Memories That Vanished

Matt was sedated so he could sleep. He never woke up at all between the the time he passed out and the time the doctors decided it would be best to give him some kind of medicine that would work like a sleeping pill. I was told that he would wake up around noon the next day and I refused to leave at all.

Matt's parents showed up soon after and stayed for about an hour before they decided to leave with Landon and Vladimir. Everyone left as well, leaving Matt and I in a crowded, yet quiet hospital. I sat on a chair, with Matt's tattooed hand in my own and traced the picture of Jimmy's deathbat with my thumb. Matt's face was peaceful, his hazel eyes closed lightly and his lips were parted slightly as he breathed.

I rested my elbow on the edge of the bed as I sat and tried to control the terror that was building in my stomach. It felt like there was a goldfish swimming in between my gut and my throat, back and forth, back and forth until I couldn't stand it anymore and I slammed my eyes shut tight and sucked in a strangled breath. I laid my head on the edge of the bed. The scratchy white sheets rubbing against my flushed cheek.

I laid there for hours, wishing for sleep to come and whisk me away into a less complicated world. I studied Matt's tattoos in the dim light from the hallway. They seemed to glow in the light and I kissed his forearm, trying to push the fear away as the thoughts raged on in my mind.
I couldn't help but wonder if he would ever remember us. Or if I was doing the right thing by not telling him anything more about his life. And as the questions without answers flew through my mind I drifted off, waking up sporadically through out the night.

I woke up in the morning to a nurse calling my name.
"Yeah?" I asked, rubbing my eyes as I sat up straight. My muscles cracked as I stood up and walked over towards the door.
"Your son is on the phone," She murmured, pointing out into the hallway at the nurses station.
I nodded and followed her out to a counter where a black phone sat. I thanked her and picked up the phone,
"Hi, baby," I murmured quietly, smiling slightly at a nurse who sat on the other side of the counter, typing away on a computer.
"Hi Momma, how's Daddy?" Vladimir asked, his voice laced with concern.
I sighed and leaned my tired limbs against the pale counter, "Daddy is sleeping, but he's okay now,"
"Oh," Vladimir whispered, "I'm happy that Daddy is okay,"
"Me too, baby. Me too."

I talked to Landon afterwards, although he didn't talk much at all. And soon enough Kim was on the phone telling me that she would be here tomorrow a few minutes before noon to pick up Matt and drop the boys off so I could take them home in my car that Johnny and Lacey had left here for me.

I wandered back to Matt's room, fiddling with the silver ring that was attached to a metal chain around my neck. The day that Matt was first admitted to this very hospital after the accident a nurse had handed me the ring that Matt had on, his wedding ring. And I had put it on a chain that night and couldn't bare to ever take it off. So it's laid against my chest for the last month, cold against my skin.

In Matt's room I began to pace back and forth, just waiting for him to wake up. The cool ring in between my fingers as I fumbled with it and tugged on it. I swear the floor started smoking from how much friction I was causing as I walked back and forth over the same spot. Eventually a nurse came in and looked at me with eyes of sympathy and offered me a glass of water.
"No thank you," I murmured, watching intently as she checked some of Matt's vitals once again.
"He seems fine," She smiled at me, "Now we've just got to wait for him to wake up,"
I nodded, "Yeah. Matt's always been a heavy sleeper anyways," I shrugged, looking at the sleeping man as he shifted and rolled around.
The older nurse smiled with a nod and left the room. I continued my pacing at the end of the bed, counting the tiles on the floor the whole time.

I don't know how long it was before a grumbling voice startled me.
"What are you doing?"
I yelled in shock and turned to face the disorientated man as he attempted to sit up.
"Lay down," I demanded, rushing over to him and pushing his shoulder back down against the lumpy bed.
"I'm fine," Matt sighed, yet he complied and laid his shaved head back against the pillow.
I nodded, ignoring him and walked out to the hallway, stopping the first nurse that I saw.
"Matt Sanders is awake," I told her.
She nodded, "Okay, I'll go get Jennifer,"
"Okay," I murmured and walked back into the room where Matt was laying, his hazel eyes focused on the ceiling.
"What happened?" He questioned as I walked back in, his eyes not leaving the popcorn ceiling.
"You blacked out," I told him, sitting on the edge of his bed.
"I know that," He whispered, "But why?"
I sighed and rested my hand on his knee as he sat up, "The doctors think you had a flashback,"
Matt growled and raised his hands to his temples, "What ever it was about could've fixed me. I could have my memories, my life back,"
"Matt," I drew out his name, trying to pull him from his thoughts. His tortured hazel eyes shifted to me and my breath caught as I saw that pain that was festering in the beautiful orbs. "Calm down, baby. You'll remember soon enough,"
Matt looked away and then did a double take, his eyes searching mine.
"What?" He asked, his head tilted to the right.
"I said to be calm..." I trailed off as he shook his head.
"No," He murmured, "You called me 'baby'. Why did you do that?"
I bit my lip and looked away as realization set in. It was quiet for a moment before I felt the bed shift. I felt Matt's fingers on my chin as he pulled my head to face him.
"Tell me," He pleaded, his face distraught as I tried to pull away from him. "Bryn," He said quietly, "Tell me,"
I shook my head and got up from the bed, shrugging Matt off. I left the room and leaned against the wall outside of it to catch my breath. I leaned my head back against the cool, brick wall with my arms folded.
"Mrs. Sa-,"
"Call me Bryn," I cut off the same older nurse that was in Matt's room not to long ago, "Matt is awake,"
She nodded and walked right into the room to do one final check on him before he would be released. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. After the nurse came walking out I offered her a smile and went into Matt's room to get the clothing that his parents had picked up from our house the night before.
"Hey," I murmured as I walked past him and into the bathroom to grab the black jeans, what used to be his favorite Metallica t'shirt and a pair of silky black boxers. I walked out to see Matt sitting up on the edge of the bed.
"Here, Matt," I called as I walked over to him and handed him the clothing. He smiled at me gratefully and got to his feet slowly to walk over to the bathroom, swaying on his feet.
"Woah," Matt let out as he lost his balance, putting his palm against the wall to steady himself. I raced over and grabbed his waist so he couldn't fall over. After a moment he let go off the wall and yet I didn't let go of him.
"I'm alright now," He murmured, looking down at me.
I shook my head and tightened my grip on his narrow waist, "You said that a bit ago and you just about fell over,"
Matt sighed, "It was just a head-rush, it's passed now,"
I still didn't let go of him and he groaned lightly, "Bryn," He said seriously, "I'm fine, really,"
I looked up and met his eyes, the sincerity there smothering any other emotion that could be detected. I nodded, my tangled blonde hair flying around my face, and let go of him cautiously.
I watched him as he walked barely five feet into the small, bland, bathroom and shut the wooden door after him. I sighed to myself and walked over to the end table, the silver wedding ring clasped in my hand again. I breathed deeply, trying not to work myself into a frenzy as I grabbed Matt's things off of the table and his bag of clothing from the drawer beneath the table top. I went out to the nurses office to call Kim and Gary, knowing that I wouldn't be able to get any reception in the big building. Once I had told Matt's parent's that he was up I wandered back into the room and picked up the black garbage bag full of Matt's things.

Matt came out in his clothing and looked at me blankly as I handed him his bag of stuff. He followed me out of the room and down to the main desk where he would have to sign himself out. I waited by the front doors until the four members of my family came walking in, Landon in Kim's arms and Vladimir holding Gary's hand.
"Momma!" Vladimir shouted as I came into view. Gary let go of his hand and the little boy ran over to me and jumped into my arms.
"Hi, baby," I grinned and spun him around a couple of times and Kim, her husband and my youngest son came walking over with smiles on their faces.
"Where is Matt?" Kim asked as I pulled Landon into arms.
I pointed over my shoulder, "He's signing some discharge papers,"
"Alright," Gary smiled, "The boys were great last night. We had some fun,"
Vladimir nodded from where he stood on the floor next to me, his right hand clasped with my left, "Yeah! Grandma and Grandpa took us to Pizza Hut, Momma!"
I grinned and said, "Really? What did you eat there?"
Landon giggled in my arms and whined playfully, "Mommy! It's Pizza Hut!"
I nodded and hoisted him up higher into my arms. I peaked over my shoulder and saw Matt walking our way with an upset smile on his face.
"Well," I stated, "We are going to get going,"

I pulled both little boys from the hospital before Matt could catch their attention. On the ride home Vladimir kept asking me if his Daddy was alright and every time I told him that Matt was okay, he would ask if Daddy was going to come hang out anytime soon. That, I didn't have an answer to. I knew that Matt was mad at me for not telling him what was going on between us, because the rare times that we had fought, he wouldn't yell, but just walk around quietly and ignore me as if he was disappointed in me. I sighed as I typed in the gate password and pulled into the long driveway.
I helped both of the boys out and they raced up to the front door, waiting for me to unlock it.

Once I did they took off towards their toys, setting up their train track and picking out their favorite colored trains. I slid off my shoes and wandered out to the living room.
"Boys," I murmured and I kneeled down next to the train set that Vladimir was setting up.
"Yeah, Momma?" Vladimir asked as he dropped the black piece onto the wood floor.
I grinned at him and ruffled his hair, "I'm going to take a shower. If gate buzzes don't let anyone in. Stay out of the kitchen, stay in the house,"
Landon nodded and turned back to the track that he was trying to jam together.
Vladimir nodded, his blonde hair flying into his eyes, "Okay, Momma. I'll watch out for Landon,"
I kissed his forehead, "Good boy," I kissed Landon and skipped up the stairs to relax in a hot, scolding shower.