Follow Your Bliss

"Bellini!" Brenda scolded her daughter trying to open the bedroom door. "Let your aunt sleep. You probably wore her down to death from yesterday. She needs to recover a little sweetie."

Belli pouted whined, "But she's been sleeping forever."

"No." She said just as sternly placing a hand on her hip. It really was only a little after seven in the morning, but Bell had been up since a quarter to six. "Leave Caitlin alone and eat your breakfast." Brenda smiled watching her daughter mumble under breath about how it wasn't fair and went back to eating her waffles.

Brenda looked up to see the front door open to reveal Caitlin's new boyfriend. Well not so new, she supposed, if they have been together for several months. She smiled humbly and hoped that this one was different and if so, that she was giving him a real chance.

Gerard smiled seeing my friend and her daughter. "Good morning." He walked over to pour himself a cup of coffee and grabbed the leashes. "Caitlin's still asleep."

"Morning." Brenda returned the greeting and nodded her head.

"Mommy said I tired her out." Belli pouted at Gerard.

He leaned on the back of the chair adjacent to her. "Oh really? Did you have fun doing it though?"

Bell grinned, cheeks chubby like a chipmunk stuffed to the max with waffles, and nodded her head furiously. "We went to the zoo, and on the carrysol, and the park, and shopping!"

Gerard chuckled at how she pronounced her words. "Sounds like you were busy. So you tired my girl and your poor mommy out huh."

"Yes she did, and she plans on doing it again today until her father comes gets her." Brenda smiled tired drinking her coffee, hoping that any minute now the caffeine would finally kick in.

"You girls going out again." Gerard took a sip of his own coffee.

"Probably." Brenda shrugged. "If I ever get the feeling in my feet again."

Gerard laughed. "I'll be back in a bit. I'm just going to run the dogs out for her."

Brenda nodded and bit her lip hearing the door shut. Maybe he was a good guy. It was a sweet and nurturing gesture to let Caitlin sleep in. Now maybe she should give him a few tips to put up with Caitlin's stubbornness and fears. When Bellini finished her breakfast, Brenda turned on an appropriate morning cartoon for her to keep her entertained, if only for a little while.

Brenda snagged my laptop and read the world news on the Internet as she finished her coffee. She gave Gerard a small smile and went back to reading the article about Fidel Castro relinquishing power to his brother. She always made sure to keep up on current events. However, she was also a history major back in the day and was highly interested in that sort of stuff.

"So you're the gate keeper I have to get passed." Gerard broke the silence.

"Huh?" Brenda looked up and shook her head smiling. "I guess that would be me. But, I don't think you're so bad actually."

"You don't?" He looked at her skeptically wondering if he was walking into a trap, knowing how women can be, especially when forming an alliance and protecting each other.

"No, but maybe I can be of help to you." Brenda exited out of the website and shut the computer down.

"Help me?" Gerard filled his mug with his second cup of coffee and took a seat across from her to keep a comfortable distance.

"Well give you a few pointers." Brenda shook her head and hands to start over. "Let me just get my thoughts out." Gerard nodded his head and stayed silent so she could continue. Brenda took a deep breath. "I'm definitely looking out for my girl, it's just that maybe telling you what I think you should know will help her stay happy." Brenda laughed at herself. "Am I making any sense?"

Gerard chuckled at her frustration. "Barely, but I'm still following."

"You're leaving soon to start touring right?" Brenda brought up the one question Gerard and Caitlin had been ignoring.

"At the end of the month." He admitted slightly sad. But, made a mental note noticing that I had been thinking of the inevitable as well.

"Well she plans on getting you a gift, but you never heard that from me."

"Heard what?" He smirked sipping his caffeine.

"Exactly," Brenda smiled. "If you get her something, don't get her jewelry."

"But," Gerard looked at her confused. "She loves jewelry."

"I know, but don't give it as a departure gift only for random or happy occasions. She'll take it the wrong way." Brenda sighed.

"How could she take that the wrong way?" Gerard still had that confused look on his face, apparently he didn't know as much about his girlfriend as he thought.

"Because she's gotten jewelry from ex-friends before they either moved and never kept in touch or she cut her ties off with them. Her family as well." Brenda tried to explain.

"So she'll think that she won't see me again?" Gerard sat back. "That's absurd."

"That would be Caitlin for ya." Brenda chuckled. "She doesn't like attachment too much if it feels it won't last, though, really, she craves it. And hates walking in literal circles worse than in figurative ones."

Gerard smiled to himself knowing the weird quirks of his girlfriend. When they would go shopping, they would walk in zig-zag patters or anything but in circles. It was one of the main things that frustrated her to no end.

He watched as Brenda got up abruptly and walked over to the shelving unit and started to go through it. Gerard almost stopped her so she wouldn't be invading Caitlin's privacy, but let her go since she seemed so determined.

Brenda came back carrying a glass milk bottle that had been painted and jeweled to jazz it up. "Has she ever shown this to you?"

"No." He said slowly, his gaze still fixated on the bottle.

Brenda smiled and set it down. "She made it one day we she got really bored. It has all her hopes, dreams, and aspirations in it."

"Should I even know it exists?" Gerard looked skeptical not wanting to overstep a boundary line, even though his curiosity spiked his interest.

Brenda shrugged. "I don't see why not. She never cared if her friends saw it; she even let Matt see it. It's covered in dust so she hasn't been looking in it in a while." Brenda shook the bottle hearing the paper shift inside. "Don't you want to know what she would love to do most in life?" She tempted him further.

"She can tell me." Gerard finally said after a very difficult inner battle.

"Alright," she sighed slightly dramatic. "You're loss. I thought it would really help." Brenda put it back in its place on the shelf and smirked. "Well, you know where to find it when you change your mind. Maybe you can remind her what's in here."

They both turned their head hearing the bedroom door open as I came out smiling groggy. I kiss Brenda's cheek. "Morning babe."

"You look like hell." She laughed.

"Thanks." I rolled my eyes and bent over stealing Gerard's coffee. I scrunched up my nose and stuck out my tongue. "Too sweet."

"Morning to you too Jane." He rolled his eyes, but pouted at me puckering his lips.

I laughed at his face and leaned his lips. Hearing a childish 'ew' from Bellini interrupting us. "You're gonna get cooties Ant Caitlin."

"Oh really?" I laughed at her and grabbed her picking her up laying a wet sloppy kiss on her cheek. She let out a high pitch laugh and pushed my face away. "Now, you have cooties!"

"Gross." She laughed wiping the extra saliva left on her cheek. "Ready to go?"

"In my pj's?" I giggled with her. "Let me get dress first."

She wiggled out of my arms to get down and pushed me towards my room. "Let's go."

"Pushy like mommy I see." I laughed at Brenda's scowl and went back into my room to change.

"Oh," I said through a mouthful of waffles and took the time to swallow. "There is an opera showing in Lincoln Center tonight if you want to do that instead of clubbing."

Brenda grinned interested. "Oo, what language?"

"Italian, so right up your alley." I put my legs up on Gerard's lap and extended the invitation. "You want to come?"

"Eh, operas are not my scene really." He turned the offer down politely.

"My husband neither." Brenda shook her head. "Though he had no qualms about changing my flight." She grumbled still holding a grudge.

"I think he just offered a shopping spree." I grinned.

"Well, we will need dresses for the opera tonight." Brenda matched my grin and agreed. "Let me get Bell ready and we can put my husband back in place."

I slid onto Gerard's lap as Brenda went to the guest room with Bell. "Remind me never to get on your bad side."

"Nah, if you got me angry, I wouldn't do that to you." I kissed his neck feeling him swallow against my lips.

"What would you do?" He asked intrigued. We had never had a full blown out argument before. Sure, we've fought over petty things about leaving the seat up or when I'm being bitchy as I PMS, but nothing fatal yet.

"I'd leave." I said simply and pulled my plate over towards up to finish the last few bits.

"And go where?" He nuzzled his head in the crook of my neck.

I shrugged. "Depends how angry I was and the time of day." I grabbed the dishes out of the sink and added it to the rest in the dishwasher. Adding the powdered soap I started the load to be clean for later. "Why, are you looking for a fight?" I smirked.

Gerard shook his head and placed his hands on my waist pulling himself closer to me. He dipped his head down and grinned before setting his lush lips on mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he slipped his tongue passed my lips.

"Lets keep it PG now kids." Brenda cleared her throat. "Ready to leave Caitlin?"

I pulled away blushing, but Gerard just kissed my cheek grinning. "I'll see you later." He whispered in my ear.

"Yeah," I said softly smiling at Gerard. I kissed his lips one more time before following Brenda out the door.

Brenda held a dress up against me having fun dressing me up. Bell was getting in on it too. "You love him." She stated more than questioned.

I stopped midway on a yawn and choked on my air. "What?"

"Please girl, you've had this dopey look on your face all morning and it's not like you got laid last night."

"Laid?" Bell repeated.

I laughed at Brenda's dilemma and decided to help her out on this one. "Making egg omelets sweetie, like how chickens lay eggs."

"Oh," She went back to searching through the clothing racks looking for things that felt silky, no longer interested.

"Egg omelets?" Brenda raised an eyebrow at me laughing. "That didn't even make any sense."

"Yeah, yeah whatever." I chuckled at my lame story. "It distracted her didn't it?"

"Sure, sure." She shrugged. "So?" She grinned bringing the conversation back to her earlier statement and bumped her hip with mine.

"I don't know." I sighed.

Brenda's grin disappeared. "Please don't tell me that you still believe in that four season rule."

"Fine then, I won't tell you." I held up a dress to me and looked in the mirror.

"No, yellow's not your color." Brenda shook her head and placed a hand on her hip. "Sweetie if you already slept with the guy than you can just toss that stupid rule out the window."

"It's not a stupid rule." I defended myself.

"No, it's just not practical." Brenda laughed.

So do I love Gerard?

I smiled just at the thought of him. I stared at my reflection in the mirror hanging on the back of the bathroom door.

I get this overwhelming feeling in me every time I'm near him. So powerful I almost feel like I'm suffocating, but with one smile from him, everything is fine and I feel safe.

It's hard to distinguish the feeling love. What is love anyway?

I had to even look it up in the dictionary when we got back home. Brenda shook her head smiling softly as I did it and got Bell's bag together for Kyle.

According to Webster, love is "a powerful emotion felt for another person manifesting itself in deep affection, devotion or sexual desire."

It was a beautiful definition.

Now to accept that, as what I feel, is hard for some reason. Why is it so easy to love everyone, but hard to admit the important love for that one special person in one's life? This particular dictionary I owned was also published in 1988; the term love is used more loosely today.

"Come in." I answered to the knock on the door, checking my appearance once more.

"I am so jealous, you look stunning." Brenda smiled.

"Should I even wear the hat?" I looked at it lying on the counter.

"Of course." Brenda grinned. "Let me do your hair."

"Have a ball." I sat in the chair near the sink as she heated up the curling irons. "I like maroon on you, it brings out the blue in your eyes."

"Thanks." She beamed looking at her self in the mirror. She was wearing a simple spaghetti-strapped sundress that dipped low in the back.

She took the fattest iron and somehow began to get some curls in my pin straight hair. Whenever I make an attempt to curl my hair, it falls flat anyway and goes back straight.

I grabbed my ringing phone off the counter getting scolded by Brenda for almost getting burned. "Hello?"

"Hey Caitlin!" Came Alicia's cheerful voice. "Got any plans for you and your friend tonight?"

"The opera." I laughed at her enthusiasm. "Want to come?"

"No thanks." She chuckled. "Alright, well, the girls and I were going to invite you over later for a pig out, but I guess another time."

"Hey, the show's at eight and it'll just be Brenda and I after. How about you girls come over here say around eleven and continue the pig out and a sleepover." I laughed. "I have plenty of stuff here already." I looked up at Brenda to make sure it was okay with her and she nodded her head.

I heard her chatting with someone in the background, before coming back on the phone. "Yeah, we'll be there."

"Oh, and Christa has a key if you want to come earlier." I reminded her. "Okay, so we'll see you then." She said goodbye before hanging up.

"There." Brenda said satisfied unplugging the iron.

I looked up and smiled at my reflection. My hair was now curled in large loose curls giving my hair a sexy tease. "I don't know how you ever manage to do it."

"I'm just amazing." She pinned her bangs back and finished her make up.

The opera we went to see was called La boheme, sung in Italian. It takes place in Paris. The main character, Rodolfo falls in love with Mimi. They separated due to Rodolfo's jealous roommate and because Mimi is extremely ill and was afraid to love her if he was going to lose her.

It was cute how they met in the beginning. Mimi needed a light for her candle and was sick with a cold when she nearly fainted and dropped her room key in the process. Rodolfo snuffed out his candle secretly so they had to look for the key in the dark. They immediately fell in love when their hands touch.

"That was so sad." Brenda commented when Mimi died from her illness in the end.

I nodded and agreed as the singers bowed. "But, you knew it was going to happen; something tragic always has to happen in an opera."

"True," she sighed. "Like the saying goes, it is better to have loved."

But, was it better to love knowing that that person wasn't going to be there? After several acts, of them apart, they did reunite. I guess if it were meant to be, their reuniting was inevitable anyway. Besides, love cannot be helped right? No one can tell you who to fall in love with. It more like an instinct or a gut feeling to go off on. Saying that, would I follow that gut wrenching feeling?

"So ready to go dish embarrassing stories?" Brenda grinned hooking her arm with mine as we walked out of Lincoln Center.

"Yup," I smiled breathing the downtown night air.