarse voice screamed while he shook Scotlyn’s body frantically.

But she didn’t stir a bit, the oxygen was being removed from her face. He felt her warm body grew cold.

“SCOTLYN! YOU HEAR ME! WAKE THE FUCK UP!” Kennedy cried and hugged Scotlyn. She smelled like smoke, he saw she even didn’t breathe again. “I’M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING, SCOTTY! I LOVE YOU! I’M HERE TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU, BABY! PLEASE OPEN YOUR EYES!!” Kennedy’s eyes flooded with salty tears that grew to run down from his cheeks.

“Kid,” one of the firefighters said. “I’m sorry, she’s gone”

Kennedy didn’t give a fuck to the firefighter and wailed next to Scotlyn’s instead. He kept shaking her lifeless body and didn’t stop to tear his eyes out.

He was blaming himself. He did love her, and he was stupid for giving so many boundaries for Scotlyn. He did hurt her and now after he realized he needed to apologize, he didn’t get the chance. He didn’t get the chance the sorry came out from his mouth. Scotlyn didn’t get the chance to accept his apology or even to hear him.

Her hurt heart was brought into her death. His apology hadn’t been sent.

Kennedy regretted everything, he feel like killing himself.

How could he do this to her?

Latter, it was found that the source of fire was because of someone on the 4th floor left the stove on and forgot to turn it off. The gas prickled the fire as the same time some neighbor was smoking outside the balcony. It blew the whole 4th floor and started to grow on the 5th floor.

Scotlyn was asleep and didn’t get chance to save herself.

And she died with her hatred heart, thinking about Kennedy.

Kennedy soon was calmed by his band mates. The rest of the boys cried over Scotlyn in her funeral. The accident was killing several people in that apartment and Scotlyn was one of them.

The boys were gathered near to Kennedy to lighten him up, but they all failed.

Kennedy lost his precious girl, and he ended up the smoke in vain. He ended their love up to the approaching sudden death that none could expect.

The worst part was he couldn’t get the chance to say how he loved her so much, how stupid he was to throw their feelings out from the window. He couldn’t get the chance to say his sorry.

The heart was lost, lost and buried beneath six feet under on Scotlyn’s grave.

People did change, but sometimes the change didn’t go well.

People made mistakes. They needed to apologize before everything was late.

Same like what Kennedy’s been through.

He blamed himself for the rest of his life.

Scotlyn would still be his wonderful girlfriend, he wouldn’t forget her and he wouldn’t stop to apologize upward the sky, hoping the wind would send his apology up to heaven where Scotlyn was.

~***~