Everything's Different Now

"Wh-what is this?" I ask Erica holding onto an ultrasound photo which I found on the fridge before I had the chance to get a drink from inside. It's a few seconds before she realises what I'm talking about. I watch as she gets to her feet and takes the photo from my hands.

"It‘s nothing." she shrugs walking away from me, I follow as she goes into the kitchen and attaches it to the fridge again.

"Erica, that doesn‘t look like nothing. It looks like a picture of an unborn baby."

"That‘s because it is." she said bluntly, walking away from me again.

"Well what are you doing with it?" I ask, quickly going after her.

"It doesn‘t matter."

"If you have something stuck to your fridge if must be of some importance." I argue

"I have take away menus stuck to my fridge, does that mean they‘re important too?" she asks, I just stare at her. I really hope she didn't think that was funny.

"Erica." I sigh "Are you pregnant?"

"No Joe, I‘m not." Pushing passed me she flops down onto the sofa.

How can she be so calm about this? It's like this is the most normal thing in the world for her.

"Erica will you just be honest with me!" I groan

"I am! Joe I‘m not pregnant." she answers avoiding eye contact with me

"Have you ever been pregnant?"

"Do we really have to do this?"

"Yes Erica we do. We just settled things between us and you know how much I hate it when you keep things from me."

Looking at me in silence I stare straight at her waiting for an answer. "Ok, fine! I was pregnant." she shouts standing up again and walking across the room. I watch in disbelief as she starts reorganising the ornaments on a nearby shelf.

"Well where's the baby?"

"As you can see, the baby is not here." Throwing her arms in the air Erica looks around the room then at me.

"I'll ask again. Where‘s the baby?"

"She's gone."

"Gone, what do you mean gone? Do you mean, you had an abortion or-"

"No Joe, I didn‘t have an abortion." looking almost offended she briefly glares at me before turning back to face the shelf.

"So where is it?"

Abruptly stopping Erica sharply turns to face me "First of all she is not an ‘it', and secondly she was adopted. Can you drop this now?"

"No, not until I find out-"

"Find out what Joe? What do you want to know?" She yells looking almost desperate to be anywhere but here.

"For starters when were you even pregnant?"

"It was a long time ago, ok?"

"How long?"

"A long time! Joe I don't-"

"How long!" I shout

"She's 4. You do the math."

Taking a breath I rub my forehead. She was pregnant and I didn‘t know. I got her pregnant and I never knew! I cant believe she actually kept something like this from me. Everyday I spent waiting for her to come back, hoping she would just show up she was here keeping this secret from me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I sigh, dropping my hand from my face.

"Because it wasn‘t your problem to deal with."

"Not my problem? I would have been there for you, I would have taken care of you."

"I know that Joe but-"

"There are no buts Erica, you should have told me." I said walking towards her and taking hold of her hands and lightly squeezing her fingers.

"Joe how would you have felt if I came back just to tell you I was pregnant? What kind of person does that make me? It‘s not fair on you." Pausing to take a breath she takes her hands from mine "It doesn‘t matter anyway, I coped through the pregnancy and I coped when I gave her up."

"That‘s not the point. You shouldn‘t have had to cope on your own."

"I wasn't, Kenny was there for me so technically I wasn‘t on my own." Shrugging her shoulders I just get more frustrated, that douche bag Kenny was involved and I wasn't. He was there for her and I wasn't.

"Kenny? You barely knew the guy and he's not even the dad!"

"Well neither are you but you still-"

"Wait what?!" I interrupt "What do you mean 'neither are you'?..... I‘m- I‘m not the dad?"

"No. Joe we used protection remember?"

Staring at her in shock I can practically feel Erica's eyes scanning over my face.

"Joe? Did you hear me? We used-"

"I know..... but sometimes it doesn‘t always work. If it's not me then who is?"

"Are you actually asking me that question?"

Please dear god don't let it be Calvin. I'd rather it be Kenny's then his.

"You‘ve got to be joking, Erica please tell me you‘re joking. Calvin? Seriously?!"

"Trust me Joe I‘d rather she be your then his, but I found out like a week after I left so there was no way she could‘ve been yours." Reaching out and holding my hand I can tell she's trying to comfort me. Comfort is the last thing I want right now.

"I don‘t understand, didn‘t he use anything?"

"Joe I think he was too busy trying to pin me down to think about contraceptives."

"I should‘ve killed him when I had the chance." I mutter tipping my head back.

"Like that would‘ve done anything."

"Well it would make me feel a hell of a lot better." I scoff pulling my hand out of her grasp and pacing up and down the room.

"Look, it‘s over now ok. She‘s living with a family who‘s looking after her better then I ever could and I‘ve... I've gotten over it I guess."

"So why do you have the photo on your fridge?"

"Just because I gave her up doesn‘t mean I didn‘t love her. I keep it there so I don‘t forget about her."

Sensing Erica was on the verge I reach out and give her a hug "I‘m sorry you had to go through that." I mutter

"Why? It's not your fault remember?" she laughs into my shoulder

"I still wish you came back and told me."

"It wouldn‘t have made a difference, if anything it would have made your life a misery."

"I liked looking after you." I said pulling back so I can look at her

"Really, so you would have like to take me to my appointments and make sure I was taking all my prenatal vitamins, and then there‘s the actual birth-"

"Yes, yes and yes." I nod

"Look on the bright side Joe, you‘re not a baby daddy." Patting my arm Erica walks away and back into the kitchen.

"Does Calvin know?" I shout out

"Of course he doesn‘t know!" She quickly answers rushing back into the room "He's the last person I‘d want to find out. Apart from you and me no one knows who her dad is."

"Not even Kenny?" I ask raising my eyebrows and crossing my arms

"Especially Kenny. He doesn‘t know about the whole Calvin thing, and I‘d like to keep it that way."

"So what does he know?"

"He knows about my mum and dad, and Allen- the worlds worst step dad- And up until that argument we had the only thing he knew about you was that we were friends. The only weird thing is that when I agreed to go to Kevin‘s wedding he was telling me that this was my chance to work things out with you and now he wants you to stay away from me."

"He probably thinks I‘ll take you away from him, which I‘m very tempted to do now he‘s convinced he can tell me what to do." I smirk, rolling her eyes Erica shakes her head disapprovingly "What?"

"You know what."