I'm Over Getting Older

Hannah

“Hannah,” Matt sighed shakily as he hugged me. I clung to him, sobbing. He was leaving to go to Iraq really early in the morning. I had been with him and my parents all day. Matt had spent some time with Natalie and then we left her at Alex’s, so my family and I could have a little time with Matt.

He’s never been to Iraq, before. It’s getting really bad over there, too…

My parents had left the room so that Matt and I could talk. It was about eleven thirty at night, and I needed to get home. But I didn’t want to leave.

“You can’t go,” I cried out, squeezing his shoulders as my arms wound around his back.

“I have to,” He ran his fingers through my hair.

I shook my head. “You could get ki-”

“Han, I know. It’s part of the job though. I’m doing it for you, and mom and dad, and my favorite little niece. They need me.”

“They have plenty of other soldiers!” I protested, and he chuckled.

“But you know I’m the best.” I could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Why do you have to be so fucking nice to our country.” I whined, hiccupping.

He laughed again. I didn’t. I was scared. If he died, I don’t know what I would do.

“I’m going to be fine.” He reassured me as more tears began pouring out.

“You better be.”

“I promise, I’ll stay as safe as I possibly can.”

We stayed silent, just hugging while I calmed myself a little. “Matt?”

“Yeah, fruitball?”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“For what?”

“For everything.” I toyed with my hands as they dropped from my big brothers torso. He picked up my left hand and examined my wrist, like he used to do every night after I told him. He would make sure there were no new cuts.

“Don’t ever go back to this.” He muttered, his eyes clouding up.

“As long as you don’t die.”

“No,” He said firmly. “Even if I do…” His voice cracked. “Even if something happens to me, you need to keep living. You need to raise my niece, and just… you can’t give up. You need to… to promise me. You owe me that much, I do save you from being bombed by terrorists,” He joked lightly at the last part. “Promise me this won’t happen again.”

I swallowed the huge lump in my throat, and nodded. “Okay,” I croaked out. A single tear fell from his eye as he kissed my forehead.

“I love you so much, sis. You’re the best sister I could ask for.” He said, and I sobbed, hugging him again.

“I love you too.” I whimpered.

“Don’t forget, that what ever doesn’t kill you-”

“Only makes you stronger.” I finished for him the quote that we always recite.

He nodded. After a few more goodbyes and tears, I finally had to leave.

Instead of going home, I went to Alex’s house, because it was closer, and he understood the love I had for my brother more than Tyler did.

I knocked on his door and he answered almost immediately, taking note of the tears streaming down my cheeks and he embraced me, picking me up bridal style and placing me on his couch as I sobbed, worried sick about my brother.

He kissed me softly, and I returned it, but shook my head and pulled away. “I don’t want se-” I hiccupped. “Sex tonight,” I finished, looking down.

“I don’t either,” He whispered. I looked up at him, and his eyes were full of honesty. “I just want to be there for you,” He murmured, kissing my neck.

I choked out another pathetic sob, burying my face in his chest while he ran his fingers through my blonde hair.

“It’s okay. He’ll be fine. I’m here.” He said softly over and over again, until that was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep, peacefully, in his arms.