I'm Over Getting Older

Hannah

The day came. I knew it would.

“I’ll call you at the first stop we make, okay?” Alex hugged me tighter. I could barely cry. I felt it hard to feel anything.

“Alright.” I said blandly.

“I love you so much. If you need me to come back you just say the word and you know I’ll drop everything.” He said sincerely.

“I know, I love you too.” I squeezed his sides. I was barely crying. It didn’t make sense. Under normal circumstances, I would be bawling.

“Tell Nat that daddy loves her.” He had already said goodbye to our daughter and helped me put her down for a nap. I don’t think she understands the concept of what a tour is.

“I will.” He frowned. He didn’t want to leave. The only reason he didn’t want to leave is because he didn’t want to leave me alone so that I could start back up old ways. But he had to.

“I’m sorry I have to leave you like this, right no-” Alex was interrupted by Matt hollering at him to hurry up. Alex shot back a string of curses at him. “I’m sorry,” He murmured. I felt his warm lips touch my forehead.

“Its fine.”

“No it isn’t.” He shook his head. I shrugged. I didn’t know what to say. I felt helpless. “I’m going to come see you guys soon. Don’t worry about me.”

“I’m going to worry about you.” He said honestly. I could tell this was killing him. I felt so horrible because I couldn’t even show that I was upset, because I couldn’t even figure out how I was feeling. My emotions had gone away with the wind.

“Alex fucking come on!” The guys yelled.

He sighed.

“Go,” I tried to smile but failed, so I just let my lips hang again.

He kissed me softly, holding my face. It was a kiss that would make any girls toes curl. One that you would see in movies. But right now, I felt nothing. And it scared me.

“I love you so much.” He whispered, swallowing.

“I love you too Alex.”

He squeezed me and then boarded the bus. I watched as it departed.

Alex

“Finally ma-”

“Fuck you,” I snapped, throwing my duffel bag of clothes into the back of the bus where the bunks were. Them rushing me with Hannah could have just screwed up everything. I shouldn’t be leaving her like this. I cant. I need to get off the bus. She’s not okay.

Not stable, I thought. She was falling apart like a house of toothpicks. Not stable.
“Chill out. You’ll see her in two weeks.” Zack grumbled.

They didn’t understand. Only Jack knew about the serious issues she was having. He could notice, because he knew her well. And I was also telling him. I hadn’t told the rest of the guys though.

If I lost her, I would lose it.
- - -

“Hey man,” Jack sat down next to me. The rest of the guys were sleeping.

I nodded. I was too busy thinking about Hannah. I had only talked to her one other time today, and she sounded the way I expected. Emotionless. Empty.

“Listen, just don’t worry about it too much, Alex. What you need to do is keep this not cheating thing. If you break that, that will be the end of her.” He told me. Oh, no pressure.