I'm Over Getting Older

Alex

She thought I was mad at her now. Great.

Sure, I’m upset that she doesn’t want to break up with him. But I don’t want to start shit about it. Well, at least, not yet.

She had walked off into the bathroom, and I could hear her faintly talking, so I decided to be a creep and put my ear against the door.

“Matt, stop freaking out, you know I’ve had sex before,” Hannah chuckled, sniffling a few times. “What do I do?” She asked quietly. There was silence while he responded, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. “I do love him,” She said, I could hear hesitance in her voice, and what sucked is that I didn’t know if she was talking about Tyler or me.

“I don’t want him to be mad at me for doing this to him. I’m so confused,” Silence. “Matt, you’re leaving soon,” She said. I could hear her voice straining already. “I’m gonna be all alone again. You’re the only one who knows everything,” She mumbled. What did he know that I didn’t? After about a minute, she spoke up again. “I love you, Matty.” I could hear her crying, and I felt horrible.

After a few more minutes, she apologized for waking him up, and thanked him a few times, before they said goodbye. She was out of the bathroom before I could get away quick enough, and she shook her head.

“I should have guessed you would have listened in,” She chuckled through her tears. It killed me to see her upset.

I pulled her into my chest, massaging her hipbones again. She seemed to be getting skinnier.

“What don’t I know that you’re brother does?” I asked her. She tensed up.

She shook her head. “I-it’s nothing,” She lied, stumbling over her words.

“Tell me,” I pleaded. She shook her head again. “I deserve to know,” I mumbled, kissing her softly.

She sighed, her breath shaking a little. “When you left me, I… I, um…” She choked out a sob, not able to finish her sentence. What the fuck did I do to her now? “I was really stupid and…” She shook her head, raising up her wrist to my face, and I could see faint scars.

My heart raced, and I felt like punching myself. Good job, Alex, no wonder she’s having a hard time of forgiving you.

“I’m sorry,” She cried, dropping her head down, shaking.

“You’re sorry?” I croaked out in disbelief.

She nodded, and I almost died. She could have died, and it would have been entirely my fault.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I’m so sorry for hurting you. For being an asshole, and for… just everything I’ve ever fucked up,” I rambled, my voice cracking a few times.

I kissed her hard on the mouth, needing to feel her, and know that she’s here with me. She moaned softly, driving me insane.

“I love you so fucking much,” I whispered, kissing her wrist tenderly. “I fucking broke you,” I muttered angrily to myself. “And then I let that asshole Tyler pick up the pieces and fix you,” I shook my head, sucking on her neck.

“Alex, just stop,” She said weakly. “The past is over,”

I shook my head, pulling away from her for a moment. “It’s always gonna be here.” I whispered pathetically, picking up her wrist, examining it. She looked up at me with glassy eyes, and I kissed her again, needing her touch.

“Let’s go upstairs,” She said. I eagerly picked her up bridal style, bringing us both into my room and dropping her lightly on the bed.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to save you,” I moaned out the last few works and she bit down lightly on my collarbone.

“Stop, please.” She looked me in the eye. “I-I don’t care about it anymore. I just want…you,” She admitted, and my heart broke at how forgiving she was. I didn’t deserve her.

She unbuttoned my pants, and I helped her get them off of my body and down to the floor while I did the same to hers. I couldn’t stop staring at her wrists, though. I felt so disgusted with myself.

“I-I can’t do this with you right now,” I said, and she looked at me, confused. The words didn’t sound right coming out of my mouth.

“Why? Did I do something wrong?” She asked.

“No!” I said quickly. “Baby, no. You haven’t done anything. I just…” I trailed off as my eyes caught her wrist again. “I can’t believe I did that to you,” I shook my head, shuddering.

She kissed me again, straddling me. Oh Jesus. “I’m supposed to be feeling bad right now for almost making you die, but your making me want to have sex with you,” I whined.

“I’m glad,” She smiled. “Make me forget everything,” She whispered in my ear, setting me off. I kissed roughly, and only pulled away for a second to slip her shirt off. I worked on getting her bra off while she moaned under my touch. Once completely naked, I grabbed a condom out of the dresser, and she slipped it on me, pumping me a few times.

“I love you,” I moaned loudly.

“Shh!” She scolded, pumping a little faster.

“Hannah, fuck,” I tried to be as quiet as possible but it wasn’t working. “I need to feel you,” I said, pushing her down gently. “It’s my turn to fix you.” I murmured, and she ran her fingers through my hair, growling when I pushed into her. I waited a few moments for her to get adjusted before she nodded for me to go on.

My eyes were still on her wrists. She saw me staring, and moaned out for me to stop. She put her hands underneath her back, but I grabbed her wrists and pinned them down to the bed, but made sure I was a good six inches away from her scars.

“Alex,” She moaned, dragging out the last letter. I went faster, grunting.

“Tell me how much you love me,” She commanded.

“A whole fucking lot,” I groaned, sucking on her neck. She flipped us over, so that she was on top of me, and I got even harder, if possible.

“Oh God,” I moaned loudly, throwing my head back as she went in circles. I grabbed a hold of her bare hips, massaging them just to hear her moan, trying to make her go faster. “Holy shit,” I gasped, as she rocked her hips fasted.

“Ah, Alex, right there!” Her head rolled back as she held in a scream.

“You’ve done enough for me,” I shook my head, flipping us back over so that I was on top again, and I pounded into.

“I’m almost there,” She managed to say.

I nodded, as I felt her tighten. She moaned loudly, her face flushing while I finished as well.

“I love you,” I said repeatedly after we caught our breath. I kissed her sweaty hair. “You and Natalie are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I’m not ever going to give up on you no matter what you say to me,” I told her.

She kissed my chest. “I love you too, Alex.” She mumbled, obviously tired. She mumbled something I couldn’t comprehend before drifting off to sleep.