I'm Over Getting Older

Alex

“What? For how long?” Matt asked.

“I at least have to sit the next tour out. I have to be here.” I said quietly. I couldn’t look at any of them. I was a disappointment to everybody, lately. I know I told Hannah I would sit out for a few years, but I was just gonna play it day by day.

“Alex, are you not taking into consideration what this is going to do to the ba-”

“The mother of my daughter, the woman I’m completely in love with, is on the verge of committing suicide because I can’t get my shit together.” I interrupted Rian harshly. “You and every other person in this room knows that this band is my passion. But I’m a father now. And my daughter and girlfriend need to come first. I can’t keep hurting them.”

“Maybe if you didn’t go and cheat on he-”

“I understand I’m the hugest fuck up ever!” I said loudly. “And now I need to fix it. I’m not quitting; I just can’t do the next tour. You guys are my best friends, you gotta understand.”

“He’s right.” We all looked at Jack. He has barely said a nice word to me since all this happened. I didn’t expect him to be sticking up for me. “Alex needs to fix this. And it’s going to take time. We all know he’s going to come back, it’s one tour. We’re going to lose money, and possibly fans, but the real fans will know that this has to be done. He fucked up, and we’ve been bitching at him to fix it. And now he’s going to.”

They all nodded.

“Thanks, guys.” I sighed.

They all really were my brothers, and it made things a little bit easier knowing that even though I was letting them down, they would still be supporting me.

-- - -

As soon as I got home, Hannah went upstairs to lay down. I was sitting next to my daughter on the couch, watching some kids movie about talking dogs with her.

The shit they make up for toddler movies and shows nowadays is fucking ridiculous, I swear.

“Hey Nattie, you still love daddy, right?” I asked her.

“I’ll always wub yew daddy!” She responded.

I smiled at her, kissing her forehead. “Good, because nobody else does anymore.” I said the last part more to myself.

I heard a sigh come from the stairs and I looked over and saw Hannah, red eyed with messy hair. I knew she heard me.

“My parents wanna come over.” She said quietly.

“Do you want me to make dinner babe? I can cook. I’ll muster up something edible,” I smiled at her.

She cracked a small smile for a minute but then it fell, and she shook her head. “I don’t want them to come over.”

“Why not?” I asked, getting up to wrap my arms around her.

“I’m still a mess, and all I wanna do is have sex with you an-” Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth. “That wasn’t supposed to come out…”

I smirked, putting my lips next to her ear. “I can make that happen. Just have your parents take Nat for the night and we can grant you wish.” I whispered, kissing her ear afterwards.

“I don’t think I’m ready yet,” She muttered, shaking off the shivers I had given her. “I’m not ready for any of this. I just want to put life on hold. I need time to recover.”
- - -

Hannah

Alex crawled into bed next to me and I snuggled up against him for the warmth of his bare chest.

“How mad were the boys when you told them?” I asked, toying with him fingers while he ran his other hand through my hair.

“Han, they weren’t mad at you.” He responded. “They weren’t really mad, just disappointed.” He said.

“You didn’t have to do this, Alex.” I said. Although once it came out of my mouth, I knew that if he had decided to go on tour again in two months, I would have had to break up with him. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. I still wish that this didn’t have to happen, though. The band was something he loved with all his heart, I felt like the hugest bitch ever to take it away from him.

“Yes I did. I have to fix this, and I don’t care how long it takes. Besides, its not like I’m not going to be in the band anymore. We’re still going to be writing and practicing and everything. I’m just not going on tours.” He said.

“I know. I just feel ba-”

“You’re not allowed to feel bad. Because everything was my fault. All of this could have been avoided hadn’t have been such a dumb ass, and I’m so sorry. I’ll never be able to apologize enough baby.”

“It’s okay,” I said, relaxing into his arms and grabbing his hand.

“Don’t ever tell me that what I did was okay.” He whispered in my ear, kissing below it.

I twisted my head to look up at him and he kissed my forehead, clicking out the lamp on the side table.

I knew that this peace wasn’t going to last much longer; happiness never stays.