Therapy for the Lost

And so it Starts.....

Sarah wondered vaguely why she had agreed to come out here. It was a complete nightmare, and three weeks still left her friendless. It wasn’t like she hadn’t tried, she went places; she even spoke on a regular basis to Lily Corin, her doctor’s daughter. Lily knew everyone in Jersey, but every time Sarah was invited somewhere, she freaked out and declined. Then the worst part of everything had just happened. Seriously depressed beyond any measure, Sarah decided there was nothing worth staying here for. By the times she was done, there was barely any skin left over her forearms, and the carpet would be forever stained red. The last thing she saw as they loaded her into the ambulance (she wondered later how she was even awake) was a nice pair of brown eyes behind some very thick black glasses.

Sarah finally woke up about three days later in a clean white hospital room. Dr. Corin and his daughter were there, and she wondered why.
“Sarah, that was some nasty accident you had, hmm?” he asked.
“It wasn’t an accident and you know it. Why am I here?” She demanded.
“Because I wanted you to live, Sarah. You left your care in my hands, and this is what I decided to do.”
“Fine. But now I’m sure I’ll never get out of here anyway, so why did you bother?” she asked.
“Sarah, I really wanted you to try! I invited you places left and right, and you always turned me down.”
Sarah looked at Lily. The real reason Sarah had always turned her down was because Sarah felt ugly next to Lily and refused to be seen with her. Not to mention she felt like everyone would know she saw Dr. Corin, or if Lily might slip…Sarah would never talk to anyone again if they knew she saw a therapist.
“I…hate making friends. I don’t like talking to people…” Sarah muttered. “And look at you! Why would anybody waste their time talking to me?”
Lily’s mouth opened a bit, and she looked like she didn’t know what to say. Neither, for one, did the doctor. Finally, he said; “Sarah, that’s a very nice thing for you to say, but that’s not true. You yourself are proud of the fact that you never judge people by how they look, so why should anyone else be any different?”
“Because that’s not how society is, and you know it.”
“Sarah, I know loads of different people, they could give a shit less what you look like, or who you know,” she looked at her father. “A few of them even see dad. No one cares.”
“Sarah, if you promise to me that you will try, I can get you home. But you must promise that if you are feeling close to lapsing, you will call me or Lily.”
Sarah stared at the wall for a very long time before she said; “Fine, I promise. But how many people saw me being carted away…”
“I told them some of the truth. Gerard’s really worried for you, though. He saw dad for the longest time and can kind of relate.”
“Gerard?” Sarah felt her stomach turn solid. It felt like she couldn’t breathe….
“Yea, his brother Mikey-“ but Lily stopped talking when Sarah started wheezing. The nurse came in and put her on a breathing machine; after about ten minutes, her breathing returned to normal. If Lily was talking about--but she couldn’t be…
“I promise. I’ll try.” She agreed, just to shut them up.

Another three weeks passed, and Doctor Morris finally let her go home. She was so horrified of meeting anyone on the way; she was sure everyone on the street had seen them carry her out of there. And there had been so much blood….Lily drove her home, and Sarah was surprised to see that her apartment was clean. Now completely devoid of sharp objects that were not necessary, Sarah wondered how’d she do it next time if she needed to. Lily stayed awhile, keeping her company. Around seven, Lily’s phone rang. She talked for a few minutes, occasionally looking at Sarah. Finally, she hung up.
“You want to go for a walk?” she asked. “About…four doors down?”
“Um…” Sarah knew she looked like hell. She was pale because she ate minimally in the hospital, and she had bandages from her wrists to her elbows. She had needle marks from her IVs and a deep scratch mark across one cheek. Dr. Morris said she tried to fight him.
“It’ll be fine, no one will ask questions.”
“Ok, fine, I’ll go, but-“
“I won’t, ok? Come on.”
Sarah pulled the sleeves of her black hoodie down and put her thumbs in the holes she had made along the seam line. Now at least no one would be able to see her bandages. They walked down to a very large blue house. It made her feel intimidated. She felt panicky as Lily knocked on the door. When it was opened, she felt like she'd been hit in the chest; she was seriously lacking air now. Why, why of all the people here...she could kill her hometown doctor for recommending Dr. Corin so highly...in fact she almost hated him.
“Lily, where have you been?” asked a skinny guy with black hair and extremely pale skin. Sarah felt her stomach jump into her throat. It was the same Gerard…. She wanted to run home right now and never leave her apartment again. Then, things went from bad, to worse.
“It’s unnatural for you to go so long without talking to us….” said a softer voice. Sarah looked into a pair of hazel eyes behind a pair of thick, black-framed glasses. Sarah was suddenly feeling faint. She put a hand on Lily’s arm to steady her self. These were the hazel eyes that had looked into hers the day the ambulance came. She was feeling close to puking. She knew those eyes and had longed to really be looking into them for so long.
Lily walked into the house and Sarah followed her, looking at the floor. They had very nice dark blue carpet. Gerard led the way in, he and Lily just chattering away about elves and demons. (Probably D&D, but Sarah could have cared less just then.) “So, who are you? I’m Mikey, and this is Gerard,” he said.
Sarah was afraid to open her mouth, for fear she would lose her meager dinner if she did. Finally she managed (in a very small voice), “My name is Sarah, I just moved from out of state.”
“Sarah, huh? That’s a pretty name. I think Gerard dated a girl named Sarah once.”
Gerard turned around. “Yea, but it definitely wasn’t her. Never dated many hot chicks,” he said casually, as if he could have cared less about weather they were hot.
Sarah made a face (ignoring the compliment Gerard gave her), but Mikey ignored it. They sat down in the living room, which had huge, soft furniture in it, and Gerard and Lily kept talking. Sarah stared at everything but Mikey. She was trying very hard to act like he wasn’t there. He was talking occasionally to his brother, but he kept trying to get her in conversation.
“You play D&D at all? Cause you will if you don’t. Gerard turns everybody,” Mikey said eventually.
“Um, I Role Play in Yahoo groups. Never did D&D before.”
“Yahoo groups? How?”
“Same thing, I think. Everybody has a character info sheet, and there’s a Game Master, and he throws out some situations, and people post for what their charries do. It has a plotline, the one I like best is based off of Final Fantasy Seven.”
That was it; they were off talking about all sorts of crap after that. One topic led to another, and before Sarah knew it, it was nearing ten. “Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Lily asked as she tugged on Sarah’s jacket sleeve.
“Um, no, I don’t reckon so, huh?”
“You…reckon?”
“Er, yea, I britspeak a bit,” she threw in a wannabe British accent and the guys laughed at her. She smiled a little.
Mikey smiled at her, and the very last of all her composure left her. She smiled back a bit and promised Gerard she would come learn D&D. Then she practically ran out of his house, dragging Lily along behind her.
What?” Lily asked.
“He is illegally fucking hot. He smiled at me, and I lost it. Sorry.”
“Illegally fucking hot? That’s a new one on me.”
Sarah blushed deep red and Lily just grinned.
“I would say it’s safe to say that they like you fine. Tomorrow, my dear, the world.”
Perhaps Sarah lost any color she had, because Lily patted her shoulder. “Ok, maybe not the world. But the guys practice on Fridays usually, they’ll probably invite you.”
Sarah did feel ill then, and she didn’t invite Lily in.