I'm Over Getting Older

Hannah

It had been about a month since Matt had left now. Alex was leaving in a week, and wouldn’t be back until the month of July.

“Alex you have to start packing.” I sighed, pulling two suitcases out of the closet and putting them on the bed. I heard Natalie calling my name from downstairs and I followed the calls to the living room, where she had accidentally shut off the TV.

“Here, babe,” I smiled, clicking the TV back on.

“Tank you!” She grinned, looking back at the TV and
petting her stuffed animal.

“Where’s my extra laptop charger?” Alex called from upstairs. I walked up, and pulled it out from under our bed and handed it to him.

He smiled, putting it in his bag. “I’m gonna miss you so much.” He said, kissing me and cupping my face with his hands.

“I’m gonna miss you too,” I said sadly. I didn’t know how I was going to handle him being gone for so long. Even more, I didn’t know how Natalie was going to handle it. “You better video chat us once a week.” I shook my finger at him.

“Once a week?” He tossed some shirts in the suitcase and I shook my head, picking them up to fold them. “More like once a day.” He said, and I scoffed.

“I’m sure you’ll be too busy-”

“No.” He cut me off. “Nothing will keep me too busy to see you guys, okay?” He said seriously.

Alex was still planning on hooking up with no girls this whole tour, but I still didn’t know how it was going to work out. If he actually pulled through, hopefully I’d be able to put my full trust back in him again.

“Okay.” I said, smoothing out the shirts.

“Are you still gonna try to come see us one weekend?” He asked me, hopeful.

“I’ll try.” I told him. I kissed him and then retreated down the stairs, not wanting to leave Natalie alone too long, because you never know what kind of mess a two year old can make when their alone.

I found her coloring a blank sheet of paper with a red crayon, making dark, erratic scribbles all over the page. I wondered what went through their minds.

My phone rang out, and I picked up after seeing my moms name flash across the screen.

“Hey momma, what’s up?” I greeted, handing Natalie a few different colored crayons and three more sheets of paper.

I heard my mom stifle a sob and I immediately knew something was wrong. “Mom what’s wrong?”

“Hannah, I-it’s…”

“What mom?” I said, my heart beating faster.

“Your brother,” She whimpered. “Matt, he-”

“Is he hurt? Is he okay?” I interrupted her, my hands beginning to shake.

She sniffed. “No. Hannah, he’s…he’s g-gone.” She cried. My heart stopped.

I shook my head violently. “No, no you’re lying,” I refused. He couldn’t be dead. My brother was strong. This was all some sort of mix up. Matt wasn’t gone, it wasn’t possible.

“Baby-” My dad was now on the phone.

“You’re lying!” I screamed. Alex immediately ran down the stairs, because Natalie had started crying as a result of my yelling. I couldn’t calm down though. This couldn’t happen.

“Hun, c-calm down, okay?” My dad was trying to stay strong for the both of us. In the
background of my home I could hear Natalie slowly calming down while Alex cooed words at her. I could tell her was staring at me though.

“This isn’t funny,” My body was shaking now. “Why would you lie like this?” I yelled into the phone. Alex was by my side now. The phone had been dropped on the floor.

“Hannah calm down!” He ordered, kissing my forehead. “What happened, what’s wrong?” He asked, pain and worry spread across his features.

“He’s not dead their lying!” I sobbed, Natalie began crying again, but I couldn’t help. I was slowly loosing control of myself.

“Hannah you need to calm do-“ Natalie screamed. I heard Alex frantically call Rian to pick up Natalie. I waited for minutes, but it seemed like hours, for Natalie to be out of the house. I was trying my best to stay sane, so that she wouldn’t have to see me like this. Finally, Rian came in and took her, leaving without a word.

“Hannah stop,” Alex put his hands on my shoulders.

“No. No fucking no!” I screamed. “My brother wouldn’t do this to me!” My body shook, and tears streamed down my face.

“You have to calm down baby it’s going to be okay,” He said in my ear.

I began to get light headed, but I ignored it. “Alex he-he can’t be gone,” I sobbed, my throat getting hoarse. He pulled me against his body tightly.

“Hannah, I’m sorry.” I could hear his throat getting tight.

“No!” I shrieked, pounding on his chest, my mind refusing to believe a word that anybody was telling me.

“Hannah stop!” He grabbed a hold of my wrists.

“I can’t do this,” I shook my head.

Alex picked up the phone and called an ambulance, for what reason I wasn’t sure. I heard sirens before I felt myself slipping away.