Follow Your Bliss

I laid in content on the float in the pool at my parents, watching the dogs lay under the big maple tree. I smiled remembering when I helped my mom plant it when it was just a baby. I sighed in relief to be in Connecticut although I do miss the excitement I got when I was in South Africa. It's weird to think that I was just there earlier this week and now I'm in Connecticut; it seems so surreal. The pace was different. The sun felt different. The air even felt different.

I hear the screen door shut and looked over to see my mom sitting on the edge of the deck letting her legs dangle in the cool water. "When are you and Devin leaving?"

"Eh," I shrugged, putting my sunglasses on top of my head. "In a half hour. I don't know."

She raised her eyebrows at me. "And, you're in the pool still?"

"The car's packed and Devin's on the phone so I figured I'm not going to wait to leave while getting all hot and yucky. Thus, I'm in the pool." I grinned, cheekily. "Besides, we're going to the beach so there's no need to get changed."

Christine leaned back and sighed. "You don't know how happy I am to have you home safe and sound."

I smiled. "I told you that I would be okay." She rolled her eyes and splashed me with her foot. I shrieked feeling the cold water on my sun warmed back. "You got me wet!"

"Who goes in a pool and does not want to get wet?" Devin shook his head at me sadly. "Get out, ugly, we're ready to go. I mean how long do I have to wait for you?"

I looked at his smirk and glared. "Right, you've been really waiting for me."

"See," he grinned smugly. "You even agree." I groaned as I walked myself right into that one.

"Get going, Caitlin." My mom reached over and flipped the float over with a satisfied smile.

I rolled my eyes and swam over to the ladder, getting out like they told me to. "I would have gotten out anyway."

"Sure." My mom laughed smacking my butt as I reached for the door.

"Hey," I whined, rubbing my butt. I wrapped the towel around my waist and followed Devin to my car. Though, I got into the passenger's seat. "I think you've been getting too comfortable with my car." I teased as he turned off our road. He had been using it when I was on tour with Gerard and in Africa, even though he has his own.

"You're car?" He turned on some jazz music and rolled up the windows, putting on the AC. "I think you're highly mistaken. This isn't your car, it's mine."

I groaned when he wouldn't let me change the station. "Don't tell me that I have to have to deal with an ass for the two hour drive to Jones Beach."

"Caitlin, you're face is an ass," He said lamely as he pulled onto I-684. I rolled my eyes and looked out the window as I reluctantly let Devin take control.

Devin paid the toll for parking and found a spot up front. He shoved my shoulder, waking me up. "Caitlin, we're here."

I sighed stretching my legs out, leaning my back into the driver's seat. "I can't believe I fell asleep."

"You probably have jetlag still." He smiled sympathetically, turning off the car.

I got out and grunted as I stretched my stiff knees, bending back until I heard my back crack in several places. I let out a giggle. "I'm so excited; I've missed the beach."

Devin chuckled, grabbing the boogie boards out of the trunk. "You're so weird, Caitlin. You either act like your 90 or like your two."

I shrugged grabbing the beach bag and blanket. "It keeps you entertained doesn't it?"

"Just start walking." He rolled his eyes giving me a shove to the stairs.

The beach looked like a giant quilt with all the different towels and umbrellas. The sun felt strong on my shoulders and I knew sunscreen would be my best friend today. We found a small spot close to the water and began to add our own patch to this colorful quilt.

I rolled off my jean skirt and kicked off my sandals. "Ready?"

"Oh, I am, but are you?" Devin grinned lifting my up and running into the wave.

I spit out the strong salty taste of the ocean and my eyes slightly burned as well. "I hate you," I pouted.

"No you don't." He smiled and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me out further. "You love me." He chuckled before grabbing my legs with his other arm and tossed me back into the water once more. He laughed seeing my hair was in my face, making me look like Cousin Itt, when I surfaced. He laid back and let the wimpy wave roll under him. "Oh, and one more thing. I would like my boogie board. So march what you call a butt of yours up there and get me mine."

I made a face at the comment on my butt. I was the only one in my family that didn't have anything back there. "And, what makes you think that I'll do that after insulting me?"

Devin grinned, "Because, you love me and you missed me."

I put my hand on my hip and cocked it to the side as I contemplated his answer. "Lucky guess." He waved me off and jumped into another wave. I rolled my eyes and walked up the short hill to our blanket, getting the boogie boards as requested.

We stayed out at the beach, boogie-boarding until the sun began to set, only giving us a couple of hours before everyone started getting ready for that night's concert.

"Ready to see Josh?" I grinned, missing him as well.

"You don't want to see your lover boy first?" Devin teased.

I laughed, "Nah, you two will always be the first men in my life. Bros before hoes, you know." I climbed on his back with the help of a nearby bench as he carried me towards the arena. "I mean didn't you miss me?"

He scoffed and laughed at me. "Yeah, I really missed your nagging."

"I knew it." I giggled, biting his shoulder lightly.

"Glad you feel appreciated." He took off running down the boardwalk, making me scream and hold on around his shoulders tightly. When we got to the arena, we showed the security guard our passes that Josh had mailed home for us last week.

"Boys!" I shouted onto the bus, waking up Dave and Chris from their naps. "I'm back, baby!"

"You going to cook for us?" Dave asked hopeful, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Hey, that's not all I'm good for." I pouted. "Didn't you miss me?"

"I did." Josh grinned flipping me over his shoulder, laughing as I screamed. He set me on my feet after my head narrowly missed a cabinet and pulled me in a vice grip hug, that reminded me of our dad's. My brothers both really took after him. "I missed you so much, lady."

I tossed my purple backpack on the couch lazily. "So, what have I missed since I was gone?"

"Kick ass shows." Chris grinned.

"And, me." Jay pouted pulling me on his lap, laying a big kiss on my cheek.

"She is engaged you know." Devin kicked his shin as he sat on the couch.

"I'm not stupid," he rolled his eyes. "Speaking of which, there's been some conflict going on their bus, tensions rising."

Fred laid his head on my lap grinning up on me, not caring if was interrupting anything. "Did you miss us?"

"Of course." I grinned, tugging on his goatee that had gained some length since I last saw him. "So, what's this conflict?" Josh nudged Jay and shook his head, making me frown. "Come on, I think I deserve to know."

Josh sighed. "Frank and Gerard started shoving each other around on stage. The crowd thought it was part of their thing, but rumor has it that it wasn't acting."

I furrowed my brows confused. "Are you sure? That doesn't sound like them."

"Who knows, Caitlin, I could be wrong." Jay shrugged, though I think he knew more than he was letting on. "You know how we can get being cooped up on this bus after touring for so long."

I nodded, remembering that they all have been touring since last summer with few breaks. "Alright, something that isn't a downer conversation. I'm back with a shit load of pics." I grinned. "And, I declare a party to show them off and have story time."

"Story time?" Chris snickered.

"That's right." I continued to grin, ignoring his sarcasm.

"Oh, we want you on stage with us tonight." Josh smirked, speaking for the band. "For a couple of songs anyway."

"What?" I squeaked, nervous about the idea of being in front of a crowd.

"Yeah, you're going to help Jay play the bass." Devin laughed. "You know he needs it."

I turned in his lap and pinched his cheeks. "You mean you're going to let someone man handle your bass?"

"Shut up," he muttered pathetically. It is well known how territorial he gets about his bass; he barely lets Fred tune it for a show.

"Well, I would love to." I grinned, kissing his cheek, making his face light up. "Get your head out of the clouds, buddy, you know I'm happily taken."

"Yeah, to a prick." Jay mumbled under his breath. "Lately." He added helplessly, when he saw I had heard him, and did not look too pleased.

"Come on, we're supposed to be happy because I'm back." I pouted. "Besides, if he is being an ass like you say he is, which I doubt, I'll put him his place." I smiled cheesy, trying to lighten the mood. "And, I'll go do it now."

"No," Fred whined, clinging to my lap, not wanting me to get up. "I was all comfortable."

I ran my fingers through his hair, "You can be my snuggle buddy when we have story time."

"Promise," He jutted out his bottom lip, making the guys laugh. He was so getting picked on once I leave.

"Promise." I laughed softly. "I'll see you guys in a little bit." I waved and stepped off their bus. I walked the short distance through the maze of buses to My Chemical Romance's bus and punched in the code. I peaked over the railing, surprised to see the front lounge empty. Usually, everyone was in there waiting for the interview, or even doing an interview, at this time. "Hello?" I called out cautiously as I climbed the last step.

"Just leave me the fuck alone, already!" I heard Gerard growl and raised my eyebrows at the underlying aggression in the tone of his voice. I thought Josh and Jay were kidding when there was tension growing in this band.

Frank let out a disgruntled screamed, frustrated ad fed up. "You know what? I'm sick and tired of you being a moody bitch all the time. Grow the fuck up, Gerard."

I froze seeing Frank swing the door open and storm out of the hallway where the bunks were lined up. "Hey," I smiled weakly.

I chuckled when his head snapped over his shoulder doing a double take to make sure he was seeing correctly. "Caitlin?" He grinned scooping me into a hug. "You're alright," he breathed in relief.

"I don't know why everyone doubted me." I rolled my eyes and accepted his hug. "So, what was that about?"

He shoved his hands deep into his pockets. "Gerard is just being cranky since he hasn't heard from you since you've left. He was just worried. Hell, we all were."

"I'm in one piece." I smiled, spinning around.

"And, actually with a tan?" He said with a teasing smile. "Do you have lot's of pictures?"

"Yeah, it's on Josh's bus. After tonight's show, you want to come to their bus? I'm going to put it on their big TV in the back room and share all my stories." I grinned. "I declared a party on them."

"Like I would miss that." He chuckled, giving me a kiss on the cheek. "I need a cigarette desperately, and get away from the bus."

I scrunched up my nose, not liking dirty habit, especially when I know all the details of its effects as well as having to see them up close first hand. "Don't you mean to get away from Gerard?"

"Yeah, maybe that too," Frank smiled sheepishly and rubbed his neck.

I chuckled and gave him a shove towards the door. "Go, get your cancer on." I watched him go down the steps, giggling at my remark, before approaching the door where my pissy fiancé sulked behind.

Gerard glared at the wall of his bunk hearing the door open. "What part of 'go the fuck away' did you not get?"

I leaned against the wall across from his bunk and sighed. "And, here I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, only to come out looking like an ass." I looked at my nails and began to push back the cuticles, ignoring the sound of his curtain being pushed back. "Really, when people were saying my fiancé had taken on a Mr. Hide personality, I even defended you and said that they must have heard wrong. That you didn't fight with Frank on stage." I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "My God, all that because you didn't hear from me?"

"It was among other things." He pouted childishly, sitting up in his bunk. He reached out and rested his hands on my hips.

"I'm sure you instigated." I chuckled softly, stepping out of his reach.

He looked slightly hurt before he gave me puppy eyes. "Lie down with me, sugar?"

I shrugged, "I thought you wanted me to go the fuck away." He pulled me over and into his bunk anyway, as I gave in easily. I laughed when I elbowed him in the gut, hearing his groan of pain while rolling over, trying to get comfortable. "I'm sure you deserved that."

"I missed you so damn much." He sighed, breathing in the scent of the ocean that had dried in my hair. "So, where were you just coming from?"

"Cornucopia's bus." I looked at the ceiling of the bunk to see pictures of Gerard and I from over the year. I smiled at the one that was taken on New Year's Eve in the hotel room that overlooked Rockefeller Center. He had stuck to my side like glue that night making sure we would be together for the count down throughout the mess of the night, not that I would have wanted it any other way.

"Oh." He said quietly.

"You're going to get wrinkles." I resisted laughing on the jealous scowl on his face. "You would've gone to Mikey first, and you know it."

Gerard sighed, knowing I was right. "But, why didn't you call me? I gave you my international cell phone for a reason."

"Like, I had the chance. I was so busy." I rolled my eyes at how he thought I was twiddling my thumbs. "I called my mom and she called you first, before anyone else. And, it was only that once that I called home; don't feel so privileged."

He sulked silently, mostly because he was tired. He took my left hand in his and played with my engagement ring. "I was just so worried about you, Jane."

I smiled, having waited to hear him call me that. " I know," I whispered, kissing him.

I smiled that I had taken him by surprised and only pressed my lips harder against his waiting for his reaction. It didn't take long, rolling on top of me, running his hands roughly down my sides. I moaned missing his touch on my skin as he untied my bikini top. "Moving fast, aren't we?" I smirked.

He kissed along my neck and unbuttoned my skirt. "I missed you."

I kissed his cheek and leaned my forehead against his, stopping him from doing anything further. "We've, gone longer without seeing each other."

"It felt different this time." He sighed softly, looking into my eyes helplessly. "I need you."

I nodded and silently took off his undershirt. I stopped pulling off his jeans and laughed when he hit his head on the top of the bunk. "Gerard, babe? I think it's a little too snug to get it on in here." I said looking up, my brain trying to be realistic, ignoring the tingles of excitement from feeling him turned on.

He ignored me kicking off his jeans and pulled off my bathing suit bottom. He paused from kissing his way up my torso. "Jane, we've both slept in my old bed plenty of times." He grinned wickedly at me, making me blush. "This is nothing."

I groaned, snapping my eyes shut, as he guided himself into me. "I love you," he whispered in my ear as he guided my leg, wrapping it around his waist putting it up higher. I arched my back, sighing in content in the feeling of my skin flushed against his.

"Did you miss me?" I teased even though he had already told me so earlier, running my fingers through his hair. He grunted and just gripped my hips tighter. I leaned my head against his shoulder and held him closer, whispering his name. I bit his shoulder at the tension that was building up.

He leaned his head on my chest as I continued to run my fingers through his hair. "I'm so tired now." He mumbled.

I laughed since I was finally feeling wide-awake. "That's your fault." I sighed in content and relished the moment. "You probably should've used a condom though." Thinking over how my birth control ran out while I was away and have been to lazy to fill the prescription.

"Why? Do you plan of having sex with other people?" He mused.

"No," I rolled my eyes. "Do you?"

"Maybe." He teased and laughed when I hit him.

"Not funny." I mumbled as Gerard kissed me. "So, I was thinking-"

"Oh, no. This can't be good." He chuckled as I slapped him again. "So abusive, today. I thought you missed me."

"Be serious, Gerard." I huffed, getting nervous.

He kissed my shoulder and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to his chest. "I'm sorry, Jane." He whispered. "Tell me what's on you mind, sugar."

"I was just thinking about us setting a wedding date." I bit my lip. "It's just that I found the perfect dress in Cape Town when I was getting ready to come home. And, I thought it was kind of like a sign."

Gerard felt his heart skip a beat at the topic. "Really?"

"Yeah," I said softly, turning around to see his reaction.

He smiled bashfully. "When were you thinking?"

"Well, after this tour, obviously."

"Obviously." He repeated, still unable to stop smiling. "Like eloping?"

"No," I shook my head. "I want our family and friends there."

Gerard smirked at the look on my face. "Lay it on me, it sounds like you've got it all planned out."

I bit my lip. "No, I just was thinking-"

"Bullshit, sugar." He smiled knowingly. "I know you. Tell me what we're doing."

"Yeah?" I looked at him skeptically.

"Tell me." Gerard encouraged me, rubbing my hip slowly.

"Well, a couple of summers ago, I was in Southampton and..." I trailed off.

"You want a beach wedding." He finished for me.

"Yeah," I breathed. "It'll be semi-casual and no more than like 50 people. Even that's a lot."

Gerard smiled at the blush that crept up into my cheeks. "Sounds perfect."

I smiled relieved that he didn't take what I said foolishly. "I love you."

He smiled nuzzling his head in the crook of my neck, having waiting for me to tell him since I got here. "I love you. So much, Caitlin, that I don't know what to do with myself."

After laying with him for a little while longer, I stepped out of the bunk, smiling when he whined and the loss of body heat. "You close your eyes and just relax," I grabbed the articles of clothing of the floor of the narrow hallway. "I am going to take a quick shower. The bus is hooked up right?"

"Yeah," He chuckled at me, taking my advice and just closing his eyes for a bit. "Why the rush?"

"I've been told that I'm playing the bass for Jay for a song or two." I told him as I walked towards the back. "They just want to include me. You know, like their way of welcoming me back."

"Wait, since when did you play the bass?"

I shrugged leaving my clothes on the counter, testing the water. "I suck at it so I'd hardly call it playing, but Jay taught me since Josh would be too busy to finish a lesson with me."

"Huh, I learned something new about you," he mumbled surprised.

I smiled slipping under the water and took a quick shower. Luckily, there were plenty of different shampoos to choose from since everyone had been letting their hair grow out. I cringed looking at the towels available, and hoped that the one I grabbed had been cleaned, as I dried off.

I slid on my bottoms and jean skirt and stepped out. "Help me tie the back."

"You just live to tease me." Gerard mused, tying the top of the bikini around my back.

"Do I have any shirts left on here?" I asked giving him a quick kiss.

He slid on his boxers and ruffled his messy hair. "Yeah, I think so. Check my cabinet."

I looked through the shelf with his shirts actually folded for once. I found a purple tank top and slide it on over my head. I rolled my eyes as he just laid there lazily. I grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and tossed them at him.

"You going to dress me too." He smirked.

"Don't be such a smart ass, Gee." I chuckled laying in Bob's bunk opposite him.

"Hey, what's up with Frank?" Mikey asked, walking onto the bus holding a small long-haired dachshund in his arms.

"Gerard was being an asshole." I took the small puppy out of his arms.

He stared at me for a bit while I cooed at the puppy before squeezing the life out of me. "Ah, I missed you so much!"

"Yeah, you too," I coughed as I tried to catch my breath. I scratched behind his ears, making sure Mikey didn't squeeze him too. "So, Alicia let you get another dog?"

"Actually, Gee got him." Mikey sat next to me.

"And, you didn't call me?" I mocked, tipping the puppy on his back so I could play with his pink belly.

Gerard grinned sheepishly. "Well, it was a spur of the moment kind of thing. We used him randomly in a photo shoot and I just couldn't leave him there."

I rolled my eyes and smiled at the dog. "What's his name?"

"William." Gerard rubbed his neck.

"Hey, Will. You're my new baby, huh?" I ran my fingers through his long fur. "How'd you come up with that name?"

Mikey laughed as his brother blushed lightly. "You know that book you got him, like last year. Olivia?" I smiled and nodded for him to continue. "That's the brothers name."

Gerard groaned, embarrassed, as I cooed at him. "That's so cute. Now, our Liv will have have a baby brother too. You should see how big Logan got, too. He doesn't look like a puppy anymore."

"But, you like him?" He asked carefully, hoping I wasn't upset being sprung on with another addition to our family.

I giggled as he pawed my hand. "Yeah, he's definitely a keeper." I looked up and smiled at Gerard. I felt my butt vibrate and chuckled at the caller ID. "Ready to be manhandled?" Mikey looked at me oddly before looking at Gerard. I tucked the phone under my ear and shoved him with my free hand. "I saw that." I rolled my eyes, listening to Jay harassing me. "I'm coming, cool your pants." I sighed pressing end.

"Where are you going?" Mikey asked still completely confused.

"Jay needs me." I chuckled and patted his head. "You're brains are going to turn to mush if you continue thinking that hard." I carefully handed Will to Gerard and grabbed my sidekick. "I'll be seeing you boys in a bit for story time later."

I laughed hearing Mikey ask, "Story time?" I sighed, breathing in the fresh sea air and walked over to find my brothers.

"Did you know that she could play the bass?" Gerard asked chuckling to himself, getting dressed with the clothes that I had picked out for him earlier.