Memories That Vanished

Val and I walked back out side after she promised to tone down the act between her and Matt. I ended up sitting on Zacky's lap next to Matt as we laughed and had some fun. I had to stop myself from calling Matt 'baby' a few times like I had been for years. And I clenched my jaw when he kissed her cheek and even worse when he would peck her lips before she got up or he did. Zacky would smile at me sympathetically every time that happened and every time I wanted to jump up and shout, "I fucking love you Matt Sanders!" But I couldn't because me loving him could be something that would hurt him in the long run.

About three hours after I had gotten there my cell phone started ringing loudly from my back pocket and when 'Seize The Day', blared from the small device I groaned as the guys chuckled at me. The caller ID said 'Grandma' and I excused myself to take the call, knowing it was Vladimir.
"Hello?" I answered, grinning.
"Bryn? Can you come here? It's Landon," Gary said frantically and immediately I started to panic, my fingers already tugging at the tips of my hair.
"Of course," I rushed, "What's wrong?"
"We were playing out in the back yard and he began coughing now he won't stop, his breathing is labored, his eyes are irritated and he keeps wheezing. We're really worried!"
I groaned and ran into the back yard to grab my bag, "He's allergic to grass! I've been so upset lately that I must've forgot to mix his allergy medicine in with his breakfast. I'm a horrible mother!" I cried, rushing past the guys' frantically. I felt someone grab onto my arm and I turned to face Brian with tears in my eyes.
"What's going on?" He questioned frantically, his grip loosening on my wrist.
"Landon is having an allergic reaction. I forgot to give him his allergy medicine today and they played outside and he's... I've got to get him to the hospital,"
I relayed that last part to Gary, "We'll meet you there," He assured and I agreed, telling him that I would see them there and to tell Landon to take deep breaths.
"I'll drive you. You're in no condition to drive," Brian demanded, pulling his keys from his back pocket and following me as I ran out of the house.
The drive to the hospital was quick and I knew that Brian must of been going at least ten miles over the speed limit but I didn't care. It was my fault that my baby was having an asthma attack.

I ran into the hospital with Brian hot on my heels, "I'm here to see Landon Sanders, what room?" I demanded, tapping my hand on the counter to get the girl's attention. She typed some things into her computer quickly and murmured, "315." I was off towards the elevator before anyone could say anything else.

I was running down the third floor as fast as I could pushing open the wooden door to 315, frantically. Gary, Kim and Vladimir sat in chairs around another hospital bed. Landon was asleep under the bulky blanket, his little face calm.
"What happened? Is he okay?" I questioned quickly, pulling Vlad into my arms as Kim began talking.
"The doctors just gave him something to off set the allergic reaction and that was about it. He fell asleep soon after," She said quietly, trying not to wake the sleeping two year old who looked way too little and way too young to be in a big old hospital bed.
"It's his nap time anyways," I shrugged and sat at the end of the bed with Vladimir in my lap.
"Momma? Is Brothy okay?" Vlad asked quietly, pulling on my hair.
I nodded and kissed his forehead, "Landon is going to be just fine,"
Vladimir looked up at me with watery eyes, "That's what you said when Daddy was brought here,"
"No, no, no," I chanted, "Daddy was hurt a lot, Vlad, Landon just reacted badly to the grass,"
I looked to Kim and Gary as they sat in the chairs that rested against the white wall. They sent me sad smiles and I smiled back, letting them know that even though we were hurting over Matt that we would be okay for now.

We were sitting around the room 20 minutes later when there was a small commotion from the hallway.
"Matt, why don't you wait here," I heard Zacky say through the open door. I shot a panicky look to Kim and Gary and they looked at me the same way.
I stood up and carried a now sleeping Vlad out into the hallway, his head on my shoulder. Brian stood in the hallway with the three other guys who were trying to convince Matt to wait there, knowing that his parent's were in the the room with the boys and I.
"Hey guys," I whispered, trying not to stir the sleeping boy in my arms.
"How is Landon?" Johnny asked, smiling at me slightly.
I looked to the floor and then back up, accidentally meeting Matt's hazel gaze. "He's..." I took a deep breath and looked away, "He's going to be fine. I haven't talked to his doctor yet, he had to go check on another patient,"
"Good. But what happened exactly?" Zacky questioned, rubbing Vlad's back.
"I'm just a horrible mother. I've been so distracted that I forgot to mix his allergy medicine in with his breakfast today,"
Matt spoke next, sympathy and something that sounded like worry in his voice, "What's he allergic to?"
"Grass," I stated simply, biting my lip when Matt's head tilted to the side.
"So am I," He murmured, shoving his hands into his pockets.

The doctor, the same one that Matt had for those three weeks came walking down the white hall, a smile on his face when he saw our ground standing there.
"Ahh Mrs. S-,"
"Call me Bryn!" I cut him out quickly and loudly, receiving a confused glance from Matt. I just smiled and turned to the doctor.
"How's my son?" I almost begged, shifting Vlad so he was resting against my shoulder again.
"Landon is going to be just fine. He suffered from an asthma attack caused my the allergens in the grass. His wheezing caused his asthma to flare up and his air ways were constricted. But I gave him a type of pill that would open his air ways and calm him down so his breathing would slow. That's most likely why he fell sleep. He also scrapped his knee and it came in direct contact so we had to give him more antihistamines to keep the rash from spreading. But he'll be all right now, just a little out of it. Remember to give him his pill everyday and if irritation occurs some neilsporin will do the trick on his left knee,"
I nodded, hugging Vladimir to me, "I always have given him the antihistamine pill. I've just been caught up and I forgot to crush it into his applesauce,"
"Well, you can sign the release papers at anytime. If you want to wait until he wakes up then go ahead," The doctor smiled at me and took off down the hallway, turning the corner into another room before I could thank him.

"Could you guys go ask the front counter for the release papers, please? I want to check on Landon before I head down there to sign him out,"
The guys replied with agreements and took the elevator down to the first floor. I rushed back into the room,
"Matt went downstairs with the guys to get the release papers so you guys should be clear to get out of here. Thank you for everything,"
I gave them both one armed hugs and they left the hospital before Matt could come back up and ask them why they were here. I laid Vlad in bed next to his brother and went down to the front desk, knowing that they wouldn't give the papers to anyone but me.

I walked up behind the guys and froze when I heard the words that came out of the receptionist's mouth.
"Here you go Mr. Sanders. You're son can go home as soon a possible," She said with a smile reaching over to hand Matt the clip board.
"He's not my son," Matt told her, grinning as he walked away shaking his head. I raced over and pulled the clip board from his grasp with a "Thank you," before he could see the name 'Landon Sanders' written across the top.
I signed my name at the bottom and handed it back to the confused receptionist.
"Zacky and I will go get the boys," Johnny told me, walking to the elevator with the chubby man.
Brian smirked and kissed my forehead, I pushed him away with my left hand as he groaned about being rejected.
"Well then," Brian grumbled, "I'll go get the SUV,"
I laughed with a nod and grinned at Matt, as we stood by ourselves in the front lobby.
"You're married?" Matt questioned, motioning to my left hand.
I nodded, my eyes automatically raking over the third finger on his left hand and another shard of glass pierced my heart when I noticed the silver ring was gone.
"Yeah, I am," I smiled at him uneasily.
"Where is he? I mean, his son is in the hospital," Matt murmured, shrugging with his hands out in front of him.
"He's... working," I shrugged and looked to the elevator that Zacky was walking out of with Jimmy by his side and a incoherent Landon in his arms. Vladimir still asleep in Johnny's.
"Mommy," Landon grinned, rubbing his eyes when I came into his view. He stretched his little arms out for me and I pulled him into my arms, placing multiple kisses over his face.

Landon turned his head and looked at Matt sleepily before he rested his head on my shoulder, staring at the man that didn't know he's his father. "Daddy," He whispered quietly nestling his face in my neck. Zacky nodded to the sliding glass door and I nodded.
There were no car seats in Brian's SUV so I held Landon the whole way home and Johnny seemed content with my oldest son sleeping against him. I was sitting next to Matt on the way home and Landon started squirming in my arms. "Not comfy," Landon whispered and climbed onto Matt before I realized it.
"Sorry," I murmured and reached to pull the tired boy from Matt's chest.
"Don't worry about it," Matt shrugged, smiling at the blonde two year old rested his messy head on Matt's broad shoulder.
I whispered, "Thanks," as Brian caught my eye in the rear view mirror.
"No problem. He's adorable," Matt chuckled, his hand resting on Landon's back to hold him up. I ran my fingers through Landon's pale hair and nodded,
"Yeah. He really is,"
Matt smiled at me and I felt the bat's erupt in my stomach when his adorable deep simples appeared.
"He looks like you," Matt stated and I shook my head,
"No, he looks more like his father," I disagreed, smoothing his hair down on his head as he sighed contently in his sleep.
Matt chuckled, "That's hard to believe,"
I studied Matt's features, "You'd be surprised, Mattie,"
Matt looked at me strangely for a moment, "Mattie?"
"Yeah," I grinned, "It's cuter then Matt,"
Matt groaned quietly, "It's a sissy name,"
"It fits," I joked, and he stuck his tongue out at me, childishly.

"We're at your stop, Bryn," Brian called from the passengers seat and I nodded, pulling the back door open.
"I'll carry Landon in if you want," Matt asked politely and I frantically shook my head, already seeing his reaction when he would see one of the pictures on the wall of the four of us.
"It's alright, I can take him," I grinned and attempted to pull our son off of Matt as he clung to his shirt.
"No Mommy," Landon mumbled sleepily.
I smiled and nodded, "Yes baby,"
"Okay, bye Daddy," He mumbled, clinging to me instead as Johnny hopped out of the back with Vladimir, all of us pretending we didn't hear what my youngest son had just said as Matt said there with a contemplative look on his features.