Memories That Vanished

The day passed by quickly and it was like all the pain that I had felt in the last few days for Matt had suddenly disappeared and we were back to the way we were before he left for tour. Minus the fact that his memory still wasn't fully restored.

Every day that passed Matt would remember more and more to a point where he knew almost everything about his life. Certain things would tip him off and he would randomly tell me things about the life that we had began living together years ago. He remembered most things about his life as M. Shadows and touring with the band. His fans had become his second biggest support for him to remember, although they didn't know that he was completely clueless when it came to a lot of things that had happened in his own life.

Within the next month Matt had to relearn most of the songs off of the 'Nightmare' album, minus a couple that were strongest in his memory, like 'So Far Away' and 'Tonight The World Dies'. Matt seemed to be taking control of his life again and I couldn't be happier when I rolled out of bed each morning and he stood in the kitchen with the boys, making breakfast.

I remember when August 24th rolled around, just four days before Matt left for tour. Matt and I were woken up by an excited 6 year old that was begging for his parents to get out of bed and take him to first grade. Matt had groaned and murmured something like, "I can't wait until he hits his teenage years, then he won't wake us up at 7 in the fucking morning," I had chuckled and kissed Matt deeply, telling him not to wish the years away. With Landon in my arms, I raced around the house as a nervous reck. And at 8:15 we all piled into the car and drove Vladimir to school.

That day was full of milestones. Matt and I decided to get Landon a big-boy bed that afternoon, after the three of us had crawled back into our own bed and slept for a few more hours. It seemed like our lives were back on track as the days passed. We got through everything as a family, Matt's check ups, Vladimir's school days and even the times when Matt would go to the studio with guys for a few final promotional things. We all, the boys and I, knew that even though Matt wasn't in the room, he would always be there for us.

It seemed like this horrible experience had only torn us apart to bring us back together again, closer then ever. Matt slowly but surely regained most of his memory by the time UPROAR 2010 rolled around. And when he left for tour I made him promise me that nothing bad would happen to any of them this time. He promised right away and sealed it with a kiss that had me begging for him to hurry up and get the three month tour over with already so he could come home to the boys and I, memories intact.
I talked to Matt every day after his concerts and for the rest of the night I would struggle to get the boys to bed because of all the excitement that Matt had thrown at them. All the excitement that was laced into his honey voice.

With all the commotion of Matt being away on tour and Vladimir being in first grade, I didn't notice the throbbing of my feet or the ache in my back. It wasn't until the morning sickness came that I realized what was wrong with me. And I was sure to let Matt know during an unplanned webcast that we had while Landon was taking a nap and Matt was on the bus again, driving closer to his next destination and further from us.
"Matt," I sighed happily as the screen showed up. Matt was looking back at me with a calmness that seemed to be rare while he was away on tour.
"Bryn," Matt greeted, waving slightly, eagerly.
I nodded my head and bit my lip, playing with my fingers as Matt rested on his tour bus, looking at me curiously.
"Where are you, right now?" I asked quietly, shifting as I laid on our bed, the laptop in front of me.
Matt smiled at me as anticipation settled in, "We're headed to Houston for the third, and last, show in Texas before we have two days off to drive to Colorado,"
I nodded my head, "I'm guessing you'll be spending those two days on the bus?"
"Not quite," He shrugged, "It's about an 18 hour drive. But we've got Jason and Matt Berry with us so who knows how long it'll take,"
I laughed lightly and bit my lip again. I looked out the window as the sun rose higher in the sky.
"What's wrong?" Matt questioned, his tone caring. I looked to the computer and put a smile on my face.
"Nothing," I told him sincerely, running my fingers through my tangled, pale hair, "Not a thing. I just miss you, is all,"
Matt nodded, "I miss you too," He said, "A lot,"
I grinned and looked up at the webcam through my long, dark eyelashes, "Good, you better. Because I am not carrying around another one of your kids for you to not miss me,"
Matt's hazel eyes grew wide as the words sunk in and he looked at me, bewildered. He opened his mouth and then shut it and then it opened it again like a gaping fish. "What?" He asked, shock settling in his voice.
I just smirk at him, "Yeah. I found out yesterday, for sure,"
A grin took over Matt's features. He looked up and past the laptop that rested on his lap before he spoke, "Brian!" He called, "I'm going to be a father!"
I laughed and rolled my eyes playfully at his excitement.
"You're already a father, Matt," Bri told him in a concerned voice, probably assuming that the memories had slipped away once again.
"No!" Matt shouted. I could hear others making their way to what I recognized as the front of the bus. Matt spoke again, "Bryn's pregnant,"
I could hear cheers from all of my friends, my family, as the news reached their ears. Then Johnny spoke up, "Is she on webcam?"
I rolled my eyes at the obvious answer to the question as Matt turned the computer around and set it on the table so that I could see them and they could see me as well.
"Hey guys!" I waved, a permanent smile etched onto my face.

After all the congratulations, I had to say goodbye so I could start making lunch for the little boy that was sure to be waking up soon.
"Oh and Matt?" I called right before Matt closed the computer.
"Yeah?" He asked, his gaze shifting back to the screen, that adorable smile still on his face where it would sit for the next eight months.
"I'll get you on cam later so that we can tell the boys,"

We did tell them later that night before I tucked each one of them in separately while Matt sang to them from the other end of conference call on the Macbook. They were excited and although I knew that Landon didn't understand the fact that a baby was growing in my stomach, he was thrilled all the same that a nice stork was going to leave a baby on our door step so he wouldn't have to be the youngest for the rest of his live, but the dreaded middle child that always got forgotten about in story books.

Matt flew in for all the super important doctors appointments, even if he could only stay for a day before they needed him back for tour. And it was two months after I told him that he announced to his fans at his fifth to last show, that he was going to have a little girl to raise with his 'beautiful wife and boys' in just six months. And not soon enough Matt was back home and teaching and telling the boys about little girls and the fact that you have to protect them with everything that you have.

Life from then on was good. I finally had my life back. My boys, my man and my daughter were all that I would ever need in life. I wouldn't need a rockstar, just a man that cared about me. I wouldn't need the fame, the fortune or the amazing fans that meant so much to all of us, just Matthew Sanders and the beautiful children that only he could give to me.

All I would ever need was the man who's memories had vanished.