Follow Your Bliss

I sighed to my self, my breath shuttering in my chest still from my good cry earlier on. I went to another meeting, enjoying the stories we shared. I got off the elevator jingling my keys in my hand. I smiled hearing the dogs bark from hearing the noise, knowing someone was coming home.

I shoved my sunglasses up on my head and chuckled softly hearing the crying coming from across the hall. I fumbled through the row of keys finding the dull copper one, sliding it into the lock, twisting it to the left before repeating my actions with the second lock above the doorknob.

"Mama's home." I grinned opening the door, getting pushed to the side by Logan. I looked in the mirror above the table as I set my purse on it. My eyes were puffy and red, matching my nose as well. I rubbed it and rolled my eyes as I thought the rosy coloration would disappear so easily. No, for me, my nose likes to stay pink.

I kicked off my sandals and crossed the room, pressing the answering machine on the counter as I dug through. A few messages from people congratulating on the wedding letting me know if they were coming or not. I yawned not feeling like making any phone calls just now, it could wait.

The last couple of weeks had been crazy. Gerard and I had been on the phone constantly just getting plans straightened out. Everything was set, we were just finishing getting the number of guests.

I looked up as the door swung open to see Christa failing to console Lucas. "We ran out of ice pops." She groaned.

I chuckled as the teething baby wailed. I scooped him out of her arms and cooed as she searched through the freezer for ice pops or ice cream. "You poor baby, tell those teeth to be more careful."

He began to hiccup through his tears as he tried to calm down. "Mommy has some ice cream, it'll be okay now." She scooped out some vanilla ice cream and grabbed a baby spoon out of the drawer. "You guys need a baby."

"Who? Gerard and I?" I ran my fingers through Lucas' curly hair.

"Yeah, you'd be the best mom. Hell, you already take care of us." Christa laughed, adjusting her glasses.

I smiled at the idea of having my own baby. "Maybe after our wedding. We've talked about it before."

"Nothing came up on your last blood test though, right?" She frown, disappointed. She had though for sure that our re-acquaintance on the tour bus would have for sure gotten me pregnant.

I saw her expression and rolled my eyes. "It'll happen when it's meant to happen."

Christa grinned, taking Lucas out of my arms and setting him on her lap. "So, have a good cry today?"

"Yeah," I breathed. I had gone to the support group several times since I had come back from Massachusetts. It felt good getting everything off my chest and hearing similar stories I could relate too. I rubbed my nose. "Still pink?"

"Yep," she laughed and sighed in relief. "At least he's calm, for now anyway."

"The first couple of teeth coming in are supposed to be the worst." I smiled sympathetically, watching as she wiped away a few stray tears.

"So, the books keep saying." She rolled her eyes. "As your maid of honor, I have the best idea ever."

I had asked her shortly after Gerard and I had begun planning the wedding. She had been helping me so much that the title naturally suited her. "And, that would be?" I looked at her skeptically slightly afraid of what she might have in mind.

"You should model off your wedding dress for me." Christa gave me a sad face, pouting trying to convince me to listen.

"Please," I laughed as I walked down to the bedroom. "Like I need an excuse."

I took a deep breath seeing it hanging on the closet door. I unzipped the navy bag to see the white dress material hanging elegantly. I bit my lip thinking about the day I would be wearing it for Gerard. I tossed my clothes off quickly and carefully took the dress down.

"You need help in there?" Christa called from the kitchen.

"I've got it." I assured her unzipping the dress before slipping it over my head. I sighed as the cotton material clung to my skin. It was a new designer apparently that had made he collection out of cotton, though it certainly didn't look like a cotton t-shirt.

"Did you get tangled up?" She called sounding just as impatient as her son could be.

I broke my gaze from the mirror and tied the red ribbon around my waist in the front. Lifting up the dress slightly so it wouldn't drag on the floor, I slowly entered the living room.

"Oh, Caitlin." Christa breathed out. "You look beautiful."

I smiled feeling my eyes water. "Look at me." I laughed wiping away my tears. "I'm going to be such a mess on the actual day."

"You?" She giggled. "Think of Gerard. I cannot wait to see when he breaks down. He's going to be so emotional, probably more than you."

"Aren't you nice," I laughed.

Christa shrugged and twirled her finger around. "Spin around for me. Has your mom seen it?"

"It's kind of hard to hide when you come off a plane carrying this large bag. I had it in a special storage area to make sure it wouldn't get damaged." I let go of the dress letting the material gather around my feet.

"Was she upset that she missed out on picking out the dress?"

"Nah, she was just happy that I found it. Donna still hasn't seen it." I laughed. "She's been calling with threats since she found out that I got my dress. She's coming this weekend to help me decide how to do my hair."

"Did you pick any of the ones we marked in the magazines?" Christa asked motioning to the stack of wedding magazines on the coffee table.

"Do I look like a woman who can make decisions?" I laughed. "Of course I haven't. That's what Donna's for. My mom will come to help judge too."

"Did you get shoes yet?" She fed Lucas some more ice cream. "I don't remember."

"Yeah, I finally found these cute flip flops." I laughed at my sense of fashion. I preferred to stay comfortable and not tower over Gerard in high heels. "They're somewhere in my closet. I show you them after."

"And, did you two finally pick your song?" She smiled as I kept playing with my dress, swaying just to watch it move.

I looked up and bit my bottom lip. Gerard and I had been going between several different songs from different decades to find that perfect timeless one that suited us. Not one of those crappy ones on those wedding CDs that are really singing about stalkers. Let me tell you, that really was one of the most difficult things to choose over the phone. "Yeah, but we're not going to tell anyone."

The front door slammed shut and both looked over to see Bob breathing heavy and sliding the chain over as quickly as his fumbling fingers could, not bothering with the locks. The dogs jumped off the lounge chair, barking and went over to great him. He laughed crazily. "Try getting through that sucker!" He turned around with trying to catch he breath. He looked up, completely shocked to see me in my wedding dress. "Holy fuck, Caitlin."

"What are you doing here?" I asked nervously. Not letting Gerard see the dress was one of the only wedding traditions we were keeping.

"Well," he chuckled running his fingers through his hair. "It was supposed to be a surprise."

I jumped in surprise as the door was shoved open, well only few centimeters, due to the chain. "Bob, I'm so going to kick your ass." Gerard threatened lamely as he stuck his fingers through the door.

Bob leaned on the door by accident, getting Gerard's fingers caught. I rolled my eyes as Gerard cried out some chosen profanities, cursing Bob to hell. I sighed waking down to our room, shutting the door behind me, and locking it. I untied the red bow before slipping the dress over my head, carefully hanging it up and zipping up the bag. I sighed looking at the closed bag, sad to put it away as I changed.

Walking into the kitchen, I grabbed an ice pack as Gerard whined on the couch. I rolled my eyes before sitting on his lap. "Where did that mean old man hurt you?"

"Right here," He pouted wrapping his uninjured arm around my waist. "That door just fucking hates me."

I laughed and looked over at Lucas. His mouth was opening and closing as he tried to get the ice cream on the spoon. The rest was all over his face. "Lucas is being a tougher man as his teeth are coming in."

"I have a low pain intolerance." He chuckled, giving me a sweet kiss on the cheek. "Surprised?"

"You could say that." I laughed. "You almost saw me in my dress."

"That would have sucked." He leaned his head on my shoulder, letting the coolness of the icepack sooth his fingers.

Bob took over the recliner with Logan and Olivia on his lap. "It's a good thing I did the chain."

I laughed at his reasoning for whatever it was they were doing. "So, what's the surprise for?" They were in Camden tomorrow, where we were all going to go see them play. I chewed on my lip as it marked 10 days until the wedding.

"We need to get our marriage license." Gerard smiled shyly as everything was becoming almost too real that he was afraid it might have been a wonderful dream.

I sighed as I woke up in bed alone. The band had to do an interview in the morning and head over to New Jersey after dinner. I rolled over only to get my nose licked. "Logan," I groaned. "Too early." I grabbed a hair tie and my glasses off of the side table yawning when I realized just how early they had gotten me up.

I dragged myself out of bed shivering as the air conditioning blew over me. I blindly slipped my feet into the flip-flops. The dogs jumped off the bed running ahead down the hall, knowing what was coming next. I heard the timer on the coffee machine go off as it started to brew a new cup for me.

I grabbed their leashes and unlocked the door, letting them run out. They sat patiently, wagging their tails as I pushed for the elevator. I covered my mouth as another yawn fought to escape.

I put the leashes on once we were in the lobby and was shocked with the heat wave I was met once I got through the front door. It was ridiculously hot and didn't know how the guys were going to perform in this condition. The dogs even started panting not even two blocks later due to the heat.

I welcomed the air-conditioned apartment and chuckled as Logan and Olivia head straight towards their water bowel. I dropped the leashes on the table and kicked off my sandals. It would be crazy to drink hot coffee when it was just as hot outside. I grabbed the tray of ice and put in a tall glass, adding milk and sugar before adding the coffee. Grabbing a bendy straw from the draw, I took my glass over to the table and started to listen to the messages I had passed on the day before. I returned the calls, not caring if I woke someone up since most of these people have done so to me before; I had no remorse.

I looked up to see the door open quietly, not at all like yesterday. "Hey," Christa smiled, laughing at how tired I looked. "Well, I was going to ask you if you want to go early."

"No, yeah. Of course I loved to." I smiled softly. "Let me change quickly."

"Yeah, sure." She shifted Lucas in her arms and made herself comfortable.

I pushed myself up begrudgingly. "Have you been outside yet?"

"No, why?" Christa looked at me skeptically.

"It's hot as hell." I tossed my glasses onto the coffee table. "I swear, we're all going to be nudists by tonight."

She laughed at me. "I hope not, there are just some people I never want to see naked."

I giggled and agreed. Pulling on a white skirt, I want to keep my clothing minimal to hopefully keep cool. If it was hot now, I didn't want to think what it would be like later on. I pulled on the black tank top and walked back out. "What time were you thinking?"

"When ever you're ready." She shrugged finishing off the coffee. "I just want Ray to get some extra time with Lucas."

I nodded and smiled sympathetically. Even though Christa and Lucas went out to visit Ray a lot more frequently than I was able to, I could still see how hard it was on her to care for Lucas on her own. She had me there, of course, to help, but it wasn't the same as have Ray there. "You want to leave now?"

"I was hoping you were going to say that." She grinned. "Are your baby's coming too?"

"Yeah, they have to officially meet Will, since he was left with Worm yesterday." I smiled thinking of the puppy.

Christa groaned when we got outside of the arena. "My God, you really weren't kidding. This is the worst I think all summer."

"Yeah, and it's supposed to continue all week. Hopefully, there will be a thunderstorm and then the skies will open on our big day." I grinned, inwardly squealing as I always did thinking about my wedding. Everything still felt surreal.

"Ladies," Worm grinned, greeting us so he could bring us officially in since we didn't have any passes. They weren't too smart, bringing some with them yesterday. Christa walked ahead with Lucas to get out of the heat and find Ray.

"Hey, sweetie." I smiled giving him a hug.

"I heard you looked dropped dead gorgeous in your dress." He grinned, wiggling his eyebrows over his sunglasses.

I groaned. "Please don't tell me that Bob told everyone what it looked like."

"Nah, you're safe." He laughed, knowing how hard it's been for me to keep it a secret.

"Good." I sighed in relief. "You know for someone who isn't a chatty person, he sure knows how to blab."

"Everyone's getting antsy." Worm chuckled. "How many days now?"

"Ten." I said breathlessly. I looked ahead at Gerard laughing with his friends and let the leashes go. He noticed the dogs running towards him and kneeled down to give them a good pet. Looking up his russet eyes met my blue. He laughed when Logan knocked him over, jealous when he noticed that he no longer had his undivided attention.

"Hey, babe." Lazzara wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "Are sure you really want to marry this lazy ass? I mean you could always do a lot better, like me for example."

I laughed. "Sorry, happily taken with him."

"You'll change your mind." He teased. "And, I'll be waiting with open arms."

"Leave my Jane alone." Gerard pulled my hand over to come join him on the ground.

I shook my head, still holding onto his hand. "I don't think so, white skirts don't do well on the ground."

"On my lap, you'll stay clean." He grinned in triumph when I sat on his lap.

Adam laughed. "I can turn that sentence dirty in too many ways."

"That's because you have a dirty, dirty mind." I grinned and leaned against Gerard's chest. "Where's Will?"

He scratched his stubby beard that he would have to shave some time before the show. "Frank and Jamia's got him. They went for a walk a little while ago."

"You're parents still coming?" I asked, even though I figured they still were.

"Yeah, it's like a whole family reunion. Everyone's going to be here." Gerard chuckled.

Adam sat on the paved parking lot next to us and kicked Gerard's leg. "Tell her what your mom said when she called Mikey last night."

"Oh, God." Gerard threw his head back laughing.

"What am I missing?" I looked between the two.

"She asked if she was going to have to wait for a black out?" He chuckled, never wanting a conversation like that again.

"Why does she need one?" I asked completely confused. "I mean sure they're fun and all, but-"

I was cut off by Adam's laughter. "Well, she really wants you to have fun."

"Jane, baby booms happen after a black out." Gerard muttered, fiddling with his lighter.

"Oh," I blushed, finally putting two and two together. "Grandkids."

"Yup." He chuckled.

"She should go bug Mikey and Alicia." I scratched Logan's belly as he layed against us. "They're already married."

Adam chuckled. "That's what your hubby-to-be told her to do."

"See we're too much alike for me to leave him for you." I nudged him with my foot.

He snapped his fingers sarcastically. "So, I should tell Matt to give up too, huh?"

"Make sure you let him down gently." I laughed as Gerard tickled my side before sliding his hand under my shirt.

"Hey, keep it PG, folks." Josh yelled as he walked by on his way to get some lunch.

"Way to say hello to your sister." I called after him.

I picked up my phone as it vibrated at looked at the text I had gotten. Hello.

Lazy. Get me something too. I quickly sent back.

"Now, who's the lazy one?" Gerard teased reading my message.

"Hey," I smacked his leg. "You're supposed to back me up." I sighed as the sun beat down on us. "Sucks for you guys to perform in this shit. I'm getting hot just looking at you guys." I commented on their long jeans.

"Caitlin, what did I tell you? Not in front of Gerard. We don't need him catching on." He winked.

"You're all talk, Lazzara." Gerard grumbled, sliding on his sunglasses. "Besides I'd have to kill you if you weren't kidding. And, I hate to do that to a friend." I smiled and rubbed his leg.

"Well, I know where I'm not wanted." Adam stood up and dusted off his jeans. "Catch you two later, but I need some food in my belly."

"How are your fingers?" I asked gently looking them over.

"In need of a kiss." He gave a cheesy grin.

I rolled my eyes, but kissed each knuckle gently. I looked up at his hair and ran my fingers through his long length. "You need to cut it." I commented, making him roll his eyes. "Not too short, but just a little for the wedding."

"Alright," he agreed easily. "Can you believe we got everything done?"

"No," I giggled. "I think we're absolutely nuts to have just pulled it off."

"We didn't just pull it off, Jane. We're are going to have the wedding of all times." He grinned proudly. "You know, technically yesterday you officially became Mrs. Way."

I smiled as he called me his wife. "Well, for 60 days until it expires if we don't exchange vows."

"Eh," he shrugged. "I'd still call you that legally or not. So, yesterday was a close call."

"Yeah," I exclaimed, smacking him in the chest. "The one thing I get to surprise you with and you guys almost ruined it."

"Almost," he chuckled.

We layed there with the dogs, just talking, until the sun started to set and everyone started showing up. We started walking to the tent next to the trailer and heard them talking about Linda's theory about a black out. I blushed burying my head in Gerard's chest. "I love how they're talking about our sex life so casually."

"Is it weird if I want to start trying soon too?" Gerard thought out loud.

I smiled shaking my head, looking into his eyes. "Not one bit. I rather hear it from you, though."

"Good." Gerard laughed, leaning his head against mine. I grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt and pulled him down, our lips meeting hungrily for the first time tonight. He pulled away gently and groaned. "I still need to go shave."

"Have fun." I grinned giving him a small push. I grabbed his hand before he could get far. "Hey, be careful tonight. You haven't been drinking enough fluids and I don't want you to get hurt."

"My little nurse." Gerard scrunched up his nose as he grinned. He bent down and gave me a quick kiss. "I'll be fine."

"Yeah, yeah." I rolled my eyes and went over to the tent.

Linda grinned and waved me down. "Get over here, Donna and I have a theory."

"I've already heard it." I laughed as I walked over. "Mikey just said yesterday how he wanted to give the grandkids first." I fibbed, grinning cheekily as Alicia glared.

"Well, Donna and I decided that I'm still too young and I don't feel ready yet." She grinned, proud.

"I'm still betting on you and Gerard first anyway." Donna smiled at the thought of potential grandchildren. She wasn't the only one. My parents had dropped the idea here and there too, only not as blatently.

I shook my head as the attention was once again brought back on Gerard and I. "I'm going to go over to watch them." I stood up from the lawn chair and grabbed the pass dangling from Jamia's finger as she stood up to join me.

"It could be worse." She teased. "At least you get along with his parents.

I laughed. "That's true I guess."